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 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 75
Men, tell me whats the attractionPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Men who seek out damaged women usually do so because they see them as emotionally vulnerable and thus easier to get into bed.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 80
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:15:52 AM
I'm just taking random swings at this but, could it be empathy? Could these men be damaged themselves as well but unable to express it; therefor, finding someone who is also damage and with whom they would find it easier to relate with and communicate. Someone he feels he could confess his woes to without being judged for it?

It could just be because some "damaged ones" might not set their expectations as high and that the men who approach them don't feel unsuitable or inadequate around them. Who knows... "damaged" is such a subjective term; everyone is technically damaged in some way or another, it really just comes down to what people can relate to with each other.

Then again, it could also just be a physical attraction issue. If someone(men or women) finds someone else physically attractive, they would be willing to ignore what they conceive as a few personality quirks; if they find them physically unattractive, they'll probably be a lot more critical.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 81
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:23:37 AM
People that are emotional messes need other people. Just as many women want to fix men, there are many men that enjoy the white knight thing.
 Vincent_1984
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 83
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:42:32 AM
"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!
Right, that's a good point too, that sense of "belonging" could be important to a lot of men, I think most people do want to feel that their love is fully reciprocated and that the person they are with is also with them because they want to be and not because they were bored one evening.

This is a good example of the subjectivity in the use of "damaged", a woman who's unable to feel some vulnerability and attachment, or that is emotionally unavailable could be considered damaged by some and considered well-adjusted by others.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 84
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:49:59 AM

"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!

Men should enjoy being wanted for who they are, instead of needed for what they can give, do, provide, fix. I'd think men would want someone who's into them for them - not what they have. It makes them more special, actually...because no other guy can replace that.

You don't want anyone to need anything from you, you want them to want to be with you. If they don't need a man but choose to date one, it means that particular guy was worth it.
 ~DREAMS~
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 85
Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:57:10 AM

Men should enjoy being wanted for who they are, instead of needed for what they can give, do, provide, fix.


I am not sure about other men, and can only talk about myself. I personally don't get into a relationship with someone because they need me. Never have and never will.

My relationship with them is based on a simple question asked to myself. " Does having her in my life make my life better, more enjoyable, more balanced?"

If the answer is a NO! then later gator. If the answer is a Yes! then what I give, do, provide, or fix for them is not relevant. I would be with them because they add quality to MY life so my balance comes from adding quality to HER life.

I am not attracted to broken, damaged, nutty women. But I have been attracted to women that may have had a few issues but their core person was un-damaged.

When the core of a person is not damaged the rest is just superficial and subject to change at any moment.

I mean seriously, I have seen some that their lives were such a nasty mess that a quick glance has you shaking your head thinking why bother. But when you look at the core of the person everything in there is not a mess. Many times just a simple helping hand causes a complete change in their lives.

Then there are those who put those fronts on that with a quick glance seem to have their lives working out great, but at the end of the day their cores are skewed and that result means it is only a matter of time before their lives come crashing down around them.

I am not saying it is the case but maybe the men you are questioning just simply see the surface and not the woman behind the visable, and it is that, that makes you think they have a "Knight in Shinning Armor" save the girl mentality.

They could have just seen what she wanted them to see only to discover after the fact that what was shown was not what they recieved.

Like one of the first posts i made on these forums many years ago talked about. I ordered a Portable laptop tray and the disclaimer said that the product MAY differ than what was shown in the picture. I had ordered it anyways figuring I would just get a laptop tray that was not of the same quality as what was in the picture, I was not however expecting to get a pasta pot in the mail instead of a laptop tray.

Life is kinda like that. What you see is not nessesarily what you get. Someone can look perfect but be a total mess inside and also someone can look to be a total mess on the outside but be completely balanced on the inside.

just my thoughts.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 86
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Men, tell me whats the attraction
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:53:27 AM

"You don't NEED anything from me, do you?" It seems to make them feel insecure and unwanted. Many on this thread have made the point that men like to feel needed...that must be why they choose the ones who seem unhealthy and needy. Makes sense to me!

This is the thing, people that don't "need" anything will still be happy to allow someone to do things for them but I think it is insecure people that this is not enough, that they need some type of dysfunction as a hedge against the other person walking from the relationship.

Now, if your friend is the type that won't allow someone to help her, then she has a problem because people do need to feel like someone needs them in their life at least by choice rather than actual need, if that makes any sense.
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