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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 26
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?Page 2 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Thanks to everyone for your input. I have been told in the past that I am "too picky" and I know I can overreact at times. I am a little wary of him...a few weeks ago, I had invited him to dinner at my place and he told me that he was celebrating his brother's birthday. Well....tonight, he was talking about his brother and he mentioned that he and his brother were born on the same day, five years apart. His bday is in December. I am disgusted right now....


Welcome to the fun house OP, the slippery slope where you can't ever be sure what's real and what isn't. Having been married to someone who started out with little lies and graduated to big lies, I know exactly what you're going thru here. It does get to a point where they can't keep track of the lies. It does disgust you, and worse, makes you start to question yourself. I can already hear his excuses (he meant his other brother, or he calls his friend his brother or some expedient evasion he thinks you're gullible enough to buy). Sit him down, cards on the table time and tell him he has one and only one opportunity to come clean about everything, and if he lies to you again after that, you're putting him in your rear view mirror. And make sure you mean it!
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 27
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:55:22 AM
I have learned this: if people lie about stupid things like this, they will lie about ANYTHING. Be careful.
 Smelltheroses49
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 28
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:57:31 AM
Some people have a hard time with the 40 number. I don't think it is a big deal! Get to know the guy if you want to and then decide.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 29
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:19:37 PM
Lying should be taught in schools from a very early age. We need to prepare the kids for adulthood.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 30
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:29:43 PM

Lying should be taught in schools from a very early age. We need to prepare the kids for adulthood.


LOL. Saw a t-shirt last summer that said-

Life Is Hard,
So Cheat!
If caught, Lie!

Frankly, I don't care how old her license says she is, or what the scale says she weighs.
But I do care how she moves, what she can or is willing to do, and yeah, how she looks doin' it. My hair has been pure platinum since my late 30's, and those carny folks can never get within 2 years of guessing my age, sooo, I get a lot of little stuffed animals. Lol
 Gideon_70
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 31
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:43:11 PM
Why are you asking us? You should be talking to him.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 32
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:08:42 PM

And no worries I don't have marriage as a goal...i mean. at my age what would be the point unless it was to share medical insurance, lol...


I think he looks nearly 60...
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 33
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 8:04:09 PM

I know.......lets declare that all posts after this one made by people who condemn lying be made only by those who have never, ever lied


What does that mean? Lying is acceptable? If you are willing to lie about something so insignificant as your age, you are setting the stage for failure in the future. When something really important comes up where I want to be trusted, it's not worth it to be remembered for being dishonest about something so stupid.
 blondago56
Joined: 8/21/2004
Msg: 34
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 9:09:48 PM
regardless of the format (talking, a Profile, letter,facetoface,etc) a Lie is a Lie....

a few ppl stated theychanged their age on their profile to be thrown into the searches for 'that age group'..well it may take a bit of effort, but look for those ages of ppl yourself, ...
i had changed mine last year (for about an Hour!) i felt so terribly guilty i changed it back.. *sigh*
as far as this guy not telling you voluntarily his real age, Not a Good sign... how many do you need? good luck...
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:34:07 PM
Why would women in there 40's & 50s have more baggage than women in their 30s? They don't, so he's not just a liar, he's rather stupid, don't you think. I had a guy lie to me about his age once, he was 36, said he was 33, when I found out and asked him why, he said he didn't think I would date him if I knew he was three years older than me. WTF??? But it was such a dumb lie I let it go, seems he lied about a lot, all the time, which is common with a liar, if you see whet I mean. Yes I would be concerned, because you know he could have just set the range of ages he wants to date, but it's up to you, me, I'd see it as the future with him, lots & lots of lies.

I always thought lying about your age (or weight) was dumb. If I said I was 40, I'd just look really really old for my age, if I said I only weighed 200 pounds, I'd look really really fat for my weight. What would I gain? If you are going to lie, go the other way so you look good for your age or weight!
 sammylg
Joined: 12/20/2006
Msg: 36
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:57:59 AM
I wonder, why lie about just two years? What's the point? I mean, why not just tell the truth.

If you really going to lie, lie big or just tell the truth!
 dougart
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 37
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:47:19 AM
Women seemed to be more concerned about their age and lie almost consistently to me about it. It doesn't phase me if it's within reason +/- 4 years ....anything more than that and it makes me wonder what else they're concealing. A guy lying about his age just means he wants to attract a younger woman. As if the 'number of trips we've all made around the sun' meant anything anyway. Age isn't so much a number...as it is a reference to character and quality. Sometimes, dating an older guy or gal can lead to better opportunities, much better love making and deeper commitment.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 38
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:33:07 AM
I think more people should lie (than already do). If you are married put single, if you smoke pretend you don't, if you're overweight describe yourself as average, if you're 40 say 36, if you don't have a car say you do, did I mention use old pictures? Let's see how much we can get away with eh kidz? Very few people have a GOOD reason to lie. Most are just doing it to deceive & manipulate which aren't "good" reasons. If you can't live/accept/deal with the TRUTH then maybe you aren't an ADULT.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 39
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:41:24 AM
Lying is never good, but in that case, few women would last long in a relationship either.

Do you really believe that there are eight times as many women aged 28 and 29 on dating sites as there are women aged 30 to 34? An analysis of a major dating site revealed this curious result. Really, a huge number are lying. When or if they reveal the truth is unknown, and probably most men don't care about a few years discrepancy if that's the only significant untruth being told.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 40
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:04:38 PM

Isn't it a lie if you dye your hair and say you’re blond??

Or how about a woman who wears a padded bra???

Wearing high heel shoes, is that not a lie as well??

People who state that they never lie is most likely lying!!

Guess nobody has called in sick to work when they were actually fine, heaven forbid!!


Yeah... There's a whole lotta "honest-er than thou"attitude flyin' around here. We've all lied and will continue to do so about certain things to be sure.
If lying is purposely attempting to manipulate another's reality, then one needn't look too far to find examples of how it occurs everyday in their lives, often in the most well meaning of ways. So c'mon...just because he fudged the age thing a bit doesn't mean he's a pathological liar and will lie about important things. It only shows a bit of human insecurity; not a sin just a "peccadillo".
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 41
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:12:08 PM

If you really going to lie, lie big or just tell the truth!

Yup. Go for the gusto or go home.

People get ridiculous about their ages. If no one likes you because you are a certain age then
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 42
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 2:16:58 PM
Can any PoFfer categorically state that YES, they have dated someone who fudged their age, and YES it was a life alteringly horrible experience?

I'm thinking this is NOT much of a big deal; however, I might be looking out for other deceptions; stuff that individually is no problem, but collectively you may have an issue.

In general you should keep your eyes and ears open when meeting someone via the internet. That concept also applies here. Use your common sense, judgment, and BS radar.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 43
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 2:21:55 PM

Yeah... There's a whole lotta "honest-er than thou"attitude flyin' around here. We've all lied and will continue to do so about certain things to be sure.
If lying is purposely attempting to manipulate another's reality, then one needn't look too far to find examples of how it occurs everyday in their lives, often in the most well meaning of ways. So c'mon...just because he fudged the age thing a bit doesn't mean he's a pathological liar and will lie about important things. It only shows a bit of human insecurity; not a sin just a "peccadillo".
I think it shows disrespect for the other person. Who isn't insecure in some way? That's no excuse.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 44
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:00:38 PM
But please do read my previous post about the liar I dated.
I didn't read page 3 of this thread. I do get that one lie often leads to others, but if this was this dude's only lie, then he's a pretty good guy.

I'm not suggesting that anyone who doesn't accept any lies is self-righteous, but wow haven't any of you all every made a little white lie once in your life?

I recall one time I dated a woman, she told me she was single/never married but really was divorced. When I found out I told her this was no big deal but please in the future I'd hope she would feel comfortable with sharing accurate information about herself with me. She listened and we had a great relationship.

So what's the harm in telling the dude to be straightforward, and if he isn't, then it will be difficult to develop trust, which is something the OP values??
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 45
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He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:26:57 PM
I think if they took away the age filters it wouldn't matter but one of the reasons that you can't change the age setting on pof is so you can't get around those that people erect. I did date a guy who fudged on his age by about two years, I could have cared less, it was something that like this situation, came up when his birthday rolled around.

If you aren't going to break up over it as others have noted, I would keep my eyes open to see if he lies about anything else.


I'm shocked at how many people approve of this guy lying about his age.

Do they approve of it or think this particular lie isn't that big a deal? Approving and not freaking out are two different things.

My father lied about his age to get into the military when he was too young, so we were aware that there were two "ages" of my father but when he died, my mother found paperwork and now we aren't really sure we were celebrating his birthday on the right day either, lmao. Doesn't really change all of the years we spent with him, he was my dad no matter how old he was.

There have been times I have been just outside someone's filter and I wish I could alter it to send an e-mail, of course I would set it back to the right date but isn't it also possible that the guy changed it and didn't really think much of it and consequently wasn't something he was really hiding but neglected to clarify?
 LookingForDeesRight1
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 46
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:20:48 PM
I guess according to the majority of you I am also condemned as a LIAR!!! And, in the sense I lied about my age I guess you are all right. Why did I do it? OK, I admit it. I hate being the physical age that I am. Do I look younger? Probably not anymore. Do I 'feel' younger...yes, sadly I do. Should my lying cause 'red flags'...Most likely they should, but NOT because I am a bad person who lies all the time. I don't! Except for the stupid age thing I'm probably the most honest person "I" know..ok, maybe that doesn't say much about the people I know. I just get a bit angry at the 'judgement' in this group. I don't care WHO you are, if you can say you have never lied..you are either a freaking saint..or..a liar! The reason I 'fudged' on my age was I think the same as the OP's boyfriend. I HATED being excluded cuz of the '5-0'. Was it right? From all I have read, no it wasn't. I'm either going to delete and redo my profile, or just delete it all together, I haven't quite decided yet. The thing is, that if I DO go to a bar, or anywhere, my age isn't questioned so I guess this internet thing is really much harder than I anticipated. I used to think High School was the worst but now, I think I was mistaken. You women, and yes it's mostly women, who are so critical of us 'liars'...I can't wait until you turn 30 or 40 or 50! It's so much easier to condemn a person when you haven't experienced it. I think EVERYONE has a right to his or her opinion, but reading this thread I see a LOT of very, VERY judgemental people. I will fully admit that I have a 'problem' with my biological age. And yes, I also admit that my 'biological' age is also my physical age...but no one... NO ONE...can tell me how old I feel in my own mind. I don't feel I should be condemned and I don't think others should either. If no one had to put an age, then it would all just be about the pics... well, it SHOULDN'T really, but we all know it is. OP, if you like this guy then stay with him...but then again he did tell another lie. Find out why he is doing it if you really like him. Or...tell him you feel betrayed because of his initial lie. I have a friend who is also on POF and he met a woman he really liked. He let her believe he had a license and a car. I think if he had told her from the get to he didn't all would have been good. But, sadly for him he didn't. She really liked him but when he finally told her she let him go. Because..yes, he lied... I put on my profile my 'true' age and then was told from a 'profile review' to delete it. At this point I don't really care. I am who I am. Yes, I lied about my age...but I still that doesn't mean I lie about everything in my life. Some of you people are just... mean..in my opinion. Or been hurt so bad that the bitterness has overcome any sense of compassion. There I said it and now I feel better! Peace!!!
 LookingForDeesRight1
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 47
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:46:44 PM
[And that's the problem with lying about one's age. It's not just a sign of more lies to come. It can also signal insecurity. I can admit I lied about my age, in a round about way. When I was 17 I looked a little older than I was and I was able to pull liquor for my friends. Ironically when I was 26, I got carded when I tried to buy a pack of smokes for my ex.]

As I said, it IS a 'red flag'..obviously I DON'T love myself. But what I'm saying is it doesn't make me a pathological liar. Like some people, not everyone, on this group seems to think it means. The thing is, for the most part, I HATE liars, so yes, maybe I do hate the fact that I created the mortal POF sin and lied about my age. And I will say and swear on my children's lives that even if "I" were not one of the 'sinners' being condemned I would still feel the same way. Lying about my age probably does mean I have to find myself and like myself and ACCEPT myself BEFORE trying to find a person to share my life with.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 48
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:15:21 PM

Why did I do it? OK, I admit it. I hate being the physical age that I am.
You hate being 50? I don't remember myself hating being 30.....


The reason I 'fudged' on my age was I think the same as the OP's boyfriend. I HATED being excluded cuz of the '5-0'.
So men would date a 49 year old but not a 50 year old? Is this like merchandise price tags? I wasn't aware that mental trick was in effect for human beings as well. Everybody better stay 19, 29, 39 & 49......


I will fully admit that I have a 'problem' with my biological age. And yes, I also admit that my 'biological' age is also my physical age...but no one... NO ONE...can tell me how old I feel in my own mind.
I think POF needs to add a "how old do you feel in your mind" option and use that in conjunction with the real age to filter results because apparently some people are extremely distraught over their age enough to lie. But what I'm wondering is if you look/feel younger than your age wouldn't that come across to others? Like "oh wow she/he looks really good for (insert age here)" etc etc.

IDK people will do what they want I guess.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 49
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:57:41 PM
For those who think it is okay to lie... Something to think about...

There is no reason to lie about age... We are who we are... Once you lie, you set up a non-trust issue, which is just a barrier or hurdle you have to deal with at a later date, as generally you get found out in the end...

Some people who lie lack self-confidence, which is a problem in itself.

Look in the mirror and say... I lied today about my age... Why? Because I don't like who I am... If you don't like yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 50
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 11/9/2009 10:28:31 PM
The Jamiecat said:

uhm, i think it was a joke chances.


Drabnabbitt. I hate that when I'm serious and miss out on a joke. Let me read it again.


Ahhhhh there we go!
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