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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 51
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
And I also note that screen names and the profile information play a huge
role in attracting the right people.



Tsk tsk tsk. Can't stop judging can we zenbeth.? I am alone, I am a lady and I am right here. Nothing offensive about that. As for my profile I speak the truth and am realistic and honest about myself and my situation. I don't go into stark details right away, but honesty is always the best policy.Just because you work with disabled athletes and have one friend thousands of miles away who is ugly who found love, does not mean that you know anything at all about my situation. Do not assume anything as assuming usually makes you look like,well I wont say it as it is disrespectful and mean. Disabilities come in all shapes and forms you know.

I wont bother responding to you again and probably should not of to begin with but I am a hopeful,but realistic person and I had hoped to make you see that your judgmental ways will do you and no one else any good. You may get a momentary rush of self righteousness but it is in the end being judgmental is a negative quality.I hope someday you can see the error of your ways. God bless you.


*********************************************************************************

I don't give up on ever finding love.I can't give up on anything ever or I would just lay down and never move again, But the truth is the truth until the end of time. I am realistic after all.I may very well never find anyone or I may get really lucky and find someone great. I would love to find someone to share my life with who is kind, funny, compassionate, non judgmental,sweet and loving. I need that in my life. I don't have family and friends have dropped off due to my,not through my own choice, necessary lifestyle changes. The love of a partner would be the greatest thing I would ever be given.I accept though that it may never happen.
 littlesmiley
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 52
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 5:16:36 PM
I read somewhere (apart from the survival of the species stuff) it's a desire to have a witness to your life.

Of course the reality is that lots of people make up your life and are witness to different parts of it. When I first read that I was not in a relationship and I realised my best friend of over 30 years and I were each other's 'witnesses'.

Margo:
Some argue the sunset is just as beautiful if you are alone as when you are with someone you love.
I don't know about that.
Seems to me that my first instinct is to turn to the person beside me and say "oh gosh, look at that, isn't it breath-taking?!!!"


I'm probably one who would argue the sunset is just as beautiful if you alone. If I was with someone I love I would probably be concentrating on how beautiful they are as the glow lights their face, rather than on the sunset itself. When alone I can experience the sunset in all its beauty. Then I say to the Earth and Sun.. thank you for that experience.

imho one does not minimise the other, they are different experiences.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 53
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:06:50 PM
Littlesmiley's post made me think that maybe what many people need is simply someone who cares. Know that when I have had a family member or best friend with me on travels that it allows for a connection to memories. Having someone who when your speak of a sunset you saw over the Grand Canyon, Hawaiian islands, or favorite meal in some special city, shares their memories as well, makes the experience less 'selfish', for lack of a better word. Anyone ever have a wonderful date and the nice restaurant he took you to, had the best desert that when he took a bite he said 'you have to taste this', and then he gave you a bite? Or the best friend who in the bookstore comes running over and is so excited to show you a favorite book she has been looking for for ages. It's the sharing of an experience with someone special male or female that I think of.

~Beth~
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 54
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:17:25 PM
Because it is a dynamic. If men didn't matter all the women would be walking aound in togas and slippers for the extreme comfort.

The truth is that we are inherantly social creatures and need each other. Especially the opposite sex. Its a myth. Its a silly concept initiated by some goofball psychiatrist or relationship guru.
That's like saying I don't need the touch of a man. KIndness, passion or living are all part of it. A woman that didn't need that from a lover is already too far gone for you to pay notice to.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 55
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 6:28:35 PM
relationships are more involved than just simple companionship or the nice feeling of being in love..there is a feeling of being owned, of having to answer to someone.....it feels like a job .....this person who now "loves" you thinks he can give advice, put restrictions on you, make demands, find fault....i prefer men who know their place, show respect and allow me my space....
 ChicagoStyle
Joined: 5/7/2006
Msg: 56
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History
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:17:15 PM
While, at the mement, I do like being single, sometimes, it would be nice to have someone special. A partner. Someone that can let the cable guy in when your at work. Or someone to call up and tell them you just got that big raise you were hoping for. Or someone just to talk too, on that other, "not just friends" level, every now and then. Or someone that you like so much, that everytime you hear their favorite song, you get a smile on your face thinking about them. Or someone that, when your out shopping, you remember she loves Rocky Road ice cream, so you call her up, ask her if she's doing anything, and if she just wants to hangout, and so you pick up a half a gallon.

Yeah, I think everyone misses someone like that on occassion no?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 57
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 7:42:53 PM
You feel that way for a couple of reasons--one is because that is how women are raised, culturally and individually. Every family is different, of course, but girls learn by example and by what they are told. It began to lessen in my generation, but I was raised with the expectation to be a wife and mother. The examples set for me by older women reinforced this.

Cultural ideology also reinforces this--the media constantly promotes how to catch and keep a man.

Beyond that, humans need other humans. We need to be loved on some levels and we want to be loved on many other. Most of us are pack animals, but being with a pack is not enough: we also want a partner.

Other forums have dealt with the "need" vs "want" issue, but I think most of us desire a partner, but to varying degrees.
 Nightfall301
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 58
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 10:44:53 PM
Everyone in this thread is being so deeply analytical about this question.
I propose the answer is blindingly simple in the current political/financial climate.

Two words - Tax breaks.

In truth, some people just want to have something to look forward to in their day - I find the thought of coming home to a living, breathing, thinking, caring female infinitely preferable to coming home to face a flickering, about-to-die, old VDT tied to a computer that is pouring out it's lifeblood of useful computing power on the sacrificial altar of Windows. But then, maybe I'm just weird, that way.
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 59
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/20/2009 11:14:27 PM
I think ZnBeth gave some great inspiring and hopeful examples for you OP-don't mind the other poster who wanted to project all her misery onto miss Beth-She really offered you a nice gift w/ her perspective!
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 60
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:15:54 AM

Some argue the sunset is just as beautiful if you are alone as when you are with someone you love.
I don't know about that.
Seems to me that my first instinct is to turn to the person beside me and say "oh gosh, look at that, isn't it breath-taking?!!!"


I prefer seeing the beautiful sunsets alone just because I don't want someone ruining the moment by saying something about how great it is. I'm there. I'm seeing it. The commentary isn't necessary.


It's the way God/Nature programmed your brain. First to procreate and keep the species going, second for protection.

My brain hasn't been programmed this way.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 61
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:34:47 AM
I don't feel like that at all. I am very complete in myself and I think you have to be in order to have a healthy relatioship. I do enjoy companionship (the romantic male kind..I have plenty of amazing platonice male and female friends in my life) and sex. That is a hard to pull off solo ;-) But, I don't need someone in my life to complete me. I am not even thinking about that "right person". I like the attitude enjoy each other until we don't. I figure when you are with the right person, it will fall into place and there's no need to be 'trying' to find it. Honestly, when I do encounter it, it will very likely present me with some logistical challenges. That's okay..I will deal with it when I get there. But for now, just someone to hang out with who has some integrity and a zest for life is great.
 central_scrutinizer
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 62
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 9:54:51 AM

My brain hasn't been programmed this way.

There are exceptions to everything. Some people have one green eye and one brown eye.
 EmotionallyDetached
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 63
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:11:23 AM
Look at the people who break up with an SO and the next week they are with someone new. Chances are those people can actually feel the "ax" at their own neck and are already shopping around for a new SO.

Deep down inside, most people would like to grow old with someone but if it doesn't happen, then it doesn't. Get used to being alone so you can see the "Big Picture" a lot more clearly. More than likely, the people you see as a couple are not that happy and have real problems within their relationships. No one says that commencing a new relationship is one long, never-ending honeymoon but some people just stay together just for the sake of saying that they have a significant other and not admitting to the honest truth that they ought to be by themselves.

Every relationship has its ups and downs so you might as hold tight until the right person comes along and hope that person can handle those ups and downs with you and not go running out the door with someone he chose as the next SO while in the middle of problems with you.

Concentrate more on what you want out of a relationship and less on being the maid.
 Genuine_Gentleman_For_You
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 64
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 12:59:11 PM
I'd rather have someone in my life. It's just how I am. And it's not so much that I feel that I couldn't exist without someone, but rather that I enjoy having the companionship of someone I love, and knowing that they love me.

Now, I have been surviving without having someone for quite some time, so I know that my life doesn't depend on it. However, not having someone does make me feel sad and lonely sometimes. So it would be truly wonderful if I were lucky enough to find someone.
 unique1011
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 65
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 11/21/2009 1:15:34 PM
'cause we have been brainwashed by the idea that we are not complete when we don't have SO in our lives.
 Fishingexperiment
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 66
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 1/24/2010 5:37:10 AM
This is another old post but speaks of something that is near and dear to my heart.

Life needs purpose!

If the purpose is larger than oneself, then one does not feel that loneliness that comes from not being needed by anyone. I suspect that there is a direct correlation between the degree to which we need another (or others in general), and the motivation to accomplish something of value.

Of course, some have found that after building a multi-billion dollar empire, that their lives lack meaning, and so they have started the good works. That's what gave their lives meaning. So, when I speak about purpose here, I am speaking about greater purposes than that of self-interest.
 padman57
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 67
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 1/24/2010 7:27:36 AM
OP: I don't need someone in my life. I'm very capable of being happy by myself. However, I have found that life is more fun with other people around.
 50_50_This_Way_Out
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 68
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 1/24/2010 7:44:07 AM
I'd take this posters position myself just with a few modifications.

I'm not perfectly content without anyone, but I have female companionship as well.
 CodeNameKitty
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 69
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 3:25:59 PM
Of course you do.
You're a human right?
We like company and friends and lovers.
Case in point - Unibomber. Might have been better for that dude to get back to society, find some friends and go out for a coffee while contemplating therapy for the mental toll of isolation.
But don't stop your life while you wait. There's no guarantees.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 70
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History
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 4:34:23 PM
According to the Greek Plato (ca427-347B.C.) humans are forever looking for there counter part because they were once divided by half by the god Zeus. To begin with there were three kinds of human creatures men,women and individual with two heads,two bodys four ears, four hands ,four feet and two sets of genetalias. For some causes god Zeus hacked them in half,that is the reason we are not fulfilled with out our better half.. This is a Myth....
A human being needs to bond ( feelings to love and belove) with some one for experiences and to learn from this journey of life....
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 71
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 5:54:15 PM
I am independent and have been on my own for over 10 years, by choice. My girls are now grown, but until recently, they had to be put first in my world. I do not think it is bad to want someone in your life, why the hell is anyone on here if not to meet someone?

I miss being held and holding someone at night. I miss sharing my day with someone I love and hearing about his. I could go on and on, but while I am not needy, I do still need that closeness that comes with a relationship, both emotionally and physically. I am happy on my own, but that deep contentment that I once knew is elusive to me at times. I know it is because I long to meet someone whom I could share my life with again. I have met some wonderful men here on POF, but I have not met the one whom I hope to met yet. I am hopeful.

There is something beautiful and amazing about being in a relationship with someone who is your best friend with all of the benefits that come with that.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 72
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 6:37:22 PM
It's natural to want to share you life with someone.What is unnatural are the loners.It's not normal to not want someone in your life.Even the most confirmed bachelors and bachelorettes need someone from time to time even if all they need them for is the night.
 iamice
Joined: 2/12/2010
Msg: 73
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why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 7:18:27 PM
i also feel that way..
i was married a long time-i had many children under foot a long time 40 yrs in fact..so when i was skipping down the sidewalk after my divorce was final i spent two yrs-in my pj's when i wasn't at work i screened all my calls i watched enough tv to corrupt me the rest of my life. i cooked and ate out of the same dish.. i was finally alone and could do as i darn well pleased.. then reality set in..there was no one to hold the lamp while i tried to put the jumper cables on because i left the hatch open all nite and drained the battery--there was no one to run to the store if i wanted something not already in the cupboard..there was no one to pat my head while the flu reduced me to a wet mop on the floor..no one to laugh with or cry with or celebrate with---my wee dogs can only do so much worshipping before i wish they'd go out side to play..

so i decided i needed friends and wanted companionship. that is why i came here==to get advise on how to go about doing it while not feeling like a failure because i was not a couple not always happy alone either.. humans we are confusing...
 airy.fairy
Joined: 1/11/2010
Msg: 74
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 7:21:58 PM
There's a huge difference between "need" and "want". As soon as you start the self-talk that says you "need" somebody, you are on an existential dead-end street as far as I am concerned. Also, I think you have to feel truly happy and comfortable with yourself, alone, just you, before you're *really* ready to share your life with somebody else. Because when you are operating from a foundation of emotional self-sufficiency, you actually have much to share with another person. As opposed to the opposite, where you're just looking for somebody to fill the empty space. You can't give what you don't have.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 75
why do people feel like they need someone in their life .
Posted: 5/19/2010 7:27:39 PM
I'm not sure when the philosophy of "I don't NEED someone; I WANT someone" began... or when it became uncool to NEED to be loved and cared for.

People in general need love and acceptance. However, it's when someone insists that it has to come from a specific source that it gets twisted. Community, friends, family, and an SO are all viable sources, none however are required sources. Most of us are loved and cared for by those we are close to, so we don't actually "need" it.

Love from humans in general leans more towards a need (though really, we'd live with out so long as we weren't helpless to take care of ourselves). Love from a specific relationship (usually one we pick and choose) is more of a want.

Expecting any one person to provide all the love and security that one might need (emotionally) from other humans is a really huge job to give someone, and it's pretty unfair to expect them to do it.
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