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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?      Home login  
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 GothicBBWinAZ
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 101
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Page 5 of 54    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
In my experience and observations, 90 percent of the time, it's men breaking up with
women. The only 3 reasons I've ever heard other women use to end a relationship
are 1. He cheated on me. 2. He was physically, verbally, emotionally abusive. or 3.
He became addicted to drugs/alcohol.
I've heard of tons of reasons to break off a relationship that guys use. A few widely used ones come to mind. For example, 1. She started talking about getting married.
2. She started talking about wanting kids. 3. She wanted us to move in together.
4. The sex got boring. 5. I met someone else.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 102
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:19:22 PM
statistics indicate women initiate dvc 2/1 over men.
You might be reasoning from particular to the general.
Everyone has their own view. Every dvc I've seen (a lot), always the woman
filing 4 the dvc, usually other non-marriage breakups also. She may do things that forces the man to so-called "initiate", but may be she's trying to help save him face so he can say, "I left her" + she wants to be the "good girl" that didn't leave him, he left her, the no-good bum (bu hu buy me drinks &c > may i see u to yer car? heh)
Nope, she left him in heart/spirit b4 the breakup.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 103
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:26:01 PM
In my experience, it's been that they have the cajones to do so..so to speak.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 104
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/16/2009 10:33:37 PM
I think a lot of times women want the man to breakup, and if the guy is smart, he does, he picks up on the hints.
But usually he doesn't want to take the hints (cr*p, don't get me going here), so, yes, she has to do the dirty work, and is ticked about it.
I think women genuinely want to allow the guy an out, though a lot of times they also don't want to take the blame 4 leaving. They get a two-fer: I gave him good reasons (on purpose coz not interested) to leave, and then he left me..can u believe that?!
bartender: unreal, men are all cads, aren't they? say..stick around, there's a party @ my place after closing.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 105
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/17/2009 4:57:12 AM
More information:

This thread is still alive?!



yes, and I think that this is often why second marriages often have more success.


- This is incorrect. The statistics tell us that the divorce rate for second marriages is higher than that of first marriages.

Another statistic: More women have filed first for divorce since 1870. This is not a misprint.



Women have more guts to get out


This is not correct, but you are getting warmer. In another post, I said that women usually have more power in love relationships/marriage, and the person in power is the one who makes or breaks the rules, for the most part... so, women do most of the rejecting at all stages.

Men usually reject in the beginning or somewhere in the middle of the relationship. But women, on the other hand ... once they fall in love, they tend to hold on beyond the point they fall out of love.

Relationships take work, and they also require payment in the form of the love a woman feels (or needs to feel, in this case) for her partner. When romance goes out the window and the guy becomes a couch potato, or he cheats, or stops giving her affection, or the woman does things to turn him off so that he starts to act unloving, as her love level starts falling, she will continue to do the relationship maintenance work. But at some point, the workload begins to exceed the payment, and resentment starts to build. If things continue on this downward spiral, she will completely fall out of love and hate the man, until one day she can't stand him anymore. Then it's all over but the crying, it's divorce court time.

But like I said, it takes two to tango... it's usually both the man and woman's fault (sometimes victims are really volunteers, they should have smelled it coming... do you smell what I'm cooking?!), but it's the scorned woman who, like a wounded bear, gets the angriest... so angry she has to get out. So, the reason women are filling first is because women are falling so far out of love that they literally hate the man and cannot tolerate him anymore. Would a woman who loved her husband want a divorce?

A good woman in love can be a man's best friend. Who ever said a dog is man's best friend should be shot! But when love turns to hate, a scorned woman can be your worst nightmare when you meet her lovely divorce attorney and loose your shirt in divorce. And the money is not the worst of it.... you also get excess emotional baggage, divorce drama, wrecked lives, broken homes, and single parent homes without proper role models, proper role models being a mommy and a daddy who are together and love each other. No one wins in divorce except the attorneys. That, as they say, is the rest of the story.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 106
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/17/2009 5:47:41 AM

Quite simply a woman is a planner. They plan months in advance on searching for a new mate and when they`re ready to make their move it`s done rather quickly.


- It's true that women plan the rise of relationships... but the fall is something different... they fall out of love over time. The truth is, by the time a woman wants to get out, they have been slowly falling out of love for a long time. When women want out, many men think this came about over night... the truth is, it was a long time coming, he just did not see the signs. For a man, divorce can come unexpectedly, like a thief in the night.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 107
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 11/17/2009 6:31:21 AM

The truth is, by the time a woman wants to get out, they have been slowly falling out of love for a long time. When women want out, many men think this came about over night... the truth is, it was a long time coming, he just did not see the signs.

This is true - in some cases a woman tries to talk about what bothers her several times and gets blown off by a guy who assumes it'll go away on it's own or she's just complaining about small stuff. When a woman finally gives up and wants out, she's past fixing it. That's usually when a guy first realizes she was actually talking about something important all that time. *shrug*
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 108
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/7/2010 2:43:21 PM
Interesting observations about the effects of children. Not my own experience. It is true that raising kids is a large emotional, financial and physical commitment, and definitely results in bad days which the childless don't get to enjoy. However, I did find that its hard going from a life without them to a life with them, then back again. Habit die hard.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 109
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/7/2010 7:57:59 PM
Interesting, yes. For me, it brings about the notion that it is only after having children that either the selfishness of one's partner, their immaturity, or the lack of the two to work as a couple comes to light. The practical aspects of parenting, along with the shift in priorities is often the beginning of the end. I am not sure, however, that the children are the culprits. They may merely bring about enlightenment which might have come later, in their absence.

and, rearguard*2, while I agree with you, let's not forget the good days the childless also don't get to enjoy; they are abundant!
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 110
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/8/2010 9:57:28 PM

The truth is, by the time a woman wants to get out, they have been slowly falling out of love for a long time. When women want out, many men think this came about over night... the truth is, it was a long time coming, he just did not see the signs.




This is true - in some cases a woman tries to talk about what bothers her several times and gets blown off by a guy who assumes it'll go away on it's own or she's just complaining about small stuff. When a woman finally gives up and wants out, she's past fixing it. That's usually when a guy first realizes she was actually talking about something important all that time. *shrug*



I wrote my husband letters explaining how I felt like a single mother and needed more help from him. He treated these letters filled with my emotions as not important and thought I would never leave. I think I wrote two in the last few years together trying to let him know how I felt. Before I left he said he didn't even know what feelings are so how could I throw everything away over them. After approximately 9 years I moved out and rented a house with my brother but it was my husband less than a month later who filed for divorce after begging me not to separate anything. Since I was the one who initiated the break up by leaving everything is my fault according to him.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 111
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 2:29:15 AM
Women as opposed to men have much more in the way of emotional and romantic needs, they are far more susceptible to wanting what other people seem to have or wanting the "perfect relationship" as defined by the media and television.

Life isn't perfect and a lot of break ups occur because one person or the other has unreal expectations.
 five-marie
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 112
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:12:26 AM
Only read a few replies and I'm amazed some men seem to think we're going to get all "their stuff" in a divorce. Or that we do this because we're spoiled brats.
I've been married twice. First marriage, told him numerous times that if he didn't stop drinking I was leaving. He didn't stop, I left. With nothing. Walked away from the house and all the contents. He then told everyone "I woke up one morning and she was gone". By this time it wouldn't have mattered if he had quit drinking, I was beyond trying to fix it.
Second marriage, abusive drug addict. He also told everyone "There I was, hat in hand, on the street". I did take half the house this time and used the money to take care of our 3 children. He didn't feel "I" deserved child support.
I know I only left when it became apparent that nothing would change. I did not benefit financially from either marriage.
I think men aren't listening when we talk. Think we're just blowing off steam. I've experienced this dating as well. Been unhappy in a relationship, tried to fix it/talk about it with no results. Decided to end it and was met with surprise. "I thought everything was great".
I can't imagine anyone taking divorce lightly.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 113
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 6:06:57 AM
Well, interesting question, and the responces provided some good reading too. I don't know whether this is true or not...a few valid points came up. Both genders, I'm sure could argue this, till Hell freezes over.

Then again that may be the reasoning for posting this.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 114
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:36:51 AM
Well- of my 3 "relationships" - I broke up with 2 of them.

The other, I kicked her to the curb twice but came back...then I told her I was giving her space....then kinda came back to her again and then she wanted to be "friends"...


So with me and my relationship history- the 80% statistic is completely inaccurate...


Of course I am typically more in tune with what is going on with my woman emotionally and in the relationship I believe than the average man.
 *Imperfection*
Joined: 3/30/2010
Msg: 115
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 9:49:58 AM
because we usually have them by the berries...
and because we're usually right



Gawd I love that statistic!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 116
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 10:48:01 AM
Most men will not break it off with a girl unless they have another piece of ass lined up.
 sinlov
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 117
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 1:20:36 PM
I say it has been my experience that I finally break it off with a man when there is just no hope. I believe we spot the differences that make us not a match, try to change, what invariably can not be changed, hang in there for emotional attachment, or perhaps the sex was just good, refuse to read the plain azz writing on the wall, then finally there is that defining moment when your partner just does something (usually gets caught cheating) could range anywhere from being thoughtless self absorb prick
that talks good when sober, says all the right things..... Then you read the text he's made after texting you. Some... Just some not all or dogs. LOL

I believe dogs hang on for every little piece of ass they can get. No need to break up
until he is found out. I do not believe all men are like this... but boy I have known a couple. LOL
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 118
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 3:46:01 PM

because women are serial monogamists
and
marriage was designed by men for men.




Good jokes... that's one of the funnier things I've read since the Mod-Gods decided to hide the fora...

... what a sec! I get the deeper level joke now! Marriage was designed by men, for men....

... divorce was designed by law for women....

 *Imperfection*
Joined: 3/30/2010
Msg: 119
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 4:04:54 PM

BS!! Who's big day is it? I have yet to see a show called GroomZilla's...

lol... men have always been an accessory


Needless to say, women realize its not worth buying an entire Pig just to get a little sausage.
 NFLjunky718
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 120
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how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/9/2010 7:25:32 PM
for women dating men is like catching a cab...they can get one anytime. For most guys it's like trying to catch a cab with no cars on the street.

Simply put, women generally have a lot of choices, men don't.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 121
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/10/2010 6:18:21 AM
I don't know about the 80% but I do believe that women break up for whatever reason(s) more often than men. I also agree that men usually refuse to see the "red lights" in time and hope that it's nothing when it is. Then there's the "grass is always greener" syndrome as well - a stupid illusion - not to mention all the possibilities to cheat in a hundred different ways these days.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 122
I only have one divorce, and sadly she wasn't honest about her past that came out in her own actions
Posted: 4/10/2010 6:22:32 AM

Because you are a "guy" claiming that it is a natural progression to be "less" than what you originally portrayed in order to win a heart, lends credence to my belief that many men put on false pretensions to woo love. And consequently, it is no wonder that a large percentage of women want out of a reality that is vastly different from the "promise".


You know, I wanted to stay out of this question, and its gender battling...and I could have easily come up with several of my own thoughts on this.

But, reading your assessments....I have to assume these might have been your experiences, most say things based upon things they have gone thru or see or whatever.

But, I have to draw a line here, you are essensually saying all men are like this description of yours, and that all women are saints...guilt free

I beg to differ..there are some very good men out there, and some women who are not....as for coming on as one type of person, then turning out to be another...there are plenty of women who do that too....I have experienced it, and am not alone in this.

Food for thought.... .. in a relation sometimes(not always) something bothers a man, something, she is doing...because of societies thing that a man has to be strong and not complain....he says nothing about it, it festers, and festers, to the point, he explodes, or changes or whatever.....she takes it as, he changed or the real him came out....when in fact, it was a reaction of something she was doing that bothered him.

Granted he should have talked about this with her, before it got to that point(communication is everything)...but again that society thing, and the way men were raised to be tough...when a child..some things are hard for some men to talk about....then again, some men do bring these things up, and its brushed off by the woman as trivial, swept under the carpet, etc....

Not saying in all cases..but some...and this can give the appearance..he changed or was false in his original representation of himself...when it originally might have started by something, she was doing.

Personally, I think there are good and bad in both genders, and both have it tough and have valid arguments...really if you could walk in a man's shoes, you would see it from our angle...and I imagine, you would realise a few things, and appreciate what you have

If you think we have it easy....I can only laugh at that. By the way...I was around in those old days and sorry, if they divorsed back than, likely she got the house, car and a monthly check....most did anyway.

As far as false pretenses? Since the dawn of mankind till recently women got married by an early age, if too late you were considered an old maid, and she needed that too, because she could not make it on her own....

I just wonder with that being the way it was...just how many showed false feelings, etc just to be married? Millions in that time period?

I mean, we should get married because there is true, mutual love, but many just married to be married, or he was a good provider, etc.....this is not to say men haven't married for the wrong reason. Again my point is...there are good and bad men...but, the same goes for women too...

Seems to me, when a person starts thinking its all one gender this, and one gender that,....its time for a reality check. If you think so poorly of men, what are you doing here anyway?
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 123
I only have one divorce, and sadly she wasn't honest about her past that came out in her own actions
Posted: 4/10/2010 6:52:56 AM
Yeah well, I'm pretty much always the same guy at any point in the relationship barring the first few dates where penis jokes and grating personal opinion is admitted but not widely expressed out of kindness.

At least as far as quality goes, women know what they're getting. I imagine a lot think it's actually going to get worse than that and ditch. Or I don't think we're very compatible (I.E. Easilly offended, has a mustache, admires the women of Jersey Shore).

Just puttin that out there that it's ok to generalize, just make sure you say it's a generalization. There's always an exception to a rule. Sometimes a horrifying example of the downside of social interraction.
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 124
I only have one divorce, and sadly she wasn't honest about her past that came out in her own actions
Posted: 4/10/2010 7:20:21 AM
Well, women are blamed for just as much bullsh*t in a relationship as a man --but women tend to be more verbally reactive and men seem to just roll with it ( as has been my experience) so when a woman has decided it's over and tells her former love interest hit the bricks---the man, generally speaking, will tuck tail and run.

When it's over it's over and it no longer matters whose first or worst in the relationship until it's time to air one's dirty laundry---and from the variety of replies throughout this thread and many others about the only time folks seem to get along is when they are naked and busting of a few good orgasms otherwise it's like neither gender even cares for the other.

Might explain why some folks are content to simply date freely and commit to no one---lol.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 125
how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time?
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:09:08 AM

Wow, just wow... Referring to a woman that you supposedly love and see her only as a piece of ass is just... Well, like I wrote... wow... just wow...


No my dear- I referred to the NEW potential woman as a piece of ass...

bottom line- most guys will stay around with a woman he's been with, even if the relationship is not all that its cracked up to be because they have to give up one sexual relationship and get nothing in return...

until they find a new one.

just like this guy here says:


for women dating men is like catching a cab...they can get one anytime. For most guys it's like trying to catch a cab with no cars on the street


for an average guy to get himself into a regular sexual relationship or even to get a casual hook up- he has to put in far more work than a woman does if she just needs her bell rung.


That's why I say most guys, especially the non cheating kinds. you know- the ones that women aren't really super hot for on the first night!!! typically will not have another woman lined up to roll from the current gf to a new girl...

they stay with their current gal and she's thinking she's giving him "hints" or she is "communicating clearly" with him that she is unhappy and that a break up is pending...

so he stays with a girl longer than he needs to, he does NOT make his exit, he does not really realize how much the relationship may need to be worked on...so he's not out looking for another woman because while the relationship might need work - he's not out being disloyal to his current girl...

bottom line for men: when your gf starts limiting sex...this is a MAJOR red flag that she is unhappy...so either fix what is wrong or find you another girl to run to as soon as your current gf gives you the 'friends' speach.
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