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 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 776
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 32 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)

I had an itch that needed scratching and for SURE this thread killed it!!!

I get that and have had the same reaction from time to time, but then remind myself that while it may seem that the negative guys outnumber the positive ones, that is likely to be a perception rather than a reality because people, on and offline, tend to ignore/dismiss the positive in favor of the negative. There have been more than a few guys who've made reasonable, insightful and thoughtful comments here, so deciding on BOB based on only the ones who've outshouted the "reasonable" guys seems a bit extreme, IMO. Of course, BOB is easy but it's kinda like guys saying "I don't need a woman for a relationship; I can hire a prostitute for my physical needs and it'll cost me about the same given that dating costs tend to fall on the man anyway and way less complicated, plus the sex is guaranteed."

Anyway, perhaps you were more kidding than not, but I really don't see your comment being particularly kind to those guys who are decent, just as many of yawn's comments unfairly blame women who work very hard to maintain relationships despite the man's disinterest and lack of involvement.
 lateā„¢
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 777
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 11:19:26 AM

Now, I am not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing but I now see BOB in a completely different light...


Wow, those come with different lights now? Ah well, as they say, variety... spice... yadda yadda yadda


I ended the last two relationships in order to keep my sanity!

Ladies and gentleman, I do believe we have the overwhelming reason WHY either gender bails on a failed relationship.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 778
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 11:21:15 AM

I had an itch that needed scratching and for SURE this thread killed it!!!
I've decided to rent out my "unused space" for off-season snow mobile storage!


deciding on BOB based on only the ones who've outshouted the "reasonable" guys seems a bit extreme, IMO. Of course,

???? WHO said THAT? You are bringing your own limited perspective and prejudices to the fore! It's the T H R E A D. The interactions (both sides), the blame (both sides), the haranguing, the relentless insistence on being right, rather than understanding, the victimhood. The BEHAVIOR on the thread is enough to make one want to "get thee to a nunnery."
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 779
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 11:25:45 AM
Being this is me I dont know quite which is the lesser of two evils~

My sanity without sex. (boring)
My insanity with sex. (interesting)

How about a combination? A little insanity and a little sex; I dont ask for much.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 780
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 12:03:21 PM

???? WHO said THAT? You are bringing your own limited perspective and prejudices to the fore!

Aren't we all, to some degree?

It's the T H R E A D. The interactions (both sides), the blame (both sides), the haranguing, the relentless insistence on being right, rather than understanding, the victimhood. The BEHAVIOR on the thread is enough to make one want to "get thee to a nunnery."

The reference to BOB is specific to one gender, not both. Are you suggesting the poster intended to imply that she was going to avoid relationships/sex with men AND women because they were equally unreasonable?

"get thee to a nunnery."

Sure - a convent where communication with either man or woman was forbidden. Though I doubt BOB would be welcome there either - too noisy.

I was joking!!!...

Yup, and so I acknowledged. Still, apparently such dismissive jokes bother men, judging by how often resentment of the comment "Women need men like fish need bicycles" is expressed on these forums. Just thought I'd try to see it from the other side for a moment.

Tough crowd here...

Yup. In a discussion in which (a few) men are feeling women "blame" them for everything; want to be heard, but don't listen; talk *at* rather than talk *to, we should make jokes putting men down? Seems the wrong time, in my (not so) humble opinion.

But I agree, in the grand scheme of things this thread, my post, your post, all our thoughts are but bits of flotsam floating aimlessly on the sea of life.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 781
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 12:33:16 PM


Really? How about when I relayed my life experiences they were dismissed and I was told they were irrelevant.
Yet yours was met with acceptance. Why do you think that is? Could it be that they showed the woman in a negative light?
If it is so easy for people to believe your experiences but are down right hostile to mine.


MJ: First of all, quit making this a you against me thing..it isn't..maybe some other people just identified with or UNDERSTOOD me better than you..I have been trying to communicate with you , along with others ,for days and many pages...and yet, you still haven't understood anything I've said..I haven't been vague or obtuse, or used code either...why do you think that is?

I don't remember anyone saying your experiences were irrelevant..I do remember some saying they weren't representative of the whole and certainly not the majority based on personal experiences and other women we know..they don't have a lot of relevance as regards: why women initiate...because, not being either a woman or a mind reader..you don't personally know the reasons...you have some guesses...

They took some of my observations about domestic law as valid...because of my experience.,.nothing to do with being female or male...

I also never implied all men were like that,.,.or even that they were "evil" in any way, in fact, I kept stressing differences, not defects...


Why is it so hard for you to believe there are women out there that use men to profit, whether it is in a marriage or just a relationship?


I don't believe it isn't true, I believe it isn't a majority, nor one of the more common reasons women initiate break ups....


Did you not belittled me by saying your experiences are more important than mine to draw a conclusion off of.


Nope..I said your experiences were not representative of mine, or any of the women I personally know...wasn't belittling yours..just saying they aren't common enough to use as a template...


In other words I have said both sexes have there own problems communicating.......Hardly myopic don't you think?


What,specifically , do men have trouble with in communicating..besides, not understanding women...which is really our fault for not making you understand?


However many of your gender did make the statement the "all men are evil"


Not a one...in fact, I don't remember anyone saying categorically, all men were bad even...just that a lot of men are difficult at best to communicate with...


In all my post I have said it takes two however in you post you said it didn't matter if you had done everything just as he wanted he would not treated you as you thought he should.
That sounds like to me you are saying it was all his fault!!!


Nope..never said it was all his fault..even mentioned once or twice what my fault was...regardless of if I was willing to make total personality changes ( which I tried, and then gave up..also keeping in mind...there was absolutely nothing about me that he didn't already know from the 8 years before we got married...there were no surprises or sudden changes of behavior) or not...he wouldn't have treated me any different..because the way he was treating me was part of his personality...he would have ( at the time, he has since learned from the past) treated any woman the same way..he didn't mistreat me because he thought I was "bad" or anything..he mistreated me because he didn't think there was anything wrong with how he handled things...communicated..


My views are misogynistic because I say a small number of women are using the current laws to profit from divorce or divorce because they want to with disregard to all others.
However your experiences you say have shown you many men have bad traits, and there is nothing wrong with that view.

Please explain the difference as it escapes me.


Tone and declarative statements...what's inferred but not actually said...all the stuff you say when you aren't saying " a small number"..and if it's so small...how much use is it in fixing the problem? Wouldn't knowing the larger picture be more use in preventing it from happening? If there is overwhelming evidence that more women have other reasons, which are often in agreement, wouldn't those be the reasons to discuss? Not the small minority?

There appears to be more men with poor communication skills than women who use divorce laws to screw men over...


One more point if I used the same standard that Zangie so proudly, I WOULD think all women are like this.


I have no idea what "standard" you are referring to, or the proudly part..but, I can assure...I never said all men or all women anything...I never do..especially in here where people can get hyper sensitive if you do....even by accident...


For example one lady said when she was crying she just wanted him to hold her. How was he supposed to know this did she reach her arms out to him, or did she just expect him to know?


I believe this was me...in the beginning, I'm sure I assumed/expected that he knew this automatically...because it was self evident to me ..no one ever told /taught me that men didn't think the same or see things the same way as I , particularly on issues such as these...after this happened many times..I learned to verbalize...and I was specific: "Unless I come to you and say: I have a problem and need your input/advice on how to resolve it...if I am upset , and haven't discussed why...what I most likely want is your emotional support....not a fix, certainly not a critique of me and/or my flaws/failings...and I don't always know exactly why yet...I'll figure that out later...right now I just want your support...when I figure out why, if it involves you or affects us both...I'll talk to you about it..

This didn't work either..then we went to marriage counseling where the counselor helped me be even more articulate /clear, and discuss the underlying "issue " ( which itsmargo so aptly described)that was the real conflict...didn't change a thing...he thought my way was wrong, and his was right..and he couldn't be convinced otherwise...

I initiate when I get to a point, that no action/effort on my part will make things any better...and my partner isn't willing to do their part in making it better,..and I don't blindside them,,,and while I'm sure I have hurt men in my past...I have rarely deliberately hurt or been mean to anyone...
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 782
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 12:43:38 PM

Are you suggesting the poster intended to imply that she was going to avoid relationships/sex with men AND women because they were equally unreasonable?
O.k. The post referred to an "itch" - NOT gender specific. Then poster gave her PERSONAL solution (based on the fact she is presumably a hetero female). I can't speak for her, but the way I interpreted it, was the thread can kill your desire for coupling regardless of gender - I can't say I disagree.
The reference to BOB is specific to one gender, not both. Are you suggesting the poster intended to imply that she was going to avoid relationships/sex with men AND women because they were equally unreasonable?
Her own PERSONAL work-around is specific to her circumstances, not a dismissal of men, or a hatred of their gender ... Just a joke with some basis in reality (obviously, since you took it seriously) for an alternative way for one particular woman to cure her "itch."
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 783
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 12:54:53 PM
anathasia: BOB: Battery Operated Boyfriend....
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 784
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 4:04:33 PM

For example one lady said when she was crying she just wanted him to hold her. How was he supposed to know this did she reach her arms out to him, or did she just expect him to know?


Well, when your child cries what do you do? Sit there like a dumbazz? No, of course not; why would an adult not need to be held in the same situation?

Whenever I see someone crying, my immediate reaction is to hold them, a lot of people feel that crying is weak and some won't approach another to "be" held.
 Fishalways
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 785
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 5:32:19 PM

Being this is me I dont know quite which is the lesser of two evils~

My sanity without sex. (boring)
My insanity with sex. (interesting)

How about a combination? A little insanity and a little sex; I dont ask for much.


At this point, I would be happy to just get bait and gas money.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 786
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 7:36:38 PM

no I don't
yea , ya do
no I don't
yea , ya do
no I don't
yea , ya do
no I don't
yea , ya do
no I don't
yea , ya do
no I don't

*ding* Thank you!

What?

Your five minutes are up.

But that was never five minutes!
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 787
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/8/2010 7:49:20 PM

Nope I said he backed up the post were removed. However the terms "men are evil" and "men are a defective product" were said by women.
I know what was said and I am sure there are others that do too. So please refrain from a diatribe.


I am not 100% certain, but I'm pretty sure that the words "all men are evil" and "defective product" were used as means to show what could be deduced from the fact that women initiate breakups, if one were so inclined. They were posted as an example of how merely noting statistics doesn't answer the question "why"? No one has actually said that it is their opinion that all men are evil or defective, as far as I can remember.

This thread has really deteriorated into nothing more than he said/she said, hasn't it? What the hell are we all doing here anyway?
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 788
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 5:37:11 PM

This thread has really deteriorated into nothing more than he said/she said, hasn't it? What the hell are we all doing here anyway?


Yeppers it has been a blast watching everyone tell me my ideas stats and info is of no account.
Though there "life experiences makes them experts!!!!

With the reactions I have gotten I MUST HAVE STRUCK A NERVE!!!!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 789
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:11:02 PM
Thanks for your kind words. However I am very much healed from my divorces. Honestly once I found out they cheated I knew it was nothing I did.

Thomas Jefferson has been credited with saying. "When injustice becomes law resistance becomes duty!"

What you perceive as hurt is really just being feed up with the way the law is slanted for women in divorce.
As far as what others think about me. I really couldn't care less.
As a matter of fact since I have been active on this thread I have had more ladies contact me than ever before.
Could it be that some ladies realize what I am saying is true? Or they may just be intrigued by someone that stands up for what he believes.

As I said I have struck a nerve. I feel a lot of guys would love to say what I have, but might be scared that it would hurt their chances on here.
Seeing as I am really not looking it didn't matter to me.
I have many friends in real life and don't need anyone on the net to validate me.

Again thanks for your concern but I assure you I am just fine!!!
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 790
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:23:10 PM
Although I admit to perceiving your "persistence" as a personal need to be right, my only real objection to your posts is the statement that the law is slanted toward women in divorce. I honestly do recognize the gender based slant, in the last 20 yrs or so, in family court, but everything I know about Supreme Court, both personally & via factual data, indicates that divorce court is all about money for attorneys. Not based on gender, but rather on the party with the most money with which to pay your lawyer. Just sayin'.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 791
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:31:00 PM

Honestly once I found out they cheated I knew it was nothing I did.


@yawn...You see....this is what I dont get. Even though they cheated, you dont take any responsibility for the demise of the relationship. It is never 100% somebody else's fault. Each contribute to the situation, some more directly, than others. Maybe you just bored the crap out of them...I dont know. Clearly, they were not fulfilled in the relationship for some reason. You cant say you dont own some of that.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 792
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:46:40 PM

@yawn...You see....this is what I dont get. Even though they cheated, you dont take any responsibility for the demise of the relationship. It is never 100% somebody else's fault. Each contribute to the situation, some more directly, than others. Maybe you just bored the crap out of them...I dont know. Clearly, they were not fulfilled in the relationship for some reason. You cant say you dont own some of that.


Never said I don't have fault. I will also admit it when I am wrong. Look back in my posts if I miss word or say something that was not phrased like it should have been. I admit it and go on.

My last wife as I said came back wanting to reconcile she admitted it was the money the other man had that made her cheat.
That I was better to her than anybody she had ever been with. So please tell me how that was my fault? Other than I did not make as much as he did.
Because if that is a fault I guess that Bill Gates or whomever is the richest guy in the world is, Is the only one without that fault.

For post 1180.

Although I admit to perceiving your "persistence" as a personal need to be right, my only real objection to your posts is the statement that the law is slanted toward women in divorce. I honestly do recognize the gender based slant, in the last 20 yrs or so, in family court, but everything I know about Supreme Court, both personally & via factual data, indicates that divorce court is all about money for attorneys. Not based on gender, but rather on the party with the most money with which to pay your lawyer. Just sayin'.


First it is slanted in that the women normally get the kids and the house with the guy paying the lions portion.
About the lawyers I do agree and if the ideas I have suggested were used the need for lawyers would be minimized. The split would be even to input and easy to find. The children would have both parents in their lives equally and the cost would be shared with little or no support need from either side.
So if the law is not slanted why are women so against these ideas?
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 793
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 8:55:32 PM
Never said I don't have fault.


Yes...you did.
I knew it was nothing I did.


People in happy, fulfilling, growing relationships dont go around looking for something outside their marriage. Clearly your former wife was not getting everything she needed from the relationship. I could speculate on what that might be, but I know you will just rush to your own defence....with "I did this...I did that, I paid attention to her....I gave her everything I could. it wasnt my fault. She was a money grabbing little slvt that didnt know when she had it good." When, clearly not...she left you for another man. So....one more time with music....until you realize you are an accomplice to the break up of your marriage, you will repeat whatever mistake you have made, and will have learned nothing.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 794
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:00:08 PM

People in happy, fulfilling, growing relationships dont go around looking for something outside their marriage. Clearly your former wife was not getting everything she needed from the relationship. I could speculate on what that might be, but I know you will just rush to your own defence....with "I did this...I did that, I paid attention to her....I gave her everything I could. it wasnt my fault. She was a money grabbing little slvt that didnt know when she had it good." When, clearly not...she left you for another man. So....one more time with music....until you realize you are an accomplice to the break up of your marriage, you will repeat whatever mistake you have made, and will have learned nothing.


Ok what part of she sold out of the marriage for money do you not understand.
Did we have ups and downs yes but I was always willing to talk it out.
Again SHE CAME BACK WANTING TO RECONCILE!!!!
Maybe I should have said I did nothing bad enough to end the marriage......even in her eyes!!!


What part of you giving her a reason to what to bail dont YOU understand. Maybe you were lousy in bed, left your underwear on the floor, drank from the carton in the fridge, were a back seat driver, a cheapskate, unappreciative, overly protective, too demanding, didnt clean under the toilet seat....who knows???? I know you will say you werent any of these things. But it was something...you just are incapable of looking deeply enough into yourself and the relationship to find it. That is why you are doomed to repeat.

The answers to life's mysteries and questions are rarely from outside ourselves, we have to look within. Difficult for most, impossible for some


Yes I can see where all of these are great reasons for divorce!!!
Thanks for pointing out the insane reasons that "some" women use!!!!......lol
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 795
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:10:02 PM
What part of you giving her a reason to want to bail dont YOU understand. Maybe you were lousy in bed, left your underwear on the floor, drank from the carton in the fridge, were a back seat driver, a cheapskate, unappreciative, overly protective, too demanding, didnt clean under the toilet seat....who knows???? I know you will say you werent any of these things. But it was something...you just are incapable of looking deeply enough into yourself and the relationship to find it. That is why you are doomed to repeat.

The answers to life's mysteries and questions are rarely from outside ourselves, we have to look within. Difficult for most, impossible for some.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 796
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/10/2010 5:39:43 AM
As far as what others think about me. I really couldn't care less.
As a matter of fact since I have been active on this thread I have had more ladies contact me than ever before.


Har har, but he claims only to be here for the forums. Congrats on getting the hotties there - how old are you?

Thanks topchef for pointing out the flaws in yawn's cheating scenario. I abhor cheaters and while I think that his ex should have come to him and perhaps speak up; at the same time I know what I did wrong in my relationship and why my ex cheated on me. It doesn't excuse him and I don't think it makes him the better person, but I'm very proud that I was able to, as you say, look within. And yawn is unable to see past what he believes is right. His baggage is not checked and is he is not even trying to get to the baggage claim by introspection.

I've learned a few things by a few of the men on here (evil and alpha most). Yawn has taught me absolutely nothing of value to bring forward.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 797
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:15:19 AM

What part of you giving her a reason to want to bail dont YOU understand. Maybe you were lousy in bed, left your underwear on the floor, drank from the carton in the fridge, were a back seat driver, a cheapskate, unappreciative, overly protective, too demanding, didnt clean under the toilet seat....who knows???? I know you will say you werent any of these things. But it was something...you just are incapable of looking deeply enough into yourself and the relationship to find it. That is why you are doomed to repeat.


Maybe he was just "always right", and everyone else is wrong and just doesn't understand... kinda like he's been here ... a totally annoying type of person to get into a relationship with, constantly minimizing your feelings, 'always right' about everything...
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 798
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:36:12 AM

It is never 100% somebody else's fault.


actually, sometimes it actually is...

just for the record...

at least as far as the "break up" and "demise of the relationship enough to have a break up"

now the relationship itself will not be perfect and both sides will have their own faults in the relationship- but there are actually times where one person and their issues/problems trascend the relationship issues in and of themselves...
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 799
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:46:31 AM

Honestly once I found out they cheated I knew it was nothing I did.

Funny, iwhen I found out my spouse cheated, I tried to find out what was lacking in me rather than assume it was "nothing I did". A man or a woman who is happy and satisifed with their marriage & spouse rarely cheats.

since I have been active on this thread I have had more ladies contact me than ever before. Could it be that some ladies realize what I am saying is true? Or they may just be intrigued by someone that stands up for what he believes.

Is that what they said, or are you surmising? Anyway, one thing I have noticed in my life is that the least self-aware are the easiest to manipulate.

As far as what others think about me. I really couldn't care less.

Seems to me, if someone didn't care they'd find it easy to just walk away when it became apparent that the other side "just wasn't getting it."
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 800
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/10/2010 8:15:29 AM

With the reactions I have gotten I MUST HAVE STRUCK A NERVE!!!!


YEAH...In my case I think it was the "nerve" that made me initiate my divorce...

Ditto what Forums1 said....
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