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 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 76
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 4 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
The only thing wrong with having multiple children by multiple partners, is the fact that these women in the examples can't afford to but keep doing it. Your promoting ways of justifying it aren't going to stop STUPID people from doing it. It is the lower education ones that pop out one child a year, more if they could and continue to do so for years, many of them so they do not have to work.

I am judging others no more than those that judge people for picking lousy partners, at least I did try for 13yrs to make mine work, and not just go off and have more babies with a bunch of other men. End of story, I just can't believe how some of you support that kind of behaviour of having children by the dozens...and let the government keep supporting them. I understand making the mistake once or twice but 8 times? Think someone would have clued in by that time.

I also never once said that ALL women were in this catergory, the rest of you have put yourselves into it on your own. I was merely making an example of three cases I knew personally.
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 77
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:48:37 AM
Wow. Personally, I rather make a mistake and learn from it...never repeating the same said mistake....than be sooo freaking judgmental and with a holier than thou, superiority complex.

So YOU were "smart enough" to not "knock up" anyone in high school? Bravo! We are sooo not worthy to lick the toilet paper you wipe your ass on!

Seriously folks...SPIT HAPPENS. Wanna know something? I was on birth control from the moment I THOUGHT ABOUT becoming sexually active. I took it at the same time every day...my periods were as regular as clockwork & in sync with the pill packets...and I still got pregnant. In fact, I got pregnant after I had my tubes tied, years later, as well (though it would have never been a pliable pregnancy). Accidents DO happen. (and some of us are fertile as all hell!) While I am sure there are more careless abandon OOPs babies, than my situation....this is what I am referring to. The old adage...not to judge a book by it's cover...not to judge to hastily.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 78
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:07:20 PM

If my mother or father for that matter had kids all over the place, I think I would lose respect for them.
I grew up with half-siblings. Not only did I not lose respect for my parents, I gained understanding and I admire them for having raise me to not think of them as my half-siblings, but simply my siblings.

My two children have different fathers as well. I’m sure if my daughter’s father would have lived, that I would have had many more children, and they would have all been from both of us… life didn’t deal me that hand and I didn’t want only one child.

How do I explain it… quite simply with the truth.
 big pacific
Joined: 7/2/2009
Msg: 79
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:10:06 PM
Omg, how can people miss his message so easily.

He's saying that by harsh criticism he is doing exactly the opposite of what you are preaching. This whole "don't judge them" bullshit is coddling them into stupid behaivor. He feels that if people DID chastize for these decisions, that they MIGHT just learn from others BEFORE it happens.

This shiny happy people everyone makes mistakes it's no biggy thing doesn't solve the problem, it AMPLIFIES it. You rationalize this, he calls it what it is so that others might not make the same mistake.

Making sure your daughter doesn't fall into the cycle, are you going to tell her that it's ok if she get's pregnant and shit happens? Or that she should NEVER consider that avenue?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 80
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:12:11 PM

Ok... first off, getting pregnant in or shortly after high school should be a red flag right there...That is to me "uber irresponsible"....I didn't knock anyone up in high school or shortly after

Neither did I but many young people wind up in this situation because hellooo, at 18, they are irresponsible, doesn't mean that they haven't changed and people would be totally correct in figuring out whether they have a lackadaisical attitude about reproduction or found out that yes, it does take only once.

Wow, to see a single mistake and two planned pregnancies even though the marriages didn't work out as continuing evidence of irresponsibility, yikes. I didn't wind up preggers at 18 but I am not going to turn down my nose at someone who didn't make the best choices on the planet as long as they started making better ones later.

My stepson was a father by 19, planned with his wife, so in most people's books, too young and yet responsible within the confines of a committed relationship.
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 81
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 1:21:12 PM
^^Exactly what Justpat said....the ones who are told "NEVER GET PREGNANT OR ELSE..." are the ones who rebel...and do. Not all, but lots. Depends on their personality types, actually.

But yes...my kids were well aware that I wanted MORE for them, than I experienced...that it was not taking anything away from my having them at a young age. My kids were also taught, that it is not the worse thing in the world, but it sure is not the easiest route, either. I much rather give them a dose of reality...than scare tactics.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 82
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:57:52 PM
The reason for the judgement is because we are living in a society where the cost of bad judgement is increasinglay charged to the account of those who had nothing to do with it...you can charge whatever you want on your card but leave mine alone...i need mine to take care of my own choices and responsabilities and am under no obligation to pay for your's.
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 83
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:04:16 PM
In all fairness...you started the thread more generally, about women with multiple fathers of their children...then added to it as others posted.

I could empathize with such if this were ONLY about women popping out babies who cannot afford such. Heck...I see people doing a LOT of things they cannot afford...one that irks the hell outta me personally, is SMOKERS. Not smokers in general...but those who smoke who can't pay their rent! Grrr!

Would you feel any better about a mother of 7...all by the same father...who was supporting her kids with welfare??
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 84
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:04:32 PM
Matariki, I am going to try ONE more time to say this and maybe JUST MAYBE you might understand this.....I don't want to HAVE to use all caps so you can hear me.....lol

I have not seen one SINGLE person posting to this thread that thinks it is ok to pop out multiple children from multiple fathers and raise them on the taxpayers dollar but maybe I missed it....if you would be so kind since this is your thread to locate and post who supports these women doing it, I'd so appreciate it.

What I have seen is people telling YOU and others that they are sick of the judgements being made about other people.....

You can sit in judgement of your siblings if you want because you KNOW them, you know their history. If you want to talk trash about your siblings, fine.......go for it, I'm sure they would just love to know how their sister shares their personal history on the web for anyone to see........should make for entertaining family get-togethers.

To the one who asked how we deal with this? How about teaching OUR own children different values...how about raising our children free of neglect and abuse so these girls are not out seeking the love they never got at home from men or absent fathers, hmmmm? Perhaps we need to reign in the damn media on these and other issues but oh no, freedom of expression, freedoom of speech and all that good constitutional stuff must be protected at all costs. Oh my...that is way too radical an idea.....and well impossible right? Attacking someone usually puts them on the defense and the last thing anyone defending themselves is going to do is admit to themselves that anyone attacking them has a valid point.

I suppose we could just burn them all at the stakes...that'll send a clear message. Maybe their kids could roast marshmallows while their mothers burn for the harlots they are eh? (sarcasm to the extreme...quite unlike me but this thread is really starting to piss me off in the same way that the multitudes of threads on this board slamming and judging others do). How about forced sterilization of all girls who don't pass a psych test that shows they won't do this. Maybe force them to have abortions? Maybe force anyone who cannot afford their child to give it to a family who can......

Since none of those "solutions" are likely ever to come to fruition (I hope or I'm seriously moving as far away from "civilization" as I possibly can and taking my kids with me)....I guess some will be content to sit behind their keyboards and put down anyone whose lives haven't turned out "acceptable" to them.......and some of us will sit and feel how we feel about it....the cycle repeats....
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 85
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:20:13 PM

Would you feel any better about a mother of 7...all by the same father...who was supporting her kids with welfare??


Not unless she was doing something to better her lives and that of her childrens, welfare is there for temporary use, not to keep having children and sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. If she is getting an education etc, or looking for work that is different.

And Sweetness, guess you never ever judged anyone in your life? Wow I think we found one perfect person.

And you are absolutely right you don't know my story and I am almost postive my sisters have talked trash about me, to the point one is being charged with false allegations and causing mischief with these allegations that are made to child protection agencies because she lost all her children and still continues to try to get "knocked up" by any unsuspecting man that comes along. (she tells them she can't get pregnant) and each time her children are taken and sent to their fathers, she calls on me.

It is rather funny in my family 5 girls, 2 of them so screwed up and have 5 + kids and the other 3 of us no more than 2 and all within the same relationships. Yet we were raised by the same parents, so it isn't upbringing can't possibly be we were all raised the same. If anything if its due to abuse, and such that people behave that way, guess I would fall right into that, but guess what I don't, I don't let the abuse be an excuse for me to act in such a way. One can take ownership of their own issues, I learned from my mistakes, I do not have tonz of children, I got my tubes tied, 2 is enough, nor am I going to fall into the trap my two younger sisters did.

Anyway I have said my piece, and I say no more, no use trying to explain anything to someone looks at the world through rose colored glasses, and doesn't see much of a problem with the examples i talked about.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 86
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:25:03 PM

There must be middle ground between judgment and coddling.

There is. I never told any of my kids not to have sex but we have talked about the emotional aspects of sex and them being mature enough to be having it. They have seen their brother having a huge family by the time he was 30, cousins that were knocked up or the knockers at 17 or 18, one niece that had three kids by the time she was 21 or 22 and husband a non-entity in every sense of the word.

My daughter's attitude is that because she won't have an abortion and won't give a child up for adoption, she is going to be ready to raise a kid before she has sex. My boys have been taught to do more than listen for no, to try to make sure the girl is saying yes for the right reasons as well as them not shagging every piece of tail they come across.

My bottom line with all three is this is a choice I cannot dictate, you have to make it. My main concern is that they are emotionally and physically ready and safe.
 hannity
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 87
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:30:42 PM
No matter what way you want to spin it, it just does not look good for a woman to have children by multiple fathers. It does not benefit the children in a positive aspect, and it only creates division and angst amongst them. From things as simple as a women showing up with 3 kids who look alike, or a woman showing up with 3 kids who don't look alike. The mother with the 3 kids who look alike is just a better picture. For those who say you shouldn't judge people.......Well that is an unrealistic mindset, because to say that you don't judge people is saying that you have no thoughts, opinions, or ideas or others and how they may or may not be. Everyone has this mindset and it will never change. So yes you will be judge. If you don't want to judged in a negative light, I say do all you can to remain an outstanding citizen in societies eyes.

If a woman has a child or children by a man that she ends up on longer with, then she should make a conscious decision to not have any more children and meet a single dad and battle it out with their blended family.

A lot of people with mention that it's okay to have a brood of children by 2 fathers by it looks bad to have a brood by 3 fathers. I mean, what can really be the difference between 2 and 3? Not much!
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 88
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:45:45 PM
Hannity, all of us have opinions (fancy word for judgement)....having an opinion/judgement is not the issue as much as how one portrays their opinion/judgement and what actions they take as a result of it.

So what if a bunch of people were convinced there were witches living in Salem Mass? If nobody started the witch hunt, those women would not have been burned at the stake. History has shown us time and again the inherent risks in "mob mentality" thinking and yet some amongst us still want to create the mob mentality to attack a problem in society. These forum threads at time do turn into mob mentality type situations...thank God we are behind computer screens....
 akasha28
Joined: 4/13/2009
Msg: 89
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:53:16 PM
I have friends in this situation. Not exactly 7 kids to 7 fathers but more like !1 out of wedlock, 4 to the husband and one child to seal the current relationship. Maybe it doesn't look good, who cares honestly!So the lady with 7 and 7 fathers,she's reguarded as 'permiscuous' because there is living evidence of who she has slept with?or stupid because she has'nt taken any precautions?Come on-don't demonize people that you have no idea of what the circumstances of her life are. It seems it's okay for men to soe wild oats all over the place-but not women?I would'nt really care as long as the children are well cared for and each father is making an effort to support the mother in anyway they can. Sh!t happens people and the world isn't pefect !
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 90
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:57:53 PM
Oh pleasseeee kids with the same parents don't always end up looking the same. My cousin her two lil boys her eldest looks like his grandpa, and her youngest looks like his dad. They look nothing alike.

I think the reason this forum pisses off people is because well it kind of already has been done by hannity remember he had a silly post "why are women open to having more children by more then one man."

OP u might have meant women that have 5-6 different baby daddies but multiple children by multiple partners implies any woman that has a child with more then one man. I thought all my children would have the same father. This was a very sensitive issue for me. But there is no way I'm going to have another child with my loser ex I learned that lesson the hard way the first time. Don't need to repeat that mistake. But I still want more children.

Some married people with more then one child can be irresponsible. My cousin is pregnant with her 3rd her eldest is 3. Her and her husband just filed bankruptcy. Does anyone critizie her? No and why because she is married. It doesn't make her responsible. She's having children that she can't afford. She's a high school drop out. She has no way to support her children if her husband ever abandons her.

Maybe some women just really love being mothers. I loved being pregnant best time of my life. Do I want another child yes. If i won the lottery I wouldn't give a crap what anyone thought. I'd go to a sperm bank have my babies because I would be able to provide the quality of life I want for my children. It really depends on the quality of life u want to have for ur children.

I know I can't afford more then 2 on my own though. When u do it on ur own the first time around I think it gets easier. Who knows why these women have multiple babies with multiple partners I would think they suffer from low self-esteem? I don't know. But u talk about them giving single moms a bad reputation how so? In reality no one comes up to me and says what a horrible single mother i am. Never had anyone tell me that in person. On here I get bashed. But who cares? I don't. I did initially. I don't anymore.

I'm happy. I don't need to bring others down to make myself feel better. I see that a lot of single mothers do attack other single moms to demonstrate that they are not these negative stereotypes. But at what costs?

OP you had 2 children with a man that lost 2 children to social services. Someone might judge you by that. I wouldn't have had a child with a man that abandoned his previous children thinking this time it will be different. I still ended up having a child with a man that abandoned his responsibilities. And bashing another single mom's lifestyle isn't going to make me better then any other poster who constantly bashes single moms as inferior women.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 91
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 7:30:06 PM

From things as simple as a women showing up with 3 kids who look alike, or a woman showing up with 3 kids who don't look alike. The mother with the 3 kids who look alike is just a better picture.

Wow, my kids are screwed, they don't look like siblings, unless you see their baby pictures. My youngest is a carbon copy of me, my middle son looks so much like his dad at his age that my stepson's mother was really freaked out about it, and my daughter is pretty much a genetic cross in appearance.

Oddly enough, my oldest brother looks so much like my father, a picture of him taken after my father died has caused everyone who has seen it to do a double-take because it computes that it cannot be my father because of the date. My middle brother looks like my mother, and like my daughter, I am the genetic cross, we don't look like siblings either.

Same father in both cases.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 92
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:23:34 PM

OP you had 2 children with a man that lost 2 children to social services


where did you get that information from? no where did I state such.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 93
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:25:39 PM
gotta agree there packagedeal, my daughter looks like me, the boy is starting to look like him. Strange thing genetics.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 94
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:52:19 PM
[The reason for the judgement is because we are living in a society where the cost of bad judgement is increasinglay charged to the account of those who had nothing to do with it..]

[Thi is a big part of it... however, people will decry that it's not costing you anything...
conveniently overlooking
increaed taxes... to pay for...:
increased social services costs...
increased demand for daycare subsidies...
increased support services like paying for youth groups...
and the myriad other little costs..]

More likely, it is the cost of low self esteem & ignorance, and unfortunately, the cost is often borne by the children themselves.

Still, mchurch is right, yet we are often powerless to do a thing about it. There are educational programs, yet one can only lead a horse to water.....
 Svetlana Blue
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 95
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 3:49:05 AM
I do not have children, but have met plenty of men who have...and "multiple" partners/children. Note I say MET not DATED (I will not date these men). I guess MY biggest question is...why do people not take more precautions and simply use birth control? I mean...it is not that hard. All these baby mama and baby daddy situations I hear about. I would not even want to date someone with this situation. Drama city. I do not care if the kid looks like mommy or daddy physically the bottom line is who is paying for all these rug rats??? I know I am paying for a lot of them. I have heard so many times "well it was not planned" ..how many fkn times can you "ooops not planned?" Multiple partners/multiple kids all over the place = not very responsible. Just my opinion. And men are just as responsible as the women. His dick did not get in there without protection on its own.
 bigben1731
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 96
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 4:59:43 AM
nope wouldnt even think about dating a single mum with multi kids from diffrent partners no thanks since i dont have kids of my own bilogical. but a single mum with 6 or 7 kids good luck on your search not up my alley thats a thought
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 97
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 6:21:54 AM
LOL...since I am at a stage in parenting where all FOUR of this SINGLE MOM's children are grown & on their own...I wonder if that would change the thought process of people like BigBen1731? Would her owning her own home/business & being secure...all her other charming qualities...persuade you to reconsider? (hypothetically...I am not asking you out!) Honestly, I RARELY date guys who have not experienced parenthood, anyway...as in my experiences, most are lacking in family values & do not understand my children being numero uno on my priority list.

Hey...I also won't date guys with young children still in the nest! No offense!

But yeah...the whole "look alike" thing...pfffft! Adopted kids don't look like one another, neccessarily. I have TWINS who look as opposite as day & night! In fact, my daughter of the twins looks like her oldest brother...my son of the twins looks like his oldest sister...the twins have a DIFFERENT FATHER than the older two! *snort*

OP...I am still waitin' on a reply to one of my earlier messages, btw...I think you missed that!
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 98
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:36:54 AM
Honestly, I was SHOCKED to see your age, m_church! I expected you to be someone in his early 20's with a comment as such. At our age, don't you think it's COMMON to have a marriage/kids under our belts? I mean, who cares if you are not their first...as they say, work on being the last! ;)
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 99
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:59:50 AM
RLfish, please refresh my memory to which question,

and as for m_church's remark, kids generally have both parents features
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 100
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:13:29 AM
And if it was the question about would i feel any different about a woman with 7 kids, same father on welfare. My answer was something of the sorts like this. I would feel a little different at least she wasn't bopping from one to the next having a kid each year with a different man. However, I still think they should do something to better their lives rather than sitting on welfare if they are, and not having even more kids. And those 7 kids of all one father more than likely don't have a different male in and out of their lives every few months.

The woman I referred to, have a baby and not even 3 months later are knocked up again and having another guys kids. Great role model for the kids isn't it.

I see many offended here about me even mentioning it, yet I do not see one person who has posted who fits into that type in the first place. Some may have kids with more than one guy, but did you have the baby, kick daddy out and find another to knock you up and then continue the cycle?

As for answering questions the poster who claims I had my children with a man who lost 2 to social services already needs to reread as nowhere did I post such. The only two children he has are with me. My daughter lives with my aunt and will be returning home soon. And no the social services didn't do that. I have had friends who have had it happen to them though.
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