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 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 114
How do YOU stop loving someonePage 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
easy if they did leave and you didn't cheat, beat or abuse them then they never really loved you. it's like loving a rock so why love something that can't love you back? seems stupid to love something that can't love you back.
 DR_RUTHLESS
Joined: 11/2/2009
Msg: 115
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 12/29/2009 2:04:30 PM
good point! the other party doesn't care, so why should you

it is lack of chemistry as probably the greatest deal breaker of all time
can't blame the rock if the feelings aren't there either

emotions are difficult to detach, too many dwell or analyze, which makes it harder... or think about on any level let alone think about it at all, this is what one must practice is not thinking about it AT ALL

convenience, too polite to depart, better pal than mate syndrome, etc... lotsa reasons why not and no reason that makes sense as to why love is so blind sometimes...as the ideal surprisingly eludes too many given we are all here looking
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 117
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 12/29/2009 8:39:14 PM
You don't STOP loving someone....
You find someone new....to Continue loving...just as much..!!
 dbx1
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 121
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:22:41 AM
To the OP, I don't know what to tell you actually. I know in the early 90's when I went through "brain surgery with a chainsaw with no anesthesia" (divorce when she abandoned the marriage) it took years to heal. The healing process takes time. Just give yourself the room to heal, or you may risk poisoning the next relationship you embark on. Just my 2 cents....
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 122
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:45:59 AM
OP-

I'm asking myself that same question. I've shared a great deal of six yrs with one man, and while I truly believed he and I would grow old together, the harsh reality is I was just the faithful 'FWB' to him. It wasn't the things he said to me that mattered as much as how he treated me, and the fact I allowed him too---all in the name of love.

After six years of 'dating' he finally met my entire family---he finally introduced me to all his friends ( which he wouldn't have dreamed of doing previously) and finally said "I love you". Naturally, I was elated and felt a bit more secure in our relationship. That all occurred over few weeks in June, however by July the phone calls, texts, dates and sex all came to an abrupt halt. I was devastated.

He wouldn't talk to me so I sent him an email to explain how hurt I had felt and that I wasn't prepared to let another six yrs pass by and be treated the same way. I allowed myself to be treated that way for 15 yrs with the man I married---it was truly time to stop the insanity!!! So, to answer your question, I didn't stop loving "Meathead"---I chose to love myself more and walk away. It has been terribly difficult, but I'm managing.

I can't just erase six yrs of feelings, but I can keep myself busy and focused on OTHER things that are more important---my children, my family, my close friends and MYSELF. I still love Meathead---but I know that he'll never love me the way I want or deserve and I'd be fooling myself if I believed otherwise. Every time I feel weak and want to reach out to him I remind myself of how he made me feel the last time I saw him which was the day before my birthday.

What he never understood is----people may forget the things he said or he did to them----but I will NEVER forget the way he made me feel.

Learning to love yourself sometimes is harder than disengaging from a person whom you love/loved.

MM
 BlueeyePat
Joined: 12/19/2009
Msg: 125
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 3:54:39 PM
Hi Swmiller58,
No matter how much you try I dont think you're ever get over that person.
I was involve with someone for eight years, I loved him more than life itself.
I would had done anything for him only as it turned out it was one sided.
He called me a few days before Christmas in 2005 to say it was over,
he had been seeing Beverly during the times we were dating, it was over.
I was devasted, wanted to die, it took six months to get over him,
ever thou we may never see one another a part of me will always love him.
Thats a hard question to answer Swmiller58, when you shared your life
with another that long, the feelings never always be there.
Do you still love her?
Pat
 K-Lob
Joined: 6/12/2008
Msg: 127
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 5:53:58 PM
get her a present that she doesnt want like a pre agitated heart attack!!

or beers and pot


or pots with beer in them

she wont like that
 Juicy Kisses
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 129
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History
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 6:29:58 PM
There's no doubt about it—breakups suck. But in the first few hours or days or weeks that follow, there's one important truth you need to recognize: Some things can't and shouldn't be fixed, especially that guy who dumped you or forced you to dump him. It's over for a reason, and deep down inside you probably know what that reason is.

At the end of the day, it's about weather YOU like yourself enough to face the reality that your romance wasn't working.. to recognize that it wasn't giving you what you needed and deserved

Life's biggest rewards come from the biggest challenges.

Anyone who assesses you or your realtionship as "disposable" is not worthy of your time or tears.

Just remember, though, that any reasons you come up with are ultimately irrelavant. The harsh reality is that even if you have EVERYTHING else in common, the one thing you don't have in common is the belief that this realtionship can work. & that alone trumps your shared love of puppies, music, and fun stuff.

A lot of the pain you are experiencing right now is auctually fear. Fear of things being different then how you liked them, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of having to fill your time differently. We're afraid of the unknown.

The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven.

"I don't know" means "NO!"
"I don't know" means "I'm too cowardly to tell you the truth because I can't deal with confrontation."
"I don't know" means please do the dirty work for me because I don't want to hurt your feelings even more then I already have.

Awesome thought: The annoying thing that your ex did will never bother you again. I'm sure that your plan to get him back worked out in your head. I'm even sure that it worked out in some movie you saw. But your ex does not have the time to follow a movie script and you shouldn't either. Move on.

Every moment of pain, weakness, and discomfort puts you in a positon to choose how you will react and how you will alleviate your condition. Calling him doesn't make it better.. it only pulls you back into the cycle of heartbreak.
He is the past. You are the future.

Messing up his life isn't the best revenge. It's getting on with yours and living it to the fullest.

One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes rela­tionships just end, often without reason. I truly believe that some­times both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning.

Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself.

As much as it sucks, you need to FORCE youself to remember your very worst times together, ..his most irritating habits and the hard truth that not only can he live without you.. but he'd rather.

So many of us find ourselves saying "BUT HE WAS SO GREAT!" Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on vacation. Things changed and it's important to remember that they did.

Awesome thought: The right guy is out there right now, wondering when he's going meet someone just like you.

His regrets or lack thereof are exactly that- his . and not even the best little black****ail dress can change that.

Every time you see him, you only make youself vulnerable to futher heartache. Do you really need further proof that he's getting on with his life without you?

The one who dumped you has had a huge head start on the healing. However long he entertained ending the relationship is also how long he's been emotionally extracting himself from you.

He was either partially or totally over it before you even knew it was going down

You weren't in the same relationship. That should answer ALL your questions.

You can love your friends...you can love your family...you can even love every stray dog or stray drummer that crosses your path. HOWEVER, you have to learn how to love yourself, like yourself, and put yourself first before you will ever find the healthy, loving, and lasting relationship that you've been looking for
 darkbrowneyeddee
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 135
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/1/2010 8:58:10 PM
Hello. You have to focus on yourself and make you number one. Take it one day at a time and it does get better. Each day do something nice for yourself, listen to a cd that you like, go for a walk, whatever it is that makes you happy. Just devote some time for you each day and try to be positive. Good luck.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 137
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How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:01:48 PM
Forgive, forget, and move on with your life. Repeat as needed.

What was was, what is is.

Love is a two way street, and if you are walking alone on it....you aren't in love anymore.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 138
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How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 12:07:37 PM
Try to be totally honest about what caused the breakup or the person to leave. What part did you play? Correct your errors and learn from it. If it is an issue with the other person----jealousy, insecurity, ? let it go. Realize you have no control over anybody but yourself. Let Go and Let God. Work on yourself and focus your energy on yourself and being totally honest with yourself and work through your own issues. Just keep working on yourself and realize that this relationship wasn't meant to be at this time. You only have control over yourself----no one else. Continue working on yourself and when the right one comes along----you will know. No one is perfect and there are some things that we could accept in another person and then there are those things that are not tolerated---no matter how much we may love the other person. We each need to decide what we will accept and what we will not accept. Use your energies positively.
 eve1962
Joined: 12/26/2009
Msg: 140
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How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 3:34:57 PM
You never really stop loving someone you truly loved. You just carry on and always have a small place in your heart for them. Our hearts are big enough for that.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 141
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 6:13:50 PM
If you have truly loved someone with all your might and then the relationship ends without your being at fault-it hurts the same as death.I am saying this because of my own experience.Life goes on and you are trying to live life with another person but still nobody can take the place of that person.You may hear a song and something trigures your mind and you have a nice memory of the time you had with the person you loved so deeply.
I do believe that you can love again but in a different way.Nobody can ever tell you or give you the time for healing-no matter how many times you go for help and counceling.The answer is still the same-who can cure a broken heart?
It is easy for people who have not experienced a deep love to say that just go on..they do it so easily ...they can not love so deeply.I am sorry about the way you feel.....I feel your pain.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 142
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How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 9:38:19 PM
I don't try to stop loving them. I try to stay busy and focus my attention elsewhere so I don't think about it so much.
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 144
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/2/2010 11:01:11 PM
i want to stop.. and stop NOW..!!!!

i went out for karaoke.. and there he was with a 24 yr old*(im 45).. im fine if i never see him.. but being local just SUCKS

he never deserved my love.. and for gods sake.. i want him GONE
 Cherish Luv
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 145
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/3/2010 8:50:12 AM
The 'death do us part' love is the most devastating to have end and get over. Having been there it takes a long time but do not put your life on hold. You can focus on all that was wrong in the relationship but accept honestly within yourself any part you played in the relationship going wrong. Even if your part was overlooking when things were going wrong but you never said anything. Then look at al the good you got out of it - being able to love someone so deeply and being loved back. Many people will find themselves looking for someone just like him or her and do not do that - you cannot replace that person you loved so deeply with someone just like them as everyone is unique in their own way and you loved them for their ways. When you meet another nice woman do NOT keep comparing her to the one you loved or still love in your mind. Try to think of activities maybe you didn't do much with the one you love and start doing those activities with another. If you like the theater and didn't do that much with the other then do that. Think of little things you had wanted to do but maybe the one you loved didn't enjoy doing that. Then do those things with a woman you may meet and want to get to know. In other words, start a new life and over time the past life with stay where it belongs - in the past. If you loved the woman a deeply as I think then you'll never really stop loving her but tuck that love you had in a spot in your heart, smile if you want when you think of her but move on to experience a new love.
 gracengracie
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 146
How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:03:08 AM
I will share what I have gathered asking similar question....

1st You grieve your loss....if you need to cry, you do. Set up a time to do every single day until one day you will not need that time anymore.

2nd. Focus on yourself. Make yourself happy and be happy with yourself. If you learn to love the person withing you, it will be much easier for someone to love you. You will transmit that feeling of self confidence.

3rd. I am also starting a separation/divorce process. It has been 20 years, but hey they should have at most 10. I also thought till death put us apart. Real world is different and we must accept that. Just chin up and move forward, never backwards....

4th If necessary seek medical or counseling help. If you feel alright, you might feel even better.

And now I send you a bug hug and tell you it will be alright. Time and God will help a lot.

Grace

PS Then and only then you arte ready to look for the new love of your life!!!!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 147
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How do YOU stop loving someone
Posted: 1/3/2010 9:43:11 AM
if you really love her , you always will, take your time move on,you may get very lucky and fall in love with another, but if you dont move on you will never be loved or love again
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