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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 151
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?Page 7 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
I think some of you have a very unfortunate misunderstanding of human psychology. The belief that any form of deceit is just based on the most evil and destructive intention is wholly misguided. Someone lying about their age (by as little as a couple of years) is not necessarily a bad person. Don't you consider that they might be embarrassed about their age, feel it's a negative reflection on them, have issues with self-esteem, etc.? It doesn't mean they're a compulsive or habitual liar. At least take the time to get to know them and understand their reasoning. If you put other people through such stringent and unrealistic expectations, then you're forfeiting opportunities over nothing. Further, the whole notion makes you appear extremely bitter over relationship failures. Are you upset about misjudgments or miscalculations you've made in the past? Are you holding strangers responsible for what other people have done to you? No-one likes to be made a victim or taken advantage of, but you can't live your life in complete vigilance over the past.


This is all very interesting. But to put things in simpler terms...is it okei for someone
to lie about their age, weight, height, or any other attribute and deceive someone into
meeting them with the soul hope that their charming personality will allow this
person to overlook this indiscretion and agree to a relationship anyways. For some
reason people seem to think lying about your age is "just a little white lie" but lying
about your height or weight is a gross misrepresentation of who you really are.

So I guess if we agree that lying on your profile is right, you can fudge your weight,
your height, your occupation or lack of it, your age...heck why not even lie about
your gender...aren't they all "white lies" intending to deceive? As long as you "fess
up" about it...its no problemo.

ahahahahahahaha! Oh yes, I'm sorry officer...I did in fact rob that store over
there but I'm here fessing up...so I guess we're good to go?

 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 152
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 7:47:21 AM
So you are going to spend your life deciding which lies are acceptable
and which aren't?
Not me. If I have to constantly weigh the pros and cons of a lie at any
given time, I'm wasting my time. Frankly, I'd rather people not lie.
If I know you think deceit is acceptable, I'm not really going to know
when to believe you and when not to believe you? Or I suppose I could
just believe you when you say it's true. How does that work exactly?
Does this scale of justice regarding lies also apply in the work place?
Is it okei to lie about 1 hour of goofing around but not 2? Is it okei to
take a 2 hour lunch break but not a 3 hour lunch break? Can you steal
10.00 worth of office supplies but not 20.00?

People who spend time weighing the severity of a lie and then deciding
whether or not to go with it have just as many problems as habitual liars imo.
To each his own.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 153
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:08:42 AM

Someone lying about their age (by as little as a couple of years) is not necessarily a bad person. Don't you consider that they might be embarrassed about their age, feel it's a negative reflection on them, have issues with self-esteem, etc.? It doesn't mean they're a compulsive or habitual liar.
It makes them an embarrassed, insecure liar. Ummm and the redeeming qualities are what? Who the heck wants to date someone that isn't happy with the person they are and lies?

Oh yeah, product of my life, sure I am. I have been taught that one lie leads to another. Those that lie about anything will lie again. Those that don't feel guilt about lying are destined to repeat. Their lies get bigger and bigger. Haven't met a liar yet that could be trusted.

Someone insecure that lies shouldn't try to date, they should be in therapy. Someone trying so hard to defend liars obviously has one too many skeletons in his closet.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 154
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 8:45:04 AM
IMHO your constant defense of lying makes you an untrustworthy
person.
With what you've said...it is impossible to know when you are telling
the truth and when you're not.
There is no amount of rationalization that can change that.
And that's all I have to say about that.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 155
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:34:33 AM

How is it naive to expect someone to not lie about their age? More justification and victim-blaming. Expecting someone on a dating site to tell the truth about how old they are is NOT an unrealistic or unreasonable expectation.

I agree (in part) that it is not unreasonable to expect people to be honest about their age, height and weight here. PERIOD. I do NOT think we are victims when lied to, however. Victim mentality is just as self-defeating as lying. I think it's much better to view the liars as those doing me a favor ~ they weed them self(ves) right out of my dating pool.

<div class="quote">Is a two year age lie of any consequence? Meaning when you meet someone you might say " OMG! You look two years older, liar!!" Probably not.
Don't be so sure about that. I posted earlier that I not-so-long-ago met someone from this site. I took one look at him and KNEW he was not the age specified in his profile (the profile stated 46). I asked him specifically, "So how old are you again?" His answer after a too long pause? "47." Wrong answer!!! He was older than 47 ~ it showed and to me, he lied TO ME, twice with that answer. I cut the evening short and that was that.

~OT~ I had a professor for an ethics class when I was 38 who gave us our Final Exam topic: "If a person lies, are they hurting them self or the recipient of the lie?" I must have written 15 drafts, all bouncing back and forth on my answer, as we were NOT permitted to go the easy route and say, "They are hurting them self and the recipient." In the end (and I still maintain) the liar is hurting him/her self more than me (should I be the recipient.) The sad part of my preferred answer? If liars cared about their own character, they wouldn't lie. **shrugs**
 Geniestuckinabottle
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 156
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:46:55 AM
A lie is a lie........................Worst thing about being lied to knowing the person who lied didnt trust you enough to tell the truth
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 157
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 10:05:34 AM
People lie for convenience. To avoid doing the hard work. If that is someone you'd be happy with, go for it (takes them off the market). Personally, it's not a character defect that appeals to me.

 Shout It Out
Joined: 1/26/2010
Msg: 158
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 10:23:44 AM
I think its a pretty minor thing, maybe he did just wanna meet someone a few years younger, or maybe hes sensitive about his age ( midlife crisis maybe?)
Either way it doesnt sound like something you need to freak out about. I mean, you already said you were fine with his actual age. No need to make mountains out of pebbles.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 159
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 1:07:58 PM
Don't you consider that they might be embarrassed about their age, feel it's a negative reflection on them, have issues with self-esteem, etc.?
WTF are they doing on a dating site then? POF asks VERY LITTLE info and if they can't even be honest about that f..k em I say. Tired of the damn excuses. Grow the hell up sissies!! I'm tired of this bullshit.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 160
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 5:02:21 PM

BUT!!! He did lie!..... Lie once.. Lie twice.. hmmmm SHOOT HIM!
Ummm yeah, if you read the thread she did catch him in a few lies. That is my experience with people that lie about their age, they lie about other things, the lies get worse. If you don't lie, you don't have to worry about what lies you told. You don't have to back track or make any bs excuses. It is so much easier to tell the truth.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 161
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 6:50:42 PM
Reread my post. The OP clearly stated that he did lie more... Reread my post, I have clearly stated that I know those that lie about age continue to lie about other things, they are not secure with themselves and continue, they don't know when to stop and don't. They are liars. It is not a debatable subject. Someone that cannot be honest with who and what they are are not worth the time of day. They have issues and are liars. Those that seem to want to try to convince others that lying about anything is ok, have real issues they are trying to hide. The truth will set you free.

PS I am a Reverend. So really, I don't bs about telling the truth.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 162
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:27:24 PM
I think unnecessary lying is the cornerstone of a good upbringing and subsequent life!!!!

I happen to believe it's not a lie unless someone catches you!!!.... Can anyone recommend some good pamphlets on lying? I'm a little rusty.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 163
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/5/2010 9:34:55 PM
OP... if he's great in every other way let it go. A discrepancy of 2 years is just vanity. I met a gentleman who was hiding 10 years....couldn't decide if he was delusional or suffering from alzheimers!
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 164
view profile
History
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/6/2010 12:02:24 AM
Wow it's as though women never do the same. I'm sure it's fine when a woman does it, so, no worries.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 165
view profile
History
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/6/2010 4:48:45 AM
Message: TheReason-

I don't think anyone in this thread is denying that women sometimes do it too, and nobody is saying it's OK to do so if you're female. You're clearly feeling very defensive, but don't let it affect your reading comprehension.


I'm just saying it happens all the time, for both sides, there are worse things to lie about. I've read a little bit of the thread, and i see there are a few more. I guess the question is, where does it end. I dye my hair, it gets salt n pepper along the sides, is that a lie? Women wear makeup and perfume, guys wear cologne, changing looks and scents, are those lies? Everyone should have a line drawn in the sand, where they can say enough is enough. My bad for not wading through 16 pages of responses, I couldn't be bothered.

Personally, I would be more upset about someone using old pics, than shaving a year or two off their age, bu again, we all have our own lines in the sand.


;)


If 2 years hurts my chances of meeting someone so be it. I dont care. Most men here that approach me are under 35 anyway so I don't have to shave off any years to attract the younger men. Ive had over 600 men approach me on dif site in the past 3 months. Not one of them cared how old I was anyway.

I do however think 950.00 is a small fortune.


That truly sucks about the money, $950 is decent amount of money to me as well, and would be sorely missed, were it to disappear. I have about 3 different passwords, and I think the banking one is unique.
 EddRook
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 166
view profile
History
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:26:44 AM
It's very easy to step in and be judgmental. But consider a normal day of your life, it might go like so:

Wake up and go to work.
Colleague asks you how you are. You say 'fine' because it's easier than telling the truth, that you're a bit down because you feel a bit lonely and your job is unfulfilling. LIE NUMBER ONE.
Boss comes up and asks how you're getting on with your new work. You tell them that it's going well and that you're enjoying it (you aren't).
THATS LIE NUMBER TWO
Your mother calls you during your lunch break. She asks what you've been up to. You claim that you had a nice quiet evening because she doesn't need to know that you went out and got a bit drunk with your friends.
THATS THREE
You get home and go onto PoF. You put that you're a couple of years younger than you are, because you feel a bit insecure and feel your age is working against you, and even though it's just a number people will judge you on it, despite the fact that everything you could do 2 years ago you can still do.
And that's 4...

Lying is a part of everyone's daily life. We tell lies about most things we do. You're only able to catch him out on this one because it has a numerical value. Forget it and move on.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 167
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/6/2010 5:41:42 AM
If you don't like the person you are or are in denial about any part about yourself, get off the dating site and get help. That is the extent of my compassion towards liars.

If you think that a relationship flourishes based on lies, you only wish it were true. I haven't read any success stories stating their relationship started with one or the other lying.

In my years of life, if I found someone to lie about something about themselves, they lie about other things. I don't need or want liars in my life.

If you do not know the difference between your actual date of birth and fairy tales, you are only fooling yourself about the difference.

If you must constantly defend why you lie and justify it, you have problems.

Those are my opinions and they are based on my life experiences with liars and those that tell the truth. Those that don't defend liars and have a realistic outlook on life are in my life. Honest people will date and leave this site. Personally I have been on because of my job, but shortly it will be changing.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 168
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/6/2010 11:29:13 AM
I think some are missing the distinction of lying to protect someones feelings and lying NOT to protect someones feeling but simply to trick. I also think some are missing the distinction of a NECESSARY lie and a lie OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING. One is a circumstance presented to you which you have no control over and didn't 'choose'. The other you deliberately set out to trick for your benefit.

Vanity & selfishness/manipulation are NOT good reasons to lie about your age IMO. It's UNNECESSARY YET the person chooses to tell that unnecessary lie anyway. Argue all you want how it's no big deal but the "deal" is the mindset of one who tells unnecessary lies.
 22SOF
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 169
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:39:03 AM
After reading through a lot of intelligent answers I have to agree with the majority who say that a lie is a lie.

But I'd like to play the devil's advocate for a second.
I have read on profiles (quite often) "No creepy 30 year old guys".
And yes, 30 seems to be the magic number where you become "creepy"
As a 30 year old, I find that offensive and have often wondered about shaving one year off my age to make the cut.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 170
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/16/2010 11:57:39 AM
sorry, just got here, wrong turn at another troll thread...

So like some women, this guy did wanted to NOT show he is the big 40...so YOU go to his Wallet, snoop on his driver licence and discover the infamous, terrible truth!and then run over here and ask everyone about this.

(should I prepare the guillotine now?)
yes he lied, a lie is a lie....bad bad bad! ask him WHY he did it? as you do not want to dump him and say that he is a nice guy.




but should I be concerned?


honestly? a little! and HE should too!

and you know why!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 171
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/16/2010 12:07:27 PM
He probably lied because he was another delusional
POFisher that figured his shining personality would
trump any and all defects (real or imagined) that someone
might find.
I guess it depends on your tolerance level for creativity.
and seriously...what's with all the anger towards "troll
threads?"
99.9% of the threads here are troll threads..if we didn't
have them we wouldn't even have a forum and if they
are really bothersome...why take the time to address them?
It's human nature...one person's angst is another person's
filet mignon...or something like that.
 Debo51
Joined: 6/6/2006
Msg: 172
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/16/2010 8:36:08 PM
Of course she should be concerned. She hooked up with a liar and a loser. However, he got what he wanted, didn't he? Maybe the question should be, does it pay to lie in this medium?
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 173
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/17/2010 8:11:58 AM
In my opinion I would much rather a man fib/lie about his age a few years than his height by a few inches.

Come on, this is ridiculous! What, some 18-19 pages about a lie about age that was on a profile? Doesn't anyone see that this subject has been done to death ?



Charliegirl
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 174
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/17/2010 8:14:06 AM
I just had someone lie about their age by 6 yrs. His reasoning for this is that he does not look his age, and women his age look so much "older".

He didn't think there was anything wrong with dropping several years from his actual age.
 five-marie
Joined: 2/9/2010
Msg: 175
He lied about his age...only by two years....should i be concerned?
Posted: 2/17/2010 8:40:42 AM
I dated a man from here who lied about his age. Not a huge deal I thought. The entire time I saw him he lied about everything. Even things that made no sense to lie about. Don't date a liar then be surprised when he's less than honest about everything.
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