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Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Man-shyPage 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It's obviously normal for you, sorry to say. It doesn't matter if it's generally normal or not.
as with any problem, you have to address it by accepting that it exists,and then by investing in solving it, either through experimentation and risk, or by getting therapy or other professional help.
As a long-time shy person myself, I know that fussing and moaning about it accomplishes NOTHING positive. It just annoys your remaining friends. Go for the professional help, or create a program of risks for yourself. Polite risks, mind you!
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 3
Posted: 11/11/2009 7:58:23 PM
Hey Bud.... Although I think some of the posters have been rather harsh, its true that the only one who can effect change in your life is YOU. I can sympathize with you... I used to be painfully shy myself (still am in some respects), but you just have to take the bull by the horns and DO IT.

One thing that helped me... Every day, tell yourself that you will speak to one woman. Just one. Perhaps a neighbor, co-worker. But someone you aren't romantically interested in. Next day, make it two. From there, it will gradually get easier to speak to women.

When you decide to approach a potential date, just keep in mind that she is very likely just as nervous as you are. And if she says no, BIG DEAL! It's nothing against you as a person. Everybody gets shot down!

Now, get going. Good luck!
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 4
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Posted: 11/11/2009 8:04:22 PM
Just start talking to people - in the super market, at the mall etc. Cashiers are great to talk to, that should help you build some confidence in talking to people. Trust me, it helps.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:13:55 PM
It's like anything else in life - if you don't do it enough to get used to it, it's going to be uncomfortable. People who don't have this problem get through it because they put themselves out there enough that they got past the initial stuff and found something that worked for them.

The nervousness is lack of experience, so talk to everyone until it goes away.
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 6
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:31:31 PM
shyness can be one of the worse curses a person can have ... But it can be broken ..I know I use to be very shy .... a very cruel woman whom I had a crush on ... did me a great favor and publicly humiliated me to the point I got really pissed ...mad enough that I no longer cared about making a fool of myself mad that I no longer worried about what I thought people thought about what I wanted to say ... so mad that I became out spoken ...and when that happened I became popular ...Go figure ... Im still by nature shy but have learned to ignore my nature ...and you can too
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 8
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Posted: 11/11/2009 8:47:52 PM
Shyness has nothing to do with age. If you are shy with everyone and you want to live differently, you need to force yourself into more situations where you interact with people you do not know. A friend of mine overcame his shyness by making himself talk whenever he was in contact with another person including clerks, wait staff, etc.

I was truly shocked to find that a few years ago he was painfully shy because he is one of the most gregarious people I know, seems to know someone nearly everywhere he goes, and has no trouble talking to anyone including beautiful women.

If you have problems with just women, make yourself talk more to women you aren't interested in. The more comfortable you are around women in general, the easier it will be to talk to beautiful women just like someone not quite so beautiful.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 9
Posted: 11/11/2009 8:48:07 PM
This shyness you speak of only occurs when you are trying to talk to a beautiful woman? Does that mean you have no problem speaking to average looking women?

If that's the case you are setting yourself up for a lot of rejection, which can lead to your insecurities. Beautiful women are use to get approached all of the time, probably to the point of being harrassed. Some probably can't go pick up a gallon of milk without being hit on. There is probably even a good liklihood that they are already taken.

Just keep in mind that just because you have an interest in them doesn't mean that they will have an interest in you. My advice would be to take baby steps (start with a simple hello), be thoughtful in your conversation (show respect) and get use to being shot down. It comes with being a guy.
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 10
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Posted: 11/12/2009 5:46:07 AM
Hi Kingty
There was a point in my life when I was extremely shy. I would barely talk to people let alone talk to a guy.
I noticed that you are a crab like me and crabs tend to be shy by nature.
I was always the sweet quiet one. Sweet and quiet gets you no where in life!
In order to get out of my shyness, it took harshness and a good kick in the pants from friends.
I found my voice and I use it strongly. You have to do the same. I realized I am a dynamic sales person and you have to talk to people to do that. Do a job that forces you to intereact with people more Preferably around more women).
You are a handsome guy

Now to be harsh:
Grow up and show some confidence.
Stop acting like a baby and come out of your crab shell otherwise you will be a doormat the rest of your life in relationships and career.
Women smell an insecure guy and they run
A simple "hi" to a lovely lady will never sound stupid
Have a conversation about things that make you happy and see if you share similiar interests
In the end I just say buck up, get over it and live
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 11
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Posted: 11/15/2009 3:22:40 PM
I'm 34 and pretty shy myself. I just try to overcome it by being prepared well ahead of time with potential things to talk about. If you can try to act upbeat and friendly the first time you meet someone, they're going to think you're always upbeat and happy and it becomes easier to be less shy around said person. One thing I cannot force myself to do is be all touchy feely like other people when they're flirting - arm touching and stuff like that. One thing you can do that lets you get physically closer to someone even if you're shy is pretending like wherever you're at is too loud so you lean in closer with your ear to hear what she has to say.

If you meet someone online, don't say a word about you being shy. If you tell her you're shy you're going to be more inclined to act shy when you finally meet because you've pre-emptively created that shyness comfort zone for yourself.

I think you're putting these women you like on too high of a pedestal. I think that's why you're too scared to apporoach them. You need to put in your mind that there are millions of fish in the sea, so who cares if she likes what you have to say or not. Talk to her like she's any other person.

Unfortunately for you, you're never going to get any of these beautiful women that you speak of because quite frankly, as long as you act shy like this they're out of your league. They'll always be out of your league unless you force yourself to overcome shyness.
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 12
Posted: 11/15/2009 7:12:10 PM
I can relate. I imagine if I were to run into Angelina Jolie alone in the elevator I would be a shy too. For a few seconds before I realized I had a rare opportunity and I should at least talk to the girl.

Just saying
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 13
Posted: 1/9/2010 4:42:04 PM
OP, i do not find anything wrong with being shy when approached by any girl, whether you find her attractive or not. if you are new to dating, it is normal. this has happened to me and honestly, i feel like an idiot sometimes. take things slow and you can overcome your shyness. if it is "unmanly" or "cowardly" for a guy to be shy, we are screwed.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
Posted: 1/10/2010 3:45:15 PM

His ego? The guy is nervous as hell when approaching because he has a high regard for them. How is that an ego issue?

Actually being shy is a form of narcissism/ego based. It's a fear that you'll say something stupid, or get the wrong reaction. It's pretty self focused. Focusing on the other person changes things.
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 16
Posted: 1/10/2010 4:39:23 PM
Do you think it's abnormal for a 28 year old to be shy almost anxious when it comes to approaching a beatiful woman.

I won't say it's abnormal, but i will say don't let fear of rejection and "self" doubt and other things screw with you,. Good Luck
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Posted: 1/12/2010 6:17:02 AM

He wouldn't care about saying something stupid or the wrong reaction if the woman was ugly as a boot. The variable here is the woman, not his ego.

Not wanting to look or sound stupid or get a bad reaction from someone is based on your reflection of yourself, your status, your skills, your game. That's self focused.

It's still rooted in the impression he hopes to make. The woman is an object but it's his self image in her perception that he's worried about. If he truly didn't care what a woman thought he'd never care what he said, nor would he pay much attention to what the reaction was.
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 18
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Posted: 1/12/2010 2:05:21 PM
Here's my favorite "pick-up" line, works great, easy to remember:
I use it, it works. Guys use it on me, it works. I don't like calling it a "pick up", it's more of an "opener". It indicates interest, shows they cought your attention, leaves responses wide open. You could follow up with the always brilliant "how are you today?" or "I just wanted to meet you, my name is _____".
You have a great smile. Any woman that doesn't take the chance to meet you in such a nice simple way is probably too complicated anyway! So then you move on. Really, doesn't "hurt" at all.
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 19
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Posted: 1/12/2010 4:14:13 PM
We all want the same be be be valued for being real.........stop worrying......start talking.......
Joined: 1/25/2007
Msg: 20
Posted: 1/13/2010 5:34:14 AM
It's not so much rejection. Maybe it's just where I live but a lot of women these days see it as their right to just be rude and aggressive when a man approaches them. I remember getting cut down mercilessly by a woman I found quite attractive. She just cut me off with, "What the f*** makes you think I'm going to be interested in anything you've got to say?" It feels very humiliating and puts you right off talking to anyone else. These days it really does take a leap of faith for me to approach a woman, and it gets harder once you've experienced how aggressive and cruel women can be?
Joined: 3/9/2009
Msg: 21
Posted: 1/17/2010 3:36:58 PM
It's been so long since I've looked at these forums and I appreciate all the feed back. There was alot of helpful suggestions and some of you are more clueless then I am but thanks anyway. F.Y.I I'm not on the market right know trying to get mt career together so it's not a issue at the time
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 22
Posted: 1/17/2010 10:02:09 PM
If you approach a girl and get turned down, what do you lose? You had nothing without her.
If you approach a girl and she accepts you, you gain the world.

Do your battle cry and run into battle.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 23
Posted: 1/20/2010 12:51:14 AM
somebody, somewhere is tired of her shiate.
dont put her on a pedastal,
she isnt some diety incarnate.

And if you crash and burn, meh, in a thousand years, nobody will remember it, nobody will care.
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 24
Posted: 2/26/2010 1:53:12 PM
You could possibly date some of the women you talk to, but you definitely won't date any of the women you don't talk to.

Sometimes people stick with patterns, even if they're not good ones. Familliarity is just safer for some.
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 25
Posted: 2/26/2010 2:00:27 PM
Do you think it's abnormal for a 28 year old to be shy almost anxious when it comes to approaching a beatiful woman

There is NO age for men or women to be shy to approach someone of the other sex, it happen to ALL levels and EVERY age; it's human nature, no biggies.

Best simple advice I can give to anyone to overcome it is: the person you are about to talk to is NOT GOD, he/she is JUST an human being like YOU; so they have nothing superior to you and you have nothing inferior to them!

Now go get! because if you don't you will get nothing. LOL!
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 26
Posted: 2/27/2010 1:02:53 PM
Frist there is nothing wrong with your being shy. However you need to get into counseling to work on this problem. Because it is impacting your life . try this have people that you know introduce you to women that you want to talk to . And tell the m that you are shy. If they like you they will care the conversation. When you find the right one she won't care about this at all. Good Luck !!
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 27
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:47:39 AM
That's just more overthinking. Truth is rejection is part of life, and we all deal with it - in a lot of different areas. The key is to learn what to change and how to gracefully accept it and not take it personally. The only way to avoid it completely is to live in a bubble and never do anything/meet anyone. Which is fine if you're ok with that type of thing.
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 28
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Posted: 3/8/2010 11:16:42 AM

The expectation is that multiple rejections will eventually desensitize the person

The better route to desentization is to stop even caring. Certainly stop the pedestalizing. Heck, even stop regarding them as a human being. Start objectifying. It hurts a lot less to be rejected by an object than by another human you might care about.

I mean, if you have to go that route. You really don't. Without much effort you can get to the point where you care so little your attitude is "if she isn't hitting on me she must be really stoooopid... her loss; let her have the knuckle dragger who will hit on her, as that's what she deserves."
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