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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 468
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?Page 23 of 26    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)

I will try to initiate again and let you know how many guys don't consider it invitation to quick and easy sex. I would feel so lucky if I find even one. But we will see. :)

I have to say I've never experienced a lot of this - at least not in response to me making conversation. For the couple that have, they've learned quick that quick sex isn't on the menu - so experience pretty much shuts them up about it. No matter what they think is going on, when it doesn't pan out they just end up having to adjust their thinking.

There are some men who think every thing is an invitation to quick sex, including a warm breeze. That's not related to who initiates what.
 PetulantPrincess
Joined: 12/30/2009
Msg: 469
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:28:06 AM
maybe years ago this was the case, but now i would have to disagree. both men and women enjoy being persued and feeling desired/wanted. granted, i think that there are a different set of rules if the woman is going to be the one who persues, but as long as it remains ladylike and doesn't become agressive or sexual in nature, that it can be a positive thing for the woman to persue. as long as it remains subtle and gentle with no sexual undertones, i believe it's a good thing.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 470
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 10:47:12 AM

but as long as it remains ladylike and doesn't become agressive or sexual in nature, that it can be a positive thing for the woman to persue. as long as it remains subtle and gentle with no sexual undertones, i believe it's a good thing....

Absolutely...and the key words are 'ladylike', 'subtle' and 'gentle' . It's my thinking, that getting any bolder than that, will offend more old-fashioned men, and have the men who "think a warm breeze is a sexual invitation" thinking they are gonna get lucky in the VERY near future.
Rule book? Which edition? 1950s? The pre-HIV/AIDS book? Generation X?
My rule book only says "carry out your own dead."
Cindy O
 Blessedcutie
Joined: 1/8/2010
Msg: 471
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 12:57:19 PM
I personally don't believe that women should pursue a man. Pursuing is a man's job. There's nothing wrong with a woman smiling or providing some kind of indicator that she's interested but if a man isn't brave or confident enough to approach her, he's still a boy in my book. "Men hunt, women choose".
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 472
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:18:56 PM
Blessedcutie...I sort of agree with you, in that I don't care to be aggressive/blatant about initiating a potential romantic situation.
BUT-where you are gonna get disagreement is the "man's job" part. It's 2010, other than some physiology-dependent functions, the lines dividing "man's job"from "woman's job" have gotten pretty scuffed up and hard to discern,anymore. I've always held that the equal rights amendment was NOT meant to be about torpedoing social and cultural customs and constructs.And I still basically believe that, but OTOH, I can understand where men could be a bit dubious/wary about approaching/pursuing women, not knowing if he was letting himself in for a screamfest from a "feminazi", or having a woman over-react negatively and make him out to be a harrasser/stalker/jerk.
With the social changes and the blurring of the lines about gender roles, I think we probably are all more or less flying blind,and all anyone can do is behave according to their own best judgement and what feels right in any given situation.
Cindy O
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 473
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:24:55 PM
SOMEONE FORGOT TO SEND ME THE RULE BOOK

Well, there's the thing - there is no rule book, no one size fits all. Some women will bat their eyelashes and do that coy smiling thingy and some men will find that attractive because it makes them feel all manly-man-like because she looks like some fragile critter or whatever it is he figures when she does that (beats me - personally when I see it I think of gagging maggots). It may work in the "pursuing" stages, only for the guy to find out later that the coy act was just that - an act. Underneath it all and when he gets to know her, it's no longer about the batting of the eyelashes but more like she's like a bat from hell.

Then you may have a guy who will only be interested if a woman pursues him in an adult manner. You know, like going up to him and actually having a conversation that's intelligent. Which really isn't pursuing as such - it's just being an adult and sure of yourself as a person (woman or not) and that you likely have something more to go on than just looks and eyelashes, or on top of your looks and lashes. Face it, although men surely appreciate looks and lashes, it has to become pretty stale over time to be faced with simpering stupidity on a daily basis.

It can go from one end of the spectrum to the other and any degree in between, depending on what people have found worked for them in the past and/or their level of intelligence (or even lack thereof). Then again, there are those who are doomed to repeating the same process and figurig that if they have had many encounters because if it, that whatever they've been doing must work, and never wondering why they keep having to repeat it...the hint should be that they aren't able to sustain anything after the initial pursuit - no matter which gender is the initiator.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 474
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:27:58 PM
Men hunt and women choose????......... .....Please!!!

We all left the cave long long ago, and those tendencies and so called rules were abandoned when we left.

It is now equality of the sexes, and that goes for pursuing as well as being pursued, along with financial security, job status, owning of homes and property, on and on. I look for equality, and if that equality somehow MUST include me doing most if not all the work of pursuing, then I will just move on to the next person that truly is my equal.

I look at it much differently and believe that true confidence, and a positive attitude will mean that I should be approached as much as I approach others, and the so called "hunt" will be on an equal playing field, or the "game" is off.

I admire and want a woman that is as assertive and aggressive as I am, and knows how to use those skills as much as I do..........

cd........
 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 475
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/26/2010 1:57:46 PM

With the social changes and the blurring of the lines about gender roles, I think we probably are all more or less flying blind,and all anyone can do is behave according to their own best judgement and what feels right in any given situation.


While I wholeheartedly agree with this quote and most of this particular post ...I wonder what all the arguement the other day with the other poster was about...if as you say...anything goes...
 mslady434
Joined: 2/13/2010
Msg: 476
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:17:58 PM
YES.........Never let the man know.No matter how much you think he might be the man of ur dreams..play it cool...because showing him to much attention will send him straight for the border lol...just kinda ease ur way into it..dont wear ur heart on ur sleeve...tease his mind...
 nofear1
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 477
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/20/2010 1:07:06 PM
All of us should follow our own hearts. For too many, the chase is the goal, not the catching anyway. Both genders.
 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 478
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/20/2010 1:28:58 PM
For me, nothing beats both parties acting with an expressed and congruent purpose to an expressed and congruent goal. Everything else to me, ...is just a child's game.
 Radium_Girl
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 479
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/20/2010 1:32:02 PM
If I like a guy I will go after him, but I wont make it easy for him...
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 480
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/20/2010 2:51:29 PM
In response to the original post:

No, that's false.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 484
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/23/2010 6:36:15 AM
Yeah don't chase that man!

When your 65 and your alone with your 25 cats, you'll look back and think "god, im so glad I didn't chase after guys when I was younger"
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 485
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 2/24/2010 5:47:58 PM
When your 65 and your alone with your 25 cats, you'll look back and think "god, im so glad I didn't chase after guys when I was younger"


There are no guarantees - women are dumped by men they have pursued all the time.
I'd rather be alone with my cats than cater to a lazy, ambivalent man for the rest of my life. A woman that never settles down, marries, and has children isn't necessarily without any exciting and wild memories to think back on or living a solitary life.
 Mr1700
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 487
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/15/2010 10:46:55 PM
Its okay for a woman to pursue a man but she shouldn't be too aggressive. she should show she's interested and if he is interested he will show signs.
 OLIZAY
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 488
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/16/2010 11:03:04 AM
This is the wrong forum for women to have this attitude in, a dating website should require both to show the same amount of interest and effort. If women want men to persue them then meet men offline, no man with sense is gonna waste time chasing some woman who feels she should be pursued over the internet.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 489
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/16/2010 11:34:19 AM
a lot of emotionally healthy people would not find it enticing to be with anyone who was overly clingy/needy, of either gender... however, having someone show you that they find you desirable can be an attractive thing in itself (...especially if you find the other person attractive too, which can be the clincher...)
 calibersmom
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 490
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:41:12 PM
Good book to read... "Why men love ****es". Excellent advice
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 492
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 1:27:16 AM
yeah specialtreasure80
me too..
i am with you on this.
i used to be so old fashioned...
now i am changing a little, especially on line. its easier to send the first e mail on here.
i dont even mind if a person doesnt answer.
so much of this never gets past e mails anyway.
but i dont think i would call and ask for a date.
maybe i should try it sometimes...
because i can think of someone who i would like to see.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 493
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:29:41 AM
SpecialTreasure80 offers:


I'm old fashioned, as well. I think the man should do all of the initiating. Ofcourse, I do return messages and phone calls. Once in a relationship I would call and message. But, I noticed men like for women to be the aggresor these days. They want me to call and they want to be asked out on dates. I guess I better get with the times if I want to end up in a relationship.


And Ms Kailania offers her own agreement but I’d want to know just how well that rooted-in-the past is that working for either of you? Its somewhat obvious not very well since you’re both advertising here on POF. That’s not meant to be harsh or mean spirited but admitting something you possibly already know is self defeating with not much more than a thought perhaps better results can be obtained by being less stuck in the past doesn’t seem very heartfelt.

The women who go after someone they want at the minute might deal with more disappointments or “rejections” but rest assured they’re NOT sitting around wondering “what if...?” nor do they cling to prehistoric ideals supposedly taught to them. Women 40 and under most likely did NOT grow up in homes where this “do not pursue men....” was taught IMO. Funny how the women for whom this was a daily reminder seem to be just the opposite-----any correlation there? LOL From a lot of comments posted here the “you go, girl..” thing is instilled into the younger women and yet so many still say they’re “old school”---still seems at best a cop out.

Sit around and “think” how you’ll do things-----that’s not productive at all. Chances are such women won’t change and find “reasons” why they don’t or can’t. The results in their love lives will reflect that.
 sunflower208
Joined: 6/21/2006
Msg: 495
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History
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 11:36:48 AM
"PURSUE" MEANS TO ME IS "TAKE ACTION",LIKE PLAY CHASE GAME, TAKE THE FIRST MOVE,AFTER THAT IS CHLLENGE FOR BOTH PARTIES.I AM FROM THE MOST OLDEST COUNTRY AND...DOESN'T MEAN WE KNOW THE BEST.
LIFE'S ALONG IS A GROWING PROJECT,IT'LL NEVER STOP.
IN OUR WORLD THERE IS A LOT OF MISLEADING ABOUT HUMAN BEHAVIERS,AND YET MOST OF US DON'T REALY KNOW HOW AND WHY WE ACT THE WE ACT.GO FIGURE?WE ARE JUST WHOLE BUNCH LOST INDEVEDULES ARE BUNCING AROUND AND AROUND IN THIS WONDERFUL WORLD.DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY!
"PURSUE" OR "PURSUE NOT" ISN'T A BIG DEAL.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 496
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History
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 11:42:10 AM
I chase until they catch me.......and they chase until I catch them........now that is equality and the way it should be........

If you expect me to take the lead and do most if not all the work, you might as well move on, because that is just not going to happen. You want me, come and get me, and show me that you are willing to do half the work for half the potential relationship.

cd...........
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 497
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:05:05 PM
No, that’s not true. In our modern society that is what’s expected of a woman, and she should do it if it matches her personality.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me. If I had to be the one to initiate and pursue, it wouldn’t make me feel “warm and cozy” inside. I would keep having the feeling that I was not with a “real” man, but with some kind of a unisex person.
 Romantictoo
Joined: 5/21/2009
Msg: 498
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 3/19/2010 12:12:58 PM
I think it does depend on the individuals involved really. I've heard some men say they like being "pursued" (I don't like that word) and some say they'd rather be the pursuer. It takes a confident woman to approach a man first and not let rejection devastate her. Some men like this confidence in women, and some don't. We're all different in what we like or don't like.

In todays world, I don't feel it's all up to the man anymore. Like men say, why should they always have to put themselves out there and risk rejection? I also don't believe in just waiting for what I want to fall in my lap! That's just my personality and it's what has gotten me so far in life and enabled me to accomplish things. So, if I see someone who interests me, I will approach them. I won't keep approaching them though. Like someone said earlier, once you have expressed interest, it's up to them to reciprocate or not. If a man rejects you, there's a reason. I tell myself he doesn't like confident women. I don't take that as an insult. :)

Every relationship requires effort on BOTH parts. Us women also need to participate in the give and take of a relationship, so why not start right from the beginning? Aren't we flattered when a man approaches us? Why not flatter a man too? I think they like it just as much as we do even if we are not their type!
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