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 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 61
A friend's cheating husbandPage 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I would stay out of it......No one likes the messenger.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 62
A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:10:45 AM
op and dayna...it's high school and it's drama and I agree with dayna...op is as much a participant in keeping it going as is anyone else.

just walk away
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 63
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A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:10:47 AM
I've been following your thread Nomadic, but haven't said much because I wasn't clear about how to help. I'm still not *grins* but I thought I'd ramble and see if anything pops out.

Life is messy, eh? People with their tragedies and joys and hopes all entwined... the fabric of life and relationship is like a weave, they overlap and layer onto each other. And as we get banged around in life, we make choices on how to best cope with things. Sometimes they are good choices and sometimes they are regrettable choices. Sometimes our coping skills throw us out of whack.

So, shoving aside all of these other people's lives and motives... let's look at you.

1. You are in a situation where you are out of alignment with your own morality and values. (Who I am, how life should work and how it is working). So that's your first issue, as I see it, how to get back into alignment. (The other side of that would be to question your morals and values to see if they are out of alignment with reality, but I'm doubtful that applies here. << take a look in case.)

How to get back in alignment is to identify "what's wrong?, "what's out?" or "what's missing?" on an internal scale. (and you're not looking to identify the story of 'what happened', it is the internal reaction or decision you need to identify. Let me know (if you think this might be useful) if it's not in english, lol)

Regardless of the behaviour around you, if you are in alignment, the turmoil will drop. And often then, oddly enough, the choices become clearer.

2. You are in a situation where every one of your choices appears to have ramifications on others and the choices that appear to not create consequence for others' creates a consequence for you - because you are subject to the emotional blowback of doing nothing in a situation where the wrongness is just sickening to you. Find a thread in that weave and pull it, and it will have consequence for others. As I see it, you likely have internal debate on the morality of you causing consequence in others lives but are anguished about doing nothing. So you sit in turmoil.

You want to find an action that will relieve your torment but will have an acceptable (to you? to others? to how you see yourself?) consequence. Or you want to find peace in doing nothing, because doing nothing in the face of such a 'wrong situation' is also tormenting you. (I suspect because it is out of alignment with your morality and values?)

Possibilities:
You could tell your friend she is being the victim of the circumstances in her life and if she is not prepared to rise to the challenge of life, you don't want to be subject to her complaints about it.

You could have a conversation with him. << Actually, I like this one. All of the lines of your torment lead back to this man and I like to go to the source of the river.
What would you say to him I wonder? (My cheap advice is: Do the work of getting in alignment with yourself before you really consider what you might say to him).
 the apparent dreamer
Joined: 11/21/2006
Msg: 64
A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:40:35 PM
Is this where the saying " with friends like this, who needs enemies" comes from? Maybe you should just make a comment to the wife something like " I wish Jack would stop asking people to have sex with him, someone may think he is serious. " If she chooses to ignore or investigate would answer many questions.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 65
A friend's cheating husband
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:53:56 PM

What do I do??


Look up the word woman. I'm pretty sure the words "subtle", "indirect", and all those wonderful qualities are among the definition... okay, they should be. After all only a woman would say, "It's cold in here" and actually mean "Cuddle with me you dumb ass!" So, USE THEM.

Need me to show you subtle & indirect? Wait a sec...I just did!

You can figure out if she wants to be told or not under the radar, so to speak, without actually revealing any information you know. Rockie!
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