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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What h      Home login  
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 NoVaBuckeye
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 132
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
yes, agreed that would be a tragic way to live and love for sure...

I guess it is not as common in some areas as others. I know that where I am from in Ohio, people marry and divorce almost seasonally! heh heh heh... not so much here...at least in the circles I am in....
 Jim in NB
Joined: 8/2/2006
Msg: 133
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/12/2009 2:44:05 AM
No longer see public affection - get your eyes open - it is there - maybe not two people throwing themselves at each other but in many cases simple gestures - holding hands, an intimate smile. There is quite a variety in people out there - always have been = some just want to kcuf and other want to make love - and there is every shade in between. Too each their own - from my expereince, too bad for those who want sex just for sex, but hope they also have intimate relations so they know that feeling too.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 134
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:59:12 PM
Well, I don't think so that there is an age group that would be standing out as for not wanting ~ longing for affection.

Hmmm ... I don't feel personally falling into age bracket my DOB is indicating and having said that I would LOVE to bring "Spring" into my wintry days anytime. Oh yes, chocolate can do the trick, stretching limbs in the swimming pool does uplifts my spirit but to get my heart racing and eyes speaking before my lips spell it out ... hmmm ... it definitely takes TWO to tango. Yep, my hand is UP for relight my fire ..."
 rustygetsit
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 135
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/12/2009 5:32:47 PM
Many of which are a product of "The 70's" ... some things never change ...
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 136
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:32:28 PM
Today I wished I had had my camera with me, because the cowboy church I attend has some great couples and there were a couple who had gotten off their horses and the husband gave the wife a long nice hug, kiss and then he grabbed her horses reins and his horses reins in one hand and her hand in the other and walked to the barn to unsaddle etc.

The other couple were laughing and hugging and smiling so much, and it made a heart glad. One couple is sixties, the other late forties, early fifties. Have so many people around me who smile, hug. And while I am not overly affectionate, if I know the person well I will hug. After Ron died, I didn't do it for a year or more. Slowly am getting back into hugging.

~Beth~
 blueeyedtessy
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 137
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:56:32 PM
I dated a man that felt the same way. He loved me but in his own way, which meant that he didn't need the closeness that comes with affection and love. Sex - ok, but the hand holding, caressing, etc. was not what he needed to have a relationship. He wanted companionship. It lasted 3 years and then I couldn't do it anymore. My need for affection has only intensified. I love your description of what you desire and am in total agreement! Thank you for verbalizing it!!!
 younowho
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 138
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/14/2009 12:56:31 AM
Many of which are a product of "The 70's
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

wondering which 70's she knows about..

Not joking on this, every male I know including this one, says the same. The Women of this time period, grew up lacking this thing known as emotion.. not the emotion that makes crying the he did me wrong song. no I talking that emotion that bonds

yes the give and receive affection just isn't there,,, and it hasn't been ,, sure for a few months, maybe a few years at best ...
Then we start hearing there's no romance, The female sees romance as some material item, where the male might see this as a emotion.

He may find a beautiful fresh spring wild flower, bring that to her, because he needs to see this against the glowing face.. she tosses that flower in the garbage, because he didn't BUY it..

she, buy a Bottle of red wine at $250 a single candle at $54 set her mood for a romantic evening, He says WTF $$$$$ , get a Beer and turns on the game..

Now that's Romance..using the emotions of your soul....... . Right ???
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 139
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/14/2009 8:24:30 AM
^^ goodness gracious younowho,
you sure have run across a bunch of women you ended up not liking!


As for affection.. I miss it.
I've had a guy-friend who wasn't into affection.. just wanted to go straight to the bed.
I'd give touches and sometimes felt like I was touching a rock.
He tried to give touches and they felt mechanical and full of vibes of "doing this in hopes of getting to the bed".
Consequently, I really had no interest in getting to the bed!

I like natural spontaneous affection touches.
It seems some people don't.
It's not a good match, in my mind, if you aren't on the same page.
 moeie52
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 140
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 12:08:15 PM
well im a guy over 45 and i love affection, but for the most part i have met a lot of woman who do not, yes sex even though i dont want to get into that right away untill you get to know that person but a lot of woman want to skip that formality, why is dateing so different then the last time i dated which was back in the late eightys, moe
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 141
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 12:30:07 PM
WHO doesn't need to give or receive Affection...???
I'm Addicted to it..!!
It's one of the Basics in making a good relationship.
~Pssssstt...!~
...I'm looking for a _Good_ relationship!
 ~Heart~Tunes~
Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 142
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 5:09:01 PM
I just got to be affectionate. If anything, I was much more an affection hound than my wife was. I think she'd oftentimes interpret me as being needy that way, when I'm more just compulsively playful that way. The one form of affection that can be difficult for me (not always, but as often as not) is the sedentary type of affection. I can be a restless sort, and I sometimes just can't stay still holding someone in some such way. I guess at times I'm a bit of a shark that has to keep swimming.
 inspirabull
Joined: 11/6/2008
Msg: 143
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 5:57:14 PM
I have changed inside. I do not have the willingness to jump out there and be mauled in any way. I do not think that my desire for mutual affection has changed. I did have the experience of being deeply in love with a woman for whom touch was something with a price on it. I am not talking sex here, I mean just those loving touches that happen whether it be the touch of the gaze or the extra closeness of body that does not touch but does, or the compliment given without even having done anything. When I left I was wounded in a place I did not know I could be and leaving was with that wound in that deepest place and going with it still inside me. I have never known a woman who on some level or other was not tougher than I. Do I dare to be open to love again? The years go by, I have become more eccentric able to spend days and weeks alone except for the most surface and casual of social interactions, a trip to the hardware store, the grocery store, the auto parts store. Rarely even a date, I try but not very hard and it is easy to make me go away. Occasionally I lapse and start to become involved and see my stress level rising, threatened by a women less dangerous than any other thing in my life but that is not effect in my brain. And I smile and lie through my teeth, "I don't have that desire for affection like I once had".
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 144
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 7:15:40 PM
Even those who aren't overly affectionate, are often very much so when the right person comes along. Personally I respect and admire people who don't give love away as if its trash being set out for garbage day. Its what makes the surprise bouquet, or love note, special. Or that special dinner weekly, so wonderful when he/she gets home from work or activities.

One reason I think the famous poets of the past, the well known authors who wrote of life and love, are so wonderful is because they didn't write of fast food style affection, but deep lasting affection and love.

~Beth~
 younowho
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 145
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:05:57 PM

^^ goodness gracious younowho,
you sure have run across a bunch of women you ended up not liking!


A bunch ? more than Enough..

Read what ever male above has to tell....... Sad story, but all to true. It's rare that a female will show affection.. maybe I should show affection after she gets what she wants ???
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 146
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:10:22 PM
"Personally I respect and admire people who don't give love away as if its trash being set out for garbage day."

Thanks for that Zen..................I so in agreement with that sentence.

I don't like it when strangers call everyone hun, babe etc. then go home and use the same words on their loved (?) onces.

It is great to hug and kiss and cuddle with people who mean a lot to us. All and sundry won't be getting that treatment from me.

I love sex and affection but not to the point of making a sports event in my life.

Again, thanks for those words. Too many of us who feel that way get flamed and told that we are just self righteous.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 147
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:19:51 PM
I will agree it is a bit harder to date today. I feel the reason being everyone is afraid. Afraid of being rejected, afraid of what will change in their lives if they try. My friend and I are no longer seeing each other. He is a very nice man. I do want everyone to know that.
But I am not afraid of finding what I want. Maybe I will maybe I won't. Being able to touch and reach in a feel someone's soul is a amazing thing. But first it seems we have to get over the barriers of the hurt or walls that people put up. I truly believe it whenever someone tells me they don't like affection. It makes you afraid to reach out and touch them. So why go there? I want to be able to share thoughts and my feelings and be able to touch them without it bothering them or it making me uncomfrontable to do that. Its natural whenever you with someone you care about. Or its natural to me maybe not others.....and I am seeking what is my level. Or someone that fits into my little part of the world........
But I loved reading everyone's idea's and it has helped me be more understanding and open........and I am learning not to be so judgmental and think my way is the only way.
Thanks
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 148
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/21/2009 8:20:05 PM

It's rare that a female will show affection..


This woman is very affectionate with the right person, but not a stranger... I am affectionate with my friends, family, and pets.

I have been on first dates where men want to be quite touchy, and I haven't liked it. They take it that I am not affectionate and unfriendly... Some people (me) just don't like to be touched, patted, squeezed unless we are in an intimate relationship with someone we care about.

When I am with someone I care deeply about, I love to touch, and can't sleep unless one part of my body touches his...
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 149
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 4:37:53 AM

The one form of affection that can be difficult for me (not always, but as often as not) is the sedentary type of affection. I can be a restless sort, and I sometimes just can't stay still holding someone in some such way. I guess at times I'm a bit of a shark that has to keep swimming.


That describes me pretty well too. As a matter of fact my two male triathlon partners used to call me "Shark". They said the way I beat my feet (rhythm) in the water was just like the movie Jaws.

thecatsmeoww
 prof48
Joined: 3/17/2005
Msg: 150
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 3:54:09 PM
I don't think it is a matter of age. Many relationships, even back in college, did not last because of a mismatch between need/desire for affection (not sex). I think you will find at least as many or more men over 45 hungering for honest affection as I have found women who don't seem to have the need (at least with me). Finding the right one will be a joy, but finding a match on all cylinders is always difficult.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 151
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 6:54:22 PM
With the right partner I am a toucher.....not for reassurance but because I love it. I don't hang all over men but with that person that you feel a connection with how can you not touch them? Its not sexual but again I am very sexual with the right partner. If I find someone leaves me cold why go into the sex part of it? This person is a lovely man in most ways. He told me later on he hadn't been of the receiving end of affection. But at this age if he doesn't want it the problem is with him not me. He liked me enough to want to move in together so I think this is the way he is. I don't take it personally....I just let it be what its suppose to be. Which again it has ended. There are to many men out there that like giving and recieving affection.....and I like it to. I am not willing to give up my wants and needs at this stage of life. Nor am I asking someone to do something they find uncomfortable....I also have never heard someone tell me something like this either....I was confused. He is such a wonderful person and yes I was attracted to him. But that was doused whenever he uttered those words to me.
 snoopy51
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 152
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 7:29:05 PM
I am a body contact person, I cannot go without having body contact with my special partner. I like to touch and be touched, and even more love lots of sex. Gees I would go stir crazy, it is a way of showing your affection and love for that special person.
 ea┬«ly
Joined: 11/7/2006
Msg: 153
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/23/2009 9:05:47 PM
Some of you need to read Leo Buscalia, ...and loosen up.

I'm as PDA (private and public) prone at 47+ as I was when I was 17, some things never change. Maybe, for some, those things were never there in the first place.

 chiefgray
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 154
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/24/2009 10:44:20 PM
Sex is sex ... but sex combined with an affection for a special person is magic ... something we don't seem to believe in anymore
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 155
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Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/26/2009 5:55:30 PM
I have not read the entire thread and am just answering the original post so if the OP's situation has changed in the meantime ... my post will probably not fit in too well.

I have met men and women that no longer desire affection nor do they give affection.
I simply cannot imagine no longer desiring affection. I wonder what that would be like.

Among the many things I still look forward to in my life ... is to find a gentleman who desires affection as I do. I can't imagine being in a relationship without affection. I can't imagine having sex with someone I have no affection for or who has no affection for me.

How can a person feel the passion for intimacy without feeling affection for a person first?

I want to experience the kind of affection and passion that one
feels when they look into the eyes of their lover and just melt ...

... with desire. ... ... ...
 curious2bhere
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 156
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 12/27/2009 7:48:03 AM
Never have or will I ever think sex is just sex.
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