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 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 520
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Love,Quality of life and who paysPage 23 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)

I find it odd that you would classify a guy who only goes to places within your budget as a cheapskate and yet it seems perfectly acceptable to you to be the cheapskate if he can afford to pay your way but likes to do what you can afford, as though he's obligated to pay for your more expensive tastes beyond what you can afford, simply because he has more disposable cash. The fact is, it's his cash, not yours.


I don't have expensive tastes though. That's the problem. I am happy to do cheaper things and I don't mind paying. But let's be honest, my budget is pretty tight. A guy would be bored not getting to go out and do stuff.

Money does keep me from dating. It's actually my primary reason for limiting myself to the idea of FWB. That's why on the other thread I was confused when people said FWB includes going out.

Money actually keeps me from friendships with women too. There's been a few ladies nights and such that would have been good opportunities to hang out with other women but I just couldn't ration the money. And I've also been invited to go along for things like concerts and such but money was again my reason for saying no. What I need is to find women I have common interests with that are broke too.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 521
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/5/2018 4:24:46 PM

julystorm22
Money actually keeps me from friendships with women too. There's been a few ladies nights and such that would have been good opportunities to hang out with other women but I just couldn't ration the money. And I've also been invited to go along for things like concerts and such but money was again my reason for saying no. What I need is to find women I have common interests with that are broke too.


That sounds like college days. I have stated a number of times that college was one of the best parts of my life. I was dead broke for 4 straight years, but had more fun than at any time before or since. That works because you are surrounded by hundreds or thousands of people the same age in the same boat – dead broke and looking for a good time.

After you get out of school, you are not supposed to be dead broke, and if by some misfortune you are, it’s going to be much harder to find others in the same position.

Once again, I suspect that Meetup groups just might have what you seek.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 522
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/5/2018 5:55:10 PM
Finances are awkward for sure when it seems like you are the only one without deep pockets. I am surrounded by people who travel internationally at least twice a year; go to professional hockey games; concerts; dinners as a matter of course. Their conversations are around their renovations and new vehicles. They are coupled up. It is a different world. I went out last week to network. I had two beer and deep fried dill pickles (an appetizer). It was 38.00 before the tip. I went because I felt it was important to get my name out there more. But it isn't something I could pull off regularly. And dating is awkward financially as well. The last two men I dated made 180 and just over 200 respectively. I didn't feel comfortable in their circles. Both the women AND the men in those circles are extremely well maintained. In comparison, I cut my own hair. I just don't live in their world. If you figure it out how to make it work July, please be sure to let me know.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 523
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/5/2018 6:04:11 PM
My mom has experienced the same problems. Everyone in her social circles are coupled up so they have dual income households. The fact is, men in this area tend to have incomes twice that of women. So if you are married or commonlaw, you live a hell of a lot better. And my my mom has a rather good job making $34 per hour. Unfortunately, after taxes and living expenses there's very little for savings and home maintenance and things like vacations. She does save somewhat for retirement but he will have to wait till she hits 65 or older. Meanwhile most of her friends have retired earlier.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 524
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/5/2018 8:15:10 PM
"She does save somewhat for retirement but he will have to wait till she hits 65 or older."

In Canada, you can start taking your CCP at 60 and still work. According to my accountant, you will receive the same amount monthly unless you live to be over 85.
 HUMHUMA
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 525
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/6/2018 3:11:22 AM
It's all a category thing....high maintenance.....regular relationship meaning at any cost between two.....it's like being in school day dreaming about a girl who won't ever look your way....this has transferred to the way people date today...." if I get a rich guy or get a rich woman".....true love is rare but still looms with some....Good topic and can be talked about many ways....lol
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 526
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/6/2018 7:06:15 AM

In Canada, you can start taking your CCP at 60 and still work. According to my accountant, you will receive the same amount monthly unless you live to be over 85.


Well, here's an excerpt from the government site:

"You can apply for and receive a full CPP retirement pension at age 65 or receive it as early as age 60 with a reduction, or as late as age 70 with an increase. If you continue to work while receiving your CPP retirement pension, and are under age 70, you can continue to participate in the CPP."

So it is a tradeoff. If you retire at 60 you get CPP at a reduced rate. CPP isn't enough to live on for most people unless they get a pension from their employer or if you sell your house and move into subsidized seniors housing. And to collect CPP you technically have to retire from your job as in your employer needs to provide proof that you retired. You can work after you retire and collect CPP but then you can't go back to your old position or job normally. My mom would get a pension from her employer but its not a super great pension, their union lost out in negotiations a couple years ago. If my mom had never gotten cancer 7 years ago, she would be in a much better position. Had she been married, her husband could have provided in that time, or if a husband got sick then so could she provide. It is something to think about. These days we think about relationships in terms of sex, romance and companionship. However there are some big economic ramifications as well for being single. Each partner acts as each other's safety net in case of sickness, job loss and retirement. Two incomes coming into a household is almost always better than one. I know some of the guys on here guffaw at "feminists" talking about the pay gap between men and women but it exists big time. Women tend to work in offices or in healthcare or in education or in the service industry while men tend to be in the trades, energy sector, mining, forestry or farming (in my neck of the woods) and there are huge income disparities. There's a reason a higher percentage of senior women live in poverty than senior men.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 527
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/6/2018 9:53:54 AM
" However there are some big economic ramifications as well for being single. Each partner acts as each other's safety net in case of sickness, job loss and retirement. Two incomes coming into a household is almost always better than one"

What a sad way to think. Using others never works well, or gives people the self esteem they need to live happily with themselves.

How comfortable could a man or women be if they knew their partner wouldn't be with them if they felt they could afford not to be.

Humans scare me sometimes.

"CPP isn't enough to live on for most people"

It is calculated on how much the person has paid in. As I said you have to live more than the age of 85 before it starts to cost you.

"if you sell your house "

That is what the majority of people over the age of 65 do, whether they have to or not. As people age they don't want the daily maintenance necessary on a house. It only makes sense to sell and invest the money, and enjoy the year they have left.

IMO, seniors have earned the right to enjoy their retirement and not have to provide a place for their children to live. Adult children should not be burdening their parents financial or emotionally.
True adults do not look to others to support them, whether it be their parents or the spouse.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 528
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/6/2018 12:47:17 PM
I pay my mom rent and I buy a lot of groceries but I don't pay the amount of rent I would if I lived on my own. My mom also helps out alot with childcare. I understand why you think its wrong but I'm not sponging off of my mom. I really had no choice in the matter unless I was to quit my job and life on welfare which I've know other single mothers to do. Then I would qualify for subsidized housing at least. Right now, what makes my situation difficult is I am not receiving my Canada Child Benefits because its frozen due to my ex trying to claim it and all the paperwork evidence I had to submit is sitting on a desk somewhere at Revenue Canada. Basically those benefits are a third of my income and I haven't received them since February. No way in hell I could afford to live on my own without those benefits. I went to a financial counsellor at the social services building to see how to figure out my finances and the counsellor pretty much agreed with my calculations. To afford a place to rent non-subsidized, I would need to quit paying off debts and in effect default on my loans. I asked if I worked less if I could get into subsidized housing and she said that I would need to provide a letter from my employer saying their was a shortage of work. So I can't win.

Here's a scary fact. The amount of adult children age 20-34 living with their parents has steadily increased 20.3% since 2001. This a Canadian stat but the article I link to below does say its a trend in the U.S. and Australia and is a much bigger problem in Europe. One of the biggest reasons for this is lack of affordable housing, the rise in the cost of living and increasing difficulty with finding fulltime permanant employment.

https://www12.statcan.gc.ca/census-recensement/2016/as-sa/98-200-x/2016008/98-200-x2016008-eng.cfm
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 529
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Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/6/2018 1:18:43 PM
IMO, people thinking they can have more children than they can afford, then expecting their senior parents, and taxpayers to raise and support their children are babies having babies.


"One of the biggest reasons for this is lack of affordable housing, the rise in the cost of living and increasing difficulty with finding fulltime permanant employment."

No, it is people expecting other people to be responsible for our bad decisions.

Make all the excuse you want. It doesn't change the fact that you created children, created debts, created half of the bad relationship with the children father.

"So I can't win."

Yes, you can.
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