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Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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Here's my situationPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Counselling for a long time before you open the door to him again. Who cares how you look if he is actually sincere this time? Do you want your marriage to work, do you trust him? But going back and forth between you and the girlfriend? Nice example he is setting for his children.
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 30
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:20:38 PM
OP: IMO; if you both have the same feelings that brought you once together (10 years ago), then seek marriage counseling and see how things go from there.

Forget that you will look like "an idiot" with friends/family. Try to salvage the marriage/family unity IF you both are in agreement and seek the appropriate help necessary.

Good luck!
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 32
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:24:10 PM
What does his best friend look like? Does hubby have a brother that is not a double bagger?
Dad would be even better. *smile*
Were you always told that revenge is an unhealthy way to deal with a cheating @#$% of a spouse? I was told you should forgive and forget a good life is the best revenge. What a bunch of bullpukey! That is what all the people say who can't come up with a good revenge idea.
But...if you are bound and determined to take on the martyr role. That "Get yourself to a marriage counselor" good advice but me thinks that you should work on yourself FIRST. Build up that self confidence. You say you are working out... great start!

Best of luck in whatever path that you choose!!!
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 33
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:24:20 PM

When we started seeing each other again in August we re-discovered why we fell in love in the first place. [/quote}

I'm sorry to say this because I know it's likely to be hurtful, but if he had in fact rediscovered why you fell in love in the first place back in August, do you really think that he would have been back with his girlfriend within a couple of months?
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 36
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:35:22 PM
I've asked him what kind of assurances do I have that at the first opportunity he won't do it again. He can't give me any.

My head is saying don't do it, but my heart is saying to give him another chance.

So, should I or am I an idiot to even consider it?

Any advice is appreciated

I won't judge you and call you an idiot for whatever decision you make, I just say if you go back with your husband, and what you fear happens, you made your bed because you have control of the situation.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 43
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 1:53:24 PM

Turns out I was right, though, wasn't I?
That remains to be seen. You sound like you might be just a smidge over bearing.
"I told him"
"I was right"
Hmm wow now I am starting to root for your husband and his stupid innocent girlfriend.
Run Toto run...he got away.
 Indigo rose
Joined: 3/17/2007
Msg: 45
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:06:39 PM
^^^his Mother-in-law?

I told him that if they were still together after the first of the year, I would think about it. She has never met our children.

^^that is where the red flag went up for me.
I agree with you that is best not to introduce new people into the child's life (too soon) and I commend your husband for not doing so.
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 47
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:14:24 PM

I've asked him what kind of assurances do I have that at the first opportunity he won't do it again. He can't give me any.

OMG!!! WOW OP!!! That right there should be telling you that you are in need of some professional assistance for control issues. Stop and ask yourself some hard questions here.

Wait. The OP asks for some assurance that if she lets this man back into her life and her children's lives, he won't turn around and leave her for someone else again in a couple of months and he says he can't offer any and you think SHE has an issue? You think it takes "control issues" to want to avoid destabilizing your children's lives for the third time in a short period of time because a guy can't make up his mind? Really?
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 48
view profile
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:27:21 PM

I don't believe you're an idiot ,
There must have been something that kept you together for 10 years.

I've told my family and friends about how quickly he went back to his girlfriend, and if I take him back I will look like an idiot.

Screw what your "Family and Friends think , how about your children ?
I take a look around , and i see more "Damaged" and looking , at our age group, then kids in their 20's and 30's.
Just something to contemplate.
They are single for a REASON !
If you do decide to give him another chance , I wouldn't rush it.
(Let him stew in his own juices for a while , sometimes , you don't know what you had until it's gone .)
Just mine Too ..

Never say never, You said you want to try
you said he wants to try,
So , get you shit together and try !
Don't sit here listening to people who are projecting Their Failures
You could just watch daytime TV , for that !
Couldn't agree more

Op: Git the hell out of this thread.. don't listen anymore.. Just do it ~ Counceling is a good idea to help you repair any hidden cracks. Good luck and best wishes.
Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 49
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 3:54:07 PM
Those things should have been handled BEFORE you are divorced.

If you want my opinion there is a reason why the wording is as it is.... the date when the divorce is "FINAL"

Divorce is or at least should be the final result of a failed attempt to work things out.

Divorce in my opinion should never be used as a leverage tool so when you fight you can feel free to go off and do whatever you wish without remorse.

it is a disolution of marriage. as in "NO SOLUTION FOR THE MARRIAGE TO BE ABLE TO CONTINUE"

If it is as you say then you wasted the courts time and lied to the judge to boot because you have to agree that you tried working through your problems already in order to be granted a divorce....

What you are saying here is that you did not work through your problems prior to the divorce and now that the reality of what that divorce meant has set in you are communicating again....

So what if this guys girlfriend decides she wants him again and he leaves you for him yet again?

I assume you two are both adults? Seems to me one of the requirements to being able to call yourself an adult is to be able to comunicate and handle your differences before needing someone else to step in to handle them for you (ie the judge)

just my opinion is all
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 52
Here's my situation
Posted: 11/23/2009 4:39:25 PM
Miss Dee, The last line of your post says >> "Any advice is appreciated."

If you were my daughter or sister, I would advise you to think of honest/dishonest.

What good will come from indicating on your profile you are divorced when you are not. A man who might be a good match for you could view your profile believing you are divorced and then later learn that you are in fact still married (no matter how separated you are, you are still married). Dishonesty might be a dealbreaker for him and it could cost you the chance to get to know a really great guy.

You are an attractive girl, you don't need to change, disguise or be dishonest about what or who you are just to entice/attract/get attention from anyone.

Use this time to take care of yourself and learn the great person you are. Google self-esteem you will learn that when someone important to you hurts you, it can damage how we feel about ourself. There are many things you can do boost your self/ego. I don't think dating right now would be productive. There are many decent men and they deserve the truth.

Best of Luck.
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