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 AUTHOR
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 111
Living expenses and pride..Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I know, I suppose we could just go out and take away people's kids if they can't afford to clothe, house and feed them without help. I have no doubt whatsoever that there are people/families who are refusing to use any kind of "charity" or "assistance" due to that very fear.~ladyc


Why do you always attack a post and take it to an extreme conclusion?
Where did I state that persons should not be helped as necessary?
As for your above statement…well, if one cannot afford children…DON’T HAVE ANY!
Even Judge Judy, a multimillionaire, has stated she does not want to support other persons children. I don’t either. Why don’t you and others like yourself elect to donate more of your income to the leaches?

Show me one, just one, instance of a woman with children who is today fearful of accepting charity.
They no longer exist; that was a bygone era. Today persons demand and think they are entitled to be supported throughout their entire lifetime by others.
You do know that at least 60 million persons, that is 20% of the American population are totally dependant on the government for every single aspect of their lives. From cradle to grave; for everything from food, rent, healthcare, to entertainment they expect and demand to be supported by us taxpayers.
Given that welfare is granted from the Federal government and also at the state level we now spend more on welfare than we do on national defense.

I am all for helping the truly needy; those disabled or elderly. However, because of the millions of able bodied leaches who receive help they do not deserve, the truly needy do not get anywhere near the assistance they need in order to live with dignity.

Pregnancy and subsequently child birth should not qualify as disabilities. Want kids? Support them or don’t have them!


It's about people's dignity and their right to make choices.
Or are we going to reserve those rights for only those whose income is over a certain dollar amount and/or from "appropriate" sources?


Hell, yes! When one needs help you give up your right to “Make choices”.
Why should I and other hardworking Americans pay for the leaches lobster and rib eye steaks? That is soo wrong! Yet, I see the elderly who have worked all their lives struggling to live on social security that cannot begin to meet their needs. They do not qualify for EBT. But, the woman, healthy and able to work, gets hundreds of dollars in EBT and subsidized housing because SHE HAS KIDS! These types have kids just so they do not have to work.

Homeless disabled vets denied proper healthcare while the leaches get Medicaid and visit doctors and hospitals as they wish.

How sad our social help system has become.

Of course the OP is wrong in supporting a slacker but at least she recognizes this (why she posted here) and she works, it is her money to do with as she wishes. Not to be compared to the women who think it wonderful to support a slacker…usually because she has not earned or worked for what she is offering him; food and shelter.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 112
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History
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 6:33:19 AM
Right here!!! I had children, and took care of them myself.

Ya know, that was a sweeping generalization.


Show me one, just one, instance of a woman with children who is today fearful of accepting charity.
They no longer exist; that was a bygone era. Today persons demand and think they are entitled to be supported throughout their entire lifetime by others.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 113
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 6:49:37 AM

Right here!!! I had children, and took care of them myself.~strawberryj

??? So? What is your point?


Ya know, that was a sweeping generalization.~strawberry

Prove me wrong. Even persons here illegally as soon as they pop out a kid have social workers run to there side, while they are still in the hospital, in order to sign them up for welfare.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 114
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History
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 7:35:39 AM
My point is, you wanted to be shown a woman who took care of her kids without welfare, well, here I am.
DUH, I just did prove you wrong.
Big difference between a few illegal immigrants getting welfare, and millions of people like me who take care of their kids themselves.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 115
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:27:40 AM

Hell, yes! When one needs help you give up your right to “Make choices”

I may not have children of my own but I know damn well that when one has children one gives up a certain amount of autonomy/control of ones' life. and that is how it should be.
I'm not going to give out names or discuss specific situations, but HELL YES there are single parents out there who could get help and won't seek it BECAUSE they think they will be deprived of certain rights, that they will be under constant scrutiny, they will be sneered at and maybe even confronted by self-righteous people.


Why should I and other hardworking Americans pay for the leaches lobster and rib eye steaks?

So,if you see somebody doing that, confront them. After all, if they are getting some kind of help they don't have the same rights as other citizens.

These types have kids just so they do not have to work.

Be that as it may, the OP reports working 2 jobs and she doesn't mention getting any kind of assistance.

As for all the "???" in message 125, I refer to message 102

This is why I embrace NOT going Dutch & being COURTED- in the past when I had "children" & even now- it screens out the half-assed men pretty damn quick.
But that may make the OP a "gold-digger"- expecting a man to ante-up.
Basically, she was paying for a man to sleep w/ her, a form of prostitution!

Interesting that not going Dutch, being courted, etc-gets brought up, and then the insinuation that this arrangement was about the OPs' daughter getting molested.
Like there has never been a situation where a guy was a "nice guy" and "courted" a mother, and then after marriage or cohabitation,started molesting a stepchild. Or,OTOH, a step-parent or cohabiting SO was not a great help and caring partner/step-parent even if they didn't bring in a big cash contribution.

My own personal reaction to the OT was that the OP needs to speak up to her SO and get this clarified, that she would have NOT permitted him to move in on "house pet" status. And if he doesn't start making a cash contribution that she won't be able to AFFORD him living with her. But I'm not going to automatically assume he's a "leech",and the OP doesn't mention whether he himself may be paying child support, servicing debt, perhaps having to pay out of pocket for medical insurance. It does sound like the guy is trying to contribute to the household in other ways.


But to rant about families on assistance or to accuse the OP of permitting child molestation is, IMO, some people OVER-REACTING to the situation.I have some ideas why,as well.

Look, we all get a little perturbed when we see people we THINK are able bodied& functional getting cash assistance, EBT, etc.
Part of the POINT of food stmps/SNAP, commodity distribution, Feeding America mobile pantries, is so that low income familie can AFFORD nutritious food, fresh food, perishable food( like milk, eggs, meat), rather than having to live on beans, rice and cheap filling junk food. What pisses ME off is seeing somebody pay for sugary cereals, snack foods, TV dinners, starchy foods with assistance funds.
But again, the topic here is one particular couple and their household finances, not about child molestation or about welfare programs.
Cindy O
 _babblefish
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 116
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:50:08 AM


Haven't we all at one time or another made a not-so-great choice in a romantic partner? Haven't most of us had a romantic partner who had some financial strain?


No, myself & most of the Mothers I knew, NEVER at the expense of their children.


in one of your many incarnations you lamented on how in the past being a single mom you had spent hard earned closely watched pennies on meal/s that could have fed your two boys on one of your low caliber daters so, perhaps your advice should show truthful reflectiveness,
tsk
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 117
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 12:27:41 PM

one of your many incarnations you lamented on how in the past being a single mom you had spent hard earned closely watched pennies on meal/s that could have fed your two boys on one of your low caliber daters so, perhaps your advice should show truthful reflectiveness,
tsk

YAWN
stalkerish much?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 118
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 12:55:29 PM

stalkerish much?

Interesting answer.
Actually, money, how it's spent, what it's spent on, equitable contribution to the common good of the household is probably the 1st or 2nd most frequent issues in couples' conflict.

Getting taken in by a parasitic relationship partner is probably one of the most common fears of those in the dating scene-in fact if you didn't make a differentation of gender and/or the presence of vulnerable children, it may well be the top fear.
And I'm not sure you can always count on "niceness" or courtly/courting behavior as a guarantee that a cohabiting SO will continue to behave in that fashion. And sometimes a SO inhabiting a home that doesn't belong to him or her may be somewhat justified in being concerned how their contributions are spent.

That is one of the reasons I caution people who think cohabitation is so much "safer" than marriage, that it does have it's drawbacks.
We'd all be fools if we didn't acknowledge the risk potential for financial exploitation and/or risk to minor children in the home, but how far do we let these concerns control our lives? Should all custodial parents be constantly warned to wait until the children are grown and gone before contemplating any kind of serious romantic involvement?
Maybe the OP made an unwise choice in SO, maybe the SO didn't completely understand that the $100 was in addition to any other expenditures or efforts made on behalf of the household.
But to tell every custodial parent that if their SO buys their kid something, the child is being "groomed" for molestation is just ridiculous. If we are going to beat THAT drum, them best to tell all custodial parents "no serious relationships until the kids are grown and gone".
Cindy O
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 119
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History
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 10:01:34 PM
Hondo:



Ya know, that was a sweeping generalization.~strawberry

Prove me wrong. Even persons here illegally as soon as they pop out a kid have social workers run to there side, while they are still in the hospital, in order to sign them up for welfare.


Unless you have personally been someone who was forced to get the kind of help you complain about strangers getting, you hvae zero idea what you are so self-righteously nattering about.

I AM someone who had to get help for my family when everything was falling apart, even though I was working full time, and my then wife was working as well as she could (while emotionally collapsing every other day), and youdon'tneedanymoredetails.

I can testify that the help available , as nice as it is, is TINY compared to what is actually needed, AND it is accompanied by a constant barrage of additional obligations, checkups, tests and retests, and near harassment by authorities...mostly because of the people who complain ignorantly and bitterly about other people getting pennies they didn't get...and all that resentment-based double checking, causes the assistance to cost twice what it otherwise would have.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 120
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/19/2014 11:34:32 PM

one of your many incarnations you lamented on how in the past being a single mom you had spent hard earned closely watched pennies on meal/s that could have fed your two boys on one of your low caliber daters so, perhaps your advice should show truthful reflectiveness,
tsk


Truthful reflectiveness might be a stretch from someone who can't even manage to get their own age straight.


And I'm not sure you can always count on "niceness" or courtly/courting behavior as a guarantee that a cohabiting SO will continue to behave in that fashion.


True---plus, some people will not hesitate to misrepresent their financial situation. Once they are safely ensconced in their S/O's home, the truth eventually comes out---which is that they were not as financially solvent as they led their S/O to believe.

This happened to my mother with her last husband. She outlived two husbands before him and had built up a modest nest egg for herself. Although she was fortunate in that she had no kids at home, she was in her seventies and on a fixed income.

Her last husband had been dishonest about his educational level, claiming he had graduated from college, when he hadn't. He also told her he was retired, when it turned out he was actually fired from his job. He had practically no money saved, and was going through hers like water. Needless to say, she quickly divorced him, and never plans to remarry.

She should have seen the warning signs. He prevaricated about a number of seemingly small matters---however, she chose to overlook them. My feeling is that if people are untruthful about the smaller things, such as their age, they will likely have no qualms with being untruthful about the bigger things, such as their financial situation.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 121
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 4:50:15 AM
A stark and grim reminder about the HAVES and HAVE NOTS.

I wish I had rich ex wives that set me up for retirement.

All I'd have to do is watch my pennies and make sure my next victim is willing to pay her own way.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 122
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 5:13:47 AM

Unless you have personally been someone who was forced to get the kind of help you complain about strangers getting, you hvae zero idea what you are so self-righteously nattering about.

I AM someone who had to get help for my family when everything was falling apart, even though I was working full time, and my then wife was working as well as she could (while emotionally collapsing every other day), and youdon'tneedanymoredetails.

I can testify that the help available , as nice as it is, is TINY compared to what is actually needed, AND it is accompanied by a constant barrage of additional obligations, checkups, tests and retests, and near harassment by authorities...mostly because of the people who complain ignorantly and bitterly about other people getting pennies they didn't get...and all that resentment-based double checking, causes the assistance to cost twice what it otherwise would have.

As a parent, I empathize. As understanding as some people may think they are, unless you've parented a child, a person has no clue of what it encompasses & the responsibilities it incurs, even if a person had healthy, neuro-typical children & a good family support system in place.

No child should go without, regardless of what the circumstance is, & no Mom should have to work 2 jobs just to barely get by. This is all about the children!

and youdon'tneedanymoredetails.

DITTO
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 123
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Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 8:11:50 AM

As a parent, I empathize. As understanding as some people may think they are, unless you've parented a child, a person has no clue of what it encompasses & the responsibilities it incurs, even if a person had healthy, neuro-typical children & a good family support system in place.

Is this a joke?!?!!?
As a single CHILDLESS woman in the world today I have been a substitute "co-parent" for MANY of my friends and family who have had children and an absent spouse. By that I mean that I have BEEN THERE day in and day out helping them to make good decisions for their children , giving what financial support that I can, hearing about and going through many of of the trials and tribulations of being a single parent WITH them, taking the children off their hands when they're about to lose it, and so on...as well as helping them with daily life, because you ARE right about one thing, it IS one of the toughest jobs in the world, especially for a single parent. And this wasn't just "playing house" for me, because these kids are STILL in my life some 30-odd years later and now have their OWN children. The proof is in the pudding as they say, because even now, I have heard from more than one of these kids just HOW important a stabilizing presence I WAS in their lives...
While I think that I "get"your point, in that it wasn't MY OWN child, that I was responsible for, for Life, make NO mistake my dear that I DO understand, whether or not you believe that, what it means to be a parent, and took those responsibilities NO less to heart and STILL do, even in cases where the relationship with their parent has faded away.
Ya know, being a parent does NOT mean that you have a case of "terminal uniqueness" that ONLY another parent can understand, anyway!!!
I have even stepped in and took care of a friend's child for several months when she collapsed due to stress and anxiety. That meant that I took care of ALL of that child's needs until her mother was once again capable and even stayed with them for about 8 months afterwards acting as another parent, until she felt capable of being alone with her own child again. I am NOT saying that is the SAME thing, I want to be crystal clear about that . In fact, watching/participating in the upbringing of other people's children was one of the major reasons that I decided that I didn't want children MYSELF , simply because I don't know that there would be someone else there should the father depart, to do for ME what I did for others, should I have stumbled and fallen or had serious health issues, which I DID have at the time. I didn't want to take that chance.

I gotta say it seems that you think that YOUR perspective is the ONE TRUE AND RIGHT ONE and anyone who doesn't agree with you has NO idea what they're talking about...Even when you responded to one of my earlier posts, you said that you were "just telling it like it IS", when the reality REALLY is, that MAY be the way it is,... FOR YOU!!! Two important little words that it's a good idea to remember.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion whether YOU agree with it or NOT, or are you one of those people who believe that you have the market CORNERED on understanding and insight???
As I said earlier, you seem to have very strong feelings on the subject, for your OWN reasons I am sure, and far be it from ME to tell you to believe/think otherwise, but I WOULD appreciate if you could take a deep breath and realize that, not everyone has to burn themselves with fire before they understand that it's HOT!!! I think that maybe you were one of the unfortunate ones who may NOT have had others to help you and give you a break while you raised your kids and really WAS totally alone in it, I don't know, If so, I'm sorry, because NOBODY deserves to go into parenthood COMPLETELY alone...everybody needs at least SOME support. And most people don't PLAN on being a single parent.
But please, do me a favour and don't assume that you KNOW or have ANY insight into the experience of others, or what they are or are not capable of understanding. At least, not in MY case!!!
On another note, I worked with kids for MANY years in a juvenile detention facility and can cite COUNTLESS examples of parents who, if they were animals, would have EATEN THEIR OWN YOUNG!!!!. In fact, the RACCOONS in my backyard are BETTER parents!!!
Having a child does NOT automatically make you a parent and certainly doesn't grant any "special understanding"of the job.
THAT takes someone like you, who is determined to give her kids the BEST of herself clearly, and has obviously done a good job(?), (I don't know your children but am assuming that they are all well-adjusted and healthy, due to how strongly you advocate for your way of doing things.) I congratulate you on your determination and strength, in that case.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 124
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 11:16:31 AM
at ^^ The world needs more people like you & thank God for people like you.

But, so hard to communicate via the written word...unless you are the parent, you don't get the 100%

You may get 90-99% IMO

And I'll really stick my neck on the block, I've known many ADOPTIVE parents who raised their kids from a very young age who even admitted they never felt that 100% that a person who got pregnant & gave birth to & raised a child did. They all felt the 90-99% but there was a tiny part of them...

I do not disagree w/ much of what you said.
I've seen people, mainly women, put a man who wasn't even a half way decent human being ahead of their kids...sometimes they were just guilty of being clueless, other times they were just very selfish & emotionally immature. The kid(s) always suffered for it :0(

I base my opinions & my posts on what I have seen & lived through in my lifetime, & others base their's on their life experience.

No, just giving birth to a child doesn't make someone a mother. But there is something about Motherhood in a decent woman or fatherhood in a decent man that gives them a certain grasp IMO.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 125
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 11:51:20 AM
wow...

this goes from a five year dormant post on a deadbeat guy living with a woman without contributing anything to her single mother household to the abuses, needs and misunderstandings of welfare and welfare abuse?

Apparently it is somewhat of a hot topic. :)

First off, Igor, your post hit home with me. I know many people who legitimately needed help and got it; but with so much red tape, conditions, glass ceilings and hard rules they almost have no control over their life at all. Sure they live "off the state" but where the conditions within that are impenetrable, the getting out of that is imposible, and the rigid constraints would blow your mind. Worst one I know is a fireman who was hit and almost killed by a drunk driver; no insurance for the drunk driver, became a quadriplegic, (finally regained SOME use from his hands) and had almost half a mil in medical bills that were unpayable. He got medicare since he couldn't work for ages while trying to come back from almost death; and now is forced to live on 700 a month income; absolutely no additional income allowed, no additional cash, constant checkups, audits and rules, and even with whatever job he gets, he can't keep the money; as he LITERALLY is not allowed to make over the 700 or else they would release the medicare, which is the ONLY way he can survive; as he has almost died five times in the last six years because of infections that have hospitalized him.

All that because he was hit by a drunk driver. So what should happen to him? Do I reget my "hard earned pennies" keeping one of the most talented, optimistic, INCREDIBLY positive in spite of the odds people I have ever had the fortune to know, from dying from infection?

Yes there are abuses. Frequently.

But doing away with all because of those? Would cause deaths that are avoidable because those who NEED it couldn't get it anymore.

As for the original LONG ago posting from the OP? She had two people living off her in a constrained income house with set expenses. Another person there takes more than food; they take food, electricity, water, toiletries usually, same as any other person living in the house. So living rent free, expenses free, and utilities free when a person is ALREADY struggling to make ends meet with two extra mouths to feed?

Why would she want to add an extra mouth that is so careless of her situation that they don't even offer to offset some of their own cost?

Beats the heck out of me :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 126
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History
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 11:57:58 AM

I've seen people, mainly women, put a man who wasn't even a half way decent human being ahead of their kids...sometimes they were just guilty of being clueless, other times they were just very selfish & emotionally immature. The kid(s) always suffered for it :0(


As have I and I don't disagree. Unfortunately there's ALSO many parents out there who are operating with some kind of deficiency that has dogged them from childhood, where they have never had their OWN needs met in an appropriate manner, so expecting that they will do differently, well...It's rare in my experience. Not an excuse, just a reason...

As for the 99%...I actually DO agree with you there...As close as I've come to the "parenting experience" there was ALWAYS that part of me that was conscious that it WASN'T actually MY child, no question. Not to give myself a "back door" so much, as it was just enough that I didn't feel the FULL weight of the responsibility...just 99%!
Have a good one....
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 127
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History
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 12:14:43 PM

at ^^ The world needs more people like you & thank God for people like you.


and, thank you for that, it's nice to hear!
But honestly, seeing the results today in the FINE people that those children have become is the BEST thanks I can ever get!!!
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 128
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 12:40:53 PM
Ok some comic relief on the surface but not really if you dig deep...


I once dated a "nice guy" who was widowed/childless & he kept saying how he loved his nephew LIKE a son, was crazy about kids & was his Godfather etc.

He had no clue...he never got his late wife pregnant, went thru pregnancy, birth, & everything that unfolds afterwards..like he could just step in when my kids were older & fill a Daddy role. He got pissy w/ me one day in front of my kids unnecessarily, so I broke up w/ him...

The story was silly...I was dieting like mad & uber constipated. I even told him & said that if I ran upstairs to go to the bathroom & WAS GONE A LONG time...

So finally, I felt like I was gonna get some relief (even after taking a laxative I was bound up) & went upstairs, sat on the bowl & thought w/ effort, I finally would go...all of a sudden he's knocking on the bathroom door asking me if i was OK. It ruined the beginning of the "relief" & my bowels stayed impacted..I blurted out thru the bathroom door "Cant I even take a sh!t in my own house!" I was frustrated & in pain!

After I came out of the bathroom & went downstairs, he started yelling at me. I told him to leave & said: "no wonder I am sooo constipated"!

After he left, my kids (who are autistic but verbal & aware) said: "we even heard you tell him that you may be up there for a long time, why did he have to come & bother you"? & then we were joking & laughing about it...

I wasn't living w/ the dude but he wanted to get married. At that moment, I couldn't take him for a second more.

There were other things about him too...


But any of the childless men I ever dated didn't relate, some were empathetic, but just didn't get it even 99%
One man who was a custodial parent & I dated him for 3 yrs was great w/ my kids. So yes it does make a diff...And even we did not live together!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 129
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/20/2014 1:23:34 PM
I spent several years as an advocate for individuals and families who had to deal with one or more of the "systems"-believe me it is NOT the gravy train.
I have one question- why is the disabled firefighter on SSI and not SSDI? On Social Security DISABILITY, he COULD have earnings, he could possibly get help with expenses related to employment, he could have trial work periods. Has he ever talked to an attorney or even a disability advocate? IMO he is being screwed over, and TRUST ME, the Social Security Administration isn't going to post banners around town about getting on SSDI.

As far as "comic relief"?
Nope-TMI.
And believe me,as much as parents want to think that non-parents haven't a clue-I can tell you I have seen plenty of foster parents, teachers, childcare workers, older siblings/aunts/uncles who DO most certainly "get it".
Just the fact of giving birth-or supplying the sperm- doesn't automatically imbue a human being with special wisdom.
I think of some dear friends of mine- a couple who never got around to having a child of their own!-because they raised 9 foster children, and eventually wound up adopting one of their foster daughters' little boy.
Again, the long-departed OP may have very well been guilty of an error in judgement in dealing with her live-in SO. But to call her an unfit parent, or suggest that her SO was intent on molesting her child, is_IMO-the over-reaction of somebody with a grudge or ax to grind.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 130
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/21/2014 7:48:59 AM
On another note, I worked with kids for MANY years in a juvenile detention facility and can cite COUNTLESS examples of parents who, if they were animals, would have EATEN THEIR OWN YOUNG!!!!. In fact, the RACCOONS in my backyard are BETTER parents!!!

And I bet some of those parents were married to each other, had good incomes, perhaps even "pillars of the community".
Did some posting history checking. I think perhaps a nerve was struck.

Again, although the topic here is "living expenses and pride" as it relates to a cohabiting couple-I do have to suggest to the poster who mentioned the injured fireman, that the man needs to find himself some advocacy, because I think he is being ROYALLY screwed over. From what I personally experienced a couple of years ago, hospital social workers are mainly concerned with protecting the HOSPITALS' a$$. And I mean absolutely no disrespect to any hospital social worker anywhere-that is what they are trained and paid to do.
IMO, if the fireman was hit by a drunk driver, he is a CRIME VICTIM, for one thing. And it sounds like, for whatever reason, he got shunted into the SSI system rather than Disability Benefits. If he worked and paid into the system he should be able to get Social Security Disability, which is a different program than Supplemental Security Income, or any kind of county or state "assistance".
Now, this DOES have to do with living expenses and pride-or perhaps lack of knowledge, or lack of an over-arching advocacy program in the persons' geographic location. I would wonder about any jurisdiction that supposedly has social workers aggressively working in hospitals to sign new mothers up for welfare, but lets crime victims fall through the cracks.
As I have mentioned previously, I do have some social work background both as a paid technician-in the past- and as a volunteer with organizations concerned with making sure vulnerable people aren't going hungry.

As for the OT-relationships and marriages where there is a discrepancy in financial input are not at all uncommon, whether that discrepancy is real, perceived or a disconnect about non-monetary contributions.

DO genuinely parasitic relationships exist?

Oh HELL yes.

But to be screaming that the OPs' SO is a male prostitute and a child molester? Seems a bit over the top, to me.

No wonder the OP left the building. Crucifixion in the form of "advice and opinions" isn't much help, is it?

Not saying there aren't situations presented in these forums where it isn't warranted, but I don't think this is one of them.
Cindy O
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 131
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/21/2014 2:03:59 PM
This is simply a case of a woman not fully stating her needs and requirements nor having the "balls" to follow up . Many women work two jobs to raise a family, many men do the same. This particular man was a loser, she chose unwisely and should have gave an ultimatum , buck up or leave.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 132
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/23/2014 11:25:35 AM

My point is, you wanted to be shown a woman who took care of her kids without welfare, well, here I am.
DUH, I just did prove you wrong. ~strawberry j


You must have a reading comprehension problem. I did not say the above. Condensed version; I said, show me a woman TODAY who is afraid to apply for welfare for fear of losing her kids.

You did what most of us do, are supposed to do; and that is to provide for the lives you create.

Reread what I wrote; you proved nothing.


HELL YES there are single parents out there who could get help and won't seek it BECAUSE they think they will be deprived of certain rights, that they will be under constant scrutiny, they will be sneered at and maybe even confronted by self-righteous people.~Cindy



Oh, pul-ease. Deprived of what rights? To get free pot?
Under scrutiny? How? No one regularly investigates these leaches.
Confronted? Most are afraid of the arrogant, belligerent, scrounging freeloaders.


Unless you have personally been someone who was forced to get the kind of help you complain about strangers getting, you hvae zero idea what you are so self-righteously nattering about. ~IgoreF


I have a great deal of knowledge of these persons because I deal with them routinely.
I know they spend their generous allotments on booze, drugs, cigarettes and more illegal activities.



mostly because of the people who complain ignorantly and bitterly about other people getting pennies they didn't get...and all that resentment-based double checking, causes the assistance to cost twice what it otherwise would have.~Igore

Pennies? LoL, The budget for welfare programs exceeds the national defense budget.
I agree that the social workers cost a great deal, and in order to secure their jobs they run around hospitals and other places signing up anyone who pops out a kid.

And just so you know, if you were really in need and did not get the help you required it is because of the millions who are able bodied yet allowed to mooch off taxpayers. I do believe that we do not give enough to those truly in need, not because of self-righteous persons (as you see me) but because so many moochers are permitted to abuse the system.

Did you not see, “I am all for helping the truly needy; those disabled or elderly. However, because of the millions of able bodied leaches who receive help they do not deserve, the truly needy do not get anywhere near the assistance they need in order to live with dignity…Homeless disabled vets denied proper healthcare while the leaches get Medicaid and visit doctors and hospitals as they wish. ~ Hondo gal, msg 127”

Or did you ignore that part in order to suit your personal agenda?



And I'll really stick my neck on the block, I've known many ADOPTIVE parents who raised their kids from a very young age who even admitted they never felt that 100% that a person who got pregnant & gave birth to & raised a child did. They all felt the 90-99% but there was a tiny part of them...Blonde angel


You’ve not known the other adoptive parents who feel differently. Look, almost any woman can give birth but it takes a really special, loving human being to adopt, raise and love a child not of their blood.

Although the OP is gone; IMO she is not depriving her children. She works and obviously the guy gives her and her children moral support:
When he's not working he does go above and beyond taking care of the house, the meals, the laundry etc.
She has a Manny.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 133
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/23/2014 12:04:43 PM
I don't know HOW this thing keeps getting dragged into "welfare leeches". The OP didn't mention that either she or her SO were getting any kind of assistance-unless now unemployment insurance is somehow now always just a handout to the undeserving unemployed.
The whole point of assistance is to protect the vulnerable...and children are vulnerable. If their parent(s) or other custodial person cannot come up with the wherewithal to meet those needs, then the assistance program is there.
Are those programs sometimes abused by malingerers? Yes
Are the funds mis-spent sometimes? Yes. But unless the state or other government entity starts doing means evaluations and removing children from homes that fall under a certain income-assisting the FAMILY is all we got.

Now,I have to ask whether the tone of this thread would have been the same if it were a MAN concerned about a female SO who wasn't contributing a previously-agreed-on amount?
And so what if the OP has a "manny" or the SO is taking a larger share of non-financial responsibilities.
If "moral support" is not worth anything, then what about stay-home moms and dads?
Without disrespecting the concerns about financially parasitic relationships, lets' not overlook the value and comfort of moral support, having somebody who has your back emotionally- that feeling you can't always get from kids, room-mates, families, neighbors or pets.
Cindy O
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 134
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/25/2014 7:25:08 PM

Of course it would cost at least $100 a week for food for an average healthy man.


Maybe in your corner of the world, not in mine.
Good thing I'm WAY above average healthy.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 135
Living expenses and pride..
Posted: 9/26/2014 10:57:31 AM


Of course it would cost at least $100 a week for food for an average healthy man.~Hondogal


Maybe in your corner of the world, not in mine.
Good thing I'm WAY above average healthy.~Fullmoon


Good for you as to the WAY above healthy. Is that your opinion or your doctor’s?

You stated that you live on, “Way under less than $150 a month” for food. Given that you advocate dumpster diving;
Taste the Waste"
"Just Eat It"
'Dive! the Film
is this how you keep your grocery expense so very nominal? Or perhaps you avail yourself of free food pantries? However, if you are shopping at grocery stores, and even outdoor markets, as most of us do; a hundred bucks or less a month is not going to adequately feed anyone or even a healthy 120 pound dog.

So please tell us how you manage to purchase quality food on this WAY above healthy diet for Way under $150 bucks monthly.
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