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 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 201
Multiple children by multiple partnersPage 9 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Playing devil's advocate fence sitter hypocrite spotter...

such anger at being judge because you have multiple kids with different fathers (and rightly so... maybe) but who do you judge?
Who do you see as not living life the way you think it should be lived?
Who do you look down upon?
Who do you share some similarities with but would never want to be lumped into the same category with?
Doesn't everybody have somebody or some group like that above? Who would that be?

feel free not to answer that
just something to think about
to no one in particular
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 202
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History
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/4/2010 2:50:20 PM
I love it...another study in contrast and hypocrisy...women resent being judged for having children by different men..yet over in the "Childless Men" thread men who have no children at all by anybody are"selfish"....too funny.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 203
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/5/2010 10:05:25 AM
Never once in my life called childless men selfish.

I love childless men, They have more time and money.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 204
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/5/2010 11:24:03 AM
I would never even consider dating a woman if their children's fathers numbered more than TWO, AND there was a reasonable explanation.. such as a young widow who remarried and had more children...

Or even a young divorce that remarried.

But a babymama who had NEVER married.. Not even ONE kid. Their value system about needs vs wants was already skewed. I dont need that.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 205
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/5/2010 9:31:17 PM
hells twisted...

Yes I understand your point. However, having just dating and split with a lady that had 2 daughters from 2 different dads- at some point there is a percentage of ladies that fit into that category that have questionable judgement in men OR they are the questionable one.

Typically- anyone can get married, have children and get divorced however we are typically much more careful 2nd time around, especially when it comes to picking someone to have kids with...

So often times when a woman has 2 dads and at least 1 kid with each dad either she's awful at picking dudes OR she being the common denominator is the problem.

What thinks?
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 206
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:33:30 AM
ghostdog.....would you ever date or consider dating a woman who had multiple relationships but didn't have children?

Does it matter if there are years between the children and the mother has a good relationship with both fathers?

I'm just trying to see where your head is at.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 207
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:41:04 AM
taken- I dated a girl rather seriously this year who did have 2 children from 2 different fathers. (9 years age difference between the 2 kids)

I'm open to dating anyone. However after my recent experience with this woman- I have to question not so much the fact that she had 2 kids from 2 dads (could happen to anyone) but the length of each of her relationships and any relationships she had outside of those guys.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt- because honestly, it can happen to anyone. Everyone of us have failed relationships and such...

Again- I'd take it on a case by case basis...
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 208
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 7:44:02 PM
Speaking as one of the (apparently) horrible women who had a child without ever having married, I think your values are completely skewed 1kindman4u (and given what you've said here, I don't think there's any kindness in your heart seeings how you're judging people based on a choice they made). You have NO idea the circumstances that led a woman to have a child outside wedlock. This has absolutely no reflection on their value system of needs vs. wants. Are you implying that a woman should get married to the father of her would-be child regardless of whether or not he's going to be a good father and role model? A child does not NEED to have a father around if that father is not going to be a positive influence in their life (and that goes for toxic mothers as well). A child NEEDS to have positive role models. Sometimes, due to circumstances this is not always possible. Do you honestly think that any woman really WANTS to be an unwed mother? No, they are single mothers, largely, because they are doing what their children need and NOT marrying a man who cannot provide a positive, stable influence in their children's lives.

Please tell me, when I was in a LTR with my child's father, got pregnant, and were living together, what was wrong with that? Then, only AFTER our child was born, he decided to start hanging out with drug dealers, it was selfish of me to kick him out. I would have loved to marry the man, but once he started doing what he did, I felt I NEEDED to provide my daughter with a better environment. And I have the screwed up value system you say?!

I certainly hope you don't believe in sex outside of marriage, because otherwise, you're coming across as nothing but a hypocrite. It takes two people to make a baby, not just the woman, and you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about the circumstances that arose to make that woman an unwed mother.
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 209
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:05:30 PM
barefoot- "I certainly hope you don't believe in sex outside of marriage, because otherwise, you're coming across as nothing but a hypocrite. It takes two people to make a baby, not just the woman, and you have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about the circumstances that arose to make that woman an unwed mother. "

ya it does take 2...but most folks that are above the age of like 20 typically practice safe sex. condoms/the pill the shot, etc...

it shows poor judgement unless you're young and dumb...
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 210
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:32:54 PM
People still get pregnant while using various forms of birth control. I know I did, so it's not necessarily a matter of being young and dumb even. Blame it on poor latex construction! lol
 ghostdog1973
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 211
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 8:57:50 PM
That's fair...but latex and the pill?

i mean anything's possible...but come on...i might have been born in the day...but not yesterday.
 barefootkitten
Joined: 12/17/2009
Msg: 212
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/6/2010 9:37:40 PM
LOL. I was simply responding to the post criticizing women who have had children yet never been married. I, obviously, am included in that group. I was 21 when I got pregnant, so maybe I could chalk it up to being young and stupid. I do not, however, ever think anyone has a right to say that a woman has screwed up morals just because she is an unwed mother. There are a myriad of circumstances that can happen to cause someone to be an unwed parent. I'm simply pointing out that it's narrow-minded to judge another based on a circumstance of their life without knowing the facts behind it.

In my case, I started university when my daughter was 10 months old and now have 2 degrees and have been working for a few years. Personally, I think this shows more about the type of person I am (hard-working, goal-oriented, intelligent, focused) than a relationship I had 10 years ago that failed (due to reasons largely beyond my control as I stated in a previous post). Unfortunately, many men just look at the fact I have a child and haven't been married and make judgments about me that are untrue. All I'm saying is that people shouldn't judge others because they rarely have all the facts.
 Solar69
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 213
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/7/2010 12:00:45 AM
Chances are if you have kids and you meet a guy, they like kids. And naturally a guy who likes kids will want his own kids...... No one goes into a relationship expecting it to fail....
 Ditzy Faerie
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 214
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/7/2010 7:34:07 AM
I have 2 children by 2 different fathers. One I was married to. I got pregnant on birth control and thought because he was 35 he'd be mature. Lesson learned. My son turns 3 in March. My daughter was born October 21st. I wasn't with the guy long and thought I was soooo inlove. Naive and stupid and so many other things. Neglected to use birth control a few times, very, very stupid. Even got engaged to him. Things went to hell, almost long my baby girl multiple times because of the stress, that caused my body to try to miscarry. I truly believe he put me under the stress as he did after we broke up to try and cause a miscarriage. He knew the problems with the pregnancy. Hell, he held my hand when I had minor surgery to keep from losing her and heard the doc say I needed to stay stress free. Went to the E.R. with me a couple times, when even after the surgery, I tried to miscarry.

I know now why this happened with each of these guys. I evaluated what went wrong in each relationship after we broke. I grew up being physically, mentally, and verbally abused. Watched my mother and brother deal with it, from our father till the age of 13. I gravatated toward men who were, abusive physically but mostly verbally and mentally. My earliest memory is being slapped for something stupid. I've done a lot of reading on the signs and can reconize them for the most part.

I will never allow myself to be treated that way by anyone ever again. Which is why I still have problems with my daughter's father. He still tries to be controlling and I will not take that. Which is why I really think it's funny with him as he's in a relationship with someone who keep his balls in her pocket.

I'm happily with a new guy who has personally experience with this. He tried to keep me as calm as possible during my pregnancy. He loves me and for the 1st time in my life I feel loved but not trapped by that love.
 Somotivated
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 215
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/9/2010 9:42:23 PM
People don't respect commitment like they used to. I am sure all mothers would prefer to have all of their children by the same father, but if that relationship ends is she expected to never have another child? It is a new day and age. All that should matter is that the children are loved , happy, safe, and secure. Other peoples personal lives are none of our business and we are noone to judge them
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 216
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/9/2010 9:48:54 PM
I'm sitting here wondering how many childless men may not realize that they couldn't get a woman pregnant in the first place riding bareback...infertility is on the rise folks for whatever reason. Perhaps their "intelligence" has more to do with infertility than practicing safe sex.
 downtowndallas
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 217
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/9/2010 10:10:09 PM
Why would you expect the 2nd father to treat the first child the same as his own flesh and blood. The first child has a biological father, and will never treat the step father as flesh. So at Christmas, is the 2nd father suppose to spend the same on both children? Does the 1st father also give presents to both children or just to his. At some point, feelings are hurt. I've had this conversation with more than one man, and it always creates a problem in the relationship.
 lovelyautumnleaves
Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 218
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/10/2010 1:29:33 AM

Shhhhhhhhhh......

.. you shouldn't bring this sort of thing up, 'cause all the single mothers will jump on you for mentioning something that might put them in a bad light....


Wow, I did not realize ALL SINGLE MOTHERS had multiple baby daddies. Perhaps your comment provides far more insight into YOUR belief system than it does into the beliefs of "all single women" and how we perceive ourselves.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 219
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 1/10/2010 8:01:33 PM
ghostdog is right in that it should be taken on a case by case basis. Let's face it, at some point the majority of us will be single parents. So most of us will then be guilty of poor judgment, if that's how we choose to judge a failed relationship. The number of times we have been guilty DOES speak to our character, whether we want to admit it or not. Age plays a factor. Personal preference is guided by judgment, but judgment spoken aloud (on the forums, it seems ) amount to prejudice. So, keep your mouth shut and make your choices, folks!
 greenIsis777
Joined: 3/14/2012
Msg: 220
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 5/31/2012 11:04:19 AM
hm, I used to have such a narrow minded viewpoint, no offense. growing up with 4 brothers and sisters, only 2 of which have the same dad, my perspectives were a little jaded. then you grow up and learn that life happens. a lot of ppl with 3 or 4 kids had them with mates in rltshps that didn't work out, that's all. It's inconsequential, ppl have good intentions, and judgement is very unattractive
 Deleted1a2b3c4d5e
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 221
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 6/1/2012 3:29:39 PM
Every situation is different, but in a general sense, it will tend to be held against the woman by most men. That's my opinion on it.

I think most people can let go of "one" of anything. Someone who cheated once in their life. Someone who divorced once in their life. Someone who had a one night stand once in their life. Once can be seen as a single bad choice or a bad turn of events or just bad timing.

I think most people start to worry when it happens twice or more.
 wth7
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 222
Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 6/3/2012 7:56:34 AM
I can see how it would happen maybe twice. Many people have the "oops" at a young age and that doesn't end up working out so they have one child with one partner. Then later on they get married, have some more children, and end up getting divorced. Then you have children from two partners. When it happens over and over again...dealbreaker.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 223
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 6/3/2012 8:18:30 AM
I find it unappealing. However, from a Darwinian perspective, those women are very successful at propagating their genes with sufficient diversity from the various fathers, that the chances of one of their children successfully propagating those genes is increased. The downside is that the children of most of those women may have disadvantages in their upbringing that reduce the odds of them successfully finding good mates themselves. Overall, it may balance out genetically.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 224
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 6/3/2012 8:31:41 AM

I find it unappealing. However, from a Darwinian perspective, those women are very successful at propagating their genes with sufficient diversity from the various fathers, that the chances of one of their children successfully propagating those genes is increased. The downside is that the children of most of those women may have disadvantages in their upbringing that reduce the odds of them successfully finding good mates themselves. Overall, it may balance out genetically.


Seeing how we live in a society where even the most inbred bottom-feeders are capable of survival, your synopsis really doesn't mean anything.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 225
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Multiple children by multiple partners
Posted: 6/3/2012 9:10:06 AM

Seeing how we live in a society where even the most inbred bottom-feeders are capable of survival, your synopsis really doesn't mean anything.


Indeed. Just shows that the bottom feeders may inherit the earth! They'll outbreed everyone else.
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