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Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 67
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Finances and expenses - responsibility and commitment Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
aha, since he is the oldest "boy" that could be an opportunity for him to take the younger ones on, show them things, mentor, etc. when you adopt, they always say to adopt younger so the older kid can feel important. if he is given an "equitable" arrangement at his age, such as help with college housing, then he can take the boys out and have some time showing off. however, if he truly prefers to live with them, he will need to be given his own "adult" space. i am of the school that you do your best to get your kids through college, unless they rebel or crave proving they can do it on their own (like mine is doing now). of course, many have different beliefs on this matter-- given how they were raised and educational opportunity in their geographic areas.

the younger kids must not know that the parent is giving him the money to take them out and it doesn't have to be expensive, just fun! it must allow him to be the big brother and role model, to balance out their upper hand in remaining in their own home.

i've had many rich friends and there are grateful when they meet people who aren't in it for the money to be their friends. i guess it will depend on whether he sees "their need" for a big brother. at their ages, the usually cry out for attention from the older boys. i even hired a kid to mentor my son when he was between 13 and 16.

also, from my point of view, their income discrepancies are not that disparate! they have each chosen to raise their kids the way they have. that must be honored and if they truly love each other and want to live together, i respect the "research". i see it as a way to make sure that things work, not as a measure of distrust or lack of love.

well, just an idea......some of the issues that are addressed in adoption classes can also be applied to blended families.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 69
Finances and expenses - responsibility and commitment
Posted: 1/21/2010 5:43:46 PM
Keep your own space. Why uproot your child? When you child is out on their own you can commit to others, Your child is your commitment.
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