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 AUTHOR
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 347
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?Page 7 of 26    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
"IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?"


only if you live in medieval times....
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 348
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/1/2010 1:36:48 PM
Only if I can Boink him over the head "Cavewoman Style" with a rolled up newspaper and drag him off to my wonderland of merriment.

But, I think there are laws against that.........awwww, the running and chasing game of and the pursuit of men and women. I hope what you are chasing is worth having!!
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 354
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:06:41 PM

It seems the same men who are flattered that a woman pursues them are then complaining a ways down the road that the woman is constantly demanding of their attention, calls them and texts them 8 times a day, or "she's too into me"... I'm telling you guys, be careful what you wish for!
Geez, it's not difficult to discern the difference between discrete pursuit and stalking behavior. Or to understand the difference between showing confidence and security to your partner by communicating what's on your mind versus being insecure and needy.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 357
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/1/2010 10:19:22 PM

Geez, it's not difficult to discern the difference between discrete pursuit and stalking behavior. Or to understand the difference between showing confidence and security to your partner by communicating what's on your mind versus being insecure and needy.


It's really a matter of the man's perspective. After physical intimacy has been established many men change their tune significantly.
Question: What is the difference between a stalker and an admirer? Depends on what they look like, right?
 fla2004
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 360
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:59:56 AM
I once read a quote that said something like:
If it takes a woman 1 second to notice a man, it takes a man 1/10 of a second to notice her"
It seems to me, I know pretty quick if there is a mutual chemistry between myself and another, or not...I also think men are kind in not sending out 'come hither 'messages, when no interest exists. ..safes us both a bit of unesiness and has , in my experience, left the door open for a friendship to develope,

Happy Fishing everyone, in the New Year....=)
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 364
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 11:35:26 AM
I have usually been rejected after I have persued someone, only after he gave me signs that he would like to get to know me again i.e. actually says this or calls me, but when I have called them back or persued them in person they have almost always acted disinterested. This leads me to believe that the men I have encountered were either playing games and/possibly saying this to several women and someone else got to him first, or needed an immature ego boost by seeing if a woman would persue.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 365
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:16:34 PM
I have found that men prefer to pursue. That's just me though.
There are over 400 posts on this thread and few men have said they prefer to pursue.
Actually, I think most men prefer not to be 100% pursuers. True some pure alpha male types want to dominate their woman. Most men aren't alpha males. Of this majority, I think they want some sort of give and take. Personally I like to pursue ON OCCASION and on occasion BE PURSUED. That is RECIPROCATION.

It's always nice to feel pursued so I'd think it best it work both ways. Being the only one doing the chasing can leave the chaser feeling that maybe they're the only one interested.
BINGO, here we have a winner. I say keep the "chase"-type behavior to a minimum--it certainly shouldn't be the predominant behavior in the relationship, that's for sure. ON OCCASION it's ok. It keeps things interesting and prevents things from getting stale.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 366
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:40:38 PM
Read the book The Rules since it was given to me...It did say not to call a man back if he phones. This is rude and would not like someone to treat me like this, so I do not do it back. However, it is mans instinct to like a challenge, since they are by nature HUNTERS. It could get exhausting for them though with time and they will just give up. GIRLS---don't be too easy to change your schedules if the man you are interested in meeting just happens to call. Be true to thine own self. Alot of women will cut their best friends throat for a man or what he brings into the relationship. This man may have alot of networks that could help them advance in their jobs (power), he may have $ which will benefit them if they should end up with him, or he may have good looks (that is like an ornament on their arm)---to fit in with their peers. Women are sometimes stupid! Just to fit in or gain power---they will drop their friend and screw them over for a man. This is pathetic!!! Don't think that the man doesn't see this! Men want a virtuous woman, who is sincere, honest, caring and giving. They notice when you do not treat others kindly or you drop all your plans for that day to be with them. This is a turn-off for most men. If you treat your friends like this---how will you treat them with time? Women should keep their plans and be loyal to their female friends, live right and do the right thing and men will notice. WAKE UP GIRLS......We need to stick together...I love men, but it seems to be that men have lost the knack of how to treat women with respect and honor.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 367
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 1:05:22 PM
Men want a virtuous woman, who is sincere, honest, caring and giving. They notice when you do not treat others kindly or you drop all your plans for that day to be with them. This is a turn-off for most men.
The only turnoff I see in this sort of scenario is if I invite a lady out, she tells me she had already made what she deems to be some sort of interesting plan that clearly isn't better than my idea, something that could easily include me; she either summarily rejects my invite, and/or doesn't both to consider including me in her plan, and/or doesn't even consider rescheduling her activity if it is easily rescheduled (something like non-imperative personal shopping).

Playing hard to get just to play a second or third level mind game thinking this is going to entice a guy is only going to work if the lady is really hot or if the guy for a weird reason enjoys being pussy-whipped.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 368
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 1:50:23 PM
... I will find subtle ways to let him know it.

Sounds just like playing coy to me.

Instead of sending out "vibes" or nebulous "signals", I think almost all guys would prefer a woman make a very clear indication that she has an interest -- like asking the guy to work out with them, or run with you when you go jogging, or give you a hand cooking or building something, etc. Something definite that involves a plan of action, not mere sentiment.
 Horus_MCMLXX
Joined: 6/2/2008
Msg: 369
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 2:06:02 PM
I believe what your friend told you sounds like a bit bogus "pop psychology" I will Initiate contact with someone one time only and will reply to a subject once only, anything beyond, I have given up and assumed that they have moved on to the usual desire, #1 ready made money bags #2 The Mangina Beta Douche Bag that ABC, NBC and CBS has many American women falling in love with. #3 Cougar bait! OMG, we will see a new generation of downs syndrome kids. Thanks again mainstream media!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 372
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 2:44:51 PM

3 Cougar bait! OMG, we will see a new generation of downs syndrome kids.

A true "cougar" is looking for sexual fun with a younger guy, and either is past reproduction, or smart enough to be preventing pregnancy. Being born to older women is not a guarantee of birth defects or developmental disabilities. Younger mothers also have Downs Syndrome babies. This post is just another person who isn't doing well with dating, and is whinging about it.
Finding good dating/relationship prospects these days is a tough gig. Just because you are a more or less normal,decent human being doesn't count for a whole hell of a lot. LTRs and marriages are very rewarding but not always easy to obtain/sustain. If everybody quit thinking that their presence on the planet and having sex organs ENTITLES them to a pair bond, maybe their would be fewer headf*cked people pissing in the dating pool. Not saying anybody should just totally give up, but fer gawd's sake get REAL. Nobody here , myself included, is God's gift to the opposite gender, across the board. Again. that doesn't mean 'without hope'...there's no pot so ugly there ain't a lid to fit it, and for every seat there's an ass.
But building up this huge block of blame and carrying it around on your shoulder like the proverbial chip solves nothing.
Is it true a woman shouldn't pursue a man? Who the hell knows. That answer varies. Doesn't anybody use their own senses, intuition, judgement and common sense anymore? Whatever happened to "no guts no glory?"
There are a few things that are "true" about men, women and dating. Men have penises. Women have vaginas. Other than that, the only "rule" is;
Carry out your own dead.
Cindy O
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 374
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:46:27 PM
True, if men would be honest. Some of use are not dumb as rocks, or maybe we are...when a man says he is attracted to me and is interested, then he runs, seems as if he needs to realize he might be have multiple personalites, or is just a lying dog.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 375
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:51:16 PM

But in real life, alot of them will run if you act interested and/or "pursue" them. Big difference.
Why would a woman waste her mental energy wondering why a dude she was initially attracted to, a dude who potentially MIGHT like her, reject her pursuit. One of two things going on here:
1. He ain't attracted to her. Imagine that--not all men are attracted to you!
2. He's a mental midget who summarily dismisses the advances of women who pursue him. No loss here for the woman--he's not worthy of knowing you. Next.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 376
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/2/2010 4:30:32 PM

But in real life, alot of them will run if you act interested and/or "pursue" them.

It's not the acting interested and/or pursuing them itself, but rather the way it's done.

Lots of women are plenty clumsy and hamhanded at these things, due to lack of practice and experience. Not to mention those who are just plain scary due to caddishness, or some such disagreeable personality aspect. With some people it's more expedient to try and discreetly slip away without being noticed than it is to stay and feel uncomfortably pestered.

IOW, it's a bit presumptuous to think just because a woman is pursuing a guy that she's got a guaranteed 100% success rate, else there's something wrong with the guy.
 Ron429
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 377
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IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 9:02:48 AM
I don't see why not. They try to control, manipulate, and extract anything they can from a gullible male, and usually the only thing they have going for them is what's between their legs, and perhaps some easy on the eyes stuff. Besides that they're pretty much all about themselves and I don't see why they shouldn't pursue a man. They grab everything else they can find that's easy and free for them
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 379
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 9:34:44 AM
By all means, please pursue.
You've got to make yourself known one way or another; and most guys don't pick up on subtle hints.
 just4- 4ums
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 382
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 10:28:35 AM
I must admit the few women I have had in my life, and there were just a few, that THEY were the agressors. I used to be quite shy and it really took a womens pursuence to get me to respond. Now today at the ripe age of 60 it is a different story. Women find it safer to be around me if they have a can of mace near by.
Frankly I like it when a woman takes an agressive stance. It sort of tells me that she is confident and knows what she wants. I always take a women who doesn't show any interest as just that....I DON'T INTEREST HER. Sooooo, I never persue a gal like that any further. Besides, if you think about the original question being asked here it is really a dishonest way for anyone to act. If you want to get to know someone then be honest enough to tell them. Anything short of that is silly game playing.
 just4- 4ums
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 383
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 10:34:58 AM
Posted: 1/15/2010 1035 PM
Women hope to mask their insecurities by standing behind the traditional rhetoric (and more importantly outwardly proclaiming it to men that this is logic behind their action) that a 'woman should wait for a man to pursue; because if a woman pursues a man, she is seen to be desperate and cheap, and subsequently the man will run for the hills'. >>>Maybe the reality is that it is just the men whom aren't attracted to the woman who are the ones to 'run for the hills' from her? And that the dependency on this tradition is more just a safe-haven for women to hide away from the task of risking rejection? Why is that possibility not given much play? -For instance: Couldn't a generally unattractive man make a similar assertion regarding the reaction he gets from women? ''It's been my experience that women don't like when men initiate or pursue them. Every time i've done it, the women get all weirded out. So from this experience, i've ascertained that women instead like to be the pursuers." ? Why can't a man who has had unfavorable results pursuing women be supported in making that same, defensive claim- attributing and deflecting blame away from the possibility of his own unattractiveness as a mate? Or do women feel that they themselves are the sole possessors of the right to dependency and reactive behavior, at which it becomes the onus of 'everyone else' to adjust to compensate for women's own futilties and weaknesses?

Please put your thesorasis down and explain to me what the heck you were supposed to have just said....confused
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 384
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 10:59:31 AM
I don't see why not. They try to control, manipulate, and extract anything they can from a gullible male, and usually the only thing they have going for them is what's between their legs, and perhaps some easy on the eyes stuff. Besides that they're pretty much all about themselves and I don't see why they shouldn't pursue a man. They grab everything else they can find that's easy and free for them


gullible male = someone thinking with the wrong head. Happens all the time and men justify their ignorance by saying they're "visual" creatures. Time to start looking at character and substance, boys.


Anyone who's watched a reality show where several women compete for one man sees what ridiculous fools they make of themselves. For example the Bachelor last night - one of the women had decided that her kiss would win him over - she was very aggressive and he did not respond or welcome it at all. Can you say, awkward? Before there is any pursuing to be done, one should pick up on the nonverbal cues. Only a bimbo chases after a man that doesn't welcome her advances. I have never been that desperate that I wanted to compete for a man.
 just4- 4ums
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 385
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 11:27:49 AM
I have never been that desperate that I wanted to compete for a man


No, but you like watching those moranic TV shows where they pit bimbo against bimbo for some male bimbo so he and she can get married and raise little bimbets.
Remember the EGO..... It wants to just be accepted. That is it's only reward.
Watch more national geographics. You'll learn more about the REAL world that way.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 386
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 12:04:59 PM
I already understand animal behavior. I prefer a man who overides his animal instincts with the ability to reason using his intellect.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 389
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 12:38:21 PM
What I'm not so sure of is: are there women who are rejected who keep at this process like men do???

Yeah, I'm with WH on this. What process? Seeking out someone to complete you? To me, the guy comes BEFORE the process, not as a result of it. If there's not already a guy in the picture to make an effort getting to know, why break a sweat over it trying to "put" or "place" a guy in my sights?

Dating isn't a required activity in life, unless/until it becomes a way of getting to know someone that's already there in front of you as a natural occurence. It's incidental to someone interesting crossing your path, not a search or mission.

For men it seems to be a mission, and it seems to be a given that they be on it, constantly - and sometimes annoyingly. I don't identify with that at all.
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 392
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 5:51:38 PM
I like old threads. Pursue a man? Why?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 393
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/19/2010 8:10:22 PM

BDJ...

Me thinks that...WIP and wild...are assuming that men who go thru this process are continually contacting the same woman over and over...I liken the process to sales...for every no one recieves he's that much closer to a yes...imo...I've no idea what other do...but, I take the no response as a decline of interest and just move on to the next...as "there are so many fish in the sea"

I was talking about women in general. Why the constant search for "a" woman? Even if you are moving on every time you hear a no - why continue to seek someone to date rather than just choosing to date if/when a woman comes along that does it for you?

And surprisingly enough...I think you've made a valid and coherent point...that "some" women look at an attempt at contact as desperate...yet, are will to put forth no effort in making contact...leaving the living to thase that chose to live...and wiling away their days posting about how desperate men are who "chose" to work within this framework that on-line-dating (hereafter, called O.L.D.) presents.

I agree that a woman isn't desperate if she shows interest and initiates/approaches a man in general. I think anyone of either gender is desperate if they choose to compete or chase someone. Being with someone shouldn't be THAT big of a deal that you have to actually seek an object of affection and/or break a sweat trying to catch one. If it is, maybe the mindset is in the wrong place.
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