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 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 851
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 35 of 54    (14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54)

Personally I tend to go for younger women who havent had time to turn bitter yet.

Well, ...someone's gotta' turn 'em
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 852
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 3:53:05 PM
^^^ Exactly what I was thinking!
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 853
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:04:16 PM

What women dont realise is that post 40 many of them have lost their looks and have little to attract a man any more


And yet all the men out there are so perfectly preserved!!!! Amazing....it is almost like I cant tell any of them apart from George Clooney or Hugh Jackman!!!
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 854
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:06:48 PM
I was trying to think of a smart come back for that post. Thanks, Alpha that's a good one.lol


Well, ...someone's gotta' turn 'em



All I could think of is men do the same thing about his statement about looking for the perfect person. This says nothing about initiating break ups. They never started any relationship to break.


Women use dating sites like a catalogue.

They expect to be able to choose the perfect man.

Sadly what looks perfect in a profile quite often isnt in real life so they dump and move on.


No one is perfect but nothing wrong with not settling.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 855
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:31:07 PM

Internet is a different animal. It's not personal, it's two dimensional, and populated by a lot of bad apples. Unfortunately, due to the way our civilization is moving, it has also become the one of few means of finding a partner, and it could get very frustrating.


“Garbage in, garbage out. If you have a dysfunctional process then good decisions occur only by accident. A functional, open and honest process will lead to many good decisions. You go about it in a methodical way. You are soliciting input instead of rushing or pushing something through.”
~ Mark Swanger

Either you are your own captain, or your own worst enema.

Own your past and who you are, move on and try for happy instead of expecting "bad apples".

That simple.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 856
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:46:05 PM

Internet is a different animal. It's not personal, it's two dimensional, and populated by a lot of bad apples. Unfortunately, due to the way our civilization is moving, it has also become the one of few means of finding a partner, and it could get very frustrating.



I met a few men online who turned out to be more interested in sex than a relationship but I wouldn't necessarily consider them bad apples. We just weren't compatible in our wants and needs. I also met my SO on another dating site. We have been together happily for over a year. It's not impossible to meet the PERFECT one FOR YOU online.


I agree, but it's not the same as not settling.


I was referring to the post who said it's like a catalog looking for the perfect person.

I didn't break up with those guys, they initiated the break up because they weren't ready for a commitment. One was just out of a divorce and I was basically the rebound girl. I should of seen it. The other one decided he just wanted a no strings attached FWB arrangement after telling me he wanted more.

When I dated before marriage I only initiated the break up one time. After a year and a half we just weren't getting along anymore. At age 20 I met my future husband, we dated for over 5 years and I almost broke up a few times when for instance he wouldn't call for 3 weeks while away at college but he convinced me I couldn't do better. It took me about 9 years married before I realized I could.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 857
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 4:53:20 PM
Not that simple

Actually, it is. And it works...

If we are talking love and relationship, planning and methodical approch is a waste of energy for both parties involved.

I would say that the difference in circumstance between the two of us is evidence (albeit anecdotal) that your posit is not true.

Connections are made through communication, and in person.

These are two things, just points on a progressive line. Why meet someone "in person" until you've made an effort to accurately discern whether you even want to meet them or not?

Sorry, I like to look before I leap.

Sure, it's easy to fall into the generalization trap of "all women are...", "all men are...", "the internet isn't....".

Or, you can put it behind you and give a potential spouse/S.O. the opportunity to define themselves.

If you are honest on your end, ...it really is that simple.

It may take effort (I moved from Ottawa to North Carolina to be with someone I got to know before I met, ...met, and then moved forward after my conclusions were confirmed), but the one thing that will weigh you down is carrying the baggage of the past expecting the future to carry it for you.

Obsessing on "who initiated" your last, or most of the breakups in your past, ...if it's women, ...look at the other common denominator, sure, it's easy to blame a gender, but, ...how's that workin' for you so far?
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 858
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:02:46 PM

Actually, it is. And it works...

Yup, I agree. What one gets tends to be what one expects to get - self-fulfilling prophecy or something. I bet there's a study or two on that!

Sure, it's easy to fall into the generalization trap of "all women are...", "all men are...", "the internet isn't....".

Periodically, I would get dating "burn-out" and I'd find my thoughts drifting in that direction. I'd know it was time to give myself a break for a while, till my headspace improved. Even with that ocassional frustration what I remember most about the people I met is that for the most part, they were exactly who they said they were. The "bad apples" were, for me, few and easily forgotten. Most people were perfectly nice, just not for me - until I met the one who was.

Or, you can put it behind you and give a potential spouse/S.O. the opportunity to define themselves.

Exactly!
_______________________

But you met your SO through exchanging ideas, discussions and being yourself on the forums.

Yeah ... and say I had both you and Alpha standing before me, all ready to go on a date and the only knowledge I had of either of you was your posts here. I'd go with Alpha, in a heartbeat, because he's positive, reasonable, and he's not about blaming an entire group of people for the sins of a few.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 859
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:29:35 PM

First of all, I am really glad for you. But you met your SO through exchanging ideas, discussions and being yourself on the forums. Not from the dating part. Am I wrong?


Off topic but isn't that what people on dating sites do through emails and IM then later if still interested they go on dates and get to know one another better. I met my SO through a dating site without forums.

I read you and your SO's profile Alpha, your writing about her is so sweet. I'm glad both of you found each other and wish you many years of happiness. :)
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 860
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:31:56 PM
It is not just a "garbage in, garbage out" scenario....in some cases, it is a "nothing invested, nothing gained" situation. If you only take a couple of minutes to scribble a few lines in a profile, you are likely only to attract someone that can hold your attention for a couple of minutes. Then again....maybe that's the limit for some attention spans.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 861
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:42:28 PM

Well that pretty well sums up why women leave first. Why not is what I ask? Why stay when you know someone doesn't really want you there. They may play the roll on trying to keep things together, but it often is only a show for other people and not really what is going on inside the relationship.



I was willing to go without companionship for years but when some one tells me to get the F out of HIS house I'm not staying. I knew he had no respect for me being a stay at home mom even though that's what he wanted and after 9 years of him talking down to me that was the final straw.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 862
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/17/2010 5:50:36 PM

I don't know if you remember me or not. I used to be active on the forums, we used to know each other, and you were a mod from my city, Ottawa.


I do, that's why I mentioned the "O-zone".


But you met your SO through exchanging ideas, discussions and being yourself on the forums.

Ha ha.... actually, we started off on different sides of a debate, at the time I was NOT seeking a relationship, because of past disasters, but I had made up my mind a while ago that the "it's not me it's them" approach was an investment with diminished returns. So I figured that I wasn't making myself "known" to my past failed relationship partners before they decided I was the "right one". 'Cause I certainly haven't changed my personality much.

Actually after the both of us were gone from this site, we struck up a correspondnce here with new profiles, and the exchanging of ideas was private, ...the internet being the versatile tool that it is allowed us to take it to Skype, it was a few months before we could meet.



Not from the dating part. Am I wrong?

No, you're right, we used both sides.

Like I said though, previous experience with NOT knowing people as well as I could before meeting, led to a disastrous relationship which fortunately only lasted about 6 months.

I initiated the break up, ...but more importantly, ...left the baggage of that relationship and previous ones, behind.

How people find each other is really moot, what they do with what they have to work with in order to discern compatability avoids a lot of problems that may pop up in not "knowing" what you're getting into when you do meet, and take it further.

I would rather take time and be "sure" before meeting, then just the dice throwing of meeting and going from there (I know that this doesn't work as well, ...the hard way).

Why did my previous relationships fail?

We didn't know each other first.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 863
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/18/2010 9:32:11 PM
In part, because I tire of typing, and mostly because you are even more verbose than I , I choose to address simpoly the one point that I contend:


So true joint custody would fix these problems with a absent father.


You fail to recognize (or perhaps, admit?) that an absent father is not equal to a father who doesn't have joint custody. An absent father is a father who is uninvolved in the life of his child, unrelated to the legal status of custody. Absent= not there, removed, away. Joint custody in no way addresses the issue of fathers (or mothers, for that matter) who choose not to be involved in the lives of their children.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 864
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 5/24/2010 9:29:34 PM

You fail to recognize (or perhaps, admit?) that an absent father is not equal to a father who doesn't have joint custody. An absent father is a father who is uninvolved in the life of his child, unrelated to the legal status of custody. Absent= not there, removed, away. Joint custody in no way addresses the issue of fathers (or mothers, for that matter) who choose not to be involved in the lives of their children.


Actually I used absent parent/father because that is the terminology that DFACS dept of family and children services in GA uses to describe the parent w/o custody.
I just moved to FL so my dealings have been with GA.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 865
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 12:00:15 PM
I don't think they do.

Maybe they start the legal process sooner if in a marriage with children to insure child custody and support.


But when one of the two people chooses the deceiving/dishonest way, and chooses to creep around behind his/hers SO's back; that person (who cheated) automatically becomes the bad/wrong/at fault in my eyes. I don't care how unhappy you are, or how many faults your SO has, cheating is never the answer. A cheater is being dishonest to the person who cares for him/her, but most importantly to themselves.


While I agree .
This coming from someone who started a thread about
meeting a married man that she knew was married off cr@igslist is a bit IRONIC at best.

Cheating takes two.


Let's not just do these things for marriages, either, but extend them to ALL BREAKUPS!

Exactly.Many unmarried people are in relationships.

Many are in common law relationships. depends on the state.

They do not require a record or paper to dissolve.


how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?

If this is true..I think maybe what another poster said..They know when to cut out..so to speak.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 866
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/19/2010 5:04:37 PM
In my opinion men are a heck of a lot more open minded than women. We don't need to feel that special vibe in the little toe, stomach or whatever each time we start something with a woman. At least I tend to be relaxed and see where it goes. If you met on a dating site and you'd already been single for e.g. 2 years, would a month or two make THAT much difference just to give it a chance? Nope. None whatsoever. There will be no knight in shining armor picking you up on his white horse the next day after you dump somebody anyway. The only thing that will happen, as a woman, is that you'll be right back on square one and you'll be sitting online day after day waiting for the Moon to fall down on the Earth. It won't happen and then one day again you'll take a guy, no vibe in the little toe, you dump him, back online and the cycle repeats itself over, over and over again. It's pretty sad really.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 867
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/20/2010 10:01:18 AM
In my opinion men are a heck of a lot more open minded than women. We don't need to feel that special vibe in the little toe, stomach or whatever each time we start something with a woman. At least I tend to be relaxed and see where it goes. If you met on a dating site and you'd already been single for e.g. 2 years, would a month or two make THAT much difference just to give it a chance? Nope. None whatsoever. There will be no knight in shining armor picking you up on his white horse the next day after you dump somebody anyway. The only thing that will happen, as a woman, is that you'll be right back on square one and you'll be sitting online day after day waiting for the Moon to fall down on the Earth. It won't happen and then one day again you'll take a guy, no vibe in the little toe, you dump him, back online and the cycle repeats itself over, over and over again. It's pretty sad really.
I tend to agree that in my experience I as well I just keep coming back to me (and probably many men) being more 'accepting' it seems. This doesn't mean settle for someone you don't LIKE. It just means try to accept reality. Fantasy is nice but I'll take a lifetime of reality over a lifetime of fantasies gone unfulfilled. One is productive. The other amounts to nothing.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 868
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:07:01 PM
Survey Says
Lawyer told them to 42
BFF told them to 18
She was a victim 15
Oprah show 12
It was Tuesday 10
Her cat told her to 3

Stick around for the lightning round where the points are double and the jackpot is bigger. heres the question
What is the number one thing the woman walks away with at the end of the marriage ?
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 869
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/20/2010 5:19:41 PM
Can you even generalize this???

In my experience women initiate because the men are to weak. They didn't really want in or out. Someone had to make the decision and it had to be me.... So, it looked like it was me who was the bad guy..... which wasn't true....... as I just needed to get out of the status quo..... oh, and start living again......

Problem is.....this isn't the kind of living I thought it would be....
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 870
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:27:45 PM
Never have I been the one to say it's over...I am more of the one who say we need to try this or that before it has no chance. I don't like to give up!!!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 871
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/21/2010 6:27:44 AM
^^^As I have always said, the majority of men are cowards. Women (not all) are much stronger. My male friends tell me they admire my bravery and strength. Sadly I've met few men I could say the same about. Being brave, btw, does not only mean doing or going through something difficult, it means surviving it and being able to move forward in a positive way and to have garnered some wisdom from the experience to help yourself and others.


What is annoying me..... Is the assumption that women can jump from one relationship to another easily..... (OK some do as some guys also do) I have had 3-4 years spaces inbetween as I cannot find a suitable guy to form one with, or I have found one but they don't want one with me.


I think this is an individual thing, not a gender thing. Some people take longer to heal than others. Neither way is wrong. I cannot jump from one relationship to another, especially if I was truly in love. Can someone truly be in love if they fall in love with another that quickly? I believe that love takes time to grow. I always use the friends example. When I met my closest friends, I did not "love" them in 3 months - it took time to get to know them and now I can say that I do love them. Because our brains and hormones are flooded with sex when in a romantic relationship, our happiness soars and our bodies trick us into thinking it is love. There is nothing inherently wrong with thinking this way, but when taking stock of this when it is over, one must really call a spade a spade.

That said, I feel there can be a strong connection with someone vs another person. For example, I have dated men for 6 months. One I felt I was in love with, but in reality I think our connection was stronger than the other. It hadn't blossommed into true love, but was slanted that way.

I think it is very difficult to define these things :D
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 872
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/23/2010 12:40:54 AM

Since high school, dudes force the break up. They don't want to be the bad guy so they treat the woman like crap until she breaks up with him. Classic.


No Fair, JustDonald, I was going to say that! This way the guy gets all the sympathy, "She left me". But you and I know that is exactly what he wanted.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 873
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:15:43 PM
Wait, wait...hold on, I think I've got the answer........Is it because men initiate it 20% of the time?
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 874
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 8/30/2010 10:35:52 PM
^^^^I actually did LOL
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 875
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 9/1/2010 7:44:50 AM

As I have always said, the majority of men are cowards. Women (not all) are much stronger.


Stronger after they marry and are entitled to 50% of his assets!!!!
Yet when a man breaks up with a woman before marriage, he is a player?

Bottom line is they bail 80% of the time because of the money!!!
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