Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kaiser1one
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 35
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I personally think alot of it has to do with people getting married WAY to early.
You haven't had time to learn the real person, thus when your married, things go down-hill real quick.
 neo_anderson
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 37
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:15:07 PM
Iam from an old fashion english family , and i always wanted to get married..
but as ive experienced and watched the world ive learnt..

of course marriage is on way out...like religion..its old wives tails to instruct people who needed guidence in whats right and whats wrong.
Mankind has progressed beyond that...well some have..lol
If you love someone and want to be with them , make a family etc. You dont need to get married or stand at a church?

Same as walking out..a piece of paper wont stop you finding another lover or best friend ...if your not happy.

Ive never been married, but am lucky enough to have been in 2 very commited long term relationships..

In the end we are animals...we were NEVER meant to mate for life..
so why put unrealistic boundries on your own life?
have fun...
 codedout
Joined: 7/25/2004
Msg: 38
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:15:43 PM
I think the electronic age is affecting a lot of relationships. Too much tv, too much internet, too many games, too many txt msgs, too much time on the phone.

I grew up in a simpler time. I remember back in 76 in south africe, we had no tv, no phones to speak of party line with the hand crank. AND no im not joking. I remember that we used to play our hearts out after school. We would sit down as a family and wuietly have dinner, maybe with the record player going in the background. We would talk about our days, then us kids would hurrry to do dishes so we could go out and play while mom and dad relaxed in the living room, and and actually spent quality time toghether. Once it was dark we would settle in for the night.

Can anyonee tell me the lalst time they turned off the phones, tv's, and just spent a quiet weekend at home relaxing. Its very rare these days.

I think if people spent less time during the email their spouses, less time and the phone and more time in the evening talking to each other they would get along better. How many of you txt, email and talk during the day, then have nothing to talk about when you get home.

I think if we all want to haave mroe quality relationships, wheter its friends or loveers that we need to simplify things down, sit by a fire and relax with each other.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 41
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:54:24 PM

Uumm , speak for yourself,
I don't "lick" myself clean.
Nor do i fling feces at others.

Ha! We only have your word for it. Bear in mind, I'm not asking for proof...
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:49:12 PM
I don't think marriage is out per se. I think what happens in MOST marriages, is folks let outside influences (kids, jobs, money, mortgages, material things) take priority over a marriage. Also, I think it depends on where one is in their life. If I were in my 20's and wanted to have kids, I'd want to marry.
At the age of 53, I really don't feel the "need" to marry.
 neo_anderson
Joined: 2/10/2008
Msg: 43
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:16:19 PM
haha
last time i looked in the dictionary humans are animals?
that doesnt mean we are wild...it means we are drivin...and have primal needs.
These dont include staying with 1 partner for life....but if it works for you...thats great...i think the question was is marriage on the way out?

accepting that and not branding others for seeking their needs is all i was suggesting
And thank god we arnt still living in 1976 ...i remember it well...it was BORING.
And my mind and knowledge was subdued by the closed media.

Emails sms internet...its all good...its called evolution...
thank god the LHC will solve our future needs
keep smiling..life is GREAT
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/24/2009 4:38:19 AM
Marrage is never out. I see it as a nessessary when deciding to have a family with someone. It implys security, bonds for life, although most us know its easy to get a divorce. But when chidren are involved its not something to take lightly, you want your children to grow up strong and healthy. If they know thier parents are that committed and united having the same last name , ect. I think its for the children mostly and any security that the wife may gain by the documentations.
Emotional bonds between the two I think has to be there and maintained for a marrage to succeed.
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 46
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/24/2009 8:53:41 AM
well there are lots of problems today. the biggest being the materialism and the dual income household coupled with divorce laws and a lot of people now a days grew up in divorced homes so it's become accepted. The dual income to buy the huge suvs, the nice clothes, the biggest house, the vacations to disney world used to be things only the priviledged were entitled to not the regular family. remember growing up? i do, we only went out to eat once a month maybe, we only had one family car and mom was always there when i came home from school. we didn't worry about big cars, fancy vacations. a vacation might be driving to relatives for the summertime and spending a week with family or going camping. i had a bike, a skateboard and army men, a baseball glove.

kids now have cell phones, xboxs, games, ipods, laptops. crap that they really don't need. how many kids today do you see playing in the creek catching frogs and picking flowers and drawing with chalk? not many. they are over privileged, expect everything and grow up demanding that in a mate. unrealistic and if they don't get it then....divorce and take the money and get it anyway. it's become a greedy society. luckily this recession has brought back a lot of family values and what's important and it's not stuff. hopefully the kids that see their parents struggle together during this time and stay together will be better off however i doubt it. most of the time now a days when the money runs out so does the marriage.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 47
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:34:14 AM
No, I don't think marriage is on the way out! I'm in the wedding business and business (even in these slow economic times) is booming! Thank God people are still making that public declaration to live faithfully ever after! I'm not in the divorce business, so I don't see that end of things. I think people get married because they want to solidify and legitimize their relationships. Also, the financial benefits abound.

Selfishness, false assumptions and people not communicating expectations about WHAT they WANT their marriages to be is most certainly one reason for divorce. So is disagreement about how money should be used, laziness, loss of respect, lack of mutual interests inside and outside the bedroom, run out of things to say to each other and other factors.

Never been married, but was in a relationship that has sort of evolved into a friendship. While the sex hormones are still there at times, we've cooled down considerably in that department and are mostly just friends, and it's a beautiful friendship. I still admire the same qualities about her as when we first met, and I think she's grown a healthy respect for me too. What I value in her is a comfort and warmth, a calm intelligence and practicality that is so precious when the world around us is crazy and out of control. Sometimes we do simply run out of things to say to each other, which is one reason I don't think we're marriage material (it's not very intellectually stimulating), so we let each other go for a week or two with no contact and then one of us will call the other, very nice!

If you talk about and agree on all these things after living together "in sin" for at least 2 years, and the positives of being married outweigh the negatives of being alone or promiscuous, I see no reason why a marriage can't go the distance. But you've got to WANT to be married, and value the person you're married to more than anyone else. Some really strong, intense fiber of love, realizing some mutual dreams together, and the same goals for the future are in order, coupled with a willingness to adapt, down-shift, regroup and forge ahead in a different direction if plan A doesn't work out.

Valuing the love you both share in the face of economic downturns, child-induced stress and other factors--it takes work! But, if you work TOGETHER, the work is cut in half!
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/24/2009 12:01:02 PM
A lot of people claim it is but given the numbers that continue to marry and remarry, it seems that most of us still have the hope that you can find and be happy with one person for the rest of your life.

I attended a wedding this weekend. Three girls in the family and I noticed with the eldest, who dated her husband for a very long time but was in no hurry to marry him. Completed her degree and her advanced education and it was nice to watch them at this wedding because they were still inseparable but not in a sickening way having been together for around 10 years now and married for the lat two I believe.

The daughter that married, had also been with her boyfriend for 5 years I think. I believe they have cohabitated for the last 2-3. One could argue that you cannot gauge a couple's happiness on a wedding day but given the stress that weddings create and paying attention to more subtle cues, I think you can. They were both very considerate of each other, aware of their obligations to socialize with their guests but also periodically spending some of that time, well just the two of them even though they were in a room full of people.

I joked with the mother yesterday that they still have one to marry off. She said she who knows, her youngest daughter is focused on what she would like to do educationally and with her career and they are 100% behind that. The couple, a second marriage by the way, have stressed with all three young ladies that they shouldn't be in a hurry to marry and that they should do some living on their own and without making that commitment before they are really ready to wed. I think too many young people focus on finding someone to marry rather than the right person to spend the rest of their lives with.

Most people realize this, learn the lessons, and seek to find the right person even if their picker is still a bit damaged. Some people choose to make the same commitment without the ceremony and live in a state of marriage happily for decades.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 51
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:56:17 PM
Marriage is not a business agreement nor does it really matter who brings what to the table.

The underlying problem with the marriage crisis lies in the average person's inability to pick the right partner. When it comes to love and relationships - the average person is utterly inept. Looks, money and status rank at the top of what most people are looking for; not equality in terms of communication skills, emotional compatibility and so forth.

The average person (who by way probably can't tell the capital of their own state) doesn't know the difference between love and infatuation. They think they do, because they all think they're "smart" but truth be known, collectively their combined IQ's fall somewhere between vegetable and mineral.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 52
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/25/2009 5:06:04 PM

Marriage is not a business agreement nor does it really matter who brings what to the table.


I have to disagree with this statement, because the goal of a business partnership and a marriage are the same.........just the terminology of the contracts are different.

If the partners in a business arrangement can't get along, the business is disolved.
If the partners in a marriage can't get along, the marriage is disolved.
 bobbajobba
Joined: 4/28/2009
Msg: 53
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/25/2009 9:38:55 PM
trend is pretty clear now. questions like this are posted to state the obvious. what else is new?
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 58
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 7:30:40 AM
The enemy of marriage is selfishness expressed in too many ways to mention by both parties...in some ways specific to their gender and in other ways common to both.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 60
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 11/26/2009 9:05:12 AM

Apparently 3% of animals are monogamous and mate for life.
Im happy to hopefully be in the elite rather than glory or make excuses why Im in the bottom 97%.


Minority and elite are not mutually exclusive terms. The converse might also be true and the minority an anomaly. It simply depends on one's perspective. Humans, from the existing research results and depending on the findings of further research on the subject have the capacity for monogamy and some do not have the capacity for monogamy. Preliminary studies suggest that there is a genetic difference between those that have that capacity and those who do not. It's too early to draw any reliable conclusions.

Best,

ACP
 mcalgary
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 66
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:44:32 PM
Real marriage is already gone for most of North America. It is was too easy to get a divorce and way to easy to marry. A lot of people i know get married with the thought, on day one, why not if it doesn't work we'll just split up. It should be a bigger decision and there should be NO No fault divorce or common law rules. You should have to be married to get benefits and there should have to be fault to have a divorce.
 oldkid
Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 72
view profile
History
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 10:37:56 AM
"Doing things like taking vacations together etc...just apparently sex is not part of the package...an'd they can go out on dates with others"

Let me help you understand: After 25 years of being together and struggling with many yssues, we have settled into a living situation that, although not ideal, we can live with. The problems come from the rest of society and is aptly demonstrated by many of the posters on POF. As a married couple, there are expectations of us: It is assumed that we are connected at the hip, that we enjoy the same things, and have a satisfactory sex life. When one of us does not meet those expectations, society passes judgement on us.

Discrimination against married people who do things without their spouse is rampant. Married men and women who go out without their spouse are assumed to be looking only for sex. If I ask a woman to dinner as a single man, she will judge based on me; if I ask her as a married man, she will judge based on my status. If my wife goes out bar hopping with her single girlfriends, she is looking for a hookup. If I'm seen talking to or dancing with a group of women by one of my wife's friends, her friend thinks they need to stick their nose in.

Sometimes it would be easier to get divorced just to get society out of the middle of our relationship. We could then decide what living arrangement worked for us - and then we would have people like you even more confused. Maybe societal pressure is part of the reason for divorce?
 shelly.d
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 73
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 4:21:19 PM
You said;


"The underlying problem with the marriage crisis lies in the average person's inability to pick the right partner. When it comes to love and relationships - the average person is utterly inept. Looks, money and status rank at the top of what most people are looking for; not equality in terms of communication skills, emotional compatibility and so forth.

The average person (who by way probably can't tell the capital of their own state) doesn't know the difference between love and infatuation. They think they do, because they all think they're "smart" but truth be known, collectively their combined IQ's fall somewhere between vegetable and mineral."

I say;
"Yep".
:)-(it's sad but I would have to say pretty much for the most part , ah, yes, true). Definately.
And it's in "instant" society and an "out with the old in with the new" . So, yes - people are blinded by all of those things.
Also people sometimes just have no respect for themselves, or others, or you , or your marriage/relationship. So...sometimes people try to undermine other people's situations (yes your friends included) and it's unfortunate but you have to watch out for those 'types'.

It isn't easy . Both parties in the relationship also have to realize that it is a pointed decision to be committed, it does take work, sexual attraction to one another may wane at times, but then make a comeback - it's natural. People panic at things like that sometimes and think then that the relationship is over - but it is normal.

As well - I read another post a gentlemen was saying how at a Thanksgiving gathering, his brother's wife and him always chat it up , really enjoy each other's company - did he think there was possibly a carnal thing underneath? Sure, it's possible- but to ACT on that, ruin his relationship with his brother etc., was hardly worth it.
You can have maybe urges , but you don't HAVE to act on them. You know?
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 75
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:41:14 PM
The concept of marriage is not on it's way out, because more people are choosing to live common-law than marriage, but they still are having relationships. Statistically marriage is down in numbers, but C/L is up in numbers.

Marriage is NOT the problem............the 2 people in the marriage is the problem. If both or even 1 of them is not mature and responsible enough for the other, the relationship will fail whether they are married, living C/L, or just dating.

Marriage/love is conditional on each other being mature enough to handle the responsibilites for their lives collectively and/or any children collectively.
 MasterFireWalker
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 76
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/3/2009 7:10:37 PM
Marriage is being defined for many reasons.

For women and men alike, many perceive marriage as a highly risky proposition: Men fear the three scariest words in divorce - Child Support Payment. Rightly or wrongly, many men perceive women as predators going after their genes and then their money.

Women feel the same way, but for different reasons: Marriage means her career may become second fiddle and that child rearing responsibilities will further reduce career options and even lead to poverty.

Another reason is the growing trend of serial monogamy - we fool ourselves culturally into believing we are monogamous, when serial monogamy isn't monogamy at all.

Finally, this is an era of great social change. The rules are changing faster than they can be written down. The marriage deal of the 1950's is gone, never to return.

This is neither bad nor good. Rather it is human social evolution: Only the strongest social structures that the majority of people prefer will survive and even thrive. Traditional marriage is not one of them.
 Kohavah
Joined: 11/4/2009
Msg: 79
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/3/2009 8:03:18 PM
The sacred family unit, has been replaced by social networks. These networks only exist because of the demise of the wholly family. If the Sacred Family Structure were to become the strength that it was meant to be, then the social networks would calapse. Social networks and the immorality and plunder that these establishments encourage and enforce, put a devasting burden on families. Instead of the family having the strength, finances and health to manage their own affairs, the faimly unit has become degraded, robbed, and disabled and must now depend on the various enemies of the family unit, in order to survive. Hence the marriage collapes...and the tragedy hurts all individuals connected to that once sacred union.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 83
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/3/2009 9:01:25 PM
Hey tiger's wife, one story now is the pre-nup money is bumped from$30 million to $60 million. Now 60 or 300 what difference does it make? Send her azz packing with $5 million and he keeps custody. Her lifestyle is still, waaayyyy higher than where she started.

Would the court see it that way? Of Course not, have to protect the poor little, defenseless woman. BS!!!!!!!!
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 84
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/3/2009 9:23:43 PM

Presumably HE thought she was worth $300 Mill (I bet that's media hype). Not like anyone held a gun to his head; heck, I bet he even had top notch legal advice!


Exactly, which just goes to show how frickin' stupid and socially inept he really is.

The funny thing is, that should they get divorced, she'll have that prenup tossed out and she'll be collecting WAY more than $300 million.

I agree with verity or whomever said it above. Tiger's wife is a classic example of why smart, successful men should NEVER get married or live with a woman.....

... even stupid or average guys should avoid it, but that's another story....

 wildwest12
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 86
marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?
Posted: 12/4/2009 9:41:59 AM
yes i believe it is, people dont truly know what they really want they only think of the now and makes them happy at the moment.. people dont take the time to really know the person or they let the issues about finance or job issues affect everything that revolves around there relationship.
so it kinda ruins it and leaves them bitter and unhappy to the point where they want a divorce or leads them to do bad things....

at least while i have been in the army and seen some of my friends and family it doesnt seem to last...

marriage just seems like its what your suppose to do... not what u really want if that makes any sense, im only 19 but hey you learn young
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >