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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 76
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ED over 45Page 4 of 36    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
I think that its true that every male will sooner or later experience a failure to perform in a sexual context. I am totally with widowsdesire on this one. All kinds of things, both of a permanent and a transitory nature can cause this phenomenon, and the worst outcome that one could experience is that of a woman taking an uncharitable view of the situation.

I think its also true that women experience situations where they are, for whatever reason, not able to become aroused in a sexual situation, and while I suspect that some women go ahead anyway, I don't see much of a difference between this and what is called ED in men. I am sure that no woman would want her partner giving her static about such a situation either, and, as with men, the potential to do a lot of damage to a relationship exists in these situations.

Contrary to what appears to be popular lore, neither men nor women are ready, willing and able to copulate at any place and any time, and I personally think that as one gets older the emotional context becomes more significant in determining the level of performance that is manifest by the parties involved.
 Pfilly08
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 77
ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 10:42:45 AM
Dear WidowsDesire and Those Whose Posts Are of Her Ilk,

While some are making jokes about this topic -- just as many have responded with genuine interest, and for many others with genuine empathy as well. Those who are "joking" do not appear to be ill intended so much as using humor as a way to discuss ---- and process -- the realities associated with this topic.

To clarify the parameters of the original post please assume that it was posted with respect to:
persons our age seeking long team sexual intimacy (including intercourse) as the outcome for people who have fortunate enough to find a deep abiding love based upon mutual respect, communication, and man/woman love.;
persons in otherwise very good/excellent physical health -- meaning neither STD's, substance addictions, or particularly challenging emotional/financial issues -- and who do not take their health for granted as their lifestyle demonstrates their having embraced wellness.

Still. There appear to be many over 45 challenged with ED. . . both the men who experience it and the women who may well meet them, feel that deep inexplicable overwhelming human "something", and then hear, "I have tried various ED drugs with no success. Are you the sort of woman who can be happy with cuddling and other forms of intimacy?"
 satx78218
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 78
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 2:16:39 PM
In many, probably most, cases, ED drugs are a workaround for living badly, with bad diet, no exercise, overweight, leading to vascular insufficiency everywhere, including the penile vascularization.

but it's so much easier to pop a pill, as we have been programmed to do by BigPharma, whose exorbitant profits depend on our mostly self-inflicted diseases.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 79
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 3:05:47 PM
People who "need" to be liked will bend over backward (pun intended) to deal with issue of Ed. They will work their fingers to the bone (pun intended).

Sorry, but I have had the good marriage that required no work. I don't "need" to be liked by man/men, so I won't be sucking up (pun intended).

The desire for oral only because people have issues holds no interest for me. I also am not interested in any relationship that is filled with work for me to deal with the other person issues. People with issues wear down the happiness/serenity of people who don't have issues. Why anyone we need to go there is ..................... confusing.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 80
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 3:30:22 PM
moraima - msg 133


People with issues wear down the happiness/serenity of people who don't have issues.

There is a lot of truth in your statement. And amazingly, there are some people here, who don't have issues.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 81
ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 3:46:52 PM

Are you the sort of woman who can be happy with cuddling and other forms of intimacy?"

There seems to be such a focus on sex being the main staple of a relationship. However, infidelity, adultery and divorce ...... and broken hearts, are at an all time high.

Be careful in what you ask for.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 82
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:31:33 PM
"There seems to be such a focus on sex being the main staple of a relationship. However, infidelity, adultery and divorce ...... and broken hearts, are at an all time high.

Be careful in what you ask for."

The above never was part of my world. Maybe luck, maybe picking wisely and knowing myself.

No, I am not the type of women who want cuddling and other forms of intimacy ie. oral only...........I want and deserve the whole package, or I will stay alone and be quite happy if I can't find a man who can/won't offer the whole package.

I have lived all these decades without infidelity and adultery. Lucky...........don't think so. I just explain early that if they want to play games they will kicked to the curb stat. It has been my experience that when I explain this eye to eye, those who play games run to easier pastures.
 Free-At-Last
Joined: 7/15/2009
Msg: 83
ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:49:08 PM

Moraima, you've lived all these decades without a relationship!
And your dogs don't count!

^^^FFS^^^^ haha you're stirring the shyt again aren't YOU^^^
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 84
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/25/2009 4:54:18 PM
"Moraima, you've lived all these decades without a relationship!"

Silly, I am one of the few who have had a decent marriage. I had done the till death do us part. Why would anyone suggest I accept anything less than I have had?

I am NOT a man hater. This isn't a gender issue. Yes, some men get ED. Some women get other physical issues. Those who don't, don't owe anyone who demands it, to accept what they don't want to accept.

There are men and women who can't/won't be part of a REAL relationship, with all everything a real relationship has to offer. I simply don't want to be part of that. Men have the same right to not accept a relationship that isn't what they want.

If men and women who think differently don't like my boundries for myself, oh well.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 85
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:28:05 AM

Just something I have noticed .... I have found men who smoke pot ( not to the extreme) seem to have no problem with erections ... maybe just a coincidence ? I think we should do a study


Probably the THC.. Maybe they should add that in for medicinal use.. Right now it is used to treat glaucoma, arthritis, cancer, stroke patients, and MS..

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 86
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 3:32:10 AM

Hmmm....that might be fun....depends on who is doing the scolding.


We you can count on being scolded by the one that you named your new drug after!!

thecatsmeoww
 Pfilly08
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 87
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 9:25:49 AM
Maybe my question should be:

If you were to meet someone and think s/he had That Amazing Something leading to a beautiful long term romance of the heart and mind, would you enter into a relationship with him/her? If you were fairly certain that s/he were incapable of sustained physical intimacy which includes sexual intercourse? Or would cuddling and all other physical affection be enough for you at this st/age of your middle aged life?
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 88
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:01:25 AM
Most single women on this thread are not above average in fitness.
Most are seeking above average fitness in a guy. (fitness => superior erections)
Most above average fit guys prefer not to date the less fit.
Most single women want it all from men, but not all want to keep fit.
Most men want sex from women and an enjoyable, stress free relationship, but not all want to keep fit.
Talk is cheap. Action's priceless. And it's too much thinking that spoils the fun. (Bad habits can last a lifetime.)
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 89
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:20:12 AM
it's pretty prevalent in the 50's up and if you are a sensitive/caring person, you will come up against more of it because men will risk telling you. why? heart meds, anti-depressants, obesity and emotional stuff about dealing with it all. there is also the "getting used to" porn and masturbation versus intercourse, which also applies to women and their plastic penises with batteries. add to that the women's sexual surge just before menapause and the latest craze with young boys--thus, men are dealing with a lot of feelings. the women who are no longer sexual just aren't in the market anyways, so the men's choices are lessening. rememember, it is often the ones who protest too much and too loud that probably have the biggest problems. even if they "can", so what? it's the quality of the love making that is the most important.

if you also are a feeling person, you might find a whole lot "better" than before. men 50+ are more centered towards pleasing you beyond intercourse and quickies. they are better lovers. they communicate more. well, some of them. just like some of the women. just find "your" match.

a good lover is more than an "insertion and a pull out". to be loved and made love to, is a feeling that cannot be surpassed. it involves ALL the senses. just need to get rid of the angst on both ends. also, a bit of a sense of humor never hurt. communication w/o embarrassment is also key. if the woman is crass or insensitive, well just know that it used to be the other way around. men have the same choice we had. pass by the users and find yourself a good one!

ps now is the time for "couples" to study tantra yoga!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 90
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:34:36 AM

Most above average fit guys prefer not to date the less fit.


Well I will give it to you.. You got one that I can see correct.

thecatsmeoww
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 91
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:37:17 AM
What is being overlooked is the effect that a reduction in the male body's production of testosterone as it ages, beginning around age 40 and after. While the production of testosterone can be related to other manageable health issues, it can also be a genetic or hereditary issue that results in ED or sporadic ED. Often, it can be treated with testosterone gels, if untreated, libido diminishes and disappears, and can result ultimately in hypogonadism resulting in ED. The symptoms in males are similar to menopause.

Thus, otherwise perfectly healthy males without diabetes, within their proper weight class, without hypertension, without any other physical or emotional issue to effect their ability to obtain an erection, can certainly have ED from low testosterone.

Further, translating a study of only 1290 into a national generalization of males in the U.S. quite a reach and not sustainable. Further, the methodology, the survey instruments (or it's name) along with the evidence to indicate it's reliability and validity is missing from the article, which suggests that the instrument has not been tested for validity and reliability.

Further, the fact that the results are in conflict with the findings of 13 other studies raises further questions about the reliability of the reported results of the study.

There also seems to be a lack of data regarding the placebo effect of ED drugs on those participants who have experienced ED not related to any physiological issue, and are psychological, such as performance anxiety, and those who further exacerbate their experiences with ED, psychologically.

Interestingly, in my treatment with males over 40 experiencing ED, more than half, are experiencing these challenges as the result of psychological reasons. Many that are not psychological have testosterone deficiencies after having their physicians complete a full hormone panel. Very few require an ED medication. The rest typically are issues related to physical health.

There is also an additional phenomenon of younger males using ED medications as a "recreational drug" and also to assist in "early ejaculation" extending their ability to engage in intercourse for an additional 3 to 5 minutes.

It is interesting that the facts about ED article fails to mention the testosterone hormone deficiency and yet, it's an issue that is more common and less expensive to address. In fact, if the level is too low, ED drugs won't have an effect.

Lastly, you'd be surprised at what doctors do not know about sex and sexual functioning. That's another topic.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 92
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:39:20 AM
Anyone can get fvcked...not everyone get loved made to them...a man who has ed has to be risking alot to even want to get in a relationship with a woman...and if he reads MOST of the comments on this thread...who will blame them for thinking it isnt worth the effort.

while longer men might have more stamina...are they really able to deal with their emotions...can they emotionally satisfy you?

Likewise can all the men who feel younger is better ....can they emotionally satisfy you or are you just trading off and in the process losing something really important?

Two people have the opportunity to experience more than just fvcking...they can experience a deeper connection and in all honesty very few on this thread have the emotional fiber to be that open and willing to do so...which is why some of you should have answered yes to the question about someone younger cause really being fvcked is all you can emotionally handle.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 93
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 10:48:07 AM

ps now is the time for "couples" to study tantra yoga!


I believe you are talking about Tantra "The Art Of Conscious Loving"

Read the book and almost attended a seminar with a girlfriend of mine..However she ended up going alone and got partnered up..

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 94
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 11:00:25 AM

while longer men might have more stamina...are they really able to deal with their emotions...can they emotionally satisfy you?


I can answer this one with a yes.. The emotionally connection after all is the most important connection one shares before taking it to the boudoir.

However a whole lot of people older and younger do not have the emotional fiber to experience this kind of connection at all. This is not at all age related at all.

thecatsmeoww
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 95
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 11:43:02 AM

However a whole lot of people older and younger do not have the emotional fiber to experience this kind of connection at all.


It would be somewhat interesting to understand where this statement comes from. How, exactly, beyond a personal judgment, can you ever know that this is true. It would appear to me that every human being who is not suffering from would would be a rather severe mental disorder or something like drug addiction would be quite capable of forming deep emotional attachments within the right context. The vast majority of us, for instance, love our mothers and manage to find someone to settle down with for reproductive purposes. Even the real loonies have close friends.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 96
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 12:37:37 PM
Rear, I think most people are capable of deep emotional connections UNTIL they get hurt once...then they close off and while they might allow person into their life they want it to be on their terms and conditions...they arent really as interested in being in LOVE as being LOVED, some are just in love with love...and they dont care as long as appearances are made, they have the "in" things including boyfriend or girlfriend...that is why some think that a man with ED isnt worth getting to know...they dont fill their needs...
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 97
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 1:05:30 PM

in all honesty very few on this thread have the emotional fiber to be that open and willing to do so...


rear it was in response to what Sapphire said.. I believe there are people so hurt they will never make themselves vulnerable again.. However I have no clue if there are on this list since I do not know anyone on it and would not make that assumption. I am only speaking about people I do know that have stated this to me.

thecatsmeoww
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 98
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ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 1:12:49 PM
sapphireeyes - msg 151

very few on this thread have the emotional fiber to be that open

I suspect, most people on this thread are more concerned with the other type of fiber
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 99
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 1:12:53 PM

.they arent really as interested in being in LOVE as being LOVED, some are just in love with love...and they dont care as long as appearances are made, they have the "in" things including boyfriend or girlfriend.


Not the ones that I know?
Examples
One will run from the opposite sex wants nothing to do with them.. (Does not date at all)
Yet the second kind has a poo tang buddie and only get together for the time it takes. (Does not date at all)

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 100
ED over 45
Posted: 11/26/2009 1:28:43 PM

Interestingly, in my treatment with males over 40 experiencing ED, more than half, are experiencing these challenges as the result of psychological reasons.


Just curious as to why they have developed psychological reasons as they aged?


It is interesting that the facts about ED article fails to mention the testosterone hormone deficiency and yet, it's an issue that is more common and less expensive to address. In fact, if the level is too low, ED drugs won't have an effect.


Well I would think if someone had this problem that would be the very first thing one would check? I am not a man but I have certainly read on the subject and I certainly would..

Why are the doctors not checking this when a man tells them of his problem?

thecatsmeoww
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