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 candysweet7
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 125
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?Page 4 of 26    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
well, well, well, if you lived closer, I would be chasing after YOU!!! lol
 Bluemoonman
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 127
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:01:54 PM
I think it's an interesting topic that varies with the age and maturity of the men and women. Living in Minneapolis, I know that men tend to be less "ballzy" when it comes to approaching women and at the same time for what I think of the men out on the east coast ( I could be outdated in my thoughts) think that every woman is going to be interested in them because they do approach.

I honestly believe that a woman should express interest in a man but as to whether or not she pursues him is rare. I do like a woman that doesn't play games that if I am interested and she is as well, we date! simple as that.

I'm not saying pursuing a man won't happen but it's typically been a man's position and if a woman is interested in a guy, she might want to consider pursuing him OR accept that it's not going to happen with him and be ok with being single. In this day and age, if I did nothing but sit back and wait for a woman to ask me out, I'd have bet everything I own on the fact that I'd be single for the rest of my life.

As a offensive note though, I think that if women were in our shoes trying to approach women and understand how many times we get shot down in our lives, they wouldn't be able to handle it. It's not a enjoyable thing to be repeatedly told by women that you're not acceptable to them to date. Women are used to being in the position to say yes or no to a guy. Women might not want to pursue because it's like saying they don't have the control of whether or not a man says yes or no. If she does pursue and a man says no, she's probably a confident woman that can deal with it
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 128
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:03:04 PM

I love that! Cheers, cd


Thank you Ms Splendere. If you weren't taken I would play tag, chase or surrender as the case may be. ;)


Would you please refrain from saying “we”. You do not speak for me. Never, in my entire life have I ‘enticed’ a man with food. Most men could care less about food when they are hot for a woman. Guys love to dine, but……..


To be honest... it may entice me. I am a food snob (sorry, it is just true). I have never dated a lady who had the food interest that I do. I can cook.... I mean... I really can cook. I don't mind being the cook of the house, but the notion of a lady cooking with me is kind of sexy, sensual... erm... kind of a dream.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 130
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:12:31 PM
Would you please refrain from saying "we". You do not speak for me Never ,in my intire life I 'enticed a man with food. Most men could care less about food when they are *hot* for a woman. Guys love to dine but...


You are not in my mind when I said *WE* I did not even know that you existed, Dahlin,
Some of us ,enticed food to cares a man's stomach to get in to is heart... And some of us women entice fooood to caress a man's lower stomach to get to his wee wee, I don't want to do that,it makes ME like a New York Taxicab...
 smiles2you
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 131
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:44:41 PM
I actually read that book, "The Rules" and couldn't believe what they said. I knew then I was screwed (figuratively) if that's what I needed to do to get and keep a man.

Shortly after that came out another book called "The REAL Rules", and boy was that a keeper! The author counterpointed everything said in the first book, and went on to give wonderful advice, the most important thing is being HONEST with other people and yourself. I highly recommend The Real Rules to everyone looking for dating advice, men and women.

To answer the question posed in the original post, I think a woman should do what they are comfortable doing. If she has no problem pursuing a man, then go for it. If she is scared to make first contact, then so be it. Either way, she has to be prepared to accept the consequences of her actions. Having been shy all my life, I find it hard to be the pursuer, but I'll let a guy know if I'm interested and wait to see what his reaction is. I'll even make the first follow-up call after a date, but if he isn't calling me, or is vague as to when he'll call, then it's good-bye. However if he continues to show interest, I will continue to do the same. If things aren't progressing at the rate I think they should, I'll evaluate the situation to determine if I need to be more aggressive, or if I need to back off and let him make the next move. The hard part seems to be in figuring out if he's just shy, or not that into you.
 smiles2you
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 132
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:48:18 PM
I actually read that book, "The Rules" and couldn't believe what they said. I knew then I was screwed (figuratively) if that's what I needed to do to get and keep a man.

Shortly after that came out another book called "The REAL Rules", and boy was that a keeper! The author counterpointed everything said in the first book, and went on to give wonderful advice, the most important thing is being HONEST with other people and yourself. I highly recommend The Real Rules to everyone looking for dating advice, men and women.

To answer the question posed in the original post, I think a woman should do what they are comfortable doing. If she has no problem pursuing a man, then go for it. If she is scared to make first contact, then so be it. Either way, she has to be prepared to accept the consequences of her actions. Having been shy all my life, I find it hard to be the pursuer, but I'll let a guy know if I'm interested and wait to see what his reaction is. I'll even make the first follow-up call after a date, but if he isn't calling me, or is vague as to when he'll call, then it's good-bye. However if he continues to show interest, I will continue to do the same. If things aren't progressing at the rate I think they should, I'll evaluate the situation to determine if I need to be more aggressive, or if I need to back off and let him make the next move. The hard part seems to be in figuring out if he's just shy, or not that into you.
 x_file_
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 134
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:14:13 PM
This again... damn it!

Deliberate avoidance of something natural is a red flag. There better be a damn good reason for such avoidance. And since no woman, that I know of, has offered a true insight into why women should not make their interest known, I must conclude, it is for selfish reasons - which is not a good way to start a relationship. Such women should be avoided like the plague assuming a man wants a decent relationship and no additional or unnecessary headaches.



I have several friendships that started because someone fed someone. But I'm a little weird... so it could just be me.


It's not just you! I have a weak spot for good food. I have "cook-friends" - friends that I like to cook with. Go figure!
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 136
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:19:03 PM
Something that might assist the fellas here invaluably.

From my limited experience, if you do not contact or speak females, they will usually not contact or speak with you.

(Just looking at a profile doesn't always cut it, you have to actually say something. Just be careful and read the profile well before you do, and even then expect surprises but generally there are plenty of really, really, really, nice people out there... whether they are our type or not. Great friends are invaluable too.) Anyways just say something if you are interested, worse that can happen is a thanks but no thanks. No fishing, no fish.. feed a man for a day and he will hunger tomorrow, teach him how to fish and ..oops sorry wrong analogy.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 137
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:34:44 PM
Ladies,if you are enterested go ahead and let the guyknow-- this isn't your grann'ys world anymore.You may be rejected,ignored,or rebuffed,but it's no big deal .Just keep on fishing,


This sounds good advice, thanks but no thanks, I won't kill myself running and pursuing a man with my high heels, I would rather lift up my skirt to show him my pair of legs and if he is not leg man, then I'll bent a little to show him my pair of tits ,then I will catch him with my big net catcher... but if he is not a leg man ,I'll show him my azz ,and I'll smack his head to be enterested in Tits& Azz..


 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 138
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:40:47 PM
Redundant subject for sure.

That's fine women. Sit back and be pursued. The guys that pursue you are probably not going to be the ones that you would choose if you were the pursuer. I don't see the OP's line of thinking as liberating for women. It's rather archaic. A woman who makes some kind of effort will have get a better look than one that does not.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 140
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:00:50 AM
msg:195.

Well, my observation,from some girlfriends who are aggressives,their men are like butterflies, easy come easy go, and what they are getting are not the" he-man,"I know what I am talking about, because I was a nightclub/bar bum not a wino, but a show down dancer..

My style is archaic, humm,but it is still effective on 2009 ,this technique is used by car dealers, all over the world a "display of beauty and chassis". since men thinks that women are like cars.....

I'm one of *those women* who will not reduce a strong man big man into a cute tiny kitty,mentality. In other words I will not be the one ( the delicate me),who will be aggressive and he the strong,brute is passive...

yew4ic You tell 'em girlfriend hehehe
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 141
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:17:31 AM
Wazhiz girlfriend, we've been forumite for a long time, my observation of women are in clubs ,parties, ect.ect.. (Iwas a dancer in show biz) with my own eyes. Some of my threads I said it in a jest but really there is some truth in it..

Dahlin,I saw what I said and I mean what I said... I am not good on webbing hearsy,or theories ,I always base my materials on experienced and observation on people around me.. Even on rendering some jokes for intertainment...




 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 142
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:49:53 AM
" What kind of women do you hang out with? Gives me the visual of an old woman waving a hundred dollar bill &a young woman holding her dress up over her head,while "yoo whooo fellows here I am"Geez!


I hang out with all kinds of women from all walks of life, from Nun to Hookers... I am the reincarnated Jesus who is not selective when it comes to friendship, and I also hang out with men..LOL but I am my own woman.

Yes,some older women really are generous to some men, just to have barah boom barah bang.. and those girlfriends pity me 'cause I am not doing their" fixed".
Those younguns giving their* soul* for the love or money of men..... to have a meaningful and easy life.. But in general we are all very LOVING WOMEN CREATURES ,some needs to be decipline ,put them in their right place to discover that love inside her....
 strollinbella
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 143
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:09:33 AM
IRL I see nothing wrong with pursuing a man, though I feel that multiple texts and or phone calls just might be interpreted as stalking. If there has been absolutely no indication of interest on his part, I would not ask him out/chat him up.

One man I dated for two years had just recently become divorced when we met. Over the course of several months we progressed from chatting on the bus to meeting for coffee or taking his dog for a walk. It was crystal clear, through his words and actions, that he was interested in me. Thought I would take it slow, let him get used to the idea of dating again. When I couldn't take it any more, I asked him out for coffee, which he immediately "upgraded" to a dinner date. It is quite possible that many more months would have passed before he asked me out, so I am glad I "took the bull by the horns" so to speak.
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 144
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 10:02:44 AM
Ms Key Player


What about a lady who has had no appreciable cooking instruction, but enjoys being creative and has actually managed to make some fairly decent goodies?


That most definately counts! I think the interaction and sensuality, as well as the desire to share the interest and time are the point. Who wouldn't want to partake in those goodies. ;) For the couple to continue to entice each other with these kinds is much of the joy.

This, by the way, is an area where even the women who are saying they won't make the first move sometimes really do. Imagine a woman who will never initiate anything in the interaction. She not only won't ask the man on a date, but expects him to pick the resteraunts all the time, expects him to say where they are going on vacation, expects him to always be the sexual initiator.... yuck. I can tell you that this gets old fast and it kills the libido.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 148
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:14:25 PM
^^^^ If that's all you got, that's some pretty lame "flirting". No wonder your success is modest at best.


Sure, I could be advised to flirt, but I'm SO BAD at it!

Most all women these days are bad at it, because they've been indoctrinated to believe it's beneath them to do so. In short, they've got no game, and have talked themselves in numerous ways into believing this is a Good Thing.

If you do a web search on the term "female game" you'll turn up nothing on flirting/seduction, but lots on video games (and one female game wardern). Nothing could say it all better than that.
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 150
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:19:18 PM
Ms Key Player


The OTHER reason I think it's perfectly fine for women to make the move is this: what if I see someone I want to know better? Am I really supposed to shut up and wait until he notices me?..... .... If I'm passive about my love life, I will not likely attract the ones I want. I will be approached much more often by men who don't interest me.....


This is a simple matter of good reasoning, numbers and availablity. It is a common sense that I think may be lost on some people. If you take a section of a population that interacts that has an equal number of males and females (which would represent most places in the world), then you leave the mating initiative up to the males, each one will ask out a certain number and then stop. The members of this number will be partly arbitrary, and will include a fraction of the whole. Other individuals in the section may not get a chance even though they are a better fit. It is basically a lottery... though a few individuals may hold more tickets.

IF a lady is willing to make a first move now and again she expands her perspectives considerably on the numeric front. Not only that, she also expands her perspectives on the quality front since she has more say in the attributes on her mate.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 155
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/9/2009 11:05:36 PM
yew4ic said:

No, you have that backwards. The ones that I have to pursue are not my type, and therefore I don't pursue them. There are a few areas in life where I want the man to be more aggressive. This is one of them.


I understand. Your way works for you and that's fine. I'm only trying to add a different viewpoint since what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for everyone else.

Pursuing doesn't necessarily mean aggresive pursuit. We aren't suggesting something such as wrapping your arms around some guys ankle until he agrees to go out with you. Years ago it could mean something as subtle as dropping a hanky to bring attention to ones self.

If I am in a place where a woman works I won't make a pass at a woman. I consider it harrassment. That has nothing to do with being " a man" and everything to do with being respectful. There is nothing wrong with a woman letting a man know she is interested. Many women are already involved in relationships and don't want to be harrassed by a man every time they turn a corner.

On the flip side a woman can be aggressive and if the guy doesn't care for her it probably wont go any further.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 156
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 4:01:53 AM
I used to live by this rule... never pursue a man more than he pursues me.....well I still live by that rule....... I do initiate contact with men, and get very very good responses..... but I dont chase them. I will definitely make the first move, and like I said, it works very well for me..... but if a man is not all that interested, I will not chase him. I will not pursue a man more than he pursues (John Gray's Advice on Men Are From Mars/ Women Are From Venus).....but that doesnt mean not to initate contact. It means dont chase him .... dont call sometimes... make it look like he is not your whole world, let him chase you... that sort of thing. I initiate... but never chase....
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 157
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:55:43 AM
Msg:213, Splendere >> "Touche'

I am not empressed on your showing off as LA DI DA , if you can not decipher and understand a silly joke, then you can not understand a man. That word* untelligible* you sling on me personally BACKFIRES on you.. ~~~" men are hot on women~~~ on your thread tho it is a bit satire ,I thought it was funny, and a good punchline and I throw a pun on your line, for jest.......

This forum is a poor man's party, we are here to enjoy and have fun on debate/tete a tete on any topics with others, the bottom line here is connecting with each other WITH OUT dressing up ,bringing gifts ,spending on gas car going to a c*cktail party or dinner party to mingle with people..yes , you do not think like me, because I don't understimate the mentality and dignity of others... I TALK THE TALK serious or not.. Vannili
PS. my curiosity is piqued on your social score ,if you are in a party with people, do you look down on them and attack them personally to make your point that you are better than any one else ? Or their sense of humor is not your cup of tea, do you bite their head off ???
I don't apologize of being me that>> I am not a boring person and I don't create hostility...
,
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 158
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:21:58 AM
funtunes,
Thanks for your input. Perhaps, my exposure of show biz when I was young makes my world small, I have self confidence on approaching men like I know them for a long time, it is easy for me to engage them in a nice lively conversation at the park,supermarket ect.. of some visual comments.

Personally ,I don't pursue men, even in my hottie days, but I am friendly to them with my smiles when we happen to have an eye contact..
PS Isent some emails on some pof commenting on their dogs, profiles to break the ice..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 160
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:21:36 AM
Men have strong sixth/horse sense ,but I wonder why they don't make a living like some women does ,Psychic/fortune tellers,,,, LOL! Men don't deny!!

If that certain woman, is attracted to them and it is mutual their radar is like an X ray and vacuum and they easily pick it up.. That is how I read men...

If a woman is attracted to a man(no one can hide their feelings when it comes to attractions) and the man don't make a move, it is not that they really wanted to be chase ,obviously they are not enterested and they'll hit a woman as an easy lay , and she got what she ask for it.. it is a scenario of " don't call me, I'll call you"... this just me....

>>>>Some foras think I am a man , truly I don't need to be a man to understand a man...<<<< PS I am not bias to women who pursue a man, and I am happy for them if that makes them" tick"....... what works for them doesn't work for me... this is just an individual matter.....
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 161
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:57:15 PM
Ms Splendere


I have dated a man who also thinks like this…..but, I have dined at some of the finest restaurants in NYC, L.A., Miami, etc………..and never has a home cooked meal compared to extraordinary, stellar gourmet chefs. They also have access to superior meats, fish and produce that are not available to us. Don’t get me wrong, I love home cooking and I am an accomplished cook; anyone can be if they can read and have a great sense of smell and taste.


Ah yes... I don't claim to be that that level for sure but I do know my roux from my mirepoix and I could make good use of your pots. Beside the skill factor and the access to better ingredients that you point out, there is also a psychological factor. My brother (who is an actual chef and has worked in some of those upscale restaurants in NYC such as the Mesa Grill and the Russian Tea Room) is the first to point out that if he makes the exact same dish at home that he would at work people will not percieve it as being at quite the same quality even though it is.

Vannili


Men have strong sixth/horse sense


And yet the vast majority of men are notoriously oblivious as to whether a woman in interested or not. I think this lends weight to Key Player's point about waiting for men.
 cdbergerac
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 163
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:57:55 PM
Ms Yew4ic


cdberg[[[There will be at least one woman who has no problem approaching that man (online or in person). All the other women waiting for that guy to approach them will be left wondering what the hell happened.]]]]


Please be more careful if you connect my moniker to a quote.
 acuddler
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 165
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 11/11/2009 3:53:19 AM
If she lives under the Taliban, and wishes to avoid being stoned to death, yes...she should not persue a man. Some boys need the challenge of the chase,and the feeling of being in control, to remain interested. Men don't worry about such things.
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