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 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 434
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?Page 9 of 26    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
^^^^ I seem to know a lot of women who use or used that tactic to snare a man. The women could write a book about being passive/aggressive and playing dumb, but the men seem to worship the ground they walk on, buy them lots of things, and let the women call the shots in the relationship. Not my cup of tea, maybe that is why I am alone.
 Mimosa40
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 435
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/23/2010 8:25:05 AM
In the old days but now these are modern times and woman deinitely pursue men they chase just like men but not me o course im old fashion
 starie_nite_123
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 439
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/23/2010 11:00:12 PM
OMG, maybe I am just too progressive for most people on here.. But really I think that it is 2010 not 1950. If a person wants to pursue a relationship with someone then I don't think gender matters. I mean what is the worst that can happen they say "NO". I think women should initiate a relationship if they want to start one with someone.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 442
view profile
History
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 4:27:38 AM
Message 581 is one of the purest examples of female sexism I've ever seen.

Men who pursue women will disappear and dump the girls just as readily as ( and probably more ) than men who have been pursed. Do you really think that once a man has won the object of his hearts desire, he is incapable of deciding it wasn't worth the effort afterall, and go looking elsewhere ?

There is absolutely nothing which guarantees the success of any relationship at any time. Pursued or pursuer has nothing to do with it.

Women say they want equality, then start showing it girls .
I think you will find that those women who take an active responsibility for their relationships are happier in them.
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 443
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 7:49:57 AM
Rock:

Women don't read books. When we glance into them slightly its a reinforcement of what we already know through experience. Men like to pursue. I've never pursued a man. It's all about a man having confidence to show the interest and a woman being receptive or not. Since men are so obsessed with what a female looks like, they should make the choice initially because I can only imagine what it would be like to feel obligated to be with someone (man point of view) because this chick isn't your idea of "hot" which initially means EVERYTHING to men.
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 444
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:16:35 AM
CW:

I have a very mature outlook on men. A man's first initial response of attraction is if a woman is "hot" enough to in the future screw. Everytime I've been approached initially by a man its because of physical. You have such a pretty face. Your skin is porcelain, blah, blah, blah. That is fine as long as men don't feed any BS sessions like they do in here like, I really liked a woman's mind from across the room. Yeah right.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 446
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:21:20 AM
^^^^She knows what she and a lot of other women have experienced on POF regarding appearance being everything. If I was a hot looking young thing I would possibly receive many messages even though my profile says here for the forums. The men who look at appearance as the end all do not have immature viewpoints? Men who view appearance as part of the woman's entire package so to speak , and who view dating as getting to know someone and not being persued or persuing are the rare gems many of us cannot seem to meet.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 447
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:38:08 AM

Message 581 is one of the purest examples of female sexism I've ever seen.

And I for one AGREE with that. I also felt it was patronizing, condescending and a horrible insult to men...painting them as p*ssy-addled overgrown little boys out to grab the goody and run, until he encounters a woman" skilled" in the art of using sex as a carrot on a stick.
And all these women crying because they "had sex too soon"? Hey, a lot of times men and women meet, date a few times and the interest just doesn't sustain, REGARDLESS of whether they shared sexual intimacy or not. ( of course, it's SO EASY to write the guy off as just looking for quick nooky if a dating situation fizzles out BEFORE the horizontal hula happens)
I'm not saying that there AREN'T "get the goody and run" guys out there, but mesg 581 makes the entire male gender sound like p*ssyhounds who can be led into compliance with the program by their d*cks.
Yeah, a woman who blatantly and boldly pursues men may still be something of an anomaly and if she has the courage and self assurance to deal with some odd reactions and unpredictable outcomes, I say "you go girl!" For the lady who can be comfortable with clearly ENCOURAGING a guy to 'pursue', but doesn't feel right with completely flipping the script, I say the same thing..."You go girl!"
And to the ultra-traditional woman who just can't feel at home in her own skin if she does anything more than wait to be asked", I also say "You go girl".
I don't advocate for ANYBODY to make a huge leap out of their comfort zone, but hey, if it's not getting the results you want, why not push the edges of your own "meeting and dating" envelope?
Cindy O
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 448
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:42:26 AM
Women don't read books.

Well, now I know what to do with the two bookcases full of books I have collected over the years. Give them to men. I have read books most of my life, but it's because I never got the memo. I'll have to make sure I don't mention it in conversation. My school bookstore is really in for a shock when they find this out.

BTW, the rule about not accepting a date in less than 3 days isn't so far fetched for women who have a life. Those that do can't accept a date in that short notice anyway because their calendars are already full. The rule was written for women who either have nothing to do and wait for dates to fill their time, or women who drop everything when a man makes a date, both of which will set a bad tone when it comes to someone respecting you.

It's obviously better to have a life than to fake a life - but for some faking a life was better than what they were doing. There are women who simply don't understand that having a life and not over prioritizing a man, especially one they barely know isn't healthy and doesn't start them on a good foot - so it's just better to throw a hard and fast rule at them to follow.

Do men like to pursue? Yes and no. I feel that most don't mind if they know it's going to work, and as long as it's not the tone of the entire relationship and the woman at some point is going to step to the line and participate. What men don't like is to have to pursue before knowing if a woman is interested. So I think initiate or make interest known is a better way to put it. If you (male or female) let someone know you have interest and you allow the other person to process and then declare mutual interest should they have any, then how can you go wrong?

People have to stop fearing someone else won't be interested back - it's what causes people to do things like chase without caring if someone likes them or never make a move to begin with. So what if they aren't interested back? This is life. I'd MUCH rather find out a guy's not into me right away than wonder for two weeks what would have happened if I had made conversation with a guy I had interest in. Life's too freaking short.
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 449
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 8:56:16 AM
Lady:

All that some women know is that men are extremely visual. If there were not there would be no titty bars or Playboy/Penthouses in existance. Men know what they like physically in women. Even if that woman is within his age frame, even at middle or old age, the man knows what he wants physically from a female. I've been living on this planet long enough to know that. I also know from observing men that they are happier when they get what they are looking for physically versus having someone around because the female picked them out and not the other way around and nothing else was around at the time that appealed to them more. In a perfect world, the mating game would be different and not so superficial but that is what women have to work with.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 450
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 9:13:44 AM

I also know from observing men that they are happier when they get what they are looking for physically versus having someone around because the female picked them out and not the other way around and nothing else was around at the time that appealed to them more.

ANYBODY, of either gender, who is dating/involved with someone by "default", resignation,afraid of being alone, whatever-rather than a true interest and attraction, is a pretty sorry piece of work, IMO. I always thought that was more of a 'woman thing', a woman persuading herself into a relationship,"settling" if you will,because it was better than nothing.
You don't think WOMEN are capable of being every bit as 'visual' as men are? Granted, women who are well-grounded and emotionally healthy may not sustain a relationship with a guy who looks good but acts bad,but that element of physical attraction needs to be there. And please note, what one woman finds attractive, another woman may NOT.
Cindy O
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 451
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 9:45:28 AM
Rock:

You are full of it. Never dated a Brad Pitt lookalike in my life. Don't like the pretty boy look no matter what my age. You don't like it that men are called to the carpet by me. Few women want to do this, I'm one of the few and it bothers YOU.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 452
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 10:32:38 AM
We are bombarded constantly with the "men are visual" thing. That would mean that every time a man rejects a woman she is suppose to take it that she is too ugly or not pretty enough. We also hear that love is blind. I would say my attraction to a man is olfactory and intellectual. I believe I need to find a genius blind man that smells nice. ..........Of course I'd still have to shave my legs.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 453
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 10:58:04 AM

That would mean that every time a man rejects a woman she is suppose to take it that she is too ugly or not pretty enough.


No, all she SHOULD "take it", is that she's just not attractive to that particular man, "not his type",so to speak. Of course, the "safe" way to handle this "pursuit and capture" thingy would be to just sit back and accept the men( or women, for you passive/shy men)that approach you. If this results in a continual stream of " oh YUCK" mental cringe situations, maybe it's time to re-evaluate/re-think,and push the envelope. Or persuade yourself to 'accept' what presents itself to you. Or bag the whole dating/relationship thing...and this is NOT necessarily a stance of bitterness/defeat, indeed it can be a very affirming and powerful decision, WHICH CAN BE VACATED(or modified) without hurting somebody else who has been your "stopgap" guy or gal.
Cindy O
 World_Culture
Joined: 11/11/2007
Msg: 454
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 1:18:39 PM
The simple answer is: FALSE

If a woman wants to pursue a man, I don't see anything wrong with that. We all are looking for that special someone to share our life with and if you as a woman likes a man, take the initiative. If you don't you may see that person walk in and out of your life pretty quick.

Just my .02 cents
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 456
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 2:32:46 PM
He's been on here since 2005 and openly puts in his profile that he would like to have intimate encounters.

So, because of this man's dating goal, that he doesn't conceal-his opinion is invalid?

The penis has a mind of it's own.

Please tell me how this is a kind, affirming, positive statement about men? Yeah, sure we ALL know dikcentric males. Some will prevaricate and even LIE to play 'get the goody and run"...and some truly CAN be almost literally led around by their penis. ( Oh, look, this model comes with a handy retractable handle!)
But to make that a generalization by boiling it down to "the penis has a mind of it's own" since pretty much 100% of normal men have at least a vestigal penis, is pretty demeaning to men, IMO. Granted they may have some differences in their "wiring", so to speak, but trying to make them out to ALL be ruled by their d*cks, might be YOUR opinion. And maybe it "works" for you, or should we say it meets your definition of "works".

In real life, it is easier for the body cues to manifest. I, and many women I have known, have never had any problem with giving off the body language to a particular man we might be interested in.

Well, I think most women can do that. But some do not exercise it unless they TRULY are interested, not just playing some bar game of c*cktease.

Instead of letting your idealistic fantasies run your life, take control over what you do have and make it work. Understand and accept what it is that drives men.

Sweetie, remember...I'm the one who is single because my husband of 25 yrs died. I think I KNOW what drives men truly WORTH having...based on their character and personality, rather than their bank account and the size of their house. And it is NOT just their d*ck.

Work with what you have got and know that in romance, male and female are not acting in the way that you think they should act. Never have. That is the real beauty of love and romance. You just never know.

Again, I'm the one who had a very good love, romance and partnership for 25 years. Stop )( uming that all women who are single at the moment don't know anything about love and romance.

He was one of the ones that she e-mailed to show her interest.

OMFG! She made the first move? She pursued him? Didn't you post previously in this thread that women SHOULD NOT do such a thing? That it would lead to er just being 'used for sex'? So which is it?

Even she was smart enough to let him court her. Most men, I find, need this to happen before having sex with a woman. He needs to show-off...to impress her with himself.
B-b-but what if his penis' mind wants to cut to the chase? YOU are the one claiming that men are ruled by their d*cks!

I have found that most men are the greatest purveyors of themselves when they need to impress a woman...or to attract a certain type of woman.
They will pursue her...of that I also do know.

Isn't that amazing. I know the same thing! And apparently, judging by your approval of a woman you know having made the first move, intiating contact, you also agree that sometimes a guy needs a bit of a nudge?

Just a note of observation:
There is a certain man on here who was forever verbalizing that he wanted a woman to love him for himself....not for his things...or his looks.
He made sure that his picture was hidden and he made sure that no-one knew what he had. Recently, he had to show his picture to validate that he was a very good-looking man.
He has now announced to the many on here that he has many wonderful materialistic things and expensive toys....(he named them) and hopes to be a millionaire and retire early.

And you interpret this as a "desperate" attempt to win women over by more or less flaunting cash? I'd bet good US folding money that he only did that to prove somebody else's materialistic standards.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 457
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 4:07:01 PM
Read and re-read the threads here.
The women who do chase the men. Who e-mail the men, phone the men, do the pursuing, ...is it long-lived? No. Does it really work? Nope.


Online? There is not that "come hither" signal or other body language from "interested" women.
For most men, it is like shooting hoops in the dark. They don't like it. That is why they want females to make the first move on here.
That, in itself creates it's own problems. The reality is that when most women have done this online, most men immediately are wanting to know if they are sexual. Or....most men don't reply. Or....if they do reply, it is like an interview.


The woman who didn't get hardly a thing in her e-mail from men...and who got solicitations for sex from men or they didn't reply to her if she initiated?
She is now in a very happy relationship with a very good man for almost 3 years.
He was one of the ones that she e-mailed to show her interest.
I told her to keep up the e-mailing

But, but but-!
Who e-mail the men, phone the men, do the pursuing, ...is it long-lived? No. Does it really work? Nope

So let me get this straight...you told someone to do just exactly what you keep saying women SHOULD NOT do...that isn't going to work? But it DID work...soI guess you are not the great allknowing guru of how to enjoy dating and relationships. You are saying that women who email the men, at best, will just get "used for sex and dumped".
Then you turn right around and post about a situation where you told a woman to email men...did YOU think, because YOU feel she's "less attractive" or whatever- that she should be content and accept being "used for sex and dumped?" I mean, if that is what YOU believe, why would you tell someone to do what YOU say is a bad and wrong idea-a tactic that will just cause them to get "used for sex"? Did you think that maybe all this woman "deserved" was crumbs from the romance table, because she was less attractive(in YOUR opinion),so you told her to do something completely contradictory to what you've BEEN saying,so at least the poor thing might get a mercy f*ck? And instead, lo and behold, this unattractive, romantically clueless, nabs herself an honest to gosh happy relationship? Well, yeah, now you have to spin that so you come out looking like the wise, allknowing guru of romance? Have you ever thought of going into politics? What was it you said you do? Sell used cars? LOL.
Contradict yourself much?
Cindy O
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 458
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 4:56:27 PM
Rock:

Your gender is shallow get over it. Tittie bars, Hooters and porno mags wouldn't exist if men liked a female's intellect alone. Everything is about looks. You look to spread the seed and breed and you want a young hot female to do it with. However, if you don't have the money of the middle aged guys in business and Hollywood, dream on boy.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 459
view profile
History
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 5:47:32 PM
If a woman wants to buy a new car.... how does she do it ?
Does she sit at home and wait for the car dealers to call her ?
This strategy certainly isn't going to get her a very good car or a good deal on that car.

But, if a woman wants a husband..... what does she do ?
The acceptable technique is for her is to sit at home and wait for all the eligible men to call her.
This is supposed to get her a good husband ?

Fortunately, unlike a husband, a car isn't capable of going out and pursuing other buyers when it's tired of it's current owner.
 assortedmice
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 460
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/24/2010 5:54:01 PM
Not true. Different guys react differently than others. A shy guy (confident or not) will love the attention he is getting from the woman pursuing him. I've personally had some of the greatest relationships with women who had pursued me. Overly confident, manly men, may be put off by a woman taking charge. Some guys don't like being the "lesser" of the two in a relationship, whether it's that way or not.

Either way, if a girl wants a guy and hasn't been able to get his attention, much like men, it doesn't hurt to try.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 461
view profile
History
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/25/2010 4:04:42 AM
It isn't demeaning to a man to say that sometimes the penis of a man has a mind of its own because it does sometimes. Sometimes i can get an erection for no reason that i can think quite regularly for a period of time on and off then it can quieten down for a while too. I think there maybe other reasons why a penis can be erect more often then just seeing an attractive lady. The operation of a penis is more complex then that and other factors come into it so certainly no insult to me for any woman to say that it has a mind of its own but i maybe offended if a woman suggests that it only happens because i have sex on my mind rather then enjoy there company or whatever.
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 463
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:30:08 AM
I like women who will take the initiative. I get the impression a lot of the time that women expect to be able to sit there and pick and choose suitors passively. Maybe with the numbers on here they can, but I think sometimes women are underdeveloped as initiators because men are expected to do all that. And that kind of immaturity or sense of entitlement can be a turn off.
 beatriceismydog
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 465
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/25/2010 10:52:57 AM
Yes immaturity because women will not cater to you. Look up definitions of words first.
 Joel246
Joined: 3/23/2008
Msg: 466
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/25/2010 11:29:49 AM
hahaha, vicious. I'm just saying, men in general are expected to take the initiative in a relationship in most circumstances. It's refreshing to see that in women in a lot of cases.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 467
IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?
Posted: 1/25/2010 7:42:06 PM
@Cindy....excellent post, I couldnt agree more with your comments on substance over style. For a minute there I thought I had time traveled back to 1952 and had to turn in my briefcase for emu slippers. Thanks for bringing us back to the 21st century where evolved, successful women can be interesting to men for the long turn, not just for a romp around the country club on 'ladies day".
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