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 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 51
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 3 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
No where did I state I was superior to anyone, but I will say this at least I am not sitting on welfare having kids with every man that comes into my life and at that one a year. For that, yes I am proud not to be there.

I guess the saying goes the one thing about common sense is it isn't very common.

Common sense would tell most educated people, quit having kids you can't afford nor take care of...

Many here are so back and forth its funny, they will say how single parents are dumb for the partner they choose yet think its ok for the woman in this situation to continue doing so. Since they are all 25 and under how about they find another 10 men to have more kids with and you all chip in paying for them so they can sit at home, neglect their children and smoke some more pot.

As for the one who mentioned abuse, I have been there since I was 1 yr old, yet I don't have kids with every Tom****and Harry . That is just an excuse to justify what they are doing which then makes it right?

Even better how about everyone on welfare go have at least 10 kids by different men
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 52
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:19:59 AM
d voted...thank you for that post!

When I first found this particular forum, I was happy to have a place to discuss parenting issues...or so I thought. I realized pretty early that it was little more than a place to bash single mothers, hail single fathers as heros and whine about why someone can't find a date. I was deflated to say the least. I was aware of the stereotypes before I came to POF (I do after all live in the real world) but since I knew they didn't apply to me, I never really concerned myself with them. When I came across a single mother in the real world who fit the stereotype to a T, I didn't become her fast friend....lol...why? Not because of who she is but because of who I am...we had little in common in which to build any kind of friendship.

Over time, reading one posting after another slamming all single mothers and tarring them with the same brush, I reacted in defense of ALL single moms....something which earned me the wrath of many posters...I've been called some pretty interesting names over the years because I always try to point out that these women (the ones described by the OP) are damaged goods before they start popping out babies. The root cause is the issue, not the collatoral damage but it seems people are too ignorant (uneducated) or too self-centred to care that there are some women in the world who are not raised in the best environments with the best parents. So to I think are the men who procreate and run away...damaged goods resulting from bad upbringing or environments.

If someone wants to discuss how to prevent the same phenomenon for future generations, I would gladly join in that productive discussion because perhaps one parent won't raise one screwed up kid who will make screwed up choices and perpetuate the cycle or perhaps a change can be invoked in society to change attitudes. That is not what seems to happen though....anytime we try to discuss parenting methods, people aren't discussing, they are defending......

If all you want to do is talk about what a piece of trash someone is for doing A B or C...that is a mob mentality discussion that serves absolutely no useful purpose in my opinion except to vent one's own frustration while possibly hurting someone who reads the thread very deeply.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 53
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:22:41 AM
Some people love to crank out extremes to bolster their argument.
On a conversation I had about longer term breastfeeding, it was constantly brought up about this English woman who had breastfed her daughter until she was 8 years old, and that everybody wanted to to talk about the 'ewww' factor in it and how she was getting off on it.

But no one could agree on when was the 'appropriate' age to stop BF'ing - because, 8 years old withstanding, there really isn't one.

Same thing here. 4 kids on welfare, 10 kids on welfare, 20 kids on welfare with a host of fathers. Extreme examples being put around. The average number of kids to mothers on welfare mirrors that of the general population, roughly 2.6 children (2.1 for general pop). Ironically, those states that paid the highest in welfare benefits (like Utah), the women had the lowest pregnancy rates while the states that paid the lowest benefits (like Missippi) had the highest (or higher) pregnancy rates. And it hasn't escaped my attention that the states with highest welfare checks tend to be predominately white all over while the states with the lowest welfare checks tend have a lot more blacks and browns. Looks to me some states are readily more apt to take care of white women on welfare than non-whites, but that's not surprising.

Old shit. New pile.
Welfare, abortion, who derserves, who doesn't deserve, desirables, undesirables. There is a place for some if you are desireable, and no place for others if you are deemed undesireable.

Now all we have to do is throw in something about steralization and maditory birth control for the undesireables, the criminality element, some statistics about blacks and criminals and welfare - and this conversation will have come full circle.

Oh well. Be that as it may. Good luck with that.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 54
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:35:37 AM
"I write this because many years ago I was a male pig - and although ashamed of it now, I couldn't see it at the time."

Did they remove the pig DNA when you had your sex change or are you now still a pig, just a female pig? What a load of stereo typical bull. One size does not fit all and painting with the man bashing post normally done by a women who got left for putting on 50-100 pounds, well it's just sad. I have meet women with kids by multiple dads and they were happily hooked up with their lezbo girlfriend. This is just an example of how one size does not fit all. There are as many reasons as there are parents with multiple children with multiple partners!
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 55
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:46:34 AM
NappyKAT and freetime2bme....what great posts to start my morning and head to work! :) Thank you both!
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 56
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 5:47:27 AM
"And it hasn't escaped my attention that the states with highest welfare checks tend to be predominately white all over while the states with the lowest welfare checks tend have a lot more blacks and browns. "

Is there a coresponding differance in income and tax revinues in these states. Please 1-kind-nappyKAT-shock you can do better then this. We needall the facts.
 RustyStrummer
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 57
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:33:02 AM
im just wondering as im writing but it doesnt seem all that unatural, it just doesnt really seem acceptable in current socital opinion. As far as the kids? Hell, if they are loved and love eachother they're not always going to grow up in pain over it. As one poster said thats thier reality. Hmm, relativity.
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 58
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:55:56 AM
I want to respond to the comments made such as "how kid #1 feels about all the other children?"

I have four children with two fathers. I married very young & had my 1st two....I then was in a LTR that resulted in the last two. (twins) NONE of my children have EVER referred to one another as the "half siblings" that they actually are. EVER. They are no different (and we are actually a very tight knit family) than children who were born to the same set of parents.

I tried to convey this before...did not do so well...but maybe in lieu of focussing on how many different fathers there are, focus on the parenting skills or lack of. That was my point earlier...the PROBLEM is not really how many fathers there are...but how many children are being produced, period....the lack of good parenting skills...the lack of financial responsibility, etc.

If you were referring to a woman who has had 7 children with 7 donors from a sperm bank...would you feel the same way?? No...because she is financially stable & it is not a choice laced with irresponsibility.

I mean not to be rude, but the OP's post seemed to me, to be one looking for kudos because YOU have the same father for your two children. (BTW...you only mention ONE on your profile.) If the relationship was at it's dying point to where you are no longer together with a SIX MONTH OLD child...you too, made some poor choices in bringing a child into this world under those circumstances. We all make mistakes.
 Guitargal63
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 59
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:36:05 AM
I always feel bad for the kids in families like this. One child's father takes a powder the minute the pee stick turns blue/pink.. whatever. lol.. Then kid number 2's father decides to stick around for awhile and be dad to both of them while he's there, but when he leaves, he only wants visitation with HIS biological child. Thats got to mess with the first child's head.. I'm not saying it always happens that way but I've seen families where that is happening and the older child is suffering for it.
That is enough of a deterrent for me as a parent to think twice before forgetting birth control.
Birth Control.. now THERE'S a novel concept.. its the easiest thing to take on BOTH sides.
 CityGrlNCountry
Joined: 3/27/2009
Msg: 60
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:31:10 PM
I think it was interesting how the OP was obviously talking about people who were making bad choices and going above and beyond the "norm", but people responding to the thread immediately even threw in people who have two different fathers for their kids.

Really? You could have children by two men and you have "loose morals"? lol Makes me want to laugh. Good thing I'd never have anything to do with someone who's so judgemental.

And no, I don't have multiple baby daddys.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 61
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:44:24 PM
I am less concerned with the moral issues involved here and more concerned with the medical ones. A woman with multiple, unitended pregnancies by different men isn't just having lots of sex (which is fine). She's clearly having lots of UNPROTECTED sex. And that is not fine. Not in the age of HIV.
 lolabunny06
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 62
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:20:52 PM
EVERYONE IS FAST TO PUT DOWN A MOTHER(WOMAN) WHO HAS CHILDREN FROM DIFFERENT FATHERS BUT WERES YOUR OPINION ON FATHERS WHO MAKE BABIES AND LEAVE?! YOU FOCUS MORE ON THE MOTHER AND YOU ARE A WOMAN WHAT TYPE? UNLESS YOU LIVE IN THIER SHOES AND KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON DONT SAY SHIT TALK ABOUT YOUR MISTAKES AND FOCUS ON THOSE DONT WORRY ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!!!!
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 63
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:37:21 PM
you don't need to yell, all caps is considered yelling and has gotten people booted off the forums before.

If you read everything which most likely you didn't, I don't think highly of these men either. But since the woman is the one who makes the decision to keep the children, it mainly falls there.

As for what type of woman am I? Well obviously one that doesn't fvck everything that comes my way and have babies with them.

If you even bothered to read the examples, most do not fit into it that post here, I was referring to a particular kind....

Are you one of these women in the examples? If not it shouldn't bother you in the slightest.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 64
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:44:08 PM
Matariki, You didn't answer my question. Did you bring this topic up esp. what you tell the children because your considering in taking in you nieces and nephews?

Also, in the examples that you bring up I ask where is child services in all of this. What kind of misfortune are these children experiencing?
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 65
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:58:32 PM
the fathers have the nieces they are well taken care of now, the other sister no way can i take on her 6 kids,i have a 6 month old of my own and an older daughter coming back to live with me soon. the other girl is now pregnant with baby 8 and is only 27 yrs old and can't take care of them would prefer to sit at home on welfare smoking pot while pregnant and having even more kids.

Child services does not bother in that town, they have actually apprehended to one womans kids but they were difficult to handle so they sent them home very quickly. The foster homes are overloaded in that city as they are too worried about families who don't hang up their coats coming in the door from school, which happened to a friend of mine.

The misfortune the kids experience, tonz of men in and out of their lives, barely anything to eat as mum needs to spend it on pot instead.

In my one sisters case all the children are special needs, health issues of the extreme yet she continues to have more knowing this. I guess she has it in her head that if she gets pregnant the guy will stay, but that hasn't proved so on daddy no.5

As for those who bring up about me and my two children with the same man. Bare in mind, my daughter is 11 yrs old my son is 6 months I only left him a year ago. He was not a jerk all that time, he was actually a very well mannered man who only started showing this behaviour the last year or so...before we split. Had it been going on then when our daughter was younger I would have left then.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 66
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/9/2009 8:39:07 PM
And yes people i have a right to my opinion when said people knock on my door begging for money because they can't pay their hydro and gas bills and expect me to help them buy their smokes because yhey are stressed. I support my son and I and expect they don't ask me to help them almost everyday with something. I am not the one who popped out too many kids to handle. Maybe if baby daddy number 8 would stop spending all her welfare money on whatever then she wouldn't be in this mess.
 Alisense
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 67
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:15:15 AM
You know it is people like you that makes me shake my head...tsk tsk... I mean in this day and age you'd think we all realize that life happens and that it takes two 2 tango..I mean c'mon you obviously haven't been in this situation or else You would have realized that these Women that you speak of made a choice & that choice was life.... I always think back to my sister when people talk about mothers with multiples, with no active father figure (except when they tell their sad excuses to the next victim!!) When you come from such a background The best you can do is not be judgemental!! & by the way those poor kids you speak of will more than likely love their mothers more than you will ever know..
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 68
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:17:58 AM

Are you one of these women in the examples? If not it shouldn't bother you in the slightest.


I don't think you get it. People do not have to BE one of the "types" you decided to hack to pieces to feel empathy or understanding towards a fellow human being....to not jump to conclusions, or pre-judge. It bothers some of us that you chose to do those things.


i have a 6 month old of my own and an older daughter coming back to live with me soon.


Now I could do what you did...and assume the worst in your situation....your 11 year old daughter coming back to live with you, eh?? The things people could assume about you for not having your daughter!

I'm just sayin'....
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 69
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:30:30 AM

Are you one of these women in the examples? If not it shouldn't bother you in the slightest.


I don't think you get it. People do not have to BE one of the "types" you decided to hack to pieces to feel empathy or understanding towards a fellow human being....to not jump to conclusions, or pre-judge. It bothers some of us that you chose to do those things.


I second that!!!!!!!!!! It is nice to know that there are other people who feel empathy towards others and do not enjoy seeing others "hacking them to pieces".


i have a 6 month old of my own and an older daughter coming back to live with me soon.


Now I could do what you did...and assume the worst in your situation....your 11 year old daughter coming back to live with you, eh?? The things people could assume about you for not having your daughter!

I'm just sayin'....


Yup....if I was so inclined, I could make a lot of really rotten assumptions about your character but I won't.

I could also assume a lot about you and your family and your upbringing by what you shared in this thread about your siblings.....but I won't.

When you point a finger outwards, remember you have 4 more pointing right at you!

Everyone has the right to an opinion....if you want to share your opinion, that is also your right but you will also have to accept that there will be people like me and people like rlfish and others who will not like it and will comment on how we feel about what you are doing with your opinion....

Is there not enough negativity in the world already? Do we really need to generate more for shits and giggles?
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 70
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:43:21 AM
Your childrens father dont even see or support your kids according to you, and didnt even love you enough to be faithful to you, you must be smokin some good shit to think you are all pious and mighty.
Why do dumb bvtches breed with the same loser repeatedly thinking he will change his mind about them because they keep popping out his kids?
You got 2 kids from the same dude and he still doesnt want you, but think you are morally superior because you let the same loser knock you up n0t once but twice. Guess he figured the ole baby mama is good for a lay when he runs out of younger prettier girls to cavort with?
I see you got jokes.


Now go to work and pay your taxes im running low on pot and got more babies 2 make.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 71
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:49:49 AM
Your childrens father dont even see or support your kids according to you


Not her fault.


didnt even love you enough to be faithful to you,


That is harsh sweetness.....people are unfaithful because they do not love and respect themselves.....it is not her fault he cheated.....is does not mean he didn't love her....it meant he was an azzhole.


pious and mighty


Yeah well, often when people try to rise above their peers, they will act all pious and mighty in an effort to raise their self-esteem.....it is not really how one does it in a healthy way but it can work. If you tell yourself something long enough, you do actually start to believe it. This OP is as damaged as her siblings but she has managed to make better choices than they did....in my opinion. Unfortunately what this OP does not realize is that when she attempts to raise herself up by putting others down, in the eyes of some people she lowers herself.

Those with authentic self-esteem do not need to validate who they are outside of themselves and they don't have to compare themselves to others to feel good about themselves.


Why do dumb bvtches breed with the same loser repeatedly thinking he will change his mind about them because they keep popping out his kids?


Probably for very similar reasons that some women will have multiple children by multiple partners.......accepting that the one we love is not the healthiest choice for us is difficult. One****ead or twenty****eads....result is usually the same....you are left feeling like crap about yourself for allowing it.
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 72
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:53:05 AM
Correct me if I am wrong....and my advance apologies if so...but I think Sweetness' post was SARCASM...to prove a point?? I mean, I know her last line was, for sure! ;)
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 73
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:29:48 AM
Rlfish, yes I am aware that sweetnesses' last post was dripping with sarcasm .... it was "classic" sweetness....however...sarcasm or not, I will stand by my post. Sweetness knows I both love and respect her!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 74
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:30:51 AM
The question should be whether the mother is a good parent beyond her inability to choose a good partner.

I think someone could wind up with three different dads without necessarily leading a life much different from other people. A woman winds up pregnant in high school or shortly after, finds a guy, marries him, has a child. Maybe that marriage tanks 5-10 years down the road, she may again marry and again have a child with that man. On the surface, three kids, three dads, she could sound like a total flake that is uber irresponsible but she hasn't done what many other people have as well.

Is it better if the kids are one dad's? I have watched my stepson and his wife pop out seven kids that they haven't cared for properly in any way, particularly financially, eight pregnancies in total because the 7th baby died shortly after birth. I would far rather see a woman with 3 or more different dads who is taking good care of her children and hopefully with whom her children have relationships than a situation like my stepson who should have been sterilized after the second child.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 75
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 10:58:47 AM
m church....where have you been hiding out?!!!

The thing is m church, not everyone is the world is like you, have had your upbringing and life experiences. We all have different ones and so our results will differ. Again you put your personal judgement on people based on your set of values. I will ask you the same thing I asked the OP...why do you feel the need to judge others? What does it give you to call someone else irresponsible and stupid?
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