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 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 96
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Is porn ruining real live sex?Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Sex with either Oprah, OR Martha Stweart isn't particularily appealing to me. It's not my fault if she's a cold fish, no need to spread her hate and bitterness throughout the land.


Thankfully, I've never heard of her before, and won't again, after clicking "post" I'm sure there's some old "lights off, under the blankets, shhhhhhhhhhhhh sex is dirty, missionairy only please" kinda guy for her.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 97
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/25/2010 6:39:59 PM
Speaking as the Historian here... As porn has been around as long as there has been means to create it (yes, there ARE porn cave paintings), I think any notion that real sex is on the decline because of it are pap.
Now as to a SPECIFIC INDIVIDUAL, anyone can get out of balance in any part of their life, and suffer because of it. Moaning about a generality like this wont help the individual however.
Although I have not had all that much luck in the relationship department (hence my membership), I do know that at NO time has porn somehow caused me, or anyone I've known to have the problems described in such articles. Rather, the writers of such crud have caused trouble for others, by calling for women to RESENT being thought of sexually by their mate, and for men to put an end to playfulness with their women. Those writers are poop heads, in my very annoyed opinion.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 101
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 6:27:46 AM
Young women are watching porn, too.

The younger women I have dated recently seem to be way more open sexually, than women my own age are (or were when I was in my 20's). So, while young men may expect more from women today (sexually... because of porn), they also seem to be getting more.
 MakeYouSmile26
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 102
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:12:38 AM
Yes I feel porn is ruining real live sex. I have always been very picky. After viewing lots of porn I am even more picky. I am pretty sure once I turn 30 I will never want have sex again with a girl I can actually get in bed :(

Oh well think of all the money I will save on dating :D
 milt_n_bradley
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 104
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 8:39:25 AM
How can any inanimate object "ruin" sex,OP?
If porn is a problem in a relationship...then it's likely that the relationship has many,many OTHER problems for which porn is a scapegoat.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 105
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:23:26 PM
Its funny.

Just the other day, they reran that episode of " Married with Children" where Bud Bundy asks a shapely young college coed to stay with them for a few days.....
At first, Al is happy and Peg is livid because the girl is rather shapely and Al is obviously ogling over her....

Pegs anger turns to delight when Al finally starts performing his marital duties in an eager way thanks to the new found inspiration downstairs.

Soon, all the local neighborhood women who complained about their husbands being frigid are being satisfied on a regular basis....

I think women, including the idiot who wrote that crap in Salon magazine need to be realistic.
Men are visual creatures. It came from MILLIONS of years of evolution.
While women were back in the caves speaking with each other and laying the foundation for civilization through language men were out hunting and gathering which required them to stare out on the fields for possible hazards or treats.
Thats why when you go to the bookstore there are hundreds of girly magazines, gun magazines, car magazines and so forth aimed at men. Even though every man allready knows what a girl, or a gun or a car looks like.
Because you can change the hardware but you can't change the software.
Men need visual stimuli.
Which is what porn is.
Women need to just accept that and stop being Jealous of it and appreciate it for it's intended purpose.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 108
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 2:54:26 PM

How can any inanimate object "ruin" sex,OP?
If porn is a problem in a relationship...then it's likely that the relationship has many,many OTHER problems for which porn is a scapegoat.

I agree ^^^. Other than the rare instances where someone is truly addicted, there are likely many other issues going on in said hypothetical relationship. (I've never been with someone who wanted to watch porn in my presence. I think I've maybe seen one or two in their entirety and I wasn't the least bit impressed or turned on. I don't begrudge those who find value in it, it's just not my thing.) JMO
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 109
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 1/26/2010 3:15:37 PM
Very interesting topic.

I don't think there's anything wrong with porn as a concept - it's like anything, if you want to enjoy it healthily, you have to do it with balance. If someone has too much porn in their life and not enough real intimacy, it can cause problems - unrealistic expectations, detachment/lack of understanding of real intimacy, etc.

What I find interesting about porn is that even though it's far and away the most well funded underground material - making up something like 75% of the internet... it has somehow become ridiculously formulaic and generic. You have to search long and hard (shh) to find porn that doesn't find a really basic blowjob-sex in 3 positions-handjob-facial formula.

What's wrong with that? Well, aside from being boring and vanilla, it's very male centric, which is weird since the females are by and large the stars of most pieces. If we can acknowledge that good sex = both partners working equally hard to satisfy one another, than we have to conclude that most porn is just not good sex.

So I don't really have a problem with all the kinky stuff. I think that stuff is great for helping people explore their sexual curiousity and learn if there are other people in the world interested in the same stuff.

But that should be tempered by realistic expectations. We can all hope to find ideal partners who are willing to keep an open mind in the bedroom, but not one's that are going to perform over the top porn scenarios every night, or who are necessarily going to like all the same things.

It's the boring basic formula about online stuff that perpetuates a very specific idea of what good sex is (and is way off the mark) that's the most harmful part of it I think. I'd rather people have access to porn to explore their sexuality than not, but I think reading up on sex in partnerships and sexual health is an important counterbalance to that.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 112
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/2/2010 10:58:29 AM
I doubt it very much. Oh, there's the occasional addict, no doubt, who prefers it to "live" sex. On the other hand, I think so-called "morality" issues have ruined far , far more sex lives than porn ever has.
 Khamrun
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 121
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/2/2010 10:46:51 PM
Yes, but only for the Hutterites. No, I'd miss my nights with my girlfriends watching "Bend over boyfriend" Oh, and I am a guy!

F@CK Procreation............ we want Recreation!!!!
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 127
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/3/2010 1:39:36 PM
I agree with December1980 in saying that if someone who would be addicted to porn is the same person that could be addicted to alcohol, drugs, caffeine, etc. And if that person would believe that the way men treat and pick up women in porn is the same person that would believe that they could fly like Superman, or smarts of Batman....or even the smarts of Law and Order....or pick up girls as fast as James Bond....

These people would already have a problem. The normal people wouldn't be phased by porn, they would see it as entertainment and do there business. I see no problem in porn, I mean its safer than picking up someone different each night you wanted some. Masturbation is very healthy, there are many myths just like anything else. I don't know about anyone else but I need visual stimulation, not reading about it in a romance novel. Or just imagining someone.

Porn has been around for centuries and its here to stay because sex sells. That's apparent for all the ads out there for anything that a sexy woman or man is selling the product. I mean you wouldn't see a beer bellied man selling Bud Light or a crack skinny girl trying to sell Golden Corral. If you do its usually to emphasize how bad the competitors product is and then a beautiful person selling the actual product advertised. I mean look at all the models selling makeup products. None of them are below a 8....they are nice looking to emphasize how beautiful the person buying that make up could be if they bought it.

Best of luck to everyone
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 132
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/4/2010 11:52:43 AM
Porn's like anything else, it requires a balance.

Every sexual experience? Probably bad.

To keep things interesting? Fine.

Life is all about balance.
 doink 1962
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 134
Is porn ruining 'real live sex'?
Posted: 2/5/2010 4:30:00 PM
Yes and I am so done with it now! It's ruined! tainted,kaput!
 MrLove45
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 135
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/5/2010 4:44:34 PM
Message: Saying porn ruins real live sex, is like saying McDonald’s is at fault for the increasing obesity rates. We seem quick to point a finger or place blame on a corporation, government or industry, for deficits which we find unappealing within ourselves or fellow citizens. What ever happened to personal responsibility? It’s my understanding porn could be a problem for men, who are compelled to masturbate while watching. So perhaps the question should be, “Is porn ruining our vision?”. lol


now that one's really funny there....and true too
 RossMc
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 136
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:38:03 AM
I would say that with certain guys, porn spoils their enjoyment of actual, real women, since the women of porn are so unreal. Where do they find all of those long-legged blond babes with perky tits and firm asses? Most of them are Eastern European, especially from Russia and the Ukraine, and porn is their ticket to a better income. Me, I grew up in the suburbs surrounded by tall blond cheerleader types, so that look bores me mostly.
I do think that there is a side of most men that can relate to quick, anonymous, no-strings attached sex. I mean, any man who does anything violent or glamorous- the rock stars, Navy Seals, professional athletes, and organized crime etc, gets surrounded by willing groupies. You don't hear those men complaining.
The internet has revolutionized porn, that's for sure.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 142
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/7/2010 7:13:25 AM

Also he has a masters degree I believe and was a TEACHER before getting into porn, I believe he's also a trained actor (he studied theatre in university I believe)


Lol. You've probably seen some of Jeremy's porn, the ones where he's actually in it- are you saying he should share the same stage with Olivier, Gielgud, Dustin Hoffman, or a Katherine Hepburn? Lol. Ya know, Kate Hepburn has more than enough joie de vivre and grit to take on a project like that. RJ seems to have found a milieu that taxes none of his acting, or any other, skills, save one. "Find a need and fill it", as one noted US entrepreneur says.

And that point about porn being designed for men? More than a few of the women posting here give it a gander, lol, and to make that argument is, imho, just as fallacious as any other belief or argument based on gender lines. Porn is a stimulus, by design, a base one, to be sure, but I think the industry targets money, not men (except, of course, to the extent that they are considered the more willing to invest in sex, lol). Lotsa ladies watch porn, and not solely in the company of a lover.

But kudos- you seem to be one of those rare geese who reads the whole thread before posting. Lol
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 149
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/8/2010 6:15:33 PM
Where do women get the idea that ALL porn actresses are attractive? Most aren't. Not by a long shot... Though they do tend not to be lard-asses. Maybe THAT is what a lot of women find unrealistic and objectionable?
 Randominternetguy
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 153
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:21:33 PM
Some other quotes I found interesting from "How Not To Make Love Like A Porn Star" by
Mary Elizabeth Williams.



Porno sex is about the angles and displaying the goods. Whether the actors who are putting in a hard day's work on the job are actually enjoying themselves doesn't matter. It's about performance, ...

But if we learn by example, does anybody really want an education from someone who has a fluffer?

Perhaps then he's like the gentleman I went home with once, who spent the entire time watching himself in the mirror. He did not have sex with me. He had sex on me.

Women have a long history of performing during sex -- but our unrealistic, rock-your-world expectations are just as likely to come from "The Notebook" as they are from "Interracial Cheerleader Orgy."

Last year when Babeland conducted a poll about sexual attitudes, one of the questions was, "The most inaccurate perception men have picked up from porn is ..." The top four responses from women were:

1.How women can have orgasm from just vaginal intercourse
2.The idea that women love semen in their faces
3.The notion that anal sex is sexy
4.That women prefer huge c0cks


So now that you know, you can take that pressure off us. Take it off yourselves. Because in spite of or because of the mythology of the ever-rarin'-to-go, hot-blooded man, the physical and emotional reality of male sexuality is far more complicated. A man has to hope his equipment is of pleasing dimensions, that it rises with his desire, that he doesn't finish too soon or go on too long.

You don't see a lot of laughing in porn, but some of the best sex in my life has been punctuated with fits of giggles. You don't see a whole lot of genuine female orgasm in porn either, and believe me, that's a pretty big part of what makes a memorable evening for a lady. Aping an adult star doesn't make a person a lover any more than playing Rock Band makes him a musician. Good sex makes room for honest passion and uninhibited enthusiasm, and doesn't feel like an audition for AVN rookie of the year. It's messy and silly and profound. And unscripted.


I remember a joke email that made the rounds years ago.



30 things Porno producers would would have us believe:
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a bj.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A bj will always get a woman out of a speeding fine.
10. All women are noisy fvcks.
11. People in the 70’s couldn’t fvck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those t1ts are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.
14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.
15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other.(and the girl isn’t disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile. (And DVDA really makes them tickled pink)
17. Asian men don’t exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of sh1t out of you if you shove your c0ck in his girlfriend’s mouth.
19. There’s a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by slapping on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients’ c0cks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before fvcking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches… or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man’s c0ck, it’s important for him to remind her to “suck it”.
26. Assh0les are always clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a c0ck there.
29. Men don’t have to beg.
and finally…
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.


To me, it's always been important to differentiate between women and a woman.

Women like this or don't like that are generalities generated via experience, observation and my own values/beliefs. The latter is probably most important since that will allow me to discard information if it doens't fit my model. Sadly, it took me a long time to realize that.

If I am with a lover, all the generalities really are not important as what this particular woman likes. And while some of that can come from body language, the really intimate stuff you have to talk about, and no amout of sexual skill or technique will get your there, IMHO.

Bob
 mysteriousromeo
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 154
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/23/2010 3:12:09 PM
Well one thing is for sure, porn definitely cuts down on STDs and unwanted pregnancies.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 157
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/24/2010 1:32:44 PM
princecharmingscousin:
Watch the HBO show Family Business if you can find re-runs or the DVD's. There are COUNTLESS number of women each week trying to get in porn, or auditionning...now there are probably plenty of men trying out too...BUT most directors will tell you its HARD to find new male talent, because trying them out could end up costing you a day's worth of money for the whole cast and crew if the guy can't finish the scene or can't get it up (which happens a lot with new guys) and thats the reason you see the same guys over and over again, because the directors know the guy will get the job done.


HARD to find indeed.

Umm...I read a very long article in the LA Times (since most porn is shot here) about this issue. Most guys can't perform on demand or maintain that erection for hours. So the porn industry's solution is Viagra because the guys that they do end up using have to be able to keep it up for hours. They shoot the scene from different angles and have to re-set cameras and lighting, etc. I also learned about the role of the "fluffer" from this article which is an aspiring porn star whose job is to give the male a bj to get him hard.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 167
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/26/2010 6:43:31 PM
Personally, I don't think Porn has ruined real live sex any more than daytime soaps have ruined relationships or family life. Its not real, its Hollywood - get informed people!

Nothing wrong with porn if you have an open mind, are comfortable in your own skin and are confident with your sensuality (5 senses definition), and your sexuality.

Intimacy is all about enjoying each other, and keeping things exciting and interesting only strengthens a good relationship. Porn, toys, different positions, locations, sexy lingerie and anything else you can think of to inspire each other is wonderful and good. A relationship belongs to both people and each are equally responsible for tending to it the way one looks after a garden.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 168
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Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:46:19 AM
YEP!!! I think it is!!! It makes us all think this is how sex is supposed to be! And real sex is a lot more loving and sedate!

Those people are performers, performing acrobatic feats for the camera. It's entirely for visual effect, entirely lustful, with no love whatsoever underneath. It's created an entire society of "excitement junkies" who are always looking for the bigger, better high...and we wonder why we're so lonely! Lower the bar...

If anyone wants a RELATIONSHIP, gotta lay off the porn!
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 169
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:55:03 AM

Personally, I don't think Porn has ruined real live sex any more than daytime soaps have ruined relationships or family life.


Right on!!! A three-pointer for the Haywire chick! Lol There's a semi-humorous list of things in the current issue of Glamour that guys should never do, and one is flash a temper and punch a wall, cuz women watch Lifetime programs, and they all know what's coming next. Lol


. . . some quite bizarre/impossible/alarmingly unhygenic act . . .


But, but, that's a classic definition of fvcking, as I know it.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 170
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/27/2010 1:33:06 PM
Thanks Whytwater - Wow! 3 points for a shot outside the key

I think too many people try to find any reason to blame for their phobias or lack of knowledge or understanding about their or their partners sexuality. I laugh when I talk to women my age who still believe the lies parents have told their daughters such as "good girls don't touch themselves", "if you enjoy sex your partnter/husband will think you are trash", and many other silly things parents tell their children to avoid telling them the truth, if in fact they had any real knowledge. I respond with 2 questions: What is un-natural about enjoying intimacy? How is a man supposed to know exactly what turns his parnter on or what she really likes, if she has no idea herself? I then talk to them about being an informed about their sexuality. If porn and silly stories parents have told them were their only form of education on the subject, then they are ignorant on the subject. If as parents these people repeat those same untruthful stories to their children, and allow bad porn to be the childs only other source of education, then they just keep another generation ignorant, and are cheating them from experiencing the wonderfulness of intimacy with someone they love. I blame each child who grow up knowing that their parents told them untruths about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and the birds and the bees. People, wake up! What is un-natural about enjoying intimacy?

Eyeofthecamera - I have to disagree with your comment "Anything that takes the sensual out of sexuality is bad." Sensuality and sexuality are 2 totally different things and many people think these terms are interchangeable when they are not. Sensuality is all about your 5 senses which has nothing to do with sex, while sexuality is about sex, and one is part or needed to complete the other.

Some people believe that if they are having sex with someone, that automatically means they are in a relationship, when this is not always true, because of a little thing called "a little black book with phone numbers of a sure thing". I believe because talking about intimacy is taboo for so many people, or so uncomfortable people get into relationships that are unfullfilling and wind up being hurt or hurting others. People put more energy and time into buying a car, then they do when choosing a parnter to share their life with.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 171
Is porn ruining real live sex?
Posted: 2/28/2010 1:35:16 AM
You need not have that hangup anymore. Recently, on Bondage.com (well over 95% of my posts there are in the Politics Forum)(or was it CollarMe (which I am no longer a member of)), there was an informal poll of the women as to their penis size preferences. Like most things, the responses would form a Bell curve if plotted. Between 5 and 6 inches was the average preferred length, and the average circumference was around 5 inches.

In other words, most women preferred average-sized lollipops. Bloody convenient that most men are average, eh? This Evolution stuff is really cool.

PSst! I have heard that porn hookers are actually PAID to say things like "OMG!!!" and "Slam me, big boy!" and "I'm really hungry for something from Green Burrito!" Just a friendly smack with a clue-by-four.
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