Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 872
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?Page 35 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
Some people do seem to LOVE to make, and declare as pure fact, all sorts of assumptions about all sorts of other people.

It seems to be especially true, that when someone themselves have a concern ABOUT THEMSELVES that they want to explain away and blame on others, they are VERY apt to make such declarations.

Yes, it is probably statistically true that anyone who IS alone, and who wants NOT to be alone, either has limitations.
However, limitations are not the same as defects.

Or you could as I do, think of them as "relative defects." Relative to the people I have met since my wife declared me persona non grata, who I have been attracted to (i.e. not found to be "defective"), I am defective in various ways.

So what?
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 873
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 5:52:32 PM
Womaninprogress

Let's face it, most women, even those following a career path, are able to date. While it may be true that some really are so busy with their other aspirations in life, that they really cannot find time to steadily date anyone, let's face it, there's usually more to it than that. It's usually a sign of someone who's selfish. This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up. Being selfish never makes someone happy in the end. Of course many men are this way too.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 874
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:26:08 PM

Let's face it, most women, even those following a career path, are able to date.

Able - sure, even though it would take from their focus and give the person they're dating a less than fair experience.

While it may be true that some really are so busy with their other aspirations in life, that they really cannot find time to steadily date anyone, let's face it, there's usually more to it than that.

Yes - they can find the time, but don't want to.

It's usually a sign of someone who's selfish.

You can't be selfish unless you are taking from someone else. Someone who won't date because they are otherwise occupied is actually doing a good thing by not attempting to date someone and not give them full attention (within reason). Staying off the market is better when you can't really be fair about it.

This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up.

So that's why they choose not to be involved? How do you connect the two?

Being selfish never makes someone happy in the end. Of course many men are this way too.

No - and again selfish would be dating someone that you can't pay any attention to because you're preoccupied with career, family, something personal, school, whatever. Selfish is dragging someone through your busy life and expecting them to be there when you have time.

Finally...sometimes you aren't too busy to date. You just don't feel like it. People have the right to that choice. Just because you think you should date perpetually regardless of what goes on in your life doesn't mean everyone else should.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 875
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:34:36 PM
This is not because they want to focus on their career, as this is definitely not a bad thing to do. It's because most of these women demand a lot of support from their partner, without giving anything up.

Woman,
They're not choosing to be single. They're single, because nobody wants to be with someone who's selfish, and doesn't want to give anything up. However, the single person is still looking for someone, without regard to the other person's feelings. That's what makes them selfish.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 876
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/14/2014 10:38:13 PM

Woman,
They're not choosing to be single.

Based on what information? There are people out there that absolutely choose to be single. I am one of them - I've done it more than once, and I'm not the only one.

They're single, because nobody wants to be with someone who's selfish, and doesn't want to give anything up.

Give what up? Please explain.

However, the single person is still looking for someone, without regard to the other person's feelings. That's what makes them selfish.

How can you know this about every woman out there? Some are single because they choose to be and have no interest in looking for anyone - because they want to be single.

Wait...who is "they"? Are you talking about someone you know personally and I'm mistaking your post as directed to all women? That has to be it - I must be misunderstanding who you are addressing.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 877
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/15/2014 10:44:03 PM
Woman,

Of course I cannot speak for every woman or man. However, we are talking about "general" here. In general, this is what I have to come to notice.

When I say "give anything up", I'm talking about things like their career or time with friends and family. They absolutely do not want to compromise any of it, but they expect the other to compromise everything. Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 878
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/16/2014 4:53:12 AM

Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?


I've heard many variations on that sort of self-righteous crap, and they all point to the fact that the person saying it, be they male, female, or something in between, is a self-blinded egotist who refuses to recognize that anyone else has just as much right as they do, to seek a satisfying life for themselves.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 879
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/16/2014 4:59:36 AM

Woman,

Of course I cannot speak for every woman or man. However, we are talking about "general" here. In general, this is what I have to come to notice.

When I say "give anything up", I'm talking about things like their career or time with friends and family. They absolutely do not want to compromise any of it, but they expect the other to compromise everything. Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?

I guess I have to ask where you are noticing this. Have you and your friends all married women who didn't want to spend any time with you but wanted you to sit around the house waiting for them? That's a generalization. It doesn't make sense that a woman who would rather spend all her time at work and with friends and family would even want to get married - it would severely stunt her schedule (and her finances). Where do you live? Perhaps this is regional.

I like to work a lot - and my friends and family are important to me, and it makes no sense to think I'd give any up for some guy even if I did get married (unless he wants to support me and entertain me 24/7 and I'm OK with that - which is unlikely). In my relationships I not only want a guy to work and go find friends and family - I encourage it if it's not happening enough. I know full well a guy who's got friends, hobbies, family and a good amount of work can't pester me for not spending enough time with him.

Now the sex, I expect to get that when I want it, why else would I agree to commit? But otherwise I prefer a man who has some kind of a life.
 milkloverx
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 880
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/16/2014 2:27:57 PM
Maybe he's just picky about women. I'm almost 40 and single, never been married, never had kids. I'm just picky lol. I see a lot of women over 30 and single that are also simply picky about men.
 slimza
Joined: 7/5/2010
Msg: 881
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/18/2014 4:48:33 PM
For me personally. Its just being picky with a small case of bad luck. I did let one slip away tho.
 jar1184
Joined: 6/3/2014
Msg: 882
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/19/2014 9:07:29 PM
Being picky is good. Don't let women turn you into a dog. Respect yourself!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 883
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 6/20/2014 8:42:45 AM

Being picky is good. Don't let women turn you into a dog. Respect yourself.

I'm picky about the men I date - however I don't assume that anyone over 30 who's not involved or married is that way because someone else didn't want them. People CAN and DO choose to forego dating sometimes because something else is more important. If you see being with someone else as a priority that's fine - don't assume everyone else has to see it that way.
 Mr_Brightside_
Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 884
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/1/2014 10:21:36 PM
I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm 34, almost 35 and currently single and while I obviously have a bias, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I mean sure I have flaws like anyone else, but I don't believe that any of my flaws are serious in nature. I have a great job, make a better than decent paycheck, own my own home, am going to school to further my education and employment opportunities, I don't have any stalker or creepy guy qualities, I've never abused or cheated on a woman, I treat women as individuals and with respect, I've been in a few long term relationship that were overall very good experiences and good relationships. I'm not saying this to brag about myself, but every woman I've dated has said I'm a great guy and have tried to introduce me to other women to date (of course after a long enough buffer period after the breakup).

I guess as far as negatives go, I'm a little shy around people I've just met, I find it difficult to approach women I've had no previous interaction with unless I'm introduced by a mutual acquaintance and I'm a bit of a homebody (don't get me wrong I like to go out, but **** some people want to go out 5 night a week and I'm like really?! I'm not a Khardashian.). Maybe I'm not as good looking as I thought I was or once used to be, I don't know, only guessing here because I don't seem to get the same response from women that I used to and I have put on some weight from where I was a few years ago, but I'm getting back in to shape and making it a priority in my life.

As for why I'm single now and not married, well it's complicated, like the details of anybody's life, but there have been two woman I considered marrying. The most recent woman (we broke up about 5 months ago, after nearly 3 years) I just felt it was time to decide once and for all where the relationship was headed, of course after nearly 3 years she was pushing for an answer as well. Ultimately, while I loved her and I think nothing but the best about her, I just felt like our relationship was missing something. I felt like in the long run that as much as I loved and cared for her and as much as I enjoyed spending time with her, that there were a few things that just felt like in the long run would become issues, serious, deal breaker issues. So we ended that relationship, but I have no regrets, she's a wonderful person and maybe once it's been a little longer and things have had time to settle, I'd like to be friends with her.

As for the other woman I considered marrying, in all honesty, I wish I had not let her out of my life. I wish I had fought harder for that relationship and listened more to what she was telling me and getting the signals. I had trust issues with her, we had a long, complicated history and for a while we had an on again off again relationship and were dating other people. When she finally wanted to "settle down" I just didn't trust her, I had a show me attitude, which i think was appropriate, but she did really try to make things work and settle down and she really wanted a future with me and I just couldn't get over our "on again off again, dating others" time and I just felt like, yeah yeah, I've heard this from her before she wants a relationship this week, but in a month or two she'll want to be "free to date" again. Anyways, she did give me all the signs she was ready to settle down and she really did make an attempt to make it all work, I just couldn't get over my hangups. So when I wouldn't commit she walked. She married another guy about a year and half later and the guy is suspiciously a lot like me. In all honesty I miss her and I hope that there is someone else out there for me that makes me feel the way she did when things were going well between us.

So it's not as if I'm afraid of or against commitment or that I have no idea how to have a successful, healthy, fun relationship and that I'm "damaged goods", I just feel like the circumstances of my life haven't worked out to where I've ended up with "the one".
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 885
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/5/2014 9:33:51 AM
Are people over 30 and not taken; is there something wrong with them? No. It really depends upon the person. Now was the person ever married? If so was there a reason for the divorce other than the couple could no longer get along. Not judging there, but that is an important factor. How do they get along with former partners? Are they still on good terms? Did it end because there was no longer a romantic interest between one or both parties? So I don't think we can get into the over generalization of why someone over thirty is alone. For all you know on a dating profile they might've been in a relationship but recently ended it. It is bad form after-all to bring up previous parings when seeking someone new. The best thing is to see if that person meets what you're looking for in partner. If so, chat them up and see if it clicks for you. As you get older, the type of person and pairing you're looking for changes. At least that has been my experience.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 886
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/5/2014 12:44:15 PM

Woman,

Of course I cannot speak for every woman or man. However, we are talking about "general" here. In general, this is what I have to come to notice.

When I say "give anything up", I'm talking about things like their career or time with friends and family. They absolutely do not want to compromise any of it, but they expect the other to compromise everything. Have you ever heard the saying "compromise is where the woman gets what she wants, and the man gets to stay married"?


interesting, as I know way more the man gets what he wants and the woman gets to stay married...

What I have seen are people who have gone through a messy relationship and breakup/divorce, where they felt they were "taken over" and controlled, and they break out of that straight jacket and decide they will never be dictated to ever again, and then ironically BECOME the ex who controlled them, with their new partner. There is no give and take, absolutely no compromise; because if they give an inch; it willb ecome another; and then all of a sudden they will lose themselves and be controlled by the other again.

I have hit this a LOT. They were bitterly angry at how badly they were controlled; and yet they were far and away the most rigid controlling utterly cement necked people I know. They would not give an inch on anything; it was their life, their schedule, their downtime, their home, their schedule, their choice of activities/location...

and all teh while they demanded all of this? They talked about how ridiculously controleld they had been and what an absolute rigid control freak their ex was.

This is very common, the "sophomore complex" where a person who was in their mind done wrong by; passes it on, to get their control back.

Someone has to be very comfortable, healed, and not in reaction mode; to do the give and take. Because it is supposed to be a sharing of ideas, compromises, places and comfort zones, so BOTH people can be the best they cann be while also still being their best individual selves too.
 flav0rs31
Joined: 12/13/2013
Msg: 887
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/9/2014 4:15:32 AM
Not all guys have it easy with getting girls. Maybe he gave up at some point does not mean he has anything wrong with him or he is not a good catch.
 dark_eyed_rebel
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 888
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/11/2014 5:36:18 PM
I'm over 30 but I don't look it. I've been married and now i'm single. I actively look for a woman but it seems all the good ones are taken. Which brings me here, but half of these profiles are not real IMO.
 slyfury
Joined: 4/14/2013
Msg: 889
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/17/2014 3:19:36 AM
im 32, i think Im decent looking, make $70k a year, never been married and have no kids...is there something wrong with me?
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 890
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/17/2014 4:35:50 PM
Everyone has different reasons why they are single/common-law/married/separated/divorced/or whatever other status is applicable. I prefer to live in this day and age where it shouldn't be questioned. However, if you are widowed three times or more in a short amount of time, and you financial net worth increases significantly with each spouse that was planted, then there is something wrong.

I was happy when I turned 40 because it is no longer assumed that I am too young to know what I'm talking about.

I am working through some things and taking a personal inventory. So it would not be fair to any man that I would treat them in a disinterested manner because that is not where I'm at right now. As for having children, I never had any maternal instinct, so now I am so glad that I'm at the age that for me to start having children is not expected. Decisions I make concerning my life choices are questioned a lot less.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 893
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/24/2014 4:41:42 AM

True. Every woman's first question to me is always along the lines of how much money do you have, etc.


Seriously? Just ask them how much money they have.

If I were looking to date, I would just want the potential boyfriend to have enough money to support his lifestyle, particularly if he has expensive tastes or habits.
I did the sugar mama thing in my early 20's (he was almost four years older). I didn't mind being broke, but I hated how jealous he was and how annoyed he was when I didn't set up joint banking with him. I needed the money I made to pay rent, bills and stuff like that.
 Szaszaspasz
Joined: 11/13/2012
Msg: 895
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 8/11/2014 9:24:41 PM

^^^^^

I watched the video. It was hilarious!
I admit that I haven't felt the panic a out being over 30 and not taken. I'm over 40 and not taken.

Because I didn't want kids, there was no issues with my "Biological Clock."

I figure "let go and let God."
 sddude
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 896
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 8/29/2014 2:06:15 PM
For a man , I have never heard that from either gender, unless you are a hermit still living with mom and palying video games in the basement 24/7.

Nothing wrong acutally I have heard women 25 and up to their 50's say it is the most desireable age bracket for men, I could be wrong.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 897
view profile
History
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 9/19/2014 7:34:46 PM
Most desirable age bracket my ass! Most women have hated me when I was a teenager, in my 20s, and now in my 30s. I am just "friend" material to them. I am funny and can make them laugh, but as soon as another guy shows up, they jump on him and totally ignore me. Even if that guy looks like a cross between a racoon and a walrus who has the personality of a goldfish, they will always choose that guy. Not that I don't have my own faults as well. I just found that my issues attract only the people who have comparable emotional baggage only. Even though they were incredibly attractive and beautiful women, It never works out long.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 898
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 9/23/2014 2:59:47 AM
True. Every woman's first question to me is always along the lines of how much money do you have, etc.
This allows you to quote a previous post.


I usually say, "I got enough to cover your chocolatte latte chai." Then I take out my wallet, unfold a 20,000 rupies banknote, which is the size of half a tablecloth, and is worth about thirty-five cents (but it's not legal tenderness in our country), and cover her chocolate latte chai with it.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 899
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:05:28 AM
True. Every woman's first question to me is always along the lines of how much money do you have, etc.
This allows you to quote a previous post.
same here. And that's their last question to me, too, at the same time and in the same respect, when I tell them the exact figure in my reply.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  >