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 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46
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Men, tell me whats the attractionPage 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

That must be my problem, i appear to be normal....i think i will change my profile to crazy, unstable, needy lol


Not a problem...per se. Thanks for the reminder I'm reposting my way beyond crazy profile...had SO much fun with that.

It's not worth wasting active brain cells trying to figure out why someone a person is attracted to isn't attracted to them. Leave that to the people studying human behavior. Known more than a few of them, and in their personal lives, they're just as clueless.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 47
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 10/31/2009 10:47:50 PM
I never really understood why people are interested in finding out why others find things fascinating to them. I also hear a tone of condoning such attraction. Well, it is what it is. Some people have a need for certain amount of drama in life in order to feel alive. Does it help?
 soflnighteagle
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 48
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:22:29 AM
Ok time for a little real truth. A woman that needs help is a woman that has given guys an opening. Asking for or needing help allows many guys an opening to get to know you, if you give off the "I have everything together so stay away" attitude, well don't be suprised if many guys stay away, but just say or act like you need a little help and watch how many men show up. This has nothing to do with "White Knight syndrome" it is about getting an in with someone. Not all guys are like this but for every selfconfident guy that can approach any girl there are 5 guys that are shy, unsure of themselves, or have no idea how to approach a woman. These guys go after the "damaged" women because the fact the the woman needs help gives them an opening that they believe will work for them. I looked at you profile and there is nothing wrong with you, there are guys out here that will be interested in you but it does take time to meet the right person. If a guy isn't drawn to you for what ever reason then he wasn't the guy for you anyway.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 51
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:24:55 AM
You never know about the disaster you avoided, you only know about the disasters you failed to avoid.

The so called " damaged " people look very much like normal people.
It's too bad everyone can't have a relationship credit rating which can be examined before investing too much . You can't talk to everyone a person has been involved with and find out what they are really like.

Unfortunately, no one caries a sign warning others they are neurotic, paranoid, drug abusers, prone to violence, who might kill your cat, and spend all your money .

One thing which is almost universally true, is that damaged people are very needy people. Being that way, they are more aggressive in seeking out relationships. Nothing stimulates us more than a reasonably attractive person who seems really interested in us.

Young people more easily fall into the trap of becoming involved with a " damaged " person. Along with sex education in school, we really should have relationship education for teenagers, " Judging character in the opposite sex, 101. "
It's only after a certain age, most people with experience become more wary and are not so apt to be fooled.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 52
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:56:25 AM
serenity sam:

A self sufficent women is not as attractive because she can take care of herself, they appear not to need men. As a women stated previously and it is true, men are protectors, have a need to help, "story books teach it all the time, Rapunzel stuck in the tower, her rescuer. Even Screk, saves the girl. Men are hard wired to be savers, recuers. In the hope of living happily ever after, its the storybook tale but I belief has some basis in male fact.


hmmmm...this reminds me of a man, a nice guy, I used to know. He had just been dumped by his non-wage earning wife of several years, an event he felt was due to the fact he had just completely cleaned out his stock account to give her money to take an expensive vacation by herself and now he had no more money to give her (disclaimer: I'm not bashing his ex...I do not know her side of it at all).

He would say to me "I've always been with women who needed me to take care of them", and since his self-value was about money he was speaking of financial care.

I would say to him "but even though some of us can take care of ourselves financially, we still need other things from you, like emotional support and companionship. And in the end, those things are more important than money."

He was not equiped to provide emotional support.

back to the OT...all of us want to be needed. Someone who comes along who needing what we can provide is attractive, because until we are drained it makes us feel good to be needed.
 smithwhitehawk1
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 54
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:14:48 AM
Re. hazel witty:
{quote} " I only meet men who have been damaged by these darn damaged women you speak of?
I would like to offer my prospective on this.
The women who cause good men to say they will never give their heart again are
the girl next door types .They start out normal and loving and in our minds deserving
of the trust and adoration that we have for her. {Now fast forward 10...15... 20..yrs}
The same woman that you were always there for,you know kind ..faithfull..honest..
ect... will now come to you and say, " Im just not in love with you anymore" .
This is with no discussion about a problem with the relationship ever having taken place.
Next she files for divorce.
You find out she is having an affair with someone she works with.[ in my case]
This is the woman that you trusted ,had children with,delt with all of life's challanges with,the one you would have given your life for, has hit you with a blindside shot
and backed out of the marriage like a thief.
We are men who do not invest ourselves in damaged women for anything long term.
After one or two times with a damaged woman we would start looking for better ,
not say I will never give my heart away again. That kind of damage can only come
from a once good woman who decides she is entitled to betray you and shove a knife
in your heart because she is to much of a coward to tell you what she needs from the
relationship.
So ,don't worry about the damaged women, we can sort that out quick enough, and if
you want things to get better tell the woman you know that are looking to leave a marriage to at least put it out there that their unhappy and why, [no B S reasons the
real one's if you have them, ] and give the man a chance to fix the problem if he can.
that way both can disengage from the marriage without permanant damage.
btw If you can get one of us to give our heart again ,it is loyal like no other, just
that it will not be given without proving to us you can be trusted.
Hawk
 damsell in a dress
Joined: 7/17/2007
Msg: 56
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 9:44:11 AM
I am not a man- However-This would depend of what they Think- everyones differnt. it seems,,,,,,,
Depends on what YOU mean "Damaged"
It's just like when people say baggage,
Those words can mean so many things to so many people,
Baggage- could mean- to many ex's - problems with kids, or too friendly flirty,
or simply OR simply mean- has been divorced, a child or grown child.
Damaged? what exacty is damaged?
We all have our own dealbreakers, I know I do.
Good topic!


Jeanette

 The_N8ster
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 58
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:01:37 PM
I think it's because they have been humbled, an over confident woman(from my exp) tends to play games. A broken one knows life is to short to play around, remeber the old Charlie Daniels Song lryrics, "Poor girl wants to marry and a rich girl wants to flirt," I guess its kinda like that.
 anyoneoutthier
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 59
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:04:53 PM
Bad boy, bad girl syndrome people dont really want the nice one that will treat you with respect and like human being.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 62
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:53:04 PM
I think the following can also be said about broken women: "Don't forget most
(wo)men use the head in (men's) pants instead of the one above (his) shoulders."

Over and over I've seen the broken woman make use if this. She exploits a man's sexual needs to collect the attention she is desperately seeking!
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 63
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:57:40 PM

Having to fix "a project" gives someone the feeling of being needed and a sense that they've done something good at the end of the day.


I believe the majority of people do thrive on drama even if they don't admit to it...look at the type of movies that sell the best, the tabloids etc..... but being aware of the reasons as to why people are generally drawn to drama is the real key to freedom. The law of attraction isn't something mystical, when you start understanding who you really are and paying real attention to the people and situations you feel drawn to...When we have our OWN unresolved drama it manifests into an internal monster that needs to feed on drama, the more drama (challenges) we are faced with the less obvious our OWN internal monster becomes to others.....We'll use all types of justifications, such as "we like to help others" or "We love a challenge" .......After all how can we face our own internal drama when we’re pre-occupied with someone else’s drama?

Yet all along we are unaware that sub-consciously we do this out of fear of having to face our own real issues……when we do it long enough we become addicted……And like any other addiction it can be broken.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 64
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:01:41 PM

And like any other addiction it can be broken.


Somehow I need to find a way to get over my Arabian addiction.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 66
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:21:41 PM

Somehow I need to find a way to get over my Arabian addiction.


Oh did I mention that this is ONE of the hardest addictions? Even I can't get over myself....
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 68
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:18:15 PM

Love is a need.


Well, yes, but there is a significant distinction between the occasionally needy person and the chronic sufferer. Some men are attracted to the woman with this chronic problem.


Even I can't get over myself....


Oh sorry, did you think I was talking about you?

( where are the emoticons while editing posts? I am trying to be a tease, but I can't express this without the emoticons" )
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 69
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 3:27:01 PM
Men's fascination with hysteria harkens WAAAAAY back. They even invented the "hysteria cure machine."
The vibrator eventually became one of the earliest devices to be converted to electricity. First was the sewing machine in 1889, followed by the fan and toaster. Electrification of the vibrator beat out the iron and vacuum cleaner by a decade.
Hee hee. Freaky pvssy is so much better.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 70
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 6:36:09 PM
LONG LIVE FREAKS!!!
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 71
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/1/2009 7:27:08 PM
op,
i imagine the guy would prefer an "undamaged" woman, but he's so attracted to the woman in question he rationalizes and sticks around. also, if she is only "slightly damaged" (lol), maybe it appeals to his knight in shining armor side.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 72
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:04:03 PM
Maybe not all men are attracted to damaged women, but maybe some are. Perhaps it could be insecurity on the man's part and he is taking whomever he can get. But a lot of men are problem solvers, and feel that when a woman turns to them for any reason at all, they have to solve her problems. Some men just don't get it that sometimes we just like someone to listen to us.... NOT solve our problems. You go tell a man any kind of dilemma, and he will right away come back with trying to give you some kind of "solution" to your problem. I didn't ask him for a solution, but he volunteers it. Just start talking to men about any kind of situation at all, and instead of JUST listening to you, they think you are asking them to solve it for you. Men like to solve problems. They feel good about themselves, it lifts their egos, and they feel needed. Some men interpret that as they feel "wanted." Which goes back to my feeling that it might be an insecurity issue.

I knew a man who was married to his wife for 27 years. A younger woman came along, and I might add, she had all kinds of baggage and was a real mess. She played on this man, telling him all her problems. Well, it didn't take long at all for the man to divorce his wife of 27 years and marry this younger pathetic woman. NOW.... he is suffering the consequences. This younger woman preyed on his ego and he took it that she needed him and wanted him, and he was a real sucker for it. So maybe a lot of men are just suckers??? Yes.... can't you see it? Sometimes you wonder why on earth does that man put up with a woman like her??? What other reason???
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 75
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:46:20 PM
Men who seek out damaged women usually do so because they see them as emotionally vulnerable and thus easier to get into bed.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 80
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:15:52 AM
I'm just taking random swings at this but, could it be empathy? Could these men be damaged themselves as well but unable to express it; therefor, finding someone who is also damage and with whom they would find it easier to relate with and communicate. Someone he feels he could confess his woes to without being judged for it?

It could just be because some "damaged ones" might not set their expectations as high and that the men who approach them don't feel unsuitable or inadequate around them. Who knows... "damaged" is such a subjective term; everyone is technically damaged in some way or another, it really just comes down to what people can relate to with each other.

Then again, it could also just be a physical attraction issue. If someone(men or women) finds someone else physically attractive, they would be willing to ignore what they conceive as a few personality quirks; if they find them physically unattractive, they'll probably be a lot more critical.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 81
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:23:37 AM
People that are emotional messes need other people. Just as many women want to fix men, there are many men that enjoy the white knight thing.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 83
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:42:32 AM
"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!
Right, that's a good point too, that sense of "belonging" could be important to a lot of men, I think most people do want to feel that their love is fully reciprocated and that the person they are with is also with them because they want to be and not because they were bored one evening.

This is a good example of the subjectivity in the use of "damaged", a woman who's unable to feel some vulnerability and attachment, or that is emotionally unavailable could be considered damaged by some and considered well-adjusted by others.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:49:59 AM

"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!

Men should enjoy being wanted for who they are, instead of needed for what they can give, do, provide, fix. I'd think men would want someone who's into them for them - not what they have. It makes them more special, actually...because no other guy can replace that.

You don't want anyone to need anything from you, you want them to want to be with you. If they don't need a man but choose to date one, it means that particular guy was worth it.
 ~DREAMS~
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 85
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:57:10 AM

Men should enjoy being wanted for who they are, instead of needed for what they can give, do, provide, fix.


I am not sure about other men, and can only talk about myself. I personally don't get into a relationship with someone because they need me. Never have and never will.

My relationship with them is based on a simple question asked to myself. " Does having her in my life make my life better, more enjoyable, more balanced?"

If the answer is a NO! then later gator. If the answer is a Yes! then what I give, do, provide, or fix for them is not relevant. I would be with them because they add quality to MY life so my balance comes from adding quality to HER life.

I am not attracted to broken, damaged, nutty women. But I have been attracted to women that may have had a few issues but their core person was un-damaged.

When the core of a person is not damaged the rest is just superficial and subject to change at any moment.

I mean seriously, I have seen some that their lives were such a nasty mess that a quick glance has you shaking your head thinking why bother. But when you look at the core of the person everything in there is not a mess. Many times just a simple helping hand causes a complete change in their lives.

Then there are those who put those fronts on that with a quick glance seem to have their lives working out great, but at the end of the day their cores are skewed and that result means it is only a matter of time before their lives come crashing down around them.

I am not saying it is the case but maybe the men you are questioning just simply see the surface and not the woman behind the visable, and it is that, that makes you think they have a "Knight in Shinning Armor" save the girl mentality.

They could have just seen what she wanted them to see only to discover after the fact that what was shown was not what they recieved.

Like one of the first posts i made on these forums many years ago talked about. I ordered a Portable laptop tray and the disclaimer said that the product MAY differ than what was shown in the picture. I had ordered it anyways figuring I would just get a laptop tray that was not of the same quality as what was in the picture, I was not however expecting to get a pasta pot in the mail instead of a laptop tray.

Life is kinda like that. What you see is not nessesarily what you get. Someone can look perfect but be a total mess inside and also someone can look to be a total mess on the outside but be completely balanced on the inside.

just my thoughts.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 86
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:53:27 AM

"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!

This is the thing, people that don't "need" anything will still be happy to allow someone to do things for them but I think it is insecure people that this is not enough, that they need some type of dysfunction as a hedge against the other person walking from the relationship.

Now, if your friend is the type that won't allow someone to help her, then she has a problem because people do need to feel like someone needs them in their life at least by choice rather than actual need, if that makes any sense.
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