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 AUTHOR
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 101
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
My apologies...it really was not posed as a question, but more of a comment...


<div class="quote">i have a 6 month old of my own and an older daughter coming back to live with me soon.

<div class="quote">Now I could do what you did...and assume the worst in your situation....your 11 year old daughter coming back to live with you, eh?? The things people could assume about you for not having your daughter!

I am trying to make a point and stay tactful...not get to the point where we are slinging hash! Point being is...a mother who does not even have physical custody of her daughter...who separates her two children (by the same father, though!)...could be judged harshly as well.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 102
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:37:44 AM
She is there for a good reason. Yes you can assume and judge me as you want, at least welfare isnt paying for my kids, and my son wasn't planned but I was smart and got fixed. I support myself and dont continue to have children that I can't afford.

Yes I rent I am getting back on my feet and doing things for myself. I left the home, I got nothing I was able to leave with the kids, their stuff and two suitcases of clothes for us, had to use welfare temporarily til I got some clients for my web designing....

and for those who seem to have trouble quoting.... it is [quote ] stuff you are quoting goes in here [/quote ] but without the spaces in the brackets
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 103
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:41:02 AM
so Matariki, why is your daughter living with your aunt and not her mother?
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 104
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 11:19:30 AM
I placed her there when I first left him as I was living in a shelter. Since then she was enrolled in a special education program tailored to her that is not offered at the school in my area, she lives an hour drive down island. Now that her program is done she will be coming back at the end of the month. I felt it best to have her stay until she was finished with that. She is quite excited to come home and she sees her brother and I most days.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 105
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 11:23:06 AM
Matariki, well I'm glad that you are in a better place now...for your sake and the sake of your children. It must have been so hard for you to be separated from her.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 106
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 11:53:40 AM
That it is, can't wait for her to get home either.... of course she wants me to teach her to play my bass now... which I will do of course.

It's one reason why I can never understand why a parent will willingly not see their children. I sometimes wonder if it ever really bothers him he hasn't seen her in over a year now, nor ever seen his son. He used to talk to me but the new gf told him he couldn't and he listens to her. I see her where I am in a few years if not sooner since he tells her he had a vasectomy he never did have.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 107
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:00:56 PM

I can never understand why a parent will willingly not see their children


We can only understand what we can "relate" to.....

Take this topic for instance...I can't understand why someone would have a new kid every year by a different guy but I also don't think I can judge them. I can think of a few reasons why it might happen but for each case, I couldn't tell you.

If they are emotionally damaged individuals....I can feel empathy for them all.
If they are seeking more welfare money...I can feel empathy for the children and angry with the mom.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 108
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:08:42 PM
Hmm. Seeing a lot of black newbies in some threads. That's nice. Well.... maybe. Depends on how much... well I'm sure there will be a time and a place for what I have to say about that. And this ain't it.


From things as simple as a women showing up with 3 kids who look alike, or a woman showing up with 3 kids who don't look alike. The mother with the 3 kids who look alike is just a better picture.
Bullshit argument. In the case of mixed kids alone - black people can show up with some very light to mixed kids and will get questioned on whether or not they are they are their kids. And white people with dark mixed children will get questioned if it their kids.

In the same families with the same mother and father, some kids may not look all that much alike. In one family I know, the son is the spitting image of his father. The daughter looks like aunt of the mother. If you saw them, you would think they had different fathers or were not related to each other, but they have the same mother and father. And what's even more weird? Her oldest son by a different man looks more like this particular son than his sister by the same father.

My brother and I had different fathers, and people just seem to know we were related without asking either of us. My dad is very dark - dark chocolate. My bro's father was lighter skinned, peanut butter dark. Yet we both have same peanut butter color, honey-colored eyes with the same shape, full lips, and oblong faces. So sometimes children with different fathers may look more alike than those with the same fathers. And sometimes children may not look much like either bio parent (even if they have the same parent) because we can look like anyone in the generations behind us.

Ignorance abounds. It's outstanding.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 109
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:16:12 PM
Yep the looking alike is crazy, my sisters and I all have the same father none of us look alike, both parents dark haired and fairly native looking mother, yet here I am very definitely not native looking yet I am cree, mohawk and Irish. With my children's mix they are Kiwi. Three of my sisters are blonde and the other 2 of us are dark haired. Have no idea where the blonde came from either, yet my daughter was blonde when she was little now she is same color as ours and well the son was born with dark hair just needs to grow some soon lol.

Not one of us siblings looks the same. Now our children, my one sisters daughter is the exact copy of me when I was her age. And my daughter looks like my cousin as she did at that age.

Genetics is a very funny yet interesting thing.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 110
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:18:01 PM
And isn't it interesting that people who claim so much concern about anyone's kids are usually saying that when it involves some kind of ignorant prejudice? 'Oh I'm only thinking about the kids! It's just not right for her to marry that black man and have another kid when her other kids look like the friggin rainbow coalition. And then she will have to go on welfare and I despise welfare whores and think all form of welfare should be eliminated! And no abortions for her! Welfare whores should have those kids it serves their irresponsible asses right for having kids out of wedlock when she knew she couldn't take care of them!

But my only concern is for the kids! I'm thinking of those kids.
It's just too bad for those kids. We need to take better care of those kids. '



Yeah right. You have concern about those kids like a dope pusher has concern about the poor columbians who manufacture cacaine. Think about that one for a minute.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 111
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:30:43 PM
My family is a rainbow....both my children are mixed. My son is light skinned with dark fro, the spitting image of his father...only his lips look like me. My daughter is as white skinned as I am with blonde hair and hazel eyes but is the spitting image of me. I am sure over the years when some people looked at my son and I they didn't think I was his mother....I just never thought about it until now. I don't much care what others think anyway...he is my son, I love him. I know my daughter's father had people questionning him about whether or not she was really his....I paid for a DNA test so he could confidently say yes she is mine. I feel no different walking with my daughter than I do walking with my son.

When you mix races up...you never know what you will get when they pop out of the oven but why the hell does it matter? If some people want to pass judgement on my family, I see it very much as their issue and not mine.

I am always amazed at the shallowness of grown men/women who care about such things.........
 jenn8131
Joined: 11/7/2009
Msg: 112
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 12:55:12 PM
I apologize it was from another thread where u posted about a "friend" having that happen. But what does it matter that ur babies come from the same guy? He still is a deadbeat. You have posted how he took all ur money and also just now that u ended up living in a shelter. And how he has been dodging paying his cs. And how do u know those are his only 2 children by the sounds of it he gets around quiet a bit. Its a musicians lifestyle. Come on part of the draw about musicians is well they are kind of sexy. I used to have a bf a singer and when we went to his gigs I tell u every woman in that bar wanted him.

Say if you had been 16 when you had the first two and things fell apart. Lets say you met another guy at 24 and fell in love and he wanted a baby? Would you have another child? Seriously you can't answer these questions because you don't know what you would have done if your circumstances had been different.

Now with me I was in university straight after high school. I did 5 yrs at University. So I didn't have a baby in my late teens, early twenties. I did get pregnant at 25. The latest I'm willing to have another child is 32. But I'm not rushing into it. Maybe I'll go to a sperm bank who cares what I do. Its my life and I'm entitled to live it the way I want. Now because I'm responsible I know I won't have more children then I can afford because I want to be able to provide a certain quality of life for my child(ren).

Lets face it women don't get smart about men until they are in their mid-twenties if ever.

I'm not offended I just don't see why you need to pick on other single moms. Can u imagine what kind of crappy lives these women must've had to feel that they can only fill the empty void in their life by having multiple children? That the only way they feel important is to have more children? That they feel no man will want them so they just have sex with who is willing? They obviously don't care about their health otherwise they wouldn't be having unprotected sex with random men. How much do you have to hate urself to do that? I just don't believe in throwing dirt in someones face when they are already down.

This was just a bad post.You just added another post for single moms to be bashed on. And who cares if most of the women posting doesn't fit into these categories. The reason u are getting such strong reactions is cuz well I for one thought my children were going to be coming from the same man. I wasn't planing on having multiple baby daddies. But what I only get one child? while my ex is free to go and have more while not being responsible for the one he has. A woman can only be pregnant by one man at a time but yet a man can have 2/3 different women pregnant at the same time.


At any given time a woman can feel insecure in her life. She can be told she's not pretty enough, she's not smart enough, she's not good for anything. I don't mind my tax dollars going to help others. I always donate $2 everytime I go grocery shopping. There are much worse ways to spend tax dollars. There are always those that are less privileged and I don't believe children should suffer. Most of these girls that have these multiple partners are girls themselves and have not fully weighed the consequences of their decisions. And I'm sure a few of them are defeated and been kicked down by life. I'm not going to point my finger at them and say "you bad mother". I have no right to judge her even if i was married and only had one baby daddy. Whenever I was 19 and saw a girl younger then me with a child I felt sorry for her. I still feel sorry for young girls who are forced into motherhood before they are really prepared for all that comes along. These young girls fell through the cracks. And I think the single moms you are generalizing about are younger mothers. I only know one girl with multiple baby daddies. She has 3 girls all from different fathers. All within 5 yrs I think. Anyway who am i to judge her? Was she irresponsible? Yes. Did she get funding and go back to school yes.

Who cares if a single mother needs to be on welfare and use funding to go back to school if it makes her life better and that of her childs so be it.
I'm paying for upgrading my education on my own. I have a friend that has her BA and she's on welfare right now and she doesn't have a child.The economy stinks right now maybe why so many people are cranky and feel the need to lash out at others.

Why do you care what other people think about you? You know ur not one of those "single mothers" that abuses welfare system which is a good thing. But i honestly don't think single mothers are getting rich living off welfare.

I can openly admit that I'm going to have more than 1 baby daddy and I don't care what anyone thinks of me because I'm a wonderful mother and I want more children and I can afford more children.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 113
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 1:07:47 PM

Who cares if a single mother needs to be on welfare and use funding to go back to school if it makes her life better and that of her childs so be it.


thats the key, you are making your life better not out having more kids dumping them in daycare so you can sit at home. Glad you enjoy helping pay for those that didn't learn the first 5x and continue on to number 8. Guess some will only notice when they are told no room for your child in daycare because its filled up with SAHM with 8 kids... if they are going to have them and sit at home and do nothing to better themselves then they can also sit at home and look after their children without taking up spaces that those who wish to better themselves in life can use.

Daycare and the government shouldn't be used so they can go get knocked up 3 months after the last baby was born with yet the new guy they just met kid.
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 114
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 1:09:35 PM
I have no sympathy for the ones in the examples all 3 I know whine about how tough it is, yet they put themselves in that situation it was no one else's doing.
 ValkyrieHJR
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 115
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 3:52:49 PM
You know HPotters, I am halfway of the opinion that you come into threads and say something like that just to start trouble.
 hannity
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 116
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:32:21 PM
I don't know what town/planet you guys grew up on, but where I'm from there were several large families and you could tell what family any given kid was from by their family resemblance. You could take one look at a kid and say, "He's a Hampton".

A child is most likely to resemble its father. This stems from found evidence that infants tended to resemble their fathers more than they resembled their mothers because their paternity would be less likely to be doubted. The man and others would know that the kid is most likely his. So nature, from its beginning, found a way to prevent men from becoming DUPED DADS, and preventing children to be less likely abandoned by their fathers, because their paternity would be less likely to be doubted. Once you people realize that there is something out there bigger than all of us (The Universe), this will be easier for you to understand. Women don't just get to sleep around and name a father without fearing any reprecussions. Society can't catch everything so we need to rely on a greater power to catch wicked women who try to put their kids off on other men who are not the dads and cruel people in general.

So if you guys are having broods of children, or know people who are having broods of children who don't look alike, I say, "If there was no DNA test, then you don't know who the father is YET!".
 RLFish
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 117
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:01:38 PM

and for those who seem to have trouble quoting.... it is


I actually know all of the HTML coding on Plentyoffish...mine was converted for some reason, when I edited my post for a typo. LOL See all my pretty HTML on my party thread! Even COLORS and Scrolling Marquees...wee!

OK...so in explaining your situation...you were extremely defensive. I think you still missed the point...and that is, it is VERY EASY to be judgmental and make assumptions about someone. Maybe welfare is not paying for your kids now, but some people would view not having your child as far worse than accepting welfare. (You have NEVER needed food stamps? State medicaid? School lunch program?? ALL are social programs!) Oops...I see where you said you HAVE received such! How do you know how long a person has been on it, to judge them? I mean, I know in Missouri, there is a MAX CAP of 5 years, NO EXCEPTIONS. That means you may need it for 6 months, or you may need it for 4 years...but once you have reached 60 months TOTAL, you are DONE.

I was not trying to put you in the spotlight...I was simply trying to make you understand empathy. It's not YOU versus these OTHERS.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 118
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:24:01 PM
Harsh but true Soul lady, and i do love you. The chica wasnt wanted by her baby-daddy so feels a need to lash out.
Good thing for "fixing" (what are we dogs here).
 Tomau
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 119
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 9:38:13 PM
I left him, he didnt leave me and had I not left I'm sure he would have just kept doing what he was... he wanted the family at home but wanted the others as well.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 120
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/11/2009 11:43:56 PM
You know what? After careful consideration of all the opinions, I have to agree with the initial poster. It is absolutely horrendous that a woman can't manufacture a relationship longer than the 3 minutes it takes to have sex and make sure all of their kids are by the same man.

Imagine. There is a house on fire. There a child trapped inside. I have the ability to save her. I run in and... before I save her... I ask her if she has any brothers and sisters.

She looks at me dumbfounded, hoping that I will save her instead.

'ANSWER ME DAMMIT! Do you have any brothers and sisters!'

She shakes her head nervously. Yes. Yes she does have bros and sis.

And... careful little girl... 'but does one of them have a different father?'

Oh shoot, the fire is closer, CLOSER! We must save each other and get out NOW!

'ANSWER ME! Do your bro or sis have another father that isn't yours?? '

Finally, she answers. She's scared. She tries to run into my arms.

Oh hell no. Answer the question.

Yes. Why yes, her little brother does have another father and his name is ....

'SORRY BIATCH!! BURN BABY BURN!'

There is is no way in hell I'm gonna save some illegitimate heathen of a whore.


The child is choking. Choking. I know Heimlich.
But first, I ask his mother does he have brothers and sisters.
'Save my child', she says! ' SAVE MY CHILD!'
Look heffa, if you want your child saved, answer the question!
Yes, yes! They have brothers and sisters.
Do they have the same father?? I have to know before I save him. It's important.
I don't want to be saving any undesirables.
Ahp! Too late. Child is dead. The woman can't sue me. She's an undesirable. The law of this great land of straight married white couples with 2.3 kids will be on my side.

See what we need to do is take all the illegitimate heathen undesirables and put them on an island by themselves. The women and all their kids and the whorish fathers on one little island by themselves where they can sex each other like rabbits and live among themselves. There won't be enough food so it's SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST and some will die. The great American west can do food drops and watch these illigitimates scramble for it and eat it out of them hands like heathens are wont to do.

It's SURVIVOR: GALAPAGOS
HEATHEN B@STARDS SCRAMBLE FOR GOODS!

That would be worth watching if only.....
if only....
if only....
I wasn't gonna be there myself....
because...
I'm a heathen b@stard darkie (read: non-christian, illigimate daughter, and black) not fit to live in this great land of ours with straight white couples who have 2.3 kids.

At least Octomom will be happy. She finally gets a TV show!
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 121
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/12/2009 12:24:21 AM
I will share my bread and water with you Kat.
Heathens gotta look out for each other.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 122
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/12/2009 11:45:13 AM
Can i go too? I have two with different fathers....I will share whatever I find with you both!

Not sure what happened to me....surely my parents (still married) never intended for me to have two illegitimate children by two different fathers...they must feel so much shame and horror!!!!!!
 wonderingsole
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 123
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/12/2009 12:27:19 PM
Yeah, you guys are hilarious -not. As usual you two seem to have to keep repeating the fact that you do not fit the stereo type the original thread was pointing out. Yay you guys.
Wow nappy I really thought you were okay nut after reading your posts I doubt your issues have anything to with welfare or kids.

After reading your pep talk about how easy it is to own a house I did a little research. This may not be the case so much in canada but in the states women are still not given equal consideration when it comes to loans for houses.
Even with equal or better credit scores lending instituions still tend to steer women into the types of loans that were responsible for the recent mortgage crash.
Many will take on this type of mortgage just out of frustration of being rejected by banks. It could still have something to do with the fact that there will still be a chance of a fluctuation in income due to having kids and the career choices women are more likely to chooses regardless of a college education.
If you take into consideration the debt load (loans) and the difference that a man may not have kids unless he is married, it is not as easy as you may think for a woman to own a home.
Psst, taken - if I'm not mistaken I beleive you may have had a little help from your parents on the home thing but I could be wrong.
My ex took all of our savings and with the help of her parents got the house. So let's be honest in our statements here shall we. Don't want to give out any false hopes now do we?

Getting back to the original op, you would think there must be a screw loose to think that having kids is a ticket for a free ride, as someone has already mentioned you need at least eight of em to even get considered for your own show.
 Whaaaat
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 124
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/12/2009 6:57:29 PM
While I don't think it's very cool for women to be having a baby with every guy she dates, I do have 2 from different fathers. Number 1 was when I was 21, and ridiculously stupid. He turned out to be a total loser...but not at first.
Number 2 was a broken condom the first time I had sex with a new guy, 6 years later. He was farrrrr from the next bf after Dad 1, but he was the one I fell in love with and was married to. We didn't bust up till baby was 2.
If I decide to have another child with my new boyfriend, it won't be for years.
One woman in my hometown had 6 kids, all different dad's, and none lasted past conception (literally, bang, bye, oops there's a baby)...
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 125
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 11/13/2009 3:34:09 AM
Wow nappy I really thought you were okay nut after reading your posts I doubt your issues have anything to with welfare or kids.
What gave you that impression that I was OK? And nice little faux paus - you called me a 'nut' where you should have put 'but' so you answered your own statement. Shame on you for thinking I was OK or otherwise.


Yeah, you guys are hilarious -not. As usual you two seem to have to keep repeating the fact that you do not fit the stereo type the original thread was pointing out. Yay you guys.
Woah, I don't fit a stereotype? My first time hearing about it. Let's see.... there is black, female, intergenerational welfare recipients, daughter of unmarried alcoholics, daddy is a jailbird, mom had multiple kids with different fathers, I do a lot of head-rolling and finger waving, I try to take advantage of every government program imaginable, been to jail myself, I use to drive a Cadillac and it got repoed, got bad credit...

ok, I didn't do any drivebys or support muscular pants-sagging thugs with my welfare check. You're right. I don't fit a stereotype. Dammit, does that mean I can't get my slave reparations for libel and slander? I was hoping to use that money to buy me another cadillac, some KFC, and get me a young muscular saggy-pants wearing thug.


The point of my posts above is that in the grand scheme of things, I don't care. And many other people don't care. If someone is hurt or ailing or in danger - we are not going to care or ask questions about their circumstances or background. Even with our prejudices and biases and discrimination - does that stop us from doing what we know to be right? I can come home and talk about my dislike for 'honkies' and 'rednecks' all day like someone can go home and talk their dislikes and disgruntlement for 'whores with illegitimate babies' and 'ni&&ars' but in the end who can stand idly by and watch someone in pain and danger? Will you help me? Can I help you? If you're the hard right-wing grand wizard of the KKK and choking on a cornish game hen will you care that a I'm black welfare cheat with 10 kids by different fathers who just got my crack at the crackhouse 3 hours ago? Or would you want me to save your ass with the Heimlich I learned in high school? Ofcouse you will care about my background later, and I may regret ever saving you - but not now while you are choking and everyone else is looking at you trying to figure out what to do.

Our discussions on these subjects may be nice, insightful, and make for great social and conversational fodder, but they are sooo arbitrary. We pick and choose and pick and choose and some of us are closer or feel more aligned with some subjects more than others, so we have strong opinions about it. This, and all of it's subsequent variations on a theme, just happens to be one of mine. But I never want anyone to forget the true nature of our own humanity, which can go far beyond these arbitrary discussions and divisions. Thats the key to trying to keep an open mind.

Stereotypes don't really scare me. It's when people use these stereotypes as the basis for implementing social and institutional structure. I don't think this is happening with this particular stereotype as we still have the freedom to have kids at will and with whomever. But there is always talks in the works of limiting the reproductive capabilities and freedoms and certain groups and certain segments of the population, and that has already been done in many cases in the US and abroad. And whether or not I fit a certain stereotype or not, I know I fit enough stereotypes to be in that group that they want with limited reproductive freedom and capabilities. For instance, you may say you want all sex offenders castrated. I am not a sex offender so I don't fit that group. But yet it is a group I have concern for and relate too, however far removed that may seem. And starting with one group can make it's way on down the line to others, that's why I speak on behalf of others or subjects that may seem unrelated to me.
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