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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 834
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?Page 31 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)

There is nothing wrong with people who are not taken.

Not taken or Never taken? Big Difference. A fool will stay taken for the sake of it -- much like someone who wants an LTR for the sake of it (but later on realizes that wasn't a good idea; marriage or not).

Sometimes the "problem" with someone 30+ who's Never had an LTR (again, Sometimes) is because of other circumstances of traveling, horrible luck merely in That dept but no bitterness, etc -- where they are a good catch.

But especially in the more modern era, in more modern environments like big cities, if you're 30+ and (merely) never married -- why would someone assume something wrong, as opposed to divorced? What -- if you got married at 19 for a year and divorced because it was a bad idea, that puts you in a better place with a mutual 30-something year old who didn't have that?

To be fair, there are people who have issues who can't hold a Relationship. That's what people, when 30+ want to avoid when scoping the singles scene. But also to be fair, those who are the modern types who have dodged bullets and can falsely appear to be lumped in that category.

At 30+ one should also know how to read others, to see where the other person's at -- so it's less of a controversy. Merely not being married or in a 5+ year relationship at 30+ is Very Different than someone who never dated a gal past 3 months.
 atebungles
Joined: 12/27/2013
Msg: 835
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 1/11/2014 2:55:42 AM
So are we saying for those of us that are in our mid 30s not good looking, Never been taken, But have good personality's...!!!! We are the scum of the earth??? Are we really doomed???

OHHHH NOOOO THATS MUST BE ME.....

Been TAKEN sounds like .......Attacked by a Shark....

So maybe we are just lucky???????

 atebungles
Joined: 12/27/2013
Msg: 836
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 1/14/2014 10:05:47 PM
Yes I have a few relations that experienced the same problem went off and married as early as they were allowed to.
Only to find out 30 something yrs. later they were never really compatible...
I always remember them yelling and arguing...

They got a divorce, Never speak avoid each other when they can, even though they have 3 teenage kids... pretty sad really...

With all that said I still love them, Individually they are both great people...
Did manage to bring there children up with a descent amount of respect despite there problems...

But in all it actually makes me think I am smarter then most....

Despite what I have not experienced...
Yet from what I have witnessed.
Life could be worse.

So what ever is wrong with me, It may have done me more good then bad..
 DiezelPhoenix
Joined: 5/15/2013
Msg: 837
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 1/17/2014 9:54:40 AM
If there is something wrong with me, then I don't ever want to be right.

My sister is nearing 30, hasn't married and is in a great relationship.
All of my cousins/friends who got married in their early 20's are either now divorced or really unhappy in their relationships.
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 838
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 1/18/2014 9:45:26 AM
I search men 40-50 and don't bother with the never-married's. Clearly, they will not commit, are momma's boys or gay


This is a very broad generalization. There are many different reason(s) why someone hasn't been married by a certain age. Not all of them are bad. Some people decided to focus on their career, education, and/or other things when they were younger. Perhaps they were in a LTR and their partner died or cheated on them. Or some people simply preferred to remain single.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 839
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/6/2014 8:07:57 PM

JHparkes wrote:

Hi

I am posting this because it was said on another message board that if a man is single and over the age of 30 and good looking, there has got to be some character flaw or some reason why he is not taken....

What is everyone elses general view on this? Do you find that there has got to be "something" wrong if someone looks in every other way a good catch, yet still hasn't settled down?


How about those of us who have most everything going for us, but are just plain ugly? Of course at least it's obvious why guys like us have never even dated, let alone settled with anyone.
 atebungles
Joined: 12/27/2013
Msg: 840
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/7/2014 5:30:35 PM
Totally agree!!!! People forget about that.
 PlentyofThis123
Joined: 11/23/2013
Msg: 841
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/10/2014 3:04:00 AM
I look at the men who are over thirty and not married yet as being the most intelligent of the men.


LOL...that's what I get when someone finds out I never got married. That I'm one of the smart ones. Some are glass half full like that, but its amazing how those who have been married twice or had been in multiple relationships casts such dispersions on those who have never been married. They assume too much and pass judgement too hastily.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 842
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/10/2014 3:54:27 AM
^ that is weird. Not always of course, but it's often people who've had children and/or been married who think of someone who hasn't had children or gotten married as not "on their level", not experienced enough in life, or just generally having something wrong with them. Like with people seeing someone as not measuring up who's not as formally educated as them, their issue is believing that you can't relate to them or understand them in certain areas - this might be true, to some extent or in some cases, and obviously not that often...but why this seems nonsensical to me is that we're talking about just one or two areas of how two people are compatible or can understand or relate to each other. These areas definately don't have any more intrinsic significance than any of the many other areas that would be of concern. So many people are so compatible and would be so happy together, but don't even consider it because of the difference in whether or not you're as educated or not as educated, have children or don't, have been married or not. And of course, I shouldn't even have to mention it, but someone who's less educated, less achieved or traveled, has no children, and hasn't been married...can certainly not only be in the other's league, but even above it, if we were to think in those terms. The other certainly isn't more capable, more wise, of better character, or more special overall just because of the difference in these areas as often as they might think. These folks just can't get past thinking of these things as like rites of passage, and can't help but think of anyone on the other side of that as being in another world.

As someone who's not formally educated, has no children, and hasn't been married...I've nonetheless had plenty of experience in and exposure to these circles, and I'm not speaking out-of-my-arse from a standpoint of naivety about what it's really like to be a parent, married, being of an educated league, etc. I can guarantee that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 843
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 3/10/2014 5:04:16 AM

LOL...that's what I get when someone finds out I never got married. That I'm one of the smart ones.

You are. A majority of the marriages that people get into before they are 30 end in divorce, and there are usually kids involved - that's both alimony, and child support on top of lawyers fees. You have had none of the expense or trauma of a divorce caused by marrying someone young you grew apart from. Instead your money's still in the bank. Men who have been through all that will certainly see you as smarter than they were.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 844
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/9/2014 5:48:57 PM
Totally agree with Oldhag, Being single is great in its own way. The involuntary celibacy on the other hand... really sucks. But that is the nature of life, you can't be awsome at every aspect of it.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 845
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/9/2014 8:47:09 PM
So those that never get taken, what's your secret? How to you avoid relationships becoming LT commitments. When you look back at relationships that ended, why did it end? Was it easy to get them to let you move on? Did you want it to continue but they wanted to get marred?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 846
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/9/2014 11:55:44 PM
"So those that never get taken, what's your secret? How to you avoid relationships becoming LT commitments. When you look back at relationships that ended, why did it end? Was it easy to get them to let you move on? Did you want it to continue but they wanted to get marred?"

For me it's involuntarily apparently. In my case, I was never attractive to women. My lack of social skills, low self confidence, and total misunderstanding of what women really are, killed any hope I had of a long term relationship in my teens and twenties. Now in my early thirties, I carry the emotional scars of never really being wanted and the bitterness that comes from the inability to be attractive to women for so long. Even though I try to stay positive for my family and my work, at my core I am a depressed individual. I became mostly nihilistic to cope with the constant fustration and lonliness. Now, I got to the point of trying to accept that I will never be in a relationship ever. Even if a woman were find me physically attactive now, the ingrained personality flaw I have would be an instant turn off for them. In the end, I am striving for the only thing I can have in my life, being content with what I have. It is hard because I still feel envy that others have such ease doing something that I can not do (finding love). It's a work in progress. Hopefully one day I can achieve being content.
 Lone-Loser
Joined: 10/11/2012
Msg: 847
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/12/2014 1:06:48 PM
Never been married, never had any real serious relationship(I thought I did once, but looking back on it pretty obvious it was just a 'fling' LOL) have no kids, and nothing 'keeping' me from someone besides 'me'

So yes, in my example(39 now) there IS something wrong.

I don't dwell on it, I do wish I had someone to share life with, and often times it does get so lonely that it hurts, but I just know if I 'dive' into something, its just gonna go bad, and today's woman are not interested in 'going in' with the intention of staying with (Not to say they don't WANT relationships, its just that I think they are trying to do what men have stereotypically done in the 70-80's, as in they want to 'sample' as many partners as possible before they pick the 'one' they will stay with, if they even want someone that way)

So yes, in todays society, if your over 30, and single (Baring circumstances leading TO the status, as in if no 'physical' blocks keeping you from it, or real excuses such as hurtful past relationships, loss of someone very close, etc) there IS something wrong with you.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 848
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/12/2014 4:33:10 PM

So those that never get taken, what's your secret? How to you avoid relationships becoming LT commitments. When you look back at relationships that ended, why did it end?


because they irritated me or disrespected me and I said k bye bye.
 sxylore4783
Joined: 1/24/2014
Msg: 849
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/12/2014 6:24:27 PM
Although not "well over that number" only sliding by (just turned 31) I completely agree. I've never been married, no kids, and am COMPLETELY happy, yes having someone is nice, but to me and to many in my generation and it seems many of all generations, having the right one is more important than having one right now. I've been single for several years now, been on many dates, but nothing that really made me feel, wow I have a connection with this person enough to find out if "wow I can't live without this person" :)
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 850
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/13/2014 3:21:20 AM
So those that never get taken, what's your secret? How to you avoid relationships becoming LT commitments. When you look back at relationships that ended, why did it end? Was it easy to get them to let you move on? Did you want it to continue but they wanted to get marred?


No secret, just maybe a 'bad picker'? I dunno, was with one from say ages 24-29, madly in love with her as she uh 'claimed to be' with me, we talked marriage, I proposed to her for Valentines... and 3 weeks later she was cheating on me and walking out the door. That threw me for a loop, didn't date for almost 2 yrs after that until I met another one that I really saw potential in - actually was thinking of asking her to marry me, made plans for us to fly out to visit my family for Thanksgiving and all... until, at maybe 6mo's of dating she demanded I marry her ("marry me *now* or it's over"). I actually said I was thinking of proposing at Xmas, but... not soon enough for her. She had 2 kids, and it was an LDR (3hrs), so I said ok - but we need to talk about how this is going to work - we both owned homes, had jobs in our respective areas... I didn't expect her to move the kids by any means, but it did mean me selling my house, quitting my job and finding one in her area, etc... "nope, no discussion, now or it's over". I chose the latter - how am I supposed to marry someone who just showed they didn't give a crap about my feelings, my career/future, etc? (She was married in a year I later found out, kinda figured she'd met her future hubby and put me on the spot to end it really). In both cases though, yeah, I would have rather had it continue and worked out otherwise.

Then of course there was the 'separated for 2-1/2 years' one that just stopped talking to me one day, wouldn't return any of my calls, and I found out a month later (from a mutual friend, not from her) was getting back together with her kids dad (it was well over a year before she messaged me one day for something and I got "I did what I thought was best for the kids" - which was fine, can't argue with that - she was a good mom - it just would have been nice to have been told that at the time ).

Since then I guess it's just made me more cautious... and at this point in my life I'm not entirely sure I see the point of getting married since kids are out of the picture really unless I want to go way out of my age range. Still wouldn't be against the idea given the right person, but nothing really has worked out - either I want more commitment and they don't, or vice versa.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 852
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/13/2014 11:07:34 AM
There is something wrong with everyone, single, not single, man, woman. There is no person who is 100% strong or weak.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 853
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/13/2014 12:46:29 PM

I've had one guy want to marry me, but the distance got in the way and he wasn't willing to wait another 2 months for me to come home.


He wanted to marry you and was unwilling to wait a mere two months?

That seems.....odd...
 JustADateAtLeast
Joined: 11/20/2013
Msg: 854
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/25/2014 2:59:35 PM
I know something's wrong with me. It sure makes me feel like I'm cursed to be eternally single.
 _DamselFish_
Joined: 4/20/2014
Msg: 855
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/25/2014 7:07:45 PM
I've seen many people over 30 that are "taken " that have plenty wrong with them...simply undesirable people, inside and out. Some of the best catches are still single while plenty of the biggest, ugliest messes are in relationships. I'm open-minded but might wonder why someone over 40 was still single...but 30's? Not at all.

Your relationship status in your 30's means absolutely nothing. It simply means you're single...for the moment ;)
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 856
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 6:24:24 AM

I'm open-minded but might wonder why someone over 40 was still single...but 30's? Not at all.


I can't wait until you hit 40. Your meltdown will be epic.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 857
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 8:42:24 AM
I am almost 50 and have been single since 2009. I've never spent this much time being single, nor have I had this hard a time finding a decent person to date..for me at least, my 40's have been a dating wasteland. I think over the years I have also come to learn what situations to avoid repeating (being too tolerant of people's bad habits, waiting for someone to "come around" and want to date me, adapting myself into someone else's schedule and life without them making any effort to work within mine)...I sold myself short in some cases. Now that I have made the decision to wait for someone healthy, balanced out and excited to me with me, I've been alone for 5 years. I just cannot seem to find it. Eventually I just stopped trying.

So if there IS something wrong with me, it's my lack of effort and disinterest in dealing with all the rejection and disappointment. I would rather wake up in the morning not having to face yet another man who never calls back, or friendzones me or is just looking for a fast lay. Removing all of this from my life has given me a sense of peace, and more confidence in the fact that I don't have to hear yet again that I am "really funny but....I don't see you as dating material."

You get real sick of hearing this after a while.
 _DamselFish_
Joined: 4/20/2014
Msg: 858
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People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 10:48:14 AM
{I can't wait until you hit 40}
Well it's going to be a rather long wait...:)

{Your meltdown will be epic}
Lol...or perhaps I'll be in an epic relationship ;)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 859
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 4/27/2014 11:15:17 AM

our relationship status in your 30's means absolutely nothing. It simply means you're single...for the moment ;)

This is true at every age (not counting the ages you are too young to participate). People break up, divorce, die. No relationship is guaranteed or forever at any age. Sh*t happens to us all. If you are 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and single - you are typically single for the time being.

Just as it's true that if you are involved - you are typically involved for the time being. Sorry - reality is what it is. No one can know what tomorrow brings...many people after a relationship ends tend to say they didn't see it coming.
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