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 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 147
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the datePage 5 of 28    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28)
There are some women who are or were single moms who can barely afford to pay for the gas they put in the car (that they may have a hard time paying for) & do not earn as much as the average male. If someone asked them to PAY, they should be slapped silly.

Last year I dated a software engineer who lived over 1 hour away in a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood. He never was married or had any kids. He pursued ME.

So I'd drive out to his house, he'd take me out to eat & maybe a movie etc...I did give him little gifts during the relationship & once left the tip for a lunch we had out. He earned 5X of what I did.

IF he had expected me to pay, I would have been real pissed.

Guys, you want PU$$Y, you want it from a woman who looks a certain way, etc. don't expect her to pay. If she can afford to invite you over for dinner or has a great career, then yea she can kick in some$$.

In my area the average single mom earns $25,000 & has 2 kids. Any woman in that situation shouldn't be epected to take away from her kids so she can be a free hooker for some cheap slob

Ok that is JUST ONE SCENARIO.

A very good looking/good looking woman can pick & choose. You think she is gonna go w/ the cheapskate when she can go w/ the guy who isn't????
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 148
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:20:11 PM

In my area the average single mom earns $25,000 & has 2 kids. Any woman in that situation shouldn't be epected to take away from her kids so she can be a free hooker for some cheap slob


Two things come to mind here.One a woman who is such dire financial difficulties should not be dating until her situation improve,or she should be dating men who are in the same situation and doing only very cheap dates or dates that cost nothing.

It is not the mans fault that you chose to have kids.It is also not his fault that you are in a bad financial way.He is not obligated to pay your way.



Guys, you want PU$$Y, you want it from a woman who looks a certain way, etc. don't expect her to pay.


We are talking about dating here not prostitution.In dating two people who like each other go out on a date,get to know each other and enjoy each others company.Seeing how this is the year 2010 and not 1949 then we women can now pay our own way. We have the freedom to go to school,get a job,make a career and make good money,use birth control and make our lives what we want it to be rather then what some man wants it to be.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 149
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/11/2010 7:34:37 PM

We are talking about dating here not prostitution.In dating two people who like each other go out on a date,get to know each other and enjoy each others company.Seeing how this is the year 2010 and not 1949 then we women can now pay our own way. We have the freedom to go to school,get a job,make a career and make good money,use birth control and make our lives what we want it to be rather then what some man wants it to be.


I agree on this 100%. But the fact is, not enough women are this way and alot of men feel that if they do not pay a woman's way, they will be dateless for quite some time. I do not agree with the person talking about how a single mother doesn't make enough to pay for dates and that the guy should be doing the paying. When women say this it is basically saying to me "I raised my kids on my own, supported them financially and now my life is about me and I want someone supporting me financially.
When I go on any dates I choose to pay. My choice. I do not feel insecure that if I don't I will be dateless. Nor do I feel obligated. I choose to. Now if a woman does offer or says "No I am paying, you paid enough times" then I would accept.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 150
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/11/2010 8:55:09 PM
There are some women who are or were single moms who can barely afford to pay for the gas they put in the car (that they may have a hard time paying for) & do not earn as much as the average male. If someone asked them to PAY, they should be slapped silly.

Yes, women are the ONLY ones with bills and kids, so yes, us men should pay for you all the time...I mean, Im sure there are NO men in your same situation....


Any woman in that situation shouldn't be epected to take away from her kids so she can be a free hooker for some cheap slob


but a man who pays child support should right?
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 151
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 5:12:36 AM

Isn't the point of dating that you want to spend time with someone?
correct-if I want to see a guy I'll invite him over for Tv, coffee, dinner, something outdoors that I can afford. If he wants to go out to eat, then he is paying.

Even though it is 2010, women still earn about 60 cents on the dollar to men's salaries.

I'm not buying for software engineers, executives of huge companies, etc. But if like em, I'll cook for them, & spend time w/ them.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 152
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 5:53:59 AM

I'm not buying for software engineers, executives of huge companies, etc. But if like em, I'll cook for them, & spend time w/ them.


so if a man makes more than you, he should pay?
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 153
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:23:03 AM
i cant beleive the question from the above poster- I don't ask men out, they ask me out- & yes they pay. If it goes into a relationship, I reciprocate w/i my means.

If a woman attracts men who have discetionary income, more power to her

ladies stay away from cheap mofos- they pretty much tell you who they are:laughing:
 isnuttinfree
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 154
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 7:03:20 AM

So I've been recently going out with this chic, we've gone out 4 times, and I've paid for everything. Of course the women on here are probably going to call me cheap...but let's see you go out and date a man and pay for everything.

Anyways, this chic doesn't even offer to pay!! Tonight she wanted to meet up just for coffee, so I meet her at the coffee shop, we order our drinks, and I'm thinking because she invited me out that she would offer to pay....but no, she just stood there staring into space. I didn't want to cause a scene there and tell her to pay, but this is just now getting ridiculous.

So should I have a talk with her and tell her she needs to start paying when we go out?

Your fault for not setting it out from the outset. She might be of the traditional mindset and didn't think anything of it. Soon as it started to bother you, instead of letting it fester into resentment or hopefully expecting a change, act on it..turn it into "let's split this"..or "we've been out a few times now, do you mind picking this one up"...along those lines..move along to discussing the sharing of future costs.
 broncsbuff
Joined: 4/18/2008
Msg: 155
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 7:57:49 AM

I don't ask men out, they ask me out- & yes they pay.


very easy for you to say the man pays when you do none of the asking or paying...

anyway, I usually pay for the first 2 dates, no questions...if after the third date she isnt AT LEAST offering to pay, then I will probably stop seeing her...
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 156
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 10:08:22 AM
I recently had a break up due to money matters and all the signs were there I just ignored them. I always paid for everything without thinking twice about it, one time we went to go see a movie I had left my wallet at her place.

I was floored by her reaction of actually having to pay for a movie, she thought I was joking about leaving my wallet then got really upset later




anyway, I usually pay for the first 2 dates, no questions...if after the third date she isnt AT LEAST offering to pay, then I will probably stop seeing her...



If the both of you had stated from the very first date that you don't believe in the man footing the entire bill for dating then you would not of had these problems.People can't read your minds and when you misrepresent yourself it's your own fault that people believe you.

You need to be honest from date one about all this who pays business.If you are not then you are entirely to blame for any negative outcome.



Just because you believe it does not make it universally agreed upon.This is why honesty from the start is so important.We can't just assume that everyone shares our beliefs and values.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 157
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 12:08:37 PM

... when the check came "Let's team up on this one"

Great angle. It isn't about refusing something or passing the buck onto someone or anything -- a nice way of putting it in perspective.

I don't think I would ever go on another date with someone who stuck me with a bill with no warning though.

This is about a lady who's always had the guy pay (say, after 2-3 dates previously), to pay HER share. The problem with your statement is that you paying YOUR share for the 1st time is not "sticking you" with a bill. Your statement means that a guy IS to pay HER share and that is to be expected, hence, you're "stuck" with a bill to pay for what you ordered. Otherwise, that statement would not have been made in light of the topic of a woman paying HER share.

If a man asks me out and doesn't say anything about the bill, I expect him to pay it.

We're not talking about a guy coming up to you and asking to take you out. It's about oh, after 4 dates, you're dating, and when she should start and how to put it in that direction. TOTALLY DIFFERENT. A gal can understand the concept of it being all well and good to chip in, but what guys know is that can easily be PC-talk. She can follow that up with (sigh) being stuck with a bill (but okay, I understand, I'll do that).

There are some women who are or were single moms who can barely afford to pay for the gas they put in the car (that they may have a hard time paying for) & do not earn as much as the average male. If someone asked them to PAY, they should be slapped silly.

Yes, for the whole bill, very true. And if both parties know that the guy is easily financially independent, and the lady is scraping by with kids, yeah, if it's any place of notable expense, he should cover her.

I don't ask men out, they ask me out- & yes they pay.

Again -- that's not the thread -- it's about after 4 dates, when you've got consistency going, you're dating...

If it goes into a relationship, I reciprocate w/i my means.

Okay, great. So how would it be best for the guy to approach you about it? That IS the question of the thread. Would you be comfortable with it, too? Would you strongly prefer HE pay?

IMO, it does depend on the income/job class of the two people... but the gender card gives an imbalance to the guy when they're equals, but that's something guys have to live with, when it comes to first few dates. But ladies, don't play the "no, I'm cool with paying" card, if you're not. That can really irritate guys just as much as guys refusing to pay for a first date even when the asked to TAKE a lady out can irritate you.

Personally, when it comes even post-first-date, and she and I are not a couple, I would like to see her chip in. It's about within her means and where she's at, and where I'm at, as far as expectations go. And yes, on a first date, if you ask, you're expected to pay. If you both mutually agree to meet up -- no, that's not the guy asking to TAKE you out just because you then put the "you pick the place" in his court, sorry. However, with that said, he should expect to pay at least a majority of the bill regardless of who-asked-who... unless he's a poor pool-boy and a hot got-money-from-divorce lavish customer of his asked to take him out.

As the thread states -- when you are datING, how do you motion that she should contribute? I like the "let's team up on this" approach. If she's poor and you're not, err on the side of expecting a small contribution, stuff like that. If she has money to splash on the interior of her car, many dolled-up dresses, skirts, shoes, etc that she just bought, and then some, etc., even though she seems to just make it by -- I would opt for her chipping in significantly (on non-uber-expensive outings)... if she is taken aback by that, I'd say that she expects a guy to pay her way, even though she has notable money to spare on fancy things for herself...
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 158
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 2:48:27 PM
In the end it many times is about how much the guy is spendign on a date with the woman. Most times this is how women will judge the guy to see if he will be cheap or generous.

Like many women say, they have bills to pay, kids to support, etc. Men it is expected should not have those debts, but have lots of extra spending money, or at least rack up his Visa on her.
I have two credit cards, one for dating and one for me. Guess which one has a blance all the time?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 159
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/12/2010 4:49:11 PM
Personally, I don't think "how does a guy approach this issue with a woman" should have to BE a question. Good grief, it's 2010, a woman ought to have a sense of personal social and financial responsibility about not making the man do all the "heavy lifting" of dating after a few dates. Granted she may not be able to do a completely parative "turnabout"...much as I believe that equal rights=equal responsibility, there is, overall and generally speaking, still an inequity in earning power and disposable income for women. But that doesn't give the green light to continue an entitlement mindset.
Cindy O
 krookie
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 160
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 11:00:39 AM

They know that a man will ask her anyhow. Why would she want to ask and have to pay?
krookie - I didn't make this statement.

Staceyssc - Not sure how you can argue with black and white in msg 176. It's right there. Also, I thought I was pretty clear, but maybe it didn't come across. I believe the person asking should be "prepared" to pay. If you can't pay, you have some options: Do something that costs very little... Make sure up front the other person knows you are going "dutch"... Don't date.

Ray... -
"Just because you believe it does not make it universally agreed upon. (...person asking be prepared to pay"
Not sure why this statement, but I believe one could say that about ANYTHING. ????????? And again, if I wasn't clear, the statement was "prepared" to pay. Clear communication is always better.

BlondeNicole -
Guys, you want PU$$Y, you want it from a woman who looks a certain way, etc. don't expect her to pay.
Wow! Most every comment you make seems sad.

Yes, it is best to talk about it up front. It's amazing, however, how many men and women have these antiquated notions of what a man is "supposed" to do and what a women is "supposed" to do.

To me, a relationship is more about equality and giving than it is expectations and taking. I guess I don't understand why others don't see it that way.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 161
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 2:05:21 PM
Make sure you post in profiles that you only date women who want to pay their share on dates. Ask women straight out to kick in 50% when making plans. Don't date anyone who has a problem with it.

And yeah, some women will have a problem with it - but lucky for you they won't be women you want to deal with anyway, so it sort of all works out. The women who agree with your outlook will be ok with what you're saying.
 krookie
Joined: 10/2/2007
Msg: 162
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 4:42:42 PM
Ah. My mistake. My apologies.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 163
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 4:49:37 PM
It is simple. A guy's chances of getting dates is slim to none if he asks a woman to go dutch on dates. Or if he asks her to pay. Men are supposed to spend their money on women. Women are supposed to spend their money on themselves. Has been this way for decades and it is not about to change anytime soon.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 164
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 5:08:40 PM
^^^Then go on less dates, that's the consequence of sticking to what you believe in. If a guy doesn't want to pay for dates, then he'll do what it takes to prove his point. Even if a man never gets a date again he won't care if he's following his belief.

If a man pays for dates for fear of a smaller dating pool, then he can't complain about doing it. He's kind of choosing it.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 165
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 8:24:52 PM
^^That is why I won't bring the subject up. It is already established that I am paying so I assume that and just do it.
If I do not want to go out, I won't, plain and simple. And if I do want to and want to ask someone out for drinks and dinner, I will and I will pay no problem.
Some men can't get away with women paying half, some can. This is what makes the dating game what it is. You take chances and sometimes you may spend alot and get nothing in return. The women may just like you as a cool guy, some may just not be attracted to you and not care how good of a guy you may be. All about chances.
I'm not complaining, I accept it for what it is. I am no guy that a woman will in fact ask out on a date, so I know I have to do the asking and the pursuing. So in turn I am doing the paying.
Dating can be fun, you make it what it is for yourself. I go into a date without expectations. Just an enjoyable evening out with good company. If something becomes of it, great, if not, what is the loss? A few $$$? Like I said, if I couldn't afford it, I won't do it. Not like I go out on dates every week.
Now if by chance a woman does offer, it would shock me for one thing because no woman has ever offered to me. So I may ask her if she does want to, sure. I don't like playing games so if a woman figures I should say no to her, then she should not offer to pay half then. I don't care if it is "courteous" to decline a woman offering, then she would not offer unless she is serious.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 166
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 9:08:08 PM
^^^Apologies. I wasn't referring to you personally or telling you what to do, just responding based on the general idea of what you posted.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 167
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 9:40:06 PM
I agree that you need to put in your profile that you will only go dutch. Problem solved.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 169
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/13/2010 11:08:21 PM
^^^I agree with this. Women who refuse to pay on dates and have a problem with men who require dutch should also run a disclaimer in their profiles. Basically the onus is on the person who's got the problem. If it's both sender and recipient, than so be it.
 ExquisiteEccentric
Joined: 3/30/2010
Msg: 170
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/14/2010 5:18:17 AM
This is simple...

" Im sorry i cant afford to pay for both our plates, ..ive been on 47 dates this week "
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 171
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/14/2010 2:13:27 PM

you will only go dutch
if you want to go dutch, then go to HOLLAND
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 172
How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date
Posted: 6/14/2010 3:17:46 PM
Okay, but to be fair, those women who expect men to always treat them and pay their way simply because they are female need to start posting their requirements, as well.
And yeah, some women will have a problem with it - but I’m pretty sure the majority of the guy’s will appreciate the warning


Let's be logical here. Women will say that it isn't about how much a guy spends on a date or where they go. But we as men know that is very much untrue. Women still feel that they are to be impressed or as the dated term is called "wooed". And so a guy who takes a woman out on an expensive date will win the woman IF, a big IF, she is attracted to him. Remember no matter what the woman is expecting to be impressed by how you look from the getgo. If she isn't attracted to the guy, nor impressed with how he looks, then the date is a failure from the start, but she won't tell the guy because that would hurt his feelings.
Now one thing a woman will be unimpressed by is going dutch. That kills any kind of chance the guy might have had. Put it in your profile that you only go dutch on dates and you will be dateless for a very long time. Women will say "next profile". And no woman will put in her profile that she expects a man to pay for dates with her because then she will be viewed as being a golddigger or a user, so no matter if she does expect it, why kill the chances that she is more than likely to get, with so many men who will pursue her. And more guys will feel obligated to pay regardless if they believe they shouldn't. Just like settling. Men will settle for a woman they are not attracted to in whatever way because they simply know they can't get better. Just like gys will figure I may as well pay because if I don't, I will get no dates. Only a select few men can get away with women either paying for nights out or paying for half and I would say that is reserved for the very attractive men.
The defense women will always have is that men make more money than them. Even if the specific woman who the guy goes on a date with makes more than him, it is the overall average.
And in the end, men are the pursuers, women are pursued. So the choices go in favour of the women and what woman is really going to want some cheap ass guy when there are way more generous men out there to enjoy company with.
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