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 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 7
Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Okay,

How about other reasons such as:

I found another person that seems more interesting than you.

The big project at work started and until that deadline is over, there's no contact with anyone.

I've realized that all along what I wanted to do is join Green peace and chase after Wailing vessels.

My computer has a virus and my IT guru keeps ignoring me because I did not set him up with the hottie from work.

I went out with someone else, but shortly discovered that she has more drama than all the Shakespeare's plays, more baggage than the Atlanta airport and more issues than the Healthcare bill.

Okay and here's my favorite.

He got kidnapped by a gang of Swedish exchange students and tied him to a chair for three days until he conceded to their demands. Demands: play for 48 hours all of ABBA's album on vinyl on a turn table. He decided not to press charges.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 10
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Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome?
Posted: 11/12/2009 3:40:10 PM
I honestly believe that this very thing is why my ex broke up with me. She was the one who initiated the relationship with me. Took her a month to break me down, but once she finally did, I was hooked. I jumped in with both feet and was ready for a nice, long-term relationship.

It was a long-distance relationship, but as soon as I said I'd be with her, she bought a ticket the next day and came to visit three weeks later. The first time we met, it was an instant click. I fell in love with her, and she spent the whole weekend telling me how she had been crazy about me for such a long time.

The second time we met was a month later and the passion was gone from her. I had assumed she was stressed out because of a school project she was working on, and she did have to spend a portion of the weekend working on it and submitting it. But it turned out the major reason she was feeling the way she was was because she knew she was going to dump me and felt bad about it because, as she said, I was everything she thought she wanted in a guy.

She does spend a lot of time on the internet and, to make a long story short, I think that, coupled with some things that happened to her in the past, have made her very fearful of intimacy. She's afraid of being hurt, so as soon as someone gets close to her, she closes in.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 11
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Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome?
Posted: 11/12/2009 3:42:30 PM

Fear of commitment does exist in SOME people, but it is also a term overused today.

Agreed. I think a lot of people say that someone "doesn't want to commit" when the real answer is that they "don't want to commit *WITH YOU*"
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 19
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Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome?
Posted: 11/13/2009 3:44:09 AM

-wanted to see if he could catch you... he did, now he lets you go...
The old catch-and-release... I'm pretty sure that this is a major contributing factor to people disappearing... they've caught you, can do as they want with you so the thrill of the chase is over... I don't think it's an Internet thing either.

I don't understand the allure of this, I prefer the more comfortable relationship that can only be established over time and familiarity... give me the old sock with all it's problems any day over the new one that might look good at first, but has no long term wear.

The Internet is just another venue... I'm sure that people of my generation remember those dates that you went on as a teen or young adult that led to absolutely no where... not sure why there was no call or anything the next day or week, and really, as far as I could tell no one spent time whining or bemoaning it either.
 rainman12
Joined: 10/18/2007
Msg: 24
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Wanting AND fearing intimacy; an internet syndrome?
Posted: 11/14/2009 6:31:35 PM

but personally I am looking to find someone willing to explore BUILDING a connection. Isn't that why we are on an online dating site?

I'm here to set up in-person meeting. I want to meet women in person. The internet is for setting up the time and place. There is no building anything online, except false hopes or a pen pal relationship.


Agreed. There is no connection/intimacy on the internet, that can only come after they meet you and you both decide to explore building the connection. Intimacy then becomes part of that connection.

....so it's not really related to the internet at all. These men just decided they didn't want to explore you. The internet was simply the vehicle in which you were initially introduced. Do you want/fear intimacy simply because many of the men you might meet IRL don't meet your criteria for what you're looking for in a partner, and you decline them/decide not to pursue them?
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