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 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 850
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?Page 23 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
So those that never get taken, what's your secret? How to you avoid relationships becoming LT commitments. When you look back at relationships that ended, why did it end? Was it easy to get them to let you move on? Did you want it to continue but they wanted to get marred?


No secret, just maybe a 'bad picker'? I dunno, was with one from say ages 24-29, madly in love with her as she uh 'claimed to be' with me, we talked marriage, I proposed to her for Valentines... and 3 weeks later she was cheating on me and walking out the door. That threw me for a loop, didn't date for almost 2 yrs after that until I met another one that I really saw potential in - actually was thinking of asking her to marry me, made plans for us to fly out to visit my family for Thanksgiving and all... until, at maybe 6mo's of dating she demanded I marry her ("marry me *now* or it's over"). I actually said I was thinking of proposing at Xmas, but... not soon enough for her. She had 2 kids, and it was an LDR (3hrs), so I said ok - but we need to talk about how this is going to work - we both owned homes, had jobs in our respective areas... I didn't expect her to move the kids by any means, but it did mean me selling my house, quitting my job and finding one in her area, etc... "nope, no discussion, now or it's over". I chose the latter - how am I supposed to marry someone who just showed they didn't give a crap about my feelings, my career/future, etc? (She was married in a year I later found out, kinda figured she'd met her future hubby and put me on the spot to end it really). In both cases though, yeah, I would have rather had it continue and worked out otherwise.

Then of course there was the 'separated for 2-1/2 years' one that just stopped talking to me one day, wouldn't return any of my calls, and I found out a month later (from a mutual friend, not from her) was getting back together with her kids dad (it was well over a year before she messaged me one day for something and I got "I did what I thought was best for the kids" - which was fine, can't argue with that - she was a good mom - it just would have been nice to have been told that at the time ).

Since then I guess it's just made me more cautious... and at this point in my life I'm not entirely sure I see the point of getting married since kids are out of the picture really unless I want to go way out of my age range. Still wouldn't be against the idea given the right person, but nothing really has worked out - either I want more commitment and they don't, or vice versa.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 852
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/13/2014 11:07:34 AM
There is something wrong with everyone, single, not single, man, woman. There is no person who is 100% strong or weak.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 853
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/13/2014 12:46:29 PM

I've had one guy want to marry me, but the distance got in the way and he wasn't willing to wait another 2 months for me to come home.


He wanted to marry you and was unwilling to wait a mere two months?

That seems.....odd...
 JustADateAtLeast
Joined: 11/20/2013
Msg: 854
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/25/2014 2:59:35 PM
I know something's wrong with me. It sure makes me feel like I'm cursed to be eternally single.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 856
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 6:24:24 AM

I'm open-minded but might wonder why someone over 40 was still single...but 30's? Not at all.


I can't wait until you hit 40. Your meltdown will be epic.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 857
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 8:42:24 AM
I am almost 50 and have been single since 2009. I've never spent this much time being single, nor have I had this hard a time finding a decent person to date..for me at least, my 40's have been a dating wasteland. I think over the years I have also come to learn what situations to avoid repeating (being too tolerant of people's bad habits, waiting for someone to "come around" and want to date me, adapting myself into someone else's schedule and life without them making any effort to work within mine)...I sold myself short in some cases. Now that I have made the decision to wait for someone healthy, balanced out and excited to me with me, I've been alone for 5 years. I just cannot seem to find it. Eventually I just stopped trying.

So if there IS something wrong with me, it's my lack of effort and disinterest in dealing with all the rejection and disappointment. I would rather wake up in the morning not having to face yet another man who never calls back, or friendzones me or is just looking for a fast lay. Removing all of this from my life has given me a sense of peace, and more confidence in the fact that I don't have to hear yet again that I am "really funny but....I don't see you as dating material."

You get real sick of hearing this after a while.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 859
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 11:15:17 AM

our relationship status in your 30's means absolutely nothing. It simply means you're single...for the moment ;)

This is true at every age (not counting the ages you are too young to participate). People break up, divorce, die. No relationship is guaranteed or forever at any age. Sh*t happens to us all. If you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and single - you are typically single for the time being.

Just as it's true that if you are involved - you are typically involved for the time being. Sorry - reality is what it is. No one can know what tomorrow brings...many people after a relationship ends tend to say they didn't see it coming.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 861
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History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 9:32:56 AM
I am 35 now and have been single for 2 years. I haven't really been interested in dating at this point in my life. Part of that is a lot of women, and men do it too, expect too much. They want a man to have a house, money to travel, a great job and a car. What ever happened to the days of liking someone for who they are and not what they have.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 862
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 12:01:22 PM

What ever happened to the days of liking someone for who they are and not what they have.


Same reason some people rather be feared than loved, fear lasts longer.

Last I checked, money issues are one of the #1 reason why people split, why marriages end, what starts to gnaw at happiness together. Why start something with someone you know you're likely to face those issues with already? Let's start at 100% and settle somewhere, not start at 50% and work your way up.

Look at Halle Berry, she split with the model because he was not bringing in the money the same way she was after they got married. Yeah, she knew this prior to marrying him, but she somehow thought he'd up his game and be up to her same level shortly. Now she's with Oliver Martinez who makes just as much if not more than her, no money issue there.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 863
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 12:45:57 PM

Last I checked, money issues are one of the #1 reason why people split, why marriages end, what starts to gnaw at happiness together.


I believe if people truly care about eachother they find a way to get through hard times.
Money is just the numero uno EXCUSE to use when one or both parties aren't happy for many reasons.


Look at Halle Berry, she split with the model because he was not bringing in the money the same way she was after they got married. Yeah, she knew this prior to marrying him, but she somehow thought he'd up his game and be up to her same level shortly.


Did she state this or are you making an assumption based on YOUR values ?


Now she's with Oliver Martinez who makes just as much if not more than her, no money issue there.


They've been married less than a year.

When money is tight it does put strain on a relationship but when the going gets tough the phonies get going.

Like I said in a recently deleted thread :

Marriage is supposed to be about LOVE .... not a SCORESHEET !
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 864
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 1:34:05 PM

She had 2 kids, and it was an LDR (3hrs), so I said ok - but we need to talk about how this is going to work - we both owned homes, had jobs in our respective areas... I didn't expect her to move the kids by any means, but it did mean me selling my house, quitting my job and finding one in her area, etc... "nope, no discussion, now or it's over". I chose the latter - how am I supposed to marry someone who just showed they didn't give a crap about my feelings, my career/future, etc? (She was married in a year I later found out, kinda figured she'd met her future hubby and put me on the spot to end it really).


I would have done the same thing, I don't like being forced to make a decision like that.

Sounds like she did meet her future hubby at that point. It seems like she was trying to make a choice, and maybe wanted to choose you, but needed a commitment. The other man likely wasn't willing to wait around for her to decide. Fish or cut bait time for her.

As for me, I got asked to get married 2 times and to move in together once, and each time I wanted to stay dating but was afraid to get married or move in. Each time it ended really badly after I kept dating them but I didn't accept either getting married or moving in together. I should have gotten engaged, a limited step. IMO likely I would have been happy with the first one that wanted to get married, the second one who wanted to move in together I would have been either really happy or totally destroyed.

I did ask my first wife to get married, we were living together and I had to move from Washington DC to San-Fran, so either she moved with me as a GF, or we broke up or we get married. I asked her to get married, we were a little scarred of it, but eventually tied the knot. At least being married got me past my fear of commitment.

This time my GF also wanted to get married, I didn't want to break up with her, didn't want to try and string her along with excuses and I know how it will end if I try and keep dating. So I decided to get married, it seemed like the logical choice since I was in love with her most likely anyone else I dated I would compare in an unfavorable manner to her. Getting too old to start that cycle all over again.

My conclusion? Wait till the woman brings up the idea of getting married. If you want a happy marriage, then think about it for a while and say yes


Look at Halle Berry, she split with the model because he was not bringing in the money the
same way she was after they got married. Yeah, she knew this prior to marrying him, but she somehow thought he'd up his game and be up to her same level shortly. Now she's with Oliver Martinez who makes just as much if not more than her, no money issue there.


Halle Berry has an estimated net worth of $60 million. She could support her husband till hell freezes over. I doubt if money was an issue for her. Maybe he couldn't handle her making so much money, hard to tell why they split.

But I think you are projecting your own money issues onto other people. 0

===================================================
I think 30 is too young to worry about why someone isn't married. I would ask questions of someone that was over 45 and never married, just to find out what was going on. A couple of people I know their fiancé died before they got married, and it messed them up for a long time.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 865
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 3:35:15 PM

I believe if people truly care about eachother they find a way to get through hard times.

And the struggles wear down the relationship/marriage, until you got nothing but someone you care about but don't love anymore.


Money is just the numero uno EXCUSE to use when one or both parties aren't happy for many reasons.

http://www.jrn.com/ktnv/news/Study-reveals-number-one-reason-for-divorce-216573531.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/12/divorce-study_n_3587811.html
http://marietta.patch.com/groups/trending-in-america/p/the-top-10-reasons-marriages-end-in-divorce_14370092

Because it is one of the top reasons for divorce/splitting up, it is important that when one chooses a partner, that money be discussed (expectations). I know that I won't be compatible with someone who wants a 50/50 money arrangement, I'm in no need of more friends, or a roommate with benefits, lol.


Did she state this or are you making an assumption based on YOUR values ?

I don't know if she stated it and it's certainly not an assumption on my values. My friend who is addicted to TV saw an interview where she alluded to it. I couldn't find anything on the net about this interview but the link below is the closest I got. I don't have a reason to believe my friend is lying, if he says he saw it with his own eyes, I can't disprove it.

http://www.examiner.com/article/halle-berry-allegedly-nagged-gabriel-aubry-into-break-up


When money is tight it does put strain on a relationship but when the going gets tough the phonies get going.

When any aspect of the relationship changes from how it was initiated, it gets tough and you have new variables to deal with (be it whatever that is). Some people prioritize their happiness and well being, and other people choose to hold on and make anything work like they are obligated to. It has nothing to do with being phony, people know their own limits, it's healthy.

Real life story:
My friend's father passed away, and after that happened, his girlfriend broke up with him. When he told me about it, I told him "what did you expect, for her to deal with the man you will be for however long it takes you to recover from the loss?, do you know what that's like?" She knew in advance that she wasn't going to be able to handle it, and though she felt bad for him, she knew what was best for her (and him). It would have made no sense for her to stay with him, when he wasn't even going to be the same person he had always been and fell in love with, and he was just going to be moping and sad, and certain times of the year may be worst. No one wants to be around negative energy, no matter the source.

Why I told him that? Because I'd been through it with my ex boyfriend, I went through both of his parents passing a year apart from each other. In the future, I don't think I'm going to stick around, I say this with all the compassion I can muster. My well-being, my need to feel like I'm still in a relationship with someone is greater than my desire to feel like I'm in a relationship by myself while his mind and emotions are elsewhere. It s*cked, every birthday, every anniversary, every holiday, every mother's or father's day.

I'm not saying people should bail at the first sight of trouble, but most people know what they are willing to put themselves through, and rarely is it worth it.


Marriage is supposed to be about LOVE .... not a SCORESHEET !

And when one fails to give the same or as much as the other, sh*t rolls downhill. I'm not convinced a score sheet does not exist. Let her decide not to f*ck you ever again and watch how little it will matter that she does everything else, so much for a non-existent score sheet.


Halle Berry has an estimated net worth of $60 million. She could support her husband till hell freezes over. I doubt if money was an issue for her. Maybe he couldn't handle her making so much money, hard to tell why they split.

I know multimillionaires who won't even pay the meter for parking in the street, they'll let whomever they are with pay for it. It is not about having money, people who have a ton of money only spend it on what THEY WANT to spend it on, not on what they can spend it on *cough* my grandma.


But I think you are projecting your own money issues onto other people. 0

Not really, I didn't theorize they broke up because of that, my friend told me he saw an interview in which she disclosed that information. I stupidly passed along the information here, without researching if it's even true, but it makes sense, lol.
 Foodnmusicguy
Joined: 5/7/2014
Msg: 866
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 5/21/2014 3:58:20 PM

I believe if people truly care about eachother they find a way to get through hard times.



And the struggles wear down the relationship/marriage, until you got nothing but someone you care about but don't love anymore.


Sometimes perhaps, depends on the durability/strength of the couple's love/devotion.




Because it is one of the top reasons for divorce/splitting up, it is important that when one chooses a partner, that money be discussed (expectations).


This only proves that most couples shouldn't have gotten married in the first place since they bail so easily nowadays.






When money is tight it does put strain on a relationship but when the going gets tough the phonies get going.



When any aspect of the relationship changes from how it was initiated, it gets tough and you have new variables to deal with (be it whatever that is). Some people prioritize their happiness and well being, and other people choose to hold on and make anything work like they are obligated to. It has nothing to do with being phony, people know their own limits, it's healthy.


When I say phony I'm referring to people who say " I do " but don't really mean it which is proven when they bail without putting much effort into saving the marriage.


Real life story:
My friend's father passed away, and after that happened, his girlfriend


I'm not referring to a bf/gf situation , I'm talking a MARRIAGE where people are supposed to stick together through thick and thin . This gf did him a favour by bailing instead of sticking around and marrying him for sure !


I'm not saying people should bail at the first sight of trouble, but most people know what they are willing to put themselves through, and rarely is it worth it.


Yes , people shouldn't marry people they don't think are worth it.




Marriage is supposed to be about LOVE .... not a SCORESHEET !



Let her decide not to f*ck you ever again and watch how little it will matter that she does everything else, so much for a non-existent score sheet.


That isn't about a scoresheet at all , that's entirely different, come on.
I'm talking about comparing paycheques and having the attitude " well, you didn't keep up with me so I no longer love you and am going to find someone who makes as much money as I do " - that's not my idea of love !
 enterpriser
Joined: 6/6/2010
Msg: 867
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History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/9/2014 1:14:14 AM
(This is going to be a little long. Please bear with me). I am 36. I was born with Hyper IGE Syndrome (overactive immune system) and was supposed to have died at birth or not make it to adulthood. Fortunately, I did make it. Unfortunately, my foster mother, who was of advanced age (she was practically my mom and grandmother in one), was always afraid she would lose me and as result wouldn't let me participate in many activities. Also, either from being oversheltered or being a creative type (or a combination of both), I displayed some alarming behavior in school and this unfortunately didn't end with my Primary school years. My foster mom was a wonderful woman who spent all her life helping others and generally putting herself last (which may be one reason why she's gone now), but she may have unintentionally screwed up my life by keeping me so sheltered. When I was a teenager in the early-mid 90s, I dressed in 70s clothes! (no one questioned me about it but I know now it was a little out of style, to say the least). I had almost no close friends growing up and have fewer now. I'm semi-introverted and shy and have problems with anxiety. I missed many milestones that most people are presumed to have had by the age of 36. Not until I was almost 30 did I have any clue how to talk to women or attract one, and I didn't know how to ask one out. When I was in school I was extremely attracted to one girl in particular, but I had no clue what to do and she wasn't going to pursue me. I exchanged messages with her for a while and even "danced" with her a couple times at school dances but I made it far too known that I wanted her. I was always extremely nervous around her which didn't help. All I wanted was to get to know her better, to see if she was the dream girl I thought she was, and I never quite got that chance. Today she lives several states away and has a 13-year-old son. To this day I've never been on a date, let alone been married. I don't think I would be good parent material, at least considering where I am in life. I can't really conceive of myself as a parent anyway. I'd like to get more education and experience but I've been in this safe-zone for so long it's become almost impossible to imagine doing such things. I'm hard-of-hearing, which has not helped my social life. I have lived in the same place all my life. I'm not what you'd call a quick study but I can definitely learn things as long as I have help. Of course, being attracted to women I have a tough time keeping from going nuts from not being able to get a date or at the least get laid. I've thought about getting a escort or hooker but I live on a fixed income and don't have the money to spare for something like that. I could try saving up, but I've never had good money skills either. On top of that, I struggle with my Christian faith I was raised in, which can conflict with my aggressions. Trouble is, a guy needs his aggressions or he'd never get anything done. My situation may be a little unusual, but there's got to be other guys my age out there with a more or less similar story.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 868
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/9/2014 6:46:19 AM
I will repeat what I had stated in a similar thread. No. Some people preferred to remain single when they were younger. Or they wanted to focus on school, work, and/or other obligations. Or when they did date, they simply didn't find the right person yet.
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/12/2014 8:33:19 PM
that might be the "stereotype". though there are a lot of people on here who are over 30 and even over 40 and are not taken... The main reason might be because deep inside they think they are not good enough to be taken and act upon that thought.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 870
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/13/2014 8:27:32 PM
Actually, I've always thought that if a woman is over 30 and attractive, it's kind of weird for her to be single, unless she's just coming out of a really long relationship. As you know, there are about 10 guys competing for every girl, so you know that she's had plenty of chances. My feeling is that more than sometimes they are pretty rigid or they're completely unbalanced. Personally, I don't believe in competing for a woman, because I don't feel like she should be put on a pedestal, but that's another post entirely.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 871
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 7:39:26 AM

Actually, I've always thought that if a woman is over 30 and attractive, it's kind of weird for her to be single, unless she's just coming out of a really long relationship.My feeling is that more than sometimes they are pretty rigid or they're completely unbalanced.

...or working on a degree, or following a career path or, just enjoying her freedom or any number of things that are more important than being part of a couple...it's nice but it's not a requirement for societal normalcy (past 1957, anyway). Some just don't want to date or get involved at some points in their lives, there doesn't necessarily need to be a reason.

While 10 men may be available to every woman (if that's true) it doesn't mean any of them are viable options or that she has to care that they're there.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 872
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History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 9:35:54 AM
Some people do seem to LOVE to make, and declare as pure fact, all sorts of assumptions about all sorts of other people.

It seems to be especially true, that when someone themselves have a concern ABOUT THEMSELVES that they want to explain away and blame on others, they are VERY apt to make such declarations.

Yes, it is probably statistically true that anyone who IS alone, and who wants NOT to be alone, either has limitations.
However, limitations are not the same as defects.

Or you could as I do, think of them as "relative defects." Relative to the people I have met since my wife declared me persona non grata, who I have been attracted to (i.e. not found to be "defective"), I am defective in various ways.

So what?
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 873
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 5:52:32 PM
Womaninprogress

Let's face it, most women, even those following a career path, are able to date. While it may be true that some really are so busy with their other aspirations in life, that they really cannot find time to steadily date anyone, let's face it, there's usually more to it than that. It's usually a sign of someone who's selfish. This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up. Being selfish never makes someone happy in the end. Of course many men are this way too.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 874
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:26:08 PM

Let's face it, most women, even those following a career path, are able to date.

Able - sure, even though it would take from their focus and give the person they're dating a less than fair experience.

While it may be true that some really are so busy with their other aspirations in life, that they really cannot find time to steadily date anyone, let's face it, there's usually more to it than that.

Yes - they can find the time, but don't want to.

It's usually a sign of someone who's selfish.

You can't be selfish unless you are taking from someone else. Someone who won't date because they are otherwise occupied is actually doing a good thing by not attempting to date someone and not give them full attention (within reason). Staying off the market is better when you can't really be fair about it.

This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up.

So that's why they choose not to be involved? How do you connect the two?

Being selfish never makes someone happy in the end. Of course many men are this way too.

No - and again selfish would be dating someone that you can't pay any attention to because you're preoccupied with career, family, something personal, school, whatever. Selfish is dragging someone through your busy life and expecting them to be there when you have time.

Finally...sometimes you aren't too busy to date. You just don't feel like it. People have the right to that choice. Just because you think you should date perpetually regardless of what goes on in your life doesn't mean everyone else should.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 875
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:34:36 PM
This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up.

Woman,
They're not choosing to be single. They're single, because nobody wants to be with someone who's selfish, and doesn't want to give anything up. However, the single person is still looking for someone, without regard to the other person's feelings. That's what makes them selfish.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 876
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:38:13 PM

Woman,
They're not choosing to be single.

Based on what information? There are people out there that absolutely choose to be single. I am one of them - I've done it more than once, and I'm not the only one.

They're single, because nobody wants to be with someone who's selfish, and doesn't want to give anything up.

Give what up? Please explain.

However, the single person is still looking for someone, without regard to the other person's feelings. That's what makes them selfish.

How can you know this about every woman out there? Some are single because they choose to be and have no interest in looking for anyone - because they want to be single.

Wait...who is "they"? Are you talking about someone you know personally and I'm mistaking your post as directed to all women? That has to be it - I must be misunderstanding who you are addressing.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 877
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/15/2014 10:44:03 PM
Woman,

Of course I cannot speak for every woman or man. However, we are talking about "general" here. In general, this is what I have to come to notice.

When I say "give anything up", I'm talking about things like their career or time with friends and family. They absolutely do not want to compromise any of it, but they expect the other to compromise everything. Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 878
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History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/16/2014 4:53:12 AM

Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?


I've heard many variations on that sort of self-righteous crap, and they all point to the fact that the person saying it, be they male, female, or something in between, is a self-blinded egotist who refuses to recognize that anyone else has just as much right as they do, to seek a satisfying life for themselves.
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