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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What h      Home login  
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 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 76
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Long gone are the days of the 60's and 70's when free love and sport-f*cking were all the rage. Sex was strictly for carnal purposes and emotions didn't play an integral part in the equation.


I lived through this era but honestly never experienced that.. I have to wonder if it was because I was working a lot of the time entertaining those that were engaging in it..

thecatsmeoww
 BunsofSteel
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 77
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:13:34 AM
I have to have that touching and closeness. Affection is as important in a relationship as is a mental connection. I come from an extremely affectionate family, we don't just say hey, we hug. Even if we saw each other the day before, here comes a hug!

I am sure there are physical and psychological studies we could all look up about the changes we go through in the diff. stages of life and they might explain a lot. Me, I have a tendency to believe that no matter how old we grow or how much we may change, our basic emotions and how we deal with them are ingrained at our earliest age by those around us.

Me, I couldn't stay in a relationship where I didn't get a hug at least a few times a day and sex would be boring.
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 78
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/24/2009 2:48:02 PM

TryAgain wrote: Actually, I like large rotties. I'm just not crazy about touching lips that kissed mouth of a dog who just licked his balls or ingested another dog's excrements.


How do you think the poor dog feels about the woman kissing him after she's been sucking some man or licking some mans balls and butt?

~Beth~
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 79
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:29:10 PM
^^^
I suspect, most dogs would like it (especially the b1tches).
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 80
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/24/2009 9:24:20 PM
Anyone who doesn't want to give or receive affection is really missing out on the finer, richer part of a relationship! I think it's great! Sex without affection is like being a machine. Lust only goes as far as the orgasm.
 Empowered1
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 81
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:17:46 AM

I want someone to feel as much passion about me as I do about them. I want them to be the only one that I can see amongst the crowd....I want to be able to lock on to their eyes and know they are just for me


For sure! For me, without that TRUE affection and passion, there can't/won't be any sex. Never could have it "just cuz". I'm only "casual" when it comes to wearing jeans ;)

Best of luck in your situ, OP.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 82
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 8:18:02 AM
Long gone are the days of the 60's and 70's when free love and sport-f*cking were all the rage. Sex was strictly for carnal purposes and emotions didn't play an integral part in the equation. Now I could no more imagine having sex with someone I'm not emotional connect with than I could fly. Sincere affection, preferably love, has to be there or the sex is meaningless to me. I can satisfy myself if it's just the physical urges that are running rampant. The emotional bonding and being close to the man I love is what is of primary importance to me. My partner feels the same way. And it's the emotional connection that makes the sex even better.
Just thought it was worth repeating. I totally agree with this. Not saying I was ever into free love, something I found out early on I couldn't do, really felt nauseated. But with someone I care about it is absolutely amazing.

Just touching someone that you really care about is wonderful. I don't care to be touched by anyone I don't know. I rarely touch someone I don't know for that matter. Personal space should be respected. But I won't deny everyone needs hugs. "So go out and hug someone" Kid Rock.
 The Mr
Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 83
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 11:15:22 AM
People tell me I am a hopeless romantic. I still have that desire to be touchy feely... always wants to give hugs, kisses and cuddles to my love. I am still a teenager who just got a girlfriend so to speak. (When I have one)
The sex part has slowed down for me, but the intimacy has not diminished at all.
If the newness ever wears off of a relationship, something is wrong.
 Resident Male
Joined: 9/6/2005
Msg: 84
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 2:41:28 PM
I think there's a difference in physical touching and touching emotionally.

Being flawed creatures, we make the wrong choices and choose the wrong partners. We get burned in some instances. Over time, it can become harder to put ourselves out there and risk being burned, or whatever, again. Even if you want to connect emotionally, it's not always easy to put yourself out there if you've experienced something negative. Physically, yes, emotionally, no.

Then again, some people are more touchy-feely than others. If you desire more contact from your partner, and the lack of same is a deal breaker, then it's a deal breaker and you might want to think about moving on.

It all seems to be about getting our own, personal, needs met.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 85
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:36:03 PM
"Being flawed creatures, we make the wrong choices and choose the wrong partners."

I think we accept flawed creatures and make only wrong choices if we need the wrong people.

I lay my cards out early, and have people run quickly. The few that stay are keepers.

Not for everyone, but the drama free zone is so pleasant.

Affection has nothing to do with the nonsense doing on in datingland.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 86
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:44:51 PM

I lay my cards out early, and have people run quickly. The few that stay are keepers.

How many keepers does one need?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 87
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:47:14 PM
"How many keepers does one need? "

Brilliant friends none of us can have enought of.

I have had to one keeper worth having. How many can say that?

Get over the fact I am not a Horton's groupie, and move on TA.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 88
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 5:03:16 PM
^^^
There is some inconsistency in your posts.

Brilliant friends none of us can have enought of.

Your quote from another thread (ED over 45):

I already have enough friends, thank you.

Slow down and enjoy the life! (even if it means some romantic involvement)
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 89
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/25/2009 8:06:21 PM
^^^

Now showing affection in private, is another matter. Especially between two consenting adults.

Yes, you should see us what we do in private (just between the two of us, no shaving or hair trimming).
You'll understand, I can't go into any details on a public forum.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 90
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:06:23 PM
You are a smart women Phoebe. Many smart people here who probably came to the same conclusion..

Need to give/receive affection.

Well, yesterday a local doctor I hadn't meet before phoned to say that a piece of equipment he needed to use to do a routine surgery had broken down. Asked me if I had a spare that he could borrow for an hour. Sent an assistant over to get it. Two hours later, I was a bit annoyed because my equipment hadn't been returned as promised, when the door bell rang instead of having the business door just open. When I went to the door, there was the doctor still in his surgical scrubs and surgical cap on, returning my equipment. He had a twinkle in his eye, and was so cute in his scrubs. For some reason the surgical cap was quite a turn on, maybe it just suited his clean shaved face. Haven't seen anyone I would want to give/get affection with in a while, but that smile....................yum!
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 91
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/26/2009 7:14:59 PM

Haven't seen anyone I would want to give/get affection with in a while, but that smile....................yum!

Yeah for you.....what a very nice surprise.....I would have liked to seen the look on your face.......
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 92
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/26/2009 8:18:45 PM
~OP~ I recently had a conversation with someone I had a live in relationship with a number of years ago. He asked what the major issue for me was (at that time) and I told him that I could probably tell him every hug he ever gave me. Neither of us were affectionate. We were both in our late 30s at the time, so I'm not so sure it's an age issue. At that time in my life, I didn't really think about it much, but as the years have passed, I have become very affectionate with everyone I love in my life. I lost my only child in the not so distant past and I realize now that I am affection starved. Maybe because he was such a hugger or maybe because of grief or whatever, but this person and I have both changed so much. He has a granddaughter now, and he claims that changed him to a degree he couldn't have ever imagined when it comes to affection and terms of endearment and I think the loss of my child made me realize that life is so short we need to show the love (or even like) that we feel and that means affection (at least to me.) My point is: sometimes life changes people one way or the other. Some become less touchy, some more. At least if that conversation meant anything.

To answer your original question, I am with you. I can not have a romantic/physical relationship with anyone who doesn't desire human touch as much as I do today. That would seem like such a waste to me. As we get older, and sex begins to become less important and less frequent, I still want the affection associated with romantic love and that means that the man in my life MUST love to hold hands, kiss, intimately talk and touch. If he and I aren't on the same page for that? There really would be no reason to continue with anything more than simple friendship (and I certainly wouldn't be having sex with him.) JMO
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 93
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/27/2009 1:31:47 PM

I love in my life. I lost my only child in the not so distant past and I realize now that I am affection starved. Maybe because he was such a hugger or maybe because of grief or whatever, but this person and I have both changed so much.

I understand this. I understand grief. I lost not a child but a Husband. At first I was so wound up in my grief I couldn't stand the thought of someone touching me. I was afraid of losing all control of myself. The pain was so incredible that I couldn't share that with anyone for fear of losing some control that I thought I had.
But I have learned that touch for me is so important. That hugging and just touching to feel someone that is close to you. Male or female. I am a pretty tough person. I had hidden my feelings for so long. Today I let others know how I feel. I think I feel affection starved and need constant touch with family these days. My family laughs because I have become a toucher. I tell them how much I love them. I make sure and touch them a lot. I also do this to friends. Male and female and have never had them interrupt it sexually. Because it isn't. With someone I am dating once I get over the first awkward few dates I touch their sleeve, hands and hold hands....if they don't touch back I back off. I lean in whenever I am talking to them to talk to them and make one to one eye contact. If they are lacking in those area's I let it go . I am a very shy person but because I have lost so much to gain something wonderful I am pretty danged aggressive about this. I want someone able to be open and loving and affectionate. And if I want it I have to become willing to be this way to have everything I want. I will never live with someone that is afraid to show their affectionate side.......And yes sex is a wonder side effect.......
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 94
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/27/2009 2:30:12 PM

Occupant message # 92 wrote: think there's a difference in physical touching and touching emotionally


Am so glad you noted this. Some people who don't need to be touched physically,do connect or touch emotionally and intellectually. Ask anyone who has had a mental orgasm from being with someone who is so wonderful intellectually that you don't want them to stop talking. Ever heard the saying, don't seduce me with your body seduce me with your mind?

A friend suggested her friend who live in Tahoe and comes down to San Jose, CA to work three days a week as a trauma surgeon, meet me. So we met locally and while he was physically gorgeous, it was his mind that held my attention. We talked about physics, dealing with emergency situations and having a triage mentality, international groups we have worked for and skiing, kayaking. He had to leave to get to San Jose and told me he was relieved to meet someone as mentally charged as he was, and we agreed to see each other again. If it doesn't go further than just being friends, I will be happy, since his friendship would assure me of some great mental orgasms.

A doctor friend shared with me, that her husband often gives her mental orgasms which results in sexual orgasms, when talking with him on the phone or while standing/sitting next to him someplace. The ripple effect is awesome.

~Beth~
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 95
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/27/2009 2:42:53 PM
Beth thank you for putting that last post into words for me. During my last relationship
I was often in what I called a fog when we were apart. I didn't know what else to call it. It was like he was still bonded to me right next to me where every I went in my day until we meet again. Never thought of it as mental orgasms which resulted in sexual orgasms, but that is exactly what it was.
 imaswimmer
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 96
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 8:52:25 AM
It's an interesting topic.
My husband of 25 years died 2+ years ago after being ill for 12 years. Because of his illness, sex was out of the question. I don't know how we would have survived without physical affection. He was there for me, but other than hugging, and touching affection, there was nothing else.
i would have gone crazy if it wasn't for hand holding, stroking and hugging. Sex is wonderful, but i really believe the physical and emotional connection is the glue that holds the relationship together.
I miss that tremendously.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 97
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 9:02:40 AM

I miss that tremendously.

Dealing with a loved one's death does take time to heal. And after my Husband's death I couldn't stand to have anyone comfort me or touch me in anyway shape or form. I thought I would fall apart at the kindness....it would crack my image. Today after much time healing and reflection I have to have touch in my life. I also give back to other's. I am very careful about who I touch and how I touch. Affection is used a zillion ways....to funny pet names for our children...smiling if were happy to see someone to touching and hugging to sexual contact.....I want all of it. So I have many cruddy animals, many friends of different age's and sex different backgrounds that I touch and feel warm with all over. But with that someone special I want that touch that only I will know...
 Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
Joined: 10/18/2009
Msg: 98
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:32:18 PM

the affection that we showed whenever we were younger is gone. What happened to it?


It's kinda weird, Blueyes. I would think that as we get older, and particularly as we reach the age where our own mortality becomes more than just a passing thought, the need for "connectedness" increases.

There's something in the water. The last few years haven't been kind to boomers, stress levels are rising and many have already blown their top. It's not easy to feel close to somebody, anybody, when the mind is preoccupied with worry.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 99
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:33:07 PM
But raredawn, what about that old joke..."Why does a dog lick its balls? Because it can".
You can convince me it's ok health-wise to kiss my dog on his hairy wet mouth, but you still can't convince me about doggie breath.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 100
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:49:55 PM

Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection?

bullshit.

What has happened to our age group?

Beats the hell outa me
I ain't buyin' it, not for one minute.

I love my pets and companion animals...but I do NOT kiss them.
Cindy O
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