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 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 54
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
^^^
There is some inconsistency in your posts.

Brilliant friends none of us can have enought of.

Your quote from another thread (ED over 45):

I already have enough friends, thank you.

Slow down and enjoy the life! (even if it means some romantic involvement)
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 55
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 8:06:21 PM
^^^

Now showing affection in private, is another matter. Especially between two consenting adults.

Yes, you should see us what we do in private (just between the two of us, no shaving or hair trimming).
You'll understand, I can't go into any details on a public forum.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 56
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:06:23 PM
You are a smart women Phoebe. Many smart people here who probably came to the same conclusion..

Need to give/receive affection.

Well, yesterday a local doctor I hadn't meet before phoned to say that a piece of equipment he needed to use to do a routine surgery had broken down. Asked me if I had a spare that he could borrow for an hour. Sent an assistant over to get it. Two hours later, I was a bit annoyed because my equipment hadn't been returned as promised, when the door bell rang instead of having the business door just open. When I went to the door, there was the doctor still in his surgical scrubs and surgical cap on, returning my equipment. He had a twinkle in his eye, and was so cute in his scrubs. For some reason the surgical cap was quite a turn on, maybe it just suited his clean shaved face. Haven't seen anyone I would want to give/get affection with in a while, but that smile....................yum!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 58
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:18:45 PM
~OP~ I recently had a conversation with someone I had a live in relationship with a number of years ago. He asked what the major issue for me was (at that time) and I told him that I could probably tell him every hug he ever gave me. Neither of us were affectionate. We were both in our late 30s at the time, so I'm not so sure it's an age issue. At that time in my life, I didn't really think about it much, but as the years have passed, I have become very affectionate with everyone I love in my life. I lost my only child in the not so distant past and I realize now that I am affection starved. Maybe because he was such a hugger or maybe because of grief or whatever, but this person and I have both changed so much. He has a granddaughter now, and he claims that changed him to a degree he couldn't have ever imagined when it comes to affection and terms of endearment and I think the loss of my child made me realize that life is so short we need to show the love (or even like) that we feel and that means affection (at least to me.) My point is: sometimes life changes people one way or the other. Some become less touchy, some more. At least if that conversation meant anything.

To answer your original question, I am with you. I can not have a romantic/physical relationship with anyone who doesn't desire human touch as much as I do today. That would seem like such a waste to me. As we get older, and sex begins to become less important and less frequent, I still want the affection associated with romantic love and that means that the man in my life MUST love to hold hands, kiss, intimately talk and touch. If he and I aren't on the same page for that? There really would be no reason to continue with anything more than simple friendship (and I certainly wouldn't be having sex with him.) JMO
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 60
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/27/2009 2:42:53 PM
Beth thank you for putting that last post into words for me. During my last relationship
I was often in what I called a fog when we were apart. I didn't know what else to call it. It was like he was still bonded to me right next to me where every I went in my day until we meet again. Never thought of it as mental orgasms which resulted in sexual orgasms, but that is exactly what it was.
 imaswimmer
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 61
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 8:52:25 AM
It's an interesting topic.
My husband of 25 years died 2+ years ago after being ill for 12 years. Because of his illness, sex was out of the question. I don't know how we would have survived without physical affection. He was there for me, but other than hugging, and touching affection, there was nothing else.
i would have gone crazy if it wasn't for hand holding, stroking and hugging. Sex is wonderful, but i really believe the physical and emotional connection is the glue that holds the relationship together.
I miss that tremendously.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 63
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:49:55 PM

Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection?

bullshit.

What has happened to our age group?

Beats the hell outa me
I ain't buyin' it, not for one minute.

I love my pets and companion animals...but I do NOT kiss them.
Cindy O
 Patty8448
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 64
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 9:51:48 PM
I can relate to this. something has gone wrong with the over 45 crowd, or is it just overprotection of feelings and not wishing to be hurt again?? men and women are holding back a bit of themselves to not be hurt again?I can understand this kind of behavior in the intitial month of a relationship but surely after you begin to meld into a couple the giving and receiving of affection, emotions, touching, and making love is an equal part of this relationship. For some people this is not so and it is very distressing to the person who does not hold back anything. It makes no sense, I would think as you get older you can handle putting yourself out there, but it is not so.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 66
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/29/2009 6:05:36 AM
"After reading 5 pages of comments I am wondering if we looked at all the people who waxed poetic about needing and wanting affection, smoooooching and other lovey dovey stuff, would be see women people who have gotten more emails from people who are asking them out. "

Not just this thread, but many threads, certain people of both genders try to figure out what the other gender wants to hear, then posts like mad hoping for attention. Not sure if that means they need more affection than the average person, or whether their need to be liked is over powering.

Personally I love affection with people I love, but have no need to get affection from strangers.

Maybe some folks need to prove to themselves they are worthy of affection. All this "I am so nice", "I am so affectionate" sounds like many protest too much.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 69
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:09:20 AM
^^^Thank you, sir. Exactly! People have different levels of affection - finding someone who matches yours is the more obvious and less chanllenging thing to do, why find the opposite and then try to change it? No one's wrong or right, people are just different.

Personally I love affection with people I love, but have no need to get affection from strangers.

Maybe some folks need to prove to themselves they are worthy of affection. All this "I am so nice", "I am so affectionate" sounds like many protest too much.

I agree with this too. I'm affectionate with people I've known and are close to. That's it for me - I don't gush over strangers either.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 70
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:12:53 AM

Whoever mentioned the personality disorders: I think that's spot on. After a certain age, statistically speaking, people pair up into couples. So, get down to the tail end, and who is left? There have to be a lot of dysfunctional ones in the singles mix for certain. The Aspergers syndromes, the RADs, a few narcissists, a few psychopaths, ODDs, people who've never successfully formed an emotional bond with anyone in their lives, abusers, etc.

I think it's one of the things that makes dating at middle age and older fraught with potential problems. Just read the posts here. There are hundreds of I-don't-care-about-you-or-anyone sentiments voiced daily. It's one of the reasons that I cringe whenever I read these forums, and I don't participate much. It's like mental cruelty to me. "Yeah, go read POF and meet all of the haters." Not my idea of people I want to meet, anywhere, ever. Maybe many of the people here are just really bitter over their losses or something, but to me, most of the stuff on here is just Hell to read. Seriously.


Meaning absolutely no disrespect to the author, I have a couple of issues with this message.

After a certain age, statistically speaking, people pair up into couples.

Being's how this is the "over 45" forum, I suspect a lot of people here HAVE been paired up and something went wrong. And being widowed or losing a longtime SO to death is not something reserved for people over 65. And there are, I suspect, more people of both genders who are for the first time completely free...no spouse( by either divore or death, both of which are TRAGEDIES which need recovery time) kids are on their own or nearly so, and in MY geographical area, there are also a lot of who have retired early due to buyouts in their industry,and may be focused on starting a business or entreprenuerial venture, returning to school,etc. And they may be enjoying this newfound freedom and autonomy. I don't see how that means their personalities are disordered.

The Aspergers syndromes, the RADs, a few narcissists, a few psychopaths, ODDs, people who've never successfully formed an emotional bond with anyone in their lives, abusers, etc
Well obviously we can all do without the psycho/sociopaths,abusers,markedly narcissistic...but Asperger's/HFA, ADD/ADHD, OCD, the milder manifestations of bipolar, are not BAD people. They MAY require more patience from their relationship partner,but they are not social rejects or outcasts,unless they have really junkass ignorant families and friends. I've had friends with Aspergers, ADD,etc whose families and (alleged) friends were the ones that SHOULD have been labeled as disordered!

but to me, most of the stuff on here is just Hell to read. Seriously.

So, why are you? Step away from the computer, let go of the mouse, see that door right there? Walk through it and meet people face to face. Don't EVEN start that "I don't do the bar scene" shit on ME. Go take a class. Volunteer. Get involved in neighborhood or community activities. Support a cause you care about. Learn a new interest or hobby, or take a part time job, that requires interaction with other people.

The ONE difference I've noticed between guys I meet IRL and ones I encounter online, is that the single guys who don't bother with online dating don't seem to have such a tendency to OVERTHINK everything.
Cindy O
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 71
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:23:50 AM
Blueeyes your upbeat and shining personality shows in your post...I can see that is who you are and the code you are living by...it is one I agree with. Many, many of your post shows were you take responsibility for where you are in life and what you want from it. You dont blame others for it or look to others to solve things. That is impressive!

Others are so stuck in their desire to be miserable they cant stand to see someone acknowledge that the key to happiness lies inside of each of us...

Some never free themselves to passion, to really being alive they want to live in sheltered caves and hate all the while secretly hoping some prince charming is going to appear to save them from their miserable existance...ie why they are on a dating site...

They leave the door open but when no one shows up then they become haters...why is this person happy ...they dont have anyone either...look how needy they are...look at this...and so to excuse their own actions or lack of actions they develop the attitude that results in them staying single and curse are any who realizes if we are single...IT IS ON US not the opposite sex. But here they sit with their poison viewpoint of the world and how right their choices are for everyone else ...but they are still on a dating site....makes you kinda wonder now dont it!

If you agree with men you are wrong...cause well some feel all men are wrong...if you agree with women you are one of the haters...I simply make myself happy being myself and dont try to agree or disagree with any one set group...there is wisdom in every written word even if that wisdom is to ignore it...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 74
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:57:08 AM
Of course, all this mathematics is based on the initial statement that SEX = LOVE. As that is clearly not true, the rest of the chain of conclusions is all crap. We all know well that you can love all kinds of people deeply without having sex ever enter the picture, and that you can have sex with all kinds of people without love ever entering the picture. Perhaps not you personally, but certainly these are generally true statements.

The other aspect of algorithmic manipulation is that the elements must be homogeneous to make sense as in APPLE - ORANGE does not make any sense at all, and certainly does not equal ZERO.

Finally, affection is not love, its an expression of feelings. Love is a feeling, not an expression of feeling. Love at its best is a sympathetic harmony between people cultivated and amplified by the expression of love through affection and other means which can include sex.

At its base, sex has always been sex, and affection was never essential to the act. Its when you want to take your relationship to a more enduring and fundamentally satisfying level that affection and the expression of love are, were and always will be necessary. Even in that case, SEX != LOVE because APPLES !=ORANGES.

The union of sex and love brings all good things, provided of course the love is mutual!
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 75
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:25:08 AM
I would say its because he didnt have affectionate parent(s), maybe emotionally neglectful ones. Children learn stuff like this from parents. Just cold parents who dont communicate on a verbal level regarding emotions and affection is most likely that keeps him in a emotional cage. It is understandable you want affection in your life, you are giving it to him but getting nothing in return. You need to find someone that can provide that for you, this guy will have to work for someone like you or settle for someone like himself. It would take a long time and therapy just for him to realize the core of his non affectione being, do you really have all the time to wait for this guy, it may sound harsh but your chances for happiness will increase with a different personality type.
 stefitony1
Joined: 3/3/2008
Msg: 77
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:07:37 PM
I am a 47n year old guy and I feel quite the opposite. I no longer need sex as much as when I was a young man (Though I do like it) but affection is something I like to give and receive regularly. Isn;t that the purpose of a relationship. Anything else sounds like a business arrangement or just buddies.
 NASH58
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 78
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/3/2009 5:08:35 AM
MMM I love a lot of sex but here in Nashville not a lot of women my age Tom
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 79
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:59:04 PM
Can there be any feeling more comforting than the pressure of your partner's body against yours while you sit beside each other passing the time away reading a book, or watching a movie, or watching the snow fall through the window on a stormy Winter's day? The pressure you feel is the expression of your closeness, a statement that you are together, calm, happy and content just to be together. You are not sitting beside each other, you are sitting together, and your mind is free from thoughts of uncertainty about your relationship.

Compared to that, sex is a pale imitation. After you have sex you may lie together and get a sense of togetherness. The state to which I allude above it, however, always there without prelude. It is always there without the need for a special place. To be able to be like that with your partner is a goal in itself.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 81
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/11/2009 5:20:48 PM

I often think shame on us for letting the youth culture infect our behaviors and change who we are and how we interact. Ever listen to 20 somethings talk about sex? Boomers liberated sex so we could enjoy it more, but something happened and now to some it can seem empty. How did that happen? Depersonalization of sexual activity?


Wow the parents of the 20 somethings would be what...over 45?

Seriously blaming the kids for the attitude about sex after watching their parents play rotating door on the bedroom? Their attitude about sex is what they have learned from their parents. Some kids have more step-fathers than they do brothers and sisters. One of my daughters friends was telling me how sad it is that each time her mom gets married she gets brothers and sisters for a few years and then the mom divorces again...and she never has contact with these brothers/sisters after that...and her father does the same thing...all in all her parents have both been married/divorced 4 times...7 different step-parents and kids.
 Jim in NB
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 82
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/12/2009 2:44:05 AM
No longer see public affection - get your eyes open - it is there - maybe not two people throwing themselves at each other but in many cases simple gestures - holding hands, an intimate smile. There is quite a variety in people out there - always have been = some just want to kcuf and other want to make love - and there is every shade in between. Too each their own - from my expereince, too bad for those who want sex just for sex, but hope they also have intimate relations so they know that feeling too.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 83
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:59:12 PM
Well, I don't think so that there is an age group that would be standing out as for not wanting ~ longing for affection.

Hmmm ... I don't feel personally falling into age bracket my DOB is indicating and having said that I would LOVE to bring "Spring" into my wintry days anytime. Oh yes, chocolate can do the trick, stretching limbs in the swimming pool does uplifts my spirit but to get my heart racing and eyes speaking before my lips spell it out ... hmmm ... it definitely takes TWO to tango. Yep, my hand is UP for relight my fire ..."
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 87
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:10:22 PM
"Personally I respect and admire people who don't give love away as if its trash being set out for garbage day."

Thanks for that Zen..................I so in agreement with that sentence.

I don't like it when strangers call everyone hun, babe etc. then go home and use the same words on their loved (?) onces.

It is great to hug and kiss and cuddle with people who mean a lot to us. All and sundry won't be getting that treatment from me.

I love sex and affection but not to the point of making a sports event in my life.

Again, thanks for those words. Too many of us who feel that way get flamed and told that we are just self righteous.
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 89
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 3:54:09 PM
I don't think it is a matter of age. Many relationships, even back in college, did not last because of a mismatch between need/desire for affection (not sex). I think you will find at least as many or more men over 45 hungering for honest affection as I have found women who don't seem to have the need (at least with me). Finding the right one will be a joy, but finding a match on all cylinders is always difficult.
 ea┬«ly
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 92
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 9:05:47 PM
Some of you need to read Leo Buscalia, ...and loosen up.

I'm as PDA (private and public) prone at 47+ as I was when I was 17, some things never change. Maybe, for some, those things were never there in the first place.

 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 94
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/26/2009 5:55:30 PM
I have not read the entire thread and am just answering the original post so if the OP's situation has changed in the meantime ... my post will probably not fit in too well.

I have met men and women that no longer desire affection nor do they give affection.
I simply cannot imagine no longer desiring affection. I wonder what that would be like.

Among the many things I still look forward to in my life ... is to find a gentleman who desires affection as I do. I can't imagine being in a relationship without affection. I can't imagine having sex with someone I have no affection for or who has no affection for me.

How can a person feel the passion for intimacy without feeling affection for a person first?

I want to experience the kind of affection and passion that one
feels when they look into the eyes of their lover and just melt ...

... with desire. ... ... ...
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