Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Man-shy      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
Man-shyPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's like anything else in life - if you don't do it enough to get used to it, it's going to be uncomfortable. People who don't have this problem get through it because they put themselves out there enough that they got past the initial stuff and found something that worked for them.

The nervousness is lack of experience, so talk to everyone until it goes away.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 6
Man-shy
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:31:31 PM
shyness can be one of the worse curses a person can have ... But it can be broken ..I know I use to be very shy .... a very cruel woman whom I had a crush on ... did me a great favor and publicly humiliated me to the point I got really pissed ...mad enough that I no longer cared about making a fool of myself ..so mad that I no longer worried about what I thought people thought about what I wanted to say ... so mad that I became out spoken ...and when that happened I became popular ...Go figure ... Im still by nature shy but have learned to ignore my nature ...and you can too
 jbking2
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 7
Man-shy
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:39:33 PM
You may have to see if you can find some women to help you practice your approach. An important point to ponder is how do you handle the situation where you say something stupid? Do you laugh at yourself? Do you self-criticize so much that you become suicidal? Do you just freeze up?

I would think there is something to be said for the guy that can laugh at himself, not take himself too seriously and is OK whether he gets a date or not.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:47:52 PM
Shyness has nothing to do with age. If you are shy with everyone and you want to live differently, you need to force yourself into more situations where you interact with people you do not know. A friend of mine overcame his shyness by making himself talk whenever he was in contact with another person including clerks, wait staff, etc.

I was truly shocked to find that a few years ago he was painfully shy because he is one of the most gregarious people I know, seems to know someone nearly everywhere he goes, and has no trouble talking to anyone including beautiful women.

If you have problems with just women, make yourself talk more to women you aren't interested in. The more comfortable you are around women in general, the easier it will be to talk to beautiful women just like someone not quite so beautiful.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 9
Man-shy
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:48:07 PM
This shyness you speak of only occurs when you are trying to talk to a beautiful woman? Does that mean you have no problem speaking to average looking women?

If that's the case you are setting yourself up for a lot of rejection, which can lead to your insecurities. Beautiful women are use to get approached all of the time, probably to the point of being harrassed. Some probably can't go pick up a gallon of milk without being hit on. There is probably even a good liklihood that they are already taken.

Just keep in mind that just because you have an interest in them doesn't mean that they will have an interest in you. My advice would be to take baby steps (start with a simple hello), be thoughtful in your conversation (show respect) and get use to being shot down. It comes with being a guy.
 anunu
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 11/12/2009 5:46:07 AM
Hi Kingty
There was a point in my life when I was extremely shy. I would barely talk to people let alone talk to a guy.
I noticed that you are a crab like me and crabs tend to be shy by nature.
I was always the sweet quiet one. Sweet and quiet gets you no where in life!
In order to get out of my shyness, it took harshness and a good kick in the pants from friends.
I found my voice and I use it strongly. You have to do the same. I realized I am a dynamic sales person and you have to talk to people to do that. Do a job that forces you to intereact with people more Preferably around more women).
You are a handsome guy

Now to be harsh:
Grow up and show some confidence.
Stop acting like a baby and come out of your crab shell otherwise you will be a doormat the rest of your life in relationships and career.
Women smell an insecure guy and they run
A simple "hi" to a lovely lady will never sound stupid
Have a conversation about things that make you happy and see if you share similiar interests
In the end I just say buck up, get over it and live
 ProudToBeArmy
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 11/15/2009 3:22:40 PM
I'm 34 and pretty shy myself. I just try to overcome it by being prepared well ahead of time with potential things to talk about. If you can try to act upbeat and friendly the first time you meet someone, they're going to think you're always upbeat and happy and it becomes easier to be less shy around said person. One thing I cannot force myself to do is be all touchy feely like other people when they're flirting - arm touching and stuff like that. One thing you can do that lets you get physically closer to someone even if you're shy is pretending like wherever you're at is too loud so you lean in closer with your ear to hear what she has to say.

If you meet someone online, don't say a word about you being shy. If you tell her you're shy you're going to be more inclined to act shy when you finally meet because you've pre-emptively created that shyness comfort zone for yourself.

I think you're putting these women you like on too high of a pedestal. I think that's why you're too scared to apporoach them. You need to put in your mind that there are millions of fish in the sea, so who cares if she likes what you have to say or not. Talk to her like she's any other person.

Unfortunately for you, you're never going to get any of these beautiful women that you speak of because quite frankly, as long as you act shy like this they're out of your league. They'll always be out of your league unless you force yourself to overcome shyness.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 12
Man-shy
Posted: 11/15/2009 7:12:10 PM
I can relate. I imagine if I were to run into Angelina Jolie alone in the elevator I would be a shy too. For a few seconds before I realized I had a rare opportunity and I should at least talk to the girl.

Just saying
 cherryyblossom
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 13
Man-shy
Posted: 1/9/2010 4:42:04 PM
OP, i do not find anything wrong with being shy when approached by any girl, whether you find her attractive or not. if you are new to dating, it is normal. this has happened to me and honestly, i feel like an idiot sometimes. take things slow and you can overcome your shyness. if it is "unmanly" or "cowardly" for a guy to be shy, we are screwed.
 GotAHubCapDiamondStarHalo
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 14
Man-shy
Posted: 1/9/2010 5:50:56 PM
Don't focus on one gal. Make sure you mingle - talk to all the women you can for at least 6 months and don't ask for their phone ... Just talk for a few minutes and MOVE ON to the next gal!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
Man-shy
Posted: 1/10/2010 3:45:15 PM

His ego? The guy is nervous as hell when approaching because he has a high regard for them. How is that an ego issue?

Actually being shy is a form of narcissism/ego based. It's a fear that you'll say something stupid, or get the wrong reaction. It's pretty self focused. Focusing on the other person changes things.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 16
Man-shy
Posted: 1/10/2010 4:39:23 PM
Do you think it's abnormal for a 28 year old to be shy almost anxious when it comes to approaching a beatiful woman.

I won't say it's abnormal, but i will say don't let fear of rejection and "self" doubt and other things screw with you,. Good Luck
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Man-shy
Posted: 1/12/2010 6:17:02 AM

He wouldn't care about saying something stupid or the wrong reaction if the woman was ugly as a boot. The variable here is the woman, not his ego.

Not wanting to look or sound stupid or get a bad reaction from someone is based on your reflection of yourself, your status, your skills, your game. That's self focused.

It's still rooted in the impression he hopes to make. The woman is an object but it's his self image in her perception that he's worried about. If he truly didn't care what a woman thought he'd never care what he said, nor would he pay much attention to what the reaction was.
 LSBF
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 1/12/2010 2:05:21 PM
Here's my favorite "pick-up" line, works great, easy to remember:
"Hi".
I use it, it works. Guys use it on me, it works. I don't like calling it a "pick up", it's more of an "opener". It indicates interest, shows they cought your attention, leaves responses wide open. You could follow up with the always brilliant "how are you today?" or "I just wanted to meet you, my name is _____".
You have a great smile. Any woman that doesn't take the chance to meet you in such a nice simple way is probably too complicated anyway! So then you move on. Really, doesn't "hurt" at all.
 redheadruby
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 19
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 1/12/2010 4:14:13 PM
We all want the same thing.....to be liked.....to be accepted.......to be valued for being real.........stop worrying......start talking.......
 wambotap
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 20
Man-shy
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:34:14 AM
It's not so much rejection. Maybe it's just where I live but a lot of women these days see it as their right to just be rude and aggressive when a man approaches them. I remember getting cut down mercilessly by a woman I found quite attractive. She just cut me off with, "What the f*** makes you think I'm going to be interested in anything you've got to say?" It feels very humiliating and puts you right off talking to anyone else. These days it really does take a leap of faith for me to approach a woman, and it gets harder once you've experienced how aggressive and cruel women can be?
 Kingty
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 21
Man-shy
Posted: 1/17/2010 3:36:58 PM
It's been so long since I've looked at these forums and I appreciate all the feed back. There was alot of helpful suggestions and some of you are more clueless then I am but thanks anyway. F.Y.I I'm not on the market right know trying to get mt career together so it's not a issue at the time
 TheFallenJester
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 22
Man-shy
Posted: 1/17/2010 10:02:09 PM
If you approach a girl and get turned down, what do you lose? You had nothing without her.
If you approach a girl and she accepts you, you gain the world.

Do your battle cry and run into battle.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 23
Man-shy
Posted: 1/20/2010 12:51:14 AM
somebody, somewhere is tired of her shiate.
dont put her on a pedastal,
she isnt some diety incarnate.

And if you crash and burn, meh, in a thousand years, nobody will remember it, nobody will care.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Man-shy
Posted: 2/26/2010 1:53:12 PM
You could possibly date some of the women you talk to, but you definitely won't date any of the women you don't talk to.

Sometimes people stick with patterns, even if they're not good ones. Familliarity is just safer for some.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 25
Man-shy
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:00:27 PM
Do you think it's abnormal for a 28 year old to be shy almost anxious when it comes to approaching a beatiful woman


There is NO age for men or women to be shy to approach someone of the other sex, it happen to ALL levels and EVERY age; it's human nature, no biggies.

Best simple advice I can give to anyone to overcome it is: the person you are about to talk to is NOT GOD, he/she is JUST an human being like YOU; so they have nothing superior to you and you have nothing inferior to them!

Now go get! because if you don't you will get nothing. LOL!
 blackman4you
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 26
Man-shy
Posted: 2/27/2010 1:02:53 PM
Frist there is nothing wrong with your being shy. However you need to get into counseling to work on this problem. Because it is impacting your life . try this have people that you know introduce you to women that you want to talk to . And tell the m that you are shy. If they like you they will care the conversation. When you find the right one she won't care about this at all. Good Luck !!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Man-shy
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:47:39 AM
That's just more overthinking. Truth is rejection is part of life, and we all deal with it - in a lot of different areas. The key is to learn what to change and how to gracefully accept it and not take it personally. The only way to avoid it completely is to live in a bubble and never do anything/meet anyone. Which is fine if you're ok with that type of thing.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Man-shy
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:16:42 AM

The expectation is that multiple rejections will eventually desensitize the person

The better route to desentization is to stop even caring. Certainly stop the pedestalizing. Heck, even stop regarding them as a human being. Start objectifying. It hurts a lot less to be rejected by an object than by another human you might care about.

I mean, if you have to go that route. You really don't. Without much effort you can get to the point where you care so little your attitude is "if she isn't hitting on me she must be really stoooopid... her loss; let her have the knuckle dragger who will hit on her, as that's what she deserves."
 Skookumchuck
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 29
Man-shy
Posted: 3/8/2010 4:36:09 PM
Shyness and lack of confidence aren't exactly the same thing. You can consider yourself a pretty competent person outside the social arena and still clam up around people. The solution is .....exposure. Practice. Be around people. Get used to it. When you go through the cashier line-up think of the cashier's feelings instead of your own when you say hi. He/she is greeting someone too, and has to do it all day long.
My ex is uncomfortable in crowds, so at a social function she will look for someone else who looks uncomfortable, and go talk to them. Not for her own sake, but for theirs, because she can identify with how they feel.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Man-shy