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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 75
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
The question could also be: Why do people feel the need someone in their life-including kids. Many women get a bad case of baby rabies and need a man to provide the sperm and financial support. Once the baby popping days are over, many couples feel they don't need each other anymore, so it goes full circle-not needing someone (before kids), then needing, then not needing.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 78
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/21/2010 2:13:08 PM
Why do people eat vanilla ice cream?

Because we're all different...(I know, obvious).

Humans have relating needs, belonging, connectedness, but not everyone fulfills that need with an opposite sex (or same sex)/romantic partner. Those who state they do are codependent and don't feel they're a "whole" person without it.

Sometimes, two codependent people can have a successful and long term relationship, but it won't happen with a psychologically healthy person. Codependents are needy, clingy, and for someone like me would make me nuts. I'm speaking strictly of those who say they need someone in their life, not those that say want. I have talked to and been contacted by quite a few that do and I let them know I'm totally the wrong person.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 79
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/22/2010 8:50:08 AM
I too am going to write something that not everyone will agree with. Sure, we can survive all alone, with no one, not even a pet for companionship. But I for one, need companionship, and the physical affection (note that I did not say 'sex') of another person; I need affection in order to function well. No, I wouldn't die if I did not have this; but I woundn't want to live very much, either; the depression I sank into when I was much younger because I ignored my needs proved this to me. For those of you who can live just fine, never touching anyone, or having them touch you, ever, congratulations. I don't know how you do it. I can't.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 81
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/22/2010 11:15:01 AM
^^^I've been single (again, alone means NO civilization and few of us are in that position) most of my life. I'd say I'm sick of it, but since I've been single a long time I'm used to it and comfortable with it. Therefore I can't be sick of it since I don't really know anything else. Life is still what it is regardless of my status. But hey, that's just me.

Human beings as social creatures.We need each other in order to maintain a healthy psyche.Take away human contact with a person and you end up with big emotional problems.

I agree that humans need other humans to be healthy in life, generally. I do not agree that a romantic partner is the only place that need can be fulfilled, or that being single is the equivalent to isolation from society. I find that to be overdramatic. I see people constantly putting having no SO in your life in the same category as living on an island with no human contact. It's just not even close to the same thing.

Humans have relating needs, belonging, connectedness, but not everyone fulfills that need with an opposite sex (or same sex)/romantic partner. Those who state they do are codependent and don't feel they're a "whole" person without it.

My thoughts exactly.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 85
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/22/2010 2:41:05 PM
"We bond, seek comfort from one another. This our nature. We have evolved in this fashion like many of our primate relatives."

Yet another myth for the needy to use as an excuse for rushing from one bad relationship to the next.

Seek comfort from one another? Is like really that scary?

I don't want anyone in my life unless they are comfortable with themselves, and have a comfortable single lifestyle. Too co dependent for my liking. Too draining too if I have to caregive when the person seeks comfort from me.

"Life is scary and insecure alone."

Now that is an unbelieveable weird way to think in my opinion. Try dealing with whatever the heck it is that is scary, and makes you insecure. This type of insecurity will still be there long after you have someone to protect you.

Amazes me when people are that scared to live.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 87
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/22/2010 5:42:36 PM

I can only speak for myself, but life alone is not real living - it is just surviving.

I agree. Also, your hand is no substitute for another body. LOL. What I don't understand are the people who come on here and say they're happy and content living alone. If living life alone is so fantastic, why are you on a dating site?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 89
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/22/2010 11:24:35 PM

I never said that being single is the equivalent of isolation from society.

I know you didn't.

I also never said that not having an SO was like living on an island with no human contact.

I know you didn't say that either.

However my point still is that there are comments in the direction of alone = single, which is an extremist view. None of us are alone, unless we haven't seen or talked to another human for months.


While not having an SO may not be the worst thing in the world there is also things that we,I,(most of us) get out of a romantic relationship that we can't get out of a relationship with mom,dad,sister,brother,kids,cousins and friends.The love and relationship with mom is not the same as the love and relationship we have with an SO.It's not even close to the same thing.

Of course it's not the same thing. It's also not better or worse. There are things you can't get in a romantic relationship that you CAN get from friends, family, etc. - that pretty much goes in both directions. So long as people aren't looking at family, friends, pets, and other things as things to keep you busy until your soulmate arrives, I don't argue it.

I stand by my point - being single happens to all of us sometimes, just as involvement does. It's not a death sentence or a punishment. It's just a part of life. We as humans get love, companionship from a multitude of different important people in our lives.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 90
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/23/2010 9:19:17 PM
^^^Don't encourage people to torture dogs (or other pets) with their co-dependency. It just leads to dogs who end up homeless when their owners meet permanent SOs.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 93
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/24/2010 8:16:45 AM
^^^I'd believe that if it weren't for all the people I know who don't actually make it a mission in life to be half of a couple. They seem to be doing just fine. And if enough of them don't have that seeking DNA, doesn't that make it sort of not really human nature, but rather a personal choice?
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 96
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/24/2010 12:37:57 PM

I totally agree with that but why leave sex out of the equation?

Most of us learn from childhood to satisfy our orgasmic needs ourselves until we are old enough to have sex with others. Sure, it's nice to have sex with someone else; but most men are able to separate sex from love and affection quite easily, and I'm no exception. One thing I did learn is that men will often interpret the feelings of needing affection as the need for another sexual partner, simply because our sex drive is so strong that it becomes present very soon after orgasm again. This is the 'empty' sort of feeling that lots of guys feel after going home with someone for a night, and then feeling the need to find someone else the very next night. Without enough physical contact, they're still starved of affection, even though they don't know it. Then the cycle repeats itself until they realize that they need something more permanent, but still, don't realize what it is. The reason I left sex out of the equation is that even the very young and very old need affection, even when the sex drive is absent.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 99
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/25/2010 12:55:12 PM
because loving and being loved has less calories than chocolate
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 100
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 7:15:40 AM
^^^^But Chocolate tastes way better! lol
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 101
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 8:35:13 AM

And if enough of them don't have that seeking DNA, doesn't that make it sort of not really human nature, but rather a personal choice?

How about that it's human nature to seek out pair-bonding, but that people can make a choice not to do so, same as some people make a choice to live a celibate life, even though sex is a pretty strong drive and completely natural. They may or may not be "doing just fine", but there's also evidence that people who do not marry do not live as long and suffer more chronic illnesses as they age than those who do. I'm assuming pair-bonding of any kind would provide the same health benefits as marriage, but studies use marriages because they're easier to track.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 102
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 9:22:22 AM
~OT~ I used to use my coined phrase, "You can need me, but don't expect me to need you." ALL the time. When all was said and done, what that got me???? A LOT of blank stares, a few sighs, and one too many failed relationships. I was being out and out ridiculous. What I really meant? "You can need me, but I'm not going to be vulnerable enough to need you cause that might end up with me getting hurt should things end." After a few re-inventions of self/attitude/etc., today? I can comfortably and honestly say that I not only need and want someone special in my life ~ I welcome the vulnerability that comes with that. To each their own, my own experience tells me all I need to know: if needing someone (or others for the that matter) is somehow considered a weakness? I'm OK with that as a fault/flaw. JMO
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 103
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 9:32:06 AM
^^^^I see it differently. I don't have a problem with growing to need a specific person in my life after a long time together, but the word need to me doesn't apply before that person exists (if they ever do exist in that capacity to me at some point). Until then, saying I need an SO in my life is abstract and applies to "anyone". I don't really need "anyone" in that random sense of the word.

There are people I need in my life now. However those people are people I've bonded with and been around for so long that they would be missing if they weren't there. They are friends, family, even people I look up to and have worked with.

I can't apply the word "need" to someone I haven't met or may not meet - only when I meet a man that becomes important in my life to a huge degree will the need happen, and it will be a natural thing, just like the other people I need who are important in my life. Until then I can only "want", at best.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 105
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 11:11:07 AM

I can't apply the word "need" to someone I haven't met or may not meet - only when I meet a man that becomes important in my life to a huge degree will the need happen, and it will be a natural thing, just like the other people I need who are important in my life. Until then I can only "want", at best.

No offense intended, but after years of reading your posts, "need" is not a word in your vocabulary when you are posting about interpersonal relationships. Whether that word attributes to someone you know or don't. Nothing wrong with that at all ~ I just see no reason for you to be disagreeing with anyone (me or zillions of others over the years) who don't find the word "need" as a dirty word or a character defect. It's perfectly understandable that you don't need anyone, that's part of who you are. It used to be part of who I was as well. I get it! Doesn't mean some of us don't evolve to a place we once used to find uncomfortable. (And whether or not I know or don't know someone? I still need people. I need the man who reads the electrical meter, as I need power, I need the MD who takes care of my health concerns, I need my friends, I need the nice-guy who stops to make sure I'm OK when I have a flat tire and am waiting for AAA, etc., we ALL need things and others. If we didn't? Forums wouldn't exist as POF wouldn't exist, for that matter, we'd all be Stepford People programmed to be alone, all alone, forever.) JMO
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 106
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 11:49:55 AM
^^^My posts can sometimes be misunderstood as arguments or personal attacks. I was agreeing that we ALL need people generally as humans, and I can grow to need certain people personally regardless of the type of relationship myself. In fact, if need wasn't a word I use in my vocabulary, I wouldn't have used it.

It wasn't a disagreement, it was a personal standpoint (which is why "I" was in it a lot). Trust me, no one knows more than I do, however that it's all certainly not even close to being about me at any given time, and no one advocates live and let live more than I do. I was just relating to what others were saying...not making them wrong. If I think someone's wrong, I say "I think you're wrong".

I was just saying it's hard for me to say I need anyone I haven't actually met or talked to yet, nor do I think they should need me prior to knowing me or my importance to them. Talking out loud. My mistake.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 107
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 12:21:15 PM

saying I need an SO in my life is abstract and applies to "anyone". I don't really need "anyone" in that random sense of the word.

I disagre with this view. I think admitting one needs an SO doesn't mean they're willing to accept just "anyone" out of desperation. I think the implication of an SO is just the opposite - someone particular, someone special, even if you don't know who they are yet.

In a different context, a company who has functioned quite well without an office manager may decide at some point that they "need" one. This doesn't mean they're going to grab the first person who walks in claiming to be an office manager; it doesn't mean that the company is going to collapse if they don't hire someone in the next week. What it does mean is that they've come to the conclusion that an office manager will add value to their operations and so they start the search to fill this need and screen applicants till they find one who meets their criteria. They hire somone, usually with a probationary period to make sure they "fit" the job. If not, they search and screen again till they find someone else. Ultimately, their "need" for an office manager didn't render them desperate or unable to function; it merely recognized that this position is an important part of the overall functioning and growing of the business if they make the right choice.

Same with people needing someone in their life; it's a natural and normal part of human relationships, and isn't always adequately filled by friends and family. When someone is willing to admit they "need" a special person, they don't suddenly become dysfunctional or weak. If anything, they are admitting their humanness and their willingness, as one poster put it, to be vulnerable enough to let someone - not just anyone - but a particular someone into their heart.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 108
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 1:31:29 PM

I disagre with this view. I think admitting one needs an SO doesn't mean they're willing to accept just "anyone" out of desperation.

Three things here.
1. When it comes to how I think and what I mean - there's no room for disagreement because no one knows me better than me. I mean what I say - to me that's the way I see it. It may well be different for someone else, I don't claim to expect everyone to be like me about this.
2. Admitting is a word that implies I actually do - which is a good tactic used by people who either refuse to realize others don't think they way they do, or for some reason are personally offended someone out there might not have their mindset.
3. My post wasn't about desperation - it's about an abstract idea that doesn't make sense for me unless/until there's a person to connect it to. If I needed an SO in my life, by now I'd really be suffering without one in my early 40s.

I think the implication of an SO is just the opposite - someone particular, someone special, even if you don't know who they are yet.

This implies there has to be someone, and/or that someone exists and is presently missing from your life. Neither of those things have to be true, actually.

In a different context, a company who has functioned quite well without an office manager may decide at some point that they "need" one.

That's jargon for "want", "could use", "may benefit from", as the word need does get tossed around a lot when it's not really the right word.

This doesn't mean they're going to grab the first person who walks in claiming to be an office manager; it doesn't mean that the company is going to collapse if they don't hire someone in the next week. What it does mean is that they've come to the conclusion that an office manager will add value to their operations and so they start the search to fill this need and screen applicants till they find one who meets their criteria. They hire somone, usually with a probationary period to make sure they "fit" the job. If not, they search and screen again till they find someone else. Ultimately, their "need" for an office manager didn't render them desperate or unable to function; it merely recognized that this position is an important part of the overall functioning and growing of the business if they make the right choice.

That's still a want - unless it's going to cost way more not to hire someone and make a bottom line, and then to some extent it is a need and they may not survive - at least not efficiently without it.

Same with people needing someone in their life; it's a natural and normal part of human relationships, and isn't always adequately filled by friends and family. When someone is willing to admit they "need" a special person, they don't suddenly become dysfunctional or weak. If anything, they are admitting their humanness and their willingness, as one poster put it, to be vulnerable enough to let someone - not just anyone - but a particular someone into their heart.

Hey, I'm a linear thinker - to me need (other than survival need) develops over time for people I know, I come to like/love, I grow attached to over time. I can't miss something that's not there, and I can't need someone I don't know. Again - others may have this skill, but it's lost on me. I also believe people should add to my life, not complete it - so a person friend, family or SO should blend with and/or enhance what's already whole in the first place.
 4ms4me
Joined: 4/24/2010
Msg: 109
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/26/2010 3:30:05 PM

1. When it comes to how I think and what I mean - there's no room for disagreement because no one knows me better than me. I mean what I say - to me that's the way I see it.

I said I disagreed with your view or perspective, which isn't the same as saying you don't know yourself, or that I know you better than you know yourself or even that you are wrong to hold the view you do.

It may well be different for someone else, I don't claim to expect everyone to be like me about this.

Yes, I hold a different view than do you; consequently, we disagree or I disagree with you.

2. Admitting is a word that implies I actually do - which is a good tactic used by people who either refuse to realize others don't think they way they do, or for some reason are personally offended someone out there might not have their mindset.

I think there's been miscommunication here. When I used the word "admit", I was thinking of the possibility (or even likelihood) that someone who "admitted" to "needing" an SO would be accused of being weak, too needy, willing to settle for absolutely anything with a pulse. It was not intended to imply that you in particular refused to admit to what I really think is right for you.

That's jargon for "want", "could use", "may benefit from", as the word need does get tossed around a lot when it's not really the right word.

True, so I am willing to take what is said in context, and recognize that they may not really mean they are going to expire without whatever it is they're "needing". I also think that the human desire for connection, from friends/family/SO can validly be called a "need" given the evidence that lack of those things affects people's health negatively from birth throught adulthood.

to me need (other than survival need) develops over time for people I know, I come to like/love, I grow attached to over time. I can't miss something that's not there, and I can't need someone I don't know.

I’m a little different in that, I guess. I believe that as a human, love, connection, companionship and pair-bonding are natural and biologically needed for optimum health – so I seek to fulfill those needs. I seek people with whom I am compatible, who meet certain criteria that I consider important, who are special enough to “me” to satisfy the needs I have for companionship and love. But I am not comfortable with the idea of “needing” any specific individual, though I may mourn their loss.

so a person friend, family or SO should blend with and/or enhance what's already whole in the first place.

Agreed, except maybe with the “family” bit. We don’t choose our family, after all, and often enough they do not blend with or enhance one’s life.
 god_of_rock
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 114
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/29/2010 11:51:25 AM
a lot of people are so afraid now of being labeled or judged as 'needy' that they will go through life, or large parts of it, basically alone, proud to feel they are 'better' than all those 'needy' types

label as you will, I don't care: I live my life, you live yours..... deal?

..I will accept being labeled 'needy' in the sense that yes I really do want an SO to go through life with, I Will not waste my life being too 'proud' to admit it.

hope that makes the 'non-needy' types feel all superior and proud, at least for a while

already spent a few years that way.. (being 'too proud'..)
 god_of_rock
Joined: 1/17/2009
Msg: 116
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/29/2010 12:03:58 PM
^^

so perhaps many of the above reasons could be summarized into:

"Feeling like they'd have too much time on their hands, without being in a relationship, and all the time that takes up/entails" ?
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 117
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 6/1/2010 7:42:51 AM
God of rock has my vote.
These threads are full of the seemingly stoic types...the ones who profess their inner strength quite assertively..and parse endlessly about the meaning of 'need' vs. 'want'.

While everyone acknowledges that it is great to be independent, it's okay to 'need' and to have that part of you fulfilled through interdependence with another.

After going through one of the worst years I can remember...I have been humbled realizing just how much we all need another, and by all, I mean all. I've spent months in hospitals, months at retirement homes...months around sick people...young and old...and there is a huge difference in how people are when they have people in their life that step up to answer a need--to do for someone, to see 'their need' beyond the bluster, beyond the bravado, and whether it's just a temporary lapse, or something longer we all have moments where we are really would like someone to be there for us, and to not judge us too harshly for needing them.

That's kind of when I realized that there are really many years that people spend 'posing'...simply pretending that 'they're all that'...always reiterating that they're highly functioning, multi-tasking, full-up with their very lives, whizzes at self-sufficiency....so much going on...so much spinning around...and hardly anywhere for someone who just might be interested to find a place to hook on...I think some people don't realize how much they create the reality that they don't want. jmo
 Boshed
Joined: 12/12/2014
Msg: 119
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 12/17/2014 9:37:23 AM
“Why do people feel like they have to have someone in their life to be complete”

Some people this is simply how it works and if they don’t have someone then something is wrong with them.
Also, a lot of people don’t know how to be happy alone and become dependant on others for happiness .

“I have a life but always in the back of my mind I am looking for that person.”

Well, it’s good to have a life so that if you do find someone you probably won’t pressure them to fill in the empty spaces as much.

I don’t NEED to be in a relationship but I do prefer being in one to being single.

I don’t ever want to fall back into the mindset of NEEDING a relationship vs WANTING one.

The former category puts one in a powerless postion ( dependence, neediness ), the latter is a powerful position where one can pick and choose since they’ll survive either way.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 120
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 12/17/2014 4:32:19 PM
needing.. wanting.. are just words..

its human nature to look outward for someone to hold.

whether its a best friend.. or a sex partner.. or whatever
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