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 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 39
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?Page 2 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)

1. finishing one's education
2. finding a lifelong CAREER (not just a JOB)
3. Establishing oneself
4. Dating/sampling to find out personality types that FIT you
5. Establishing financial foundation
6. Establishing good life habits.. Health, fun, decent friends
7. Learning one's sexual identity
8. Becoming self-sufficent, aware, worldly
9. getting youthful one-time curiosities and their mistakes out of the way..

Makes them "FLAWED" and somehow DEFICIENT?

Fascinating concept..

What seems to be wrong are ALL of those who think the above list is somehow FLAWED.


Only one thing about this sticks in my craw ( if that is a word)

Who says you have to get "worthy" or "good enough" to have lasting committed relationships? We do it with our folks and kids all the time. You just... cope.

Somehow in our society we've gotten it all confused. At this rate ( by the time I accomplish that list) I'd be "ready" to have a life parter about the time my life is over.

Who wants to travel the road "there" alone only to get "there" and finally find someone to enjoy "it" all with? What "it"? By then you've got a brain full of memories. The joy is in having someone to share those memories with.

Sorry to rain on the parade, but even though I am doing the alone thing, I still don't believe it is somehow a necessary part of my existence, or even a good part. It just is what it is.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 41
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:09:05 PM

I didn't see getting "worthy" or "good enough" anywhere in that quote/post.


I reread his post and tried to tease out where that came from for me. I think it was in the first few lines that talk about people married and divorced by 24 with a series of losers in their lives. Coupled with my sensitivity to being told over and over again by well meaning friends that it's ok that I'm single because "he will come along when you are ready" and my personal favorite, "You're just not ready for a relationship right now."

I guess this is an example of how experience colors perception.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 42
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:18:57 PM
Ironica.. Like the poster that followed you, Nowhere do I see anything in my commentary about being WORTHY.. or GOOD ENOUGH to have a lasting committed relationship.

My response was to the OP's original posting about how a man (or woman) who winds up 30+ and NOT already IN a committed relationship.. must somehow be FLAWED.

I presented a list of "LIFE ACCOMPLISHMENTS that MAY have been occupying their time from the age of 18 until around 32. NINE things they MIGHT have been doing over those first 14 years of adulthood to BECOME an adult. An 18th birthday might cause the STATE to say, NOW you are a LEGAL ADULT, however the day AFTER that birthday means you are a CHILD of 18 years.. plus one day.

My list of accomplishments in my original answer is like "finishing/graduate school" in order to BE an adult. To do ALL of them takes adult decision-making, sacrifice, delayed gratification, an open mind, some struggle, some frustration and PERSERVERANCE to get to that point. ALL of those things are very ADULT qualities.

Are you saying that YOUR life is over at 32? I certainly hope not. But let me give you some scenarios of a person DOING my list.. ALONE(meaning NOT in a committed relationship) and you can tell me if a guy DOING these things seems like the kind of guy you want to be married to.

1. He is a full time student.. maybe a graduate student.. study study study.. "sorry I cant see you this WEEK, I'm studying for finals.

2. He job hops.. cant stay with one job for more than 6 months, CAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW FOR SURE WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.

3. He shares housing with his buds. Lives like a fratboy. Sometimes "couches it" at friends when #2 above has him out of work with NO INCOME. Doesnt even have his own place.. much less has BOUGHT a place.

4. He'd LOVE to date you.. but also wants to date others at the same time. Hasnt quite made up his mind the TYPE Of woman he wants to "settle" for, much less commit to

5. He has $20 in the bank.. and another $20 in his pocket.. His entire net worth. Cause of #2 above.

6. He still likes to get drunk with his buds for a WHOLE WEEKEND blowout "cause it's a BLAST" Still hasnt woke up hungover for work on a monday and realized it just cost him his job. He is also relying on his youthful recovery powers so DOESNT exercise.. Thinks Pizza and a Pitcher or two is a well-balanced meal.. and choice of dinner ware is styrofoam

7. He STILL thinks that sex is a recreational sport.. multiple partners.. thinks it's ALL about his c*ck.. wouldnt know if a lover had cum or not. Hasnt been dumped(or taught) for being a selfish lover. Never bothered to learn HOW.

8. Hasnt traveled much past his local home town. Never had a passport or seen a good reason to get one. Thinks a "road trip" is a run to get more beer. Never been on an airplane.

9. DONE the adventure things.. Drunken orgies.. Bungee Jumping.. Motorcycling across several states.. Lived scruffy on a boat.. just bummed around being the pingpong BALL.. and NOT controlling ONE of the paddles.

Now.. I want you to tell me ANY woman in her right mind.. that wants to be WITH a boy who is doing my latest 9 tasks on the WAY to becoming a man.. who would be totally happy with him doing ALL OF THEM. YOU'd enjoy that? YOU are willing to be the woman sitting at home while he is BEING that bum waiting for him to come home? sometimes not for days?

Or.. you want to make a BABY with him while he is DOING those things? THAT would create "joyful memories" for you?

If so.. and if YOUR viewpoint is the typical female one.. then ALL Of you need to get some serious therapy.

I have a 21 year old daughter.. Even SHE knows better than to hang around with an UNdeveloped BOY.
 Ironica
Joined: 11/9/2009
Msg: 43
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 6:35:06 PM
I see you've provided a list of mistakes that young men might make. Young women make mistakes too. So do older people... all people make mistakes. The best relationships I have had in life were with people who watched me make some pretty serious mistakes and loved me anyway.

and yep... some of those are my most joyful memories.
Life is what you make of it.

~Ironica
 kjacks31
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 44
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:34:40 PM
I think this entire thread is pointless. The number of reasons a person may be single are far more plentiful than the number of reasons a person might be involved. You cannot generalize reasons a person is single. I could probably get together with 3 of you and make a list of 100 possible reasons and still have leftovers.
 davdo
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 45
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 7:47:05 PM
Yes we are all flawed. We just need an island to ship us off to so the people who aren't flawed can have a perfect life. Some of us just never learned the "game" and don't know how to socialize properly. So of us understand it and want no part of it. Some us just don't care. People always seem perfect when you first meet them. It is only after you get to know them if you can decide whether or not to stick with them. So rejoice in your flaws it is what makes us unique.

Dying alone isn't such a bad thing is it? Isn't that the real question? No kids or spouse to mourn your passing. Nothing left on earth to remind people you even existed. Is this what we truly fear. Being in a hospital or old folks home alone and no one cares enough about us to ignore us. We will be forgotten people.
 oregonsaint
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 46
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/16/2009 9:50:18 PM
There is nothing wrong with a person because they are single and over 30. It is a sad sign of the times. Divorce is so easy and accepted. Becasue of that, not many are willing to work through issues, and would rather just call it quits.
 CowboyEnuff
Joined: 2/14/2008
Msg: 47
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:23:06 AM
OP,
Thanks for bringing this up. I had on another occasion posted something like this asking it of women and I guess the world and POF are not ready to make women look less than perfect on this site.

I think it is simply an issue of We guys n.. n...nnnot having met a woman who inspires a US to desire more than the status quo with her!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 48
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 7:31:49 AM

Dying alone isn't such a bad thing is it?

I hope not. If so, we're all in trouble. There's no other way to die - even if you kill someone at the same time, chances are you won't go the same route.
 whitetigeress
Joined: 7/18/2009
Msg: 50
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 9:39:44 AM
-People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?-

if there is something wrong..... they are in denial to maintain hope of finding someone
 bigfish0979
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 54
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/17/2009 2:37:16 PM
I am 30 and never married and no kids! I am not worried about dying alone! I am prepared to make that sacrifice if I don't find the right woman. I am a picky man! I don't care if I have any heirs to give my property to, I already plan to donate my future property to added to state forest or park.
 petite4U2
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 55
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/18/2009 4:09:14 AM
I would like to say this ... some people are single because they havent met the right person. That being said ... I would look at this ... I know someone who is 54, has had many relationships the longest being 4 years... a series of one night stands, pickups, multiple dating websites... Has nothing of his own but a vehicle. No home, no children, no furniture no nothing. No savings, and has kept himself free of all responsibilities his whole life. Runs away from everything and usually gets caught cheating. Now if the person doesnt tell you these things and you met him , you might think he was a great guy. Seemingly nice, helpful, charming, etc. But ..... the reality is if a man is older and has had no visible evidence in his life of anything stable, I'd say that person deserves to be looked at with a fine toothed comb. Not everything is as it appears. There are signs that someone is trouble waiting to happen and to be responsible to oneself, we should know these things before ever becoming involved. Speaking from experience if indeed I had taken a closer look, I would have realized the forever single man that I dated for four years was a tangled mess of a human being. In this case, I think that is a matter of taking your time, not judging by age but by what they have accomplished in life and the kinds of relationships you see with family, friends , etc.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 57
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/19/2009 10:12:27 AM
Pretty ironic question coming from a 38 year old woman ...

The only thing wrong with me is that I have yet to find a woman capable of joining me on my chosen path. I spent my 20's and most of my 30's wandering the Earth, seeking adventures and experiencing Life in as full a manner as possible. Not many women choose that path, so I've finally settled down in a small mountain town that makes me happy, though alone.

Needless to say...dating in a small mountain town is problematic. Not many fish to choose from, and even fewer that appeal to me. I have met some fantastic women over the years, but timing and circumstances have gotten between us.

My question is: Would y'all feel better about me if I'd grabbed any opportunity to get hitched, followed up by a divorce when the disparity between us became too much to ignore? Perhaps have a couple fatherless children to my credit, too? That would've been pretty easy. So easy that even a caveman could do it. A good reason not to, IMHO.

I refuse to settle. If more followed my example, divorce rates would be much lower. I'll be the last sibling to marry, and the last to divorce...both my sibs have been there, done that. Perhaps I'll be the only one to do neither. I'm okay with that.
 scrumptious_fish_bait
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 58
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/19/2009 9:37:38 PM
There is nothing wrong being over 30 and single. As long as he's happy, who gives a ****? Maybe he's waiting for "The One", maybe he's not done playing in the field, maybe he's not finacially-established, whatever reason it is. It's better than getting married in the early 20's and get a divorce in the late 20's. I wouldn't say there is something "wrong" with the man. Unless he's a commitment phobe, too picky, or has baggages. There are many reasons behind it, and you have to talk to the person to find out why (although some of them should give you a red flag).
 Motto_Bella
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 59
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 3:12:18 AM

something wrong with them?

^ Nope.. the good ones are responsible, selective and pacing themselves.

Agree w/womaninprogress ~ over 30 and clingy. Zero purpose and passion... with a car full of infant car seats - ugh.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 60
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 12:09:56 PM
I am over thirty and single and have plenty wrong with me.Does that mean I should crawl into a hole and never come out? We all have things wrong with us. No one is exempt. Just because none of us are perfect does not mean we should stop looking for love and for someone to want and accept us as we are.
 Margaux_1970
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 61
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 8:25:06 PM
You come across as though you are beating yourself down. Stop it! You know, the good-looking people I have met in my life are the ones with the most negative string of relationships. Sure, they get hooked faster, but imagine what many failed relationships must do to the ego, too. I am not saying here that hot men and women are more prone to bad relationships, but rather that those couples that are borne out of looks alone often end up in the dumpster. It really is about chemistry.

What amazes me on this site, though, is how many below-average-looking females have the nerve to put down someone who is comparable to them in the looks department. I have had fat women look at me as though I had the plague, and I would place myself in the average catgory. I was too polite to say anything.

Best of luck to you.
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 62
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:29:28 PM
JHparkes: There could be SEVERAL reasons they someone who is 30 is not yet taken yet. Especially for men the guy could be a commitment phoebe, be a player, be gay and not really know it, is too picky about women in general, be a stalker, be overly clingy, is looking for the "perfect" match that may not exist, he may totally SUCK at attracting women by being boring or something, and host of other variables. Then again he could be NONE of those and is just taking a break by being single. Maybe he just got out of a bad relationship and wants to take a break from dating all together? Maybe he does not want to date period and wants to take time working on himself as well.

So to answer your questions the lady at your work is wrong, while YES there is some truth to what she says, but there could be several different HEALTHY and NORMAL reasons why the guy is single and there may not be anything WRONG with the guy.

Your co-workers statement was probably based on some of her negative past experiences or knowing some of her lady friends who had bad experiences with guys who appeared to be great catches and really were not.
 truckieal
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 63
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:39:21 PM
I agree with you 100% 4gotnsoul I think sometimes I should be some sort of bad arsed killer or bank robber they get more action than some of us straight liners
 dmgodwin
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 64
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:18:01 PM
well u know i am 36 and it don't bother me what ppl think i'm single and i am waiting for the right one i am settling down and looking , I have my views and imputs but the truth casn be asked about a 25 yr old too . i just have not found the one person who can light a spark just by touching my hand or looking in my eyes or just sitting on the couch talking will drinking a cup of coffee or wine and watching a movie sex is over rated and it can be more romantic just by talking and cuddling then having sex ,so when my soulmate comes around and says something that knocks me off my feet then i will know its time .....
 RustyStrummer
Joined: 10/25/2009
Msg: 65
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:25:36 PM
no your right on track, i didnt want to be the one to let this out but when you turn 30 the government sends you a notice by mail classifying you as expired.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 66
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:41:44 PM
Men in their 30's usually have a harder time dating women in their 30's - they're typically better off dating women in their late 20's or early 40's.

Most single 30-something women have way too much bagage, are far too demanding, have rediculous expectations and simply aren't worth the headache to deal with.

If a guy good looking guy is in his 30's and still single it's probably because he hasn't yet realized this.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 67
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:15:27 PM

Most single 30-something women have way too much bagage, are far too demanding, have rediculous expectations



Perhaps, but we can spell at least.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 68
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:25:53 PM
Stop trolling me... I'm not interested.
 Genuine_504
Joined: 10/12/2009
Msg: 69
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:29:29 PM
I would venture to say that may be the case the majority of the time. I think there is no definitive answer. Things should never be viewed as black and white. And "extenuating circumstances" are what shape our lives. I just turned 33 and I am not married, nor do I have any children. I haven't met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I don't believe this should shape others perception of me. Frankly, I don't believe in catering to perception in the first place. My last few relationships were all ended by me for....take your pick; one took on a serious drug problem and continued to lie to my face about it, another cheated on me, and another gradually morphed from demure to inconsiderate and crass. Ultimately, I am up front. I have depth of feeling, am passionate about the things that I choose to involve myself with, and am inert in the fact that I have chosen where I want to be in life. The matter of choosing who I want to be there with me may take some time. But like all else in my life, it wont be a wasted effort.
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