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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How much is too much?      Home login  
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 Oscillate Blondly
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 1
How much is too much?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Met up and had a great coffee date with a seemingly nice woman about my same age. Had a lot in common and she told me how much she thought we would get along together which led me to believe that their might be something there. Talked on the phone the next night and set up a lunch date. One hour before we were supposed to meet she calls and cancels. Nothing after that. Not one word. I called her once to confirm the date and left message. Called from the restaurant as she didn't show and left message. Called twice in the next week to see what was happening and sent two emails through plenty. No answers at all. Today I get the email "Cannot stand the incessant calls and emails I'm blocking you". This was over a 12 day or so span. Was I pushing it? When is an unanswered call a sign? I'm 45 but still pretty new to all of this dating scene.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 2
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:45:08 PM
Don't lose any sleep over this flake. Via the internet, you're going to meet lots of disingenuous people. Don't let the bad apples spoil the bunch. Keep fishing. Good luck.
 Oscillate Blondly
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 3
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:38:44 PM
What I should have said was she rescheduled for Wednesday and we were supposed to meet then...
 Oscillate Blondly
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 4
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:42:34 PM
I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone. Cripes it sucks - Trying to date after not doing it since I was 22 or so.
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:52:37 PM
here's my rule of thumb, op: any combination of two unreturned emails/texts/vmails and/or canceled dates equals 'i'm not interested.'

what you're describing happens all the time - someone has what seems like a great date or two with someone, then never hears from them again. it can take that long for someone to decide they don't want to pursue anything with you, at which point you hope the person is mature enough to say something rather than leave you to rot. but as you can see, that can be a vain hope.

i'd say don't have any expectations of anyone before the fourth date. at that point, the 'test drive' is probably over and the actual dating has commenced.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 6
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:56:45 PM
She was wrong not to respond to your first message on the canceled date.
And blocked you to put the blame on you.

A normal girl would've replied with a reason.
or atleast said not interested.

For future reference:
2 unanswered messages...leave alone.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 7
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:03:09 PM
Met up and had a great coffee date with a seemingly nice woman about my same age. Had a lot in common and she told me how much she thought we would get along together which led me to believe that their might be something there. Talked on the phone the next night and set up a lunch date. One hour before we were supposed to meet she calls and cancels. Nothing after that. Not one word. I called her once to confirm the date and left message. Called from the restaurant as she didn't show and left message. Called twice in the next week to see what was happening and sent two emails through plenty. No answers at all. Today I get the email "Cannot stand the incessant calls and emails I'm blocking you". This was over a 12 day or so span. Was I pushing it? When is an unanswered call a sign? I'm 45 but still pretty new to all of this dating scene.


Yeah, if they are not answering you and you continue to call it's too much.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 8
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:05:34 PM
Anything other than "yes" means "no"... if you are wrong, they can always call you and correct it.

Aways leave them first before they leave you... it hurts less.

Don't sweat it... you only need to find one good lover. All the rest don't matter. Just say, "next".

I think that just about covers it.

Edit: also, don't make call backs to confirm... if you get off the phone without a firm date after trying to make a date.... you have already been rejected... or, she/he is not that interested or a dope... either way, it's bad news.

When she left the message an hour before and canceled, it was over (besides, why go further with a woman you barely know who is difficult to get a date with.... what has she done for you lately?! And if she can't set a date, how do you expect her to raise your kids someday?!). Also, never leave a message until you know her very well... it allows her to reject you first. Some people don't like these rules, and have to learn the hard way.
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 9
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:39:06 PM
If she had a legitimate reason for cancelling the lunch date, then you could text her or call or email her after that and ask her out again. If she doesnt answer you, then forget it, she's not interested. I think she was hoping you would pick up the signs that she wasn't interested, and when you kept calling, texting, emailing, she got upset and irritated with you and it's kind of like "can't you get the point.. leave me alone." She lost her patience with you because you were not smart enough to get the point. I guess after 12 days of not answering, yes you pushed it too far, and I would probably get irritated too. You should have stopped after the next day. If she didn't make the lunch date, and didn't bother to give you a good reason, and didnt bother to text you or answer you calls or emails, even on the very next day.... then forget it. She's not interested. I'm not sure either though... when you said she called to cancel, and then you said she didn't show at the restaurant.... I mean didn't you understand she cancelled? Hmmm.... please don't tell me you are "that" slow?
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 10
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 3:48:11 PM
You are 45 and retired . Who gets to retire 20 years early? Unless that is the new, unemployed or disabled? We wont even address the hair.
So, she met you, couldnt bring herself to tell you, NO GO. I'm guessing she probably had her reasons not to provide an explanation.

Oh, JMO, of course.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 11
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:36:25 PM
It's the new communication: non-communication. Just ignore the other person and hope they go away, quickly.
I had a similar experience. After much enthusiasm on her part, she just dropped out of site with nary a word. One phone call from me: I left a pleasant message stating that it was funny that after all the talking, since we'd met, we weren't talking any more. I thought for sure that she would call back.
Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Just like on these websites. When someone either has no interest, or has lost it, they simply take the candyass way out and just ignore you. The cowardice is what bothers me.
And we accept it and move on. So, it just grows.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 12
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:34:06 PM
Thank goodness my self esteem does not hinge upon your opinion of my opinion.
His question, How much is too much? She didnt call back, or follow through. I have to wonder "why". Evidently, something was lacking, and not on her part, cause Op seems all for it. Not saying "Yay, or Neigh" about the OP,,,,,I was just tossing out a couple of ideas. Sorry you took offense, filly.
 Oscillate Blondly
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 13
How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 6:51:19 PM
It was a "something has come up at work - lets reschedule for Wednesday" call - Also she said to call her just in case.... That's why I was confused.

As for the comments about my hair - Yeah it's long. Way long. And it's still my hair!
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 14
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/10/2009 9:31:21 PM
Life is a mystery and so was this women. I have no idea why people say one thing and do the opposite. When that happen I have to disregard what they say because it was a first meetings and listen to what your internal instincts tell you. She doesnt return emails or calls and doesnt show up then she sends a rude email as to blocking you.
You have had your "chain pulled". Move on and forget this one, shes not intrested and didnt have the decency to tell you "I dont think this is going to work out" but led you on.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 15
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How much is too much?
Posted: 11/11/2009 10:26:29 AM

(OP) Was I pushing it? When is an unanswered call a sign? I'm 45 but still pretty new to all of this dating scene.


I know the feeling. You have to toughen up. I went through similar nonsense shortly after my divorce. Not being stood up but dealing with players or people who couldn't make up their mind. Always second guessing myself.

Should I call again? Did she get the message? Is her grandmother really dying?

I did learn relatively quickly considering my last dating experience was as a teenager. I realized I was dealing with older "teenagers".

Call and leave a message. After that, forget them.

When I was dating I had two gals contact me a week or so after first meeting. They questioned why I never contacted them again. I explained they appeared occupied or disinterested when we met. Of course they came up with an excuse.

I "regretfully" told them I had met someone and wished them the best.

Times have changed, ol' chap. If a gal is interested in you she will make it her business to get in touch with you. Don't get all tied up in the chase/game.
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