Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Elmenreich
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't teach my son that people don't lie. I just avoid lying to him. I also tell him that Christmas isn't Jesus' birthday. Yeah, I know that centuries ago, there was a Turkish guy who gave presents. But no one talks about St. Nicholas anymore, which is a shame. It's all about Santa and marketing.
 Godsproperty48
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:15:52 PM
I know how you feel about carrying on the chirstmas tradition of getting your kids some special gifts for christmas. I too have an ex-husband and we have been divorced for about 7 years. He has yet to purchase his only child a christmas gift. I myself do not worry about what he spends on her for christmas, nor what he don't spend. I just purchase the gifts for my daughter and lable them from me. I feel it is less headach and hassel.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:25:29 PM

Information about many different types of beliefs, celebrations, etc. allows children to be more well rounded and tolerant of others beliefs.
This is true... and Christmas is only commercialized for the people that make it so...

My children have helped me make gifts over the years for the people we love and cherish. I've taught them that giving of oneself is more valuable than buying a trinket in a store... so they've helped me make quilts, jams, cookies and cakes as well as many other decorative items that grace the homes of my relatives.

There is nothing like receiving a basket of home made soaps and bath soaks as a gift...

I should get back to my knitting for this year's gift giving...
 Matthew__Angel
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 32
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 7:42:41 PM
I don't lie to my son about fictitious characters such as Santa, Frosty, Tooth fairy, "god" etc etc.

I don't want him to lie to me so I owe him the same.
 Matthew__Angel
Joined: 11/23/2007
Msg: 34
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:26:54 PM
You choose to lie, I don't. "god" is in quotes to piss you off that your pie in the sky means zero zilch to billions of people.
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 36
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 8:44:55 PM

I don't lie to my son about fictitious characters such as Santa, Frosty, Tooth fairy, "god" etc etc.


Okay, for centuries upon centuries people have believed in some form of God or another. It is one of the defining characteristics of civilization. That and a written alphabet are the 2 biggest. People actually have a need to believe in something like this, to make living this life on Earth something worth while. For a lot of people it answers the question about why we are here. And I am not referring to any particular religion. This refers to all religion. It gives people a sense of inner peace.

As far as Santa, The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Great Pumpkin and all these other characters, I don't see anything wrong with teaching kids about them. Have you ever seen the excitement on a child's face when they wake up in the morning and get a quarter for one of their teeth? Or when they find that egg they colored specially for Easter Sunday? Or they see the cookies left for Santa have been eaten and the only left are crumbs? It's amazing to see their faces light up. There is nothing like that in the world.

Let them believe in the magic for a while. Let them keep their innocence for a little longer. Because as soon as they learn Santa isn't real that starts to go away. Before long they are going to be asking the really hard questions about sex and boys/girls. And then that's it, they aren't the innocent angels we are so used to anymore. I think that is part of of what's wrong today. Everyone lost their innocence so young and now we are all so cynical.

Me, I keep looking for my pet unicorn.......
 Elmenreich
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 39
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:37:41 PM
Kids don't need magic. Parents just like telling kids about the Tooth Fairy because it's funny to watch them get all excited.
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 40
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:46:23 PM
It's not funny, it's adorable. And it is for the kids, whether you choose to believe that or not. If you don't want to raise your kids that way, that's fine. That's your choice. But I have a feeling that your child is going to grow up being very cynical and not believing in anything, including that people have some good inside them, and love. Because bot of those things are a little bit magical and innocent.
 olive2read
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 41
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:03:27 PM
Believe it or nor, it has in some cases caused a child to believe the parents lied. My ex used to say the same thing, and took it further to say that it made kids think that if parents lied about Santa, that they must be also lying about Jesus/God. I agreed with not teaching our dc about Santa, but never agreed with his reasoning... the year I left him, I was on a homeschool forum and this topic came up - it's a good sized forum with about 700 active members. About 10 of the people responded with this exact answer...that they were really upset their parents lied and that they also thought God wasn't real either. Truthfully, I was floored.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 42
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/5/2009 11:26:24 PM
We always did our own Christmas shopping separately after the divorce. The weird thing was my son always had at least 1 identical gift from each of us.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:41:26 AM

Kids don't need magic. Parents just like telling kids about the Tooth Fairy because it's funny to watch them get all excited.
I disagree... children need magic and dreams and shooting stars and wishes. I recall somewhere hearing that children that grow up in this kind of an environment have more active imaginations and do better in school and in the workforce than children that have grown up in an environment that is solely tangible. They're more successful in life.

The tooth fairy is a way to celebrate milestones in a child's growth... and it's beautiful to see a child's eyes light up with wonder and excitement.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 5:21:12 AM
Can you say control freak? Who wants an ex tell them how much they should or should not spend on christmas gifts, let alone gifts from santa? I know I would not! The only thing I have ever said to my ex about Christmas gifts was I got them or the grandparents got them X, Y or Z so she would not get them that also. An ex telling an ex to give or do anything seems way out of place. Support is a completely different issue and trying to link the two does not work and is not a good idea. OP get off the ex's back on this issue.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 6:31:13 AM
1. the act of agreeing or of coming to a mutual arrangement.
2. the state of being in accord.
3. an arrangement that is accepted by all parties to a transaction.
4. a contract or other document delineating such an arrangement.
5. unanimity of opinion; harmony in feeling: agreement among the members of the faculty.

Seems to me that they did not come to am agreement. Does not seem mutual, does not seem acceptable by all parties and I don't see the harmony, but it does seem like one of the parties was trying to push it on the other. Again remember we are only getting one side in the forums and it is often not the complet story.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 7:26:35 AM
"We've been divorced for 18 months. Things are new, we're figuring things out. I'm sad for you men who are bashing me and calling me controlling. I'd a bet a million dollars if you called my ex-husband today he wouldn't say I was controlling, he'd say we had a misunderstanding, but all is well now. It's too bad you and your ex-wives couldn't figure out a way to keep things harmonious to benefit your children. (although it seems to me by your personalities on the forums that perhaps your ex's would like to forget you ever existed!) "

Add to the controlling thing a bitter thing or may be it's an all made up a troll thing, but it is one of the two bitter or trolling; the controlling thing yep, that is still there. Perhaps (assuming your not just a troll) your ex would like to forget you ever existed. From what you have posted here I know most men would.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 9:16:00 AM
"Good thing you are on a free dating site, because with your standards, you are going to be here a LONG time."

And you are on what lol. Same free dating site, what do we call that? No your not bitter at all.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:52:17 AM
"I was on this free dating site for 6 weeks before finding my fiance"

WOW six weeks and you had a fiance. Yes, that sounds like the right amount of time to me lol. If you don't wish to be called controlling or bitter, don't act or post that way, but like you said "but you can't help yourself" can you. Because one more time your coming off as bitter.
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 55
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:08:54 PM

The good women are snatched up fast! Seems the pessimistic, bitter, mean and full-of-themselves men take a great deal longer to find a girlfriend.


OUCH



What if I just say I'm single because I'm too damn picky?
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:09:20 PM
"The good women are snatched up fast! " It would seem so are the bitter ones.

Remember lots of us don't date to find a LTR, lots of us are happy dating and don't want or need a LTR. For others well some times it's hard to control people without first being in a LTR and we know some one that has some control issues and needs don't we lol. You are too funny!
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 58
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/6/2009 12:19:10 PM
All you women who aren't snatched up fast and are therefore not "good" send a message to a pessimistic, bitter and mean man today. That way we can all match up and be "good" people together!!
 4UMaybe
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:58:13 PM
The kids are with me Christmas day so I always paid for the Santa gifts, wrapped and put them under the tree. X would buy presents also. My kids asked me once why I didn't get them any presents for Christmas and I said Mom was in charge of food, shelter and clothing. This past year my kids found out the truth about Santa. They both looked at me and said so MOM you bought all those presents???? I busted out laughing....Yes and I also ate the Chrismas cookies that you left for Santa also....

Make your life easy and buy the gifts. It will be much more peaceful that way.
 hay dair
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 67
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/15/2009 4:07:06 AM
thats awesome! sounds like something that would be said in my house! lol the last couple years ive made sure to ween my kids off the commercialism of christmas, and have told them santa only brings 1 present, its finally catching on, this year my 8 yo son is reminding my 5yo daughter, and she says oh ya,

i am a single mom, and university student and hate the thought of wasting money on toys or whatever that i end up donating come summer anyways,

so the past couple years ive tried to start a new tradition of taking them somewhere instead, like a snow boarding retreat, this year we are going to victoria,
my daughter asks weeks ago over dinner "what if santa doesnt find us" and i asked my son "ya what if he doesnt find us" and he replied ......"then itll be the worst holiday ever!!!" i snorted milk out my nose and laughed to myself. (looks like he may need some more reminding before christmas comes lol)

but at least it is only 1 present they will expect, and hopefully it will be the memories that are remembered, not the 1 gift! id rather spend money on a special holiday, since christmas is a full time mother/students' ONLY time off in a year

the ex can do whatever he wants, i give up trying to co-ordinate, cause it goes in and out, i do what i want, and the kids are lucky and grateful if there are more gifts, but are learning not to expect , we will be doing some volunteer stuff and sending christmas parcels overseas to less fortuneate
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 68
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/17/2009 11:23:02 AM
I'm so thankful that my kids are too old for "Santa", but he still seems to bring them a gift every year (usually the "family gift", like a new TV or video game that we share).

My youngest's dad gets him on Xmas Day, & I get him on the Eve every year (this is because his stepmom has a HUGE family get together, and my family seems to get tinier every year!) I usually spend a little more on my oldest, since his dad isn't in the picture and the youngest gets spoiled rotten by his.

I like the idea that one of the posters had about telling the kids Santa will stop at mom's AND at dad's house. You should buy your kids gifts from you and Santa and make your EX do his own dang shopping!
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/17/2009 12:23:09 PM
Christmas is difficult for us financially....two of the children have birthdays the last week of December and it adds up.

the focus for Christmas for me has always been the emphasis of time well spent together.

it's not about the gifts....although they do love the gifts.... I try to treat them yearound...and make the gift giving thing really take a backseat during Christmas.

I am flexible with visitation...it's not a competition .... my kids have plenty of the necessities....and get nice gifts from my parents....they go for quality not quantity... again...we try not to focus on the gifts and the monetary value or popularity or what their peers are getting or going for the holidays.

you have already shopped wisely...purchased the gifts... so.... your choice I guess...take them back if you can or suck it up.... take the hit on your wallet and lesson be learned for next birthday or Christmas. I hear you about the costs.... I have 3 kids too.
I am a thrifty bargain hunter for gifts.... I've had lots of practice.
 hay dair
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 71
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 11/17/2009 11:11:33 PM
wow empowered1 lol i told my kids santa only has room for 1 gift on his sleigh for allll the kids in the world, hope my kids dont run into your kids anytime soom ;) jk
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 72
Christmas is coming - how do you deal with Santa and your ex?
Posted: 12/12/2009 9:55:15 AM
Santa, come on... What's that crap about anyway? A silly, "mythological" figure dressed in red clothing. It has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas in the first place.

Anyway, it's a fact that a lot of as$holes use their kids as "weapons" to get somebody back into their life. I'm personally against the idea to celebrate Christmas together with an ex and use the same, old excuse - "it's for the kids." An ex is an ex and should remain that way in every single situation be it Christmas or a birthday. You can't move on with a new person if you can't shake off an ex, period.
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >