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 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 118
I'm too old to have a babyPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I believe that Nobody is completely ready when they have their first baby.


Some people are very ready and the 35 year old more will be far more likely to be ready then the 18 year old mother.There may be a few exception but on average older women will be more mature,settled and ready for mother hood then a young woman of 18 or 19.



But the truth is, when the baby arrives, you're ready... Period.



Bzzzt! Sorry your wrong.I have lost count of how many times I have seen babies born to idiots who abuse,neglect and just generally are not prepared emotionally,physically and financially for that baby.Just because a baby is born does not automatically make appear enough money to clothe,feed,diaper,put a roof over babys head,buy all things baby will need,put money in the bank for babys university education.Just because a baby is born does not make appear magically knowledge,how to care for a baby,what to do and not do,all the tricks to calm baby when she is crying,give patience when she will not stop crying and keeping you up all night long.

I have lost count at how many time I have seen young mothers,fathers usually ran off or only come around intermittently, lose interest in their cute new toy and want to pawn it off of anyone and everyone who will take it.I have lost count how many times I have seen baby sitting in sh!tty and pissy diapers because mom doesn't have the money to buy another pack and is trying to save on diapers by changing baby less often.I have been asked many times to buy a can of baby formula because mom has no money and baby is very hungry.


There is much to be said for someone who is settled in their lives and careers and that takes time.Maturity usually comes with age and very rarely will a young mother have the maturity that an older mother will. When you are older and settled in life you know where the money will come from for all of the things that baby needs.You are generally more mature so you anticipate all of the needs ahead of time rather then just wing it like most young mothers.


By the way 29,almost 30, is not by any stretch of the imagination a young mother,and being a father is a much different thing then being a mother.Moms still do the majority of child care.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 119
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/21/2010 3:40:06 PM
Thank you ray of moonlight!

All this debate over a young womb versus an old womb is utterly ridiculous. Advances in modern medicine and improved prenatal care take care of most of the issues of older women having babies but, it is not so easy as going to Lamaze classes, taking the proper vitamins and following a good diet once that child is here. Then the fun really begins.

Most young women have yet to establish careers, many are still in school finishing up degrees or, taking a trade, which means it is not a good time for them to be having a baby. If they joined the work force straight out of high school they are most likely working a menial, low paying job with horrible hours and little or no benefits, which is hardly condusive to raising a family.

So, you have men in their thirties and forties who are out there searching out a young womb to carry their offspring but, what does that mean for the woman who might have goals, dreams, and ambitions of her own? Should she drop out of school to reproduce, give up on a career or postpone it for years to come to stay home raising a child, stop working and depend solely on the largesse of a man that picked her because he thought she would stand the best chance of giving him a child without deformities?

Wow, now there is a reason that should make a woman proud to be chosen as a mate. I like your uterus LOL. Sounds like a dream come true to me.

Maybe I am crazy but, I think you should have children with someone you love enough to imagine spending the rest of your life with and if your ideal match at thirty-five or forty is a twenty year old kid, you got some serious growing up to do.
 Puertorique
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 120
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History
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 1:15:52 AM
This is a choice that should be made between both parties. No matter age or race or anything. If you want to have a child go for it. Don't let anyone tell you different. Simple as that. People pull up these "facts" about age, however the same can be said about young families also, along with the medication which is pumped into our children today which is insanely high, birth defects happen at all age ranges just like perfectly fine children come from all age ranges.

At the end of the day it is decision which should be made between you and the person who you chose to be with. Simple as that.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 121
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 5:26:02 AM
If i wanted a kid, of course I'd choose a young mother mid 20s. Its not just about the age of her eggs or the complications.
Young mother will have more energy to run around, won't lose body image as much as the older one, etc etc.... If i really thought about it I am sure i could come up with millions of reasons.

And probably it all comes down to younger vs older debate....
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 122
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 7:13:51 AM
You are only 31 Cenomeno, why wouldn't you pick a woman in her twenties to be with and start a family with, women that age are still your peers in life.

As for the whole energy thing, well I joined the military at thirty eight and I went on rucksack marches with fifty pounds of gear on my back that were thirteen kms long so I think, if I wanted to, which I don't, I could probably keep up with a toddler. There are a lot of very fit, very active older women out there and some of them have already had kids and let me tell you, I have seen them in the showers after PT and in the gym working out and there is NOTHING wrong with their bodies.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 123
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 1:19:33 PM
^^^^^^^
I was saying " if I had to choose" between someone over 35 and someone in her mid 20s....what if I fall in love with a 35 yr old, yannow? Life plays little tricks on us like that....

Anyhow...yes there are wonderful, beautiful, fit older women out there. Like everything else... There are exceptions.

What if the woman I fell in love happens to be an average older woman, not a fit one? Ah then I suppose I should only go after fit and energetic women, but then doesn't that make a shallow arsehole?

You see? there are egg shells everywhere. Watch out!
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 124
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 4:17:32 PM
Being an 1diot is not age-specific.


Maybe but you are more likely to be a rotten parent at 18 then you are at 35.I am sure there are the occasional young ones who makes a good parent and are financially responsible but they are rare and I have never met one.



And in Canada and the US, there's enough social assistance to allow someone to get by.


Spoken by someone who has apparently never had to live on welfare.


do what has been done for hundreds of years prior these last few decades and keep living costs down by living with other family... like the grandparents


First of all you are assuming quite alot.You first assume they have parents and secondly you assume that the parents want to continue on supporting their child past 18 and supporting another person,the baby.Most of the time when those young ones live at home it's the parent who ends up having to raise that baby.Many parents have already raised their kids and do not want to raise anymore.


In addition to that, when I was 20 or 21, I got my girlfriend pregnant (the woman I married and am now divorcing)... but it aborted naturally.

But I was prepared to become a father even back then and had a plan of how we were gonna look after the baby.


So what were you 20 or 21?Seems like you would remember what age you were when that happened.Besides talk is cheap and plans are easy to make.Actions are much harder and plans often go off track.



Again... this is not age specific in my observation. I've seen older fathers and mothers do exactly the same thing.


Again maybe,but there is more of a chance of this happening at 18 as opposed to 35.



Not as much anymore... and again, I speak from 1st hand experience and observation.


Moms still absolutely do more of the work then fathers.It's still mothers careers that will suffer if and when they choose mother hood.It's still mostly moms who are shamed and shame themselves when they don't stay at home to raise the kids.It's not fathers who are shamed and shame themselves when they don't stay home.It's not the fathers careers that suffer.My sister has run a day care for about 20 years now and very rarely is it the dads that come pick up the kids and take the day/days off work when the kid is sick.Very rarely is it the dads who take the kids to doctors appointments and go to meetings at the school with teachers.There may be a few dads out there who do this,but nowhere near the same amount as moms.


There may very well be the occasional 18 year old who can make a great parent,but they are the exception rather then the rule.There may be the occasional 35 year old who makes an immature parent but they are the exception rather then the rule.Immature people may come at any age but your more likely to be immature at 18 then 35.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 125
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/22/2010 6:47:21 PM
Cenomeno:

I don't know about eggshells, I walk where I want in life but, I do know that if your life plan involves having kids with a twenty something you might not want to wait until you are a forty something to do it because I don't see too many of them lining up to get impregnated by men twice their age.

Most twenty somethings I know just want to have fun, and well they should so, you might end up with a thirty five plus woman as the mother of your children whether you like it or not if you put off having kids too long.

If you do not want kids and this is a strictly theoretical debate for you , as it is for me since I never wanted children, then I suppose it does not matter whose womb is what age and who has more energy because you probably won't get anyone of any age pregnant and then have to worry about them breaking a hip while chasing your offspring.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 126
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/23/2010 1:15:37 PM

you might end up with a thirty five plus woman as the mother of your children


Possible. And I am not against it, at all. I said "if I had to choose" meaning if I had the chance to choose. If I can't find any 20some year old to make babiez with, then so be it.... I'll go find an older woman ...cross fingers and hope for the best and pray that she doesn't get a heart attack and die on me while running after kids... LoL
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 127
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 9/23/2010 6:59:03 PM

my grandmother on either side had kids at the same age or younger.


Women and men in my grandparents and even my parents time were raised to be far more mature and responsible then todays teen.You cannot even compare todays 18 year old to the 18 year old of my grand parents time.Young adults today are coddled and excused and allowed to get away with immature behavior when in my grandparents or parents time if they had tried to do what an 18 year old of today does their parents would of literally kicked their a$$.

As for the rest of your very long post I only skimmed because it was just blah blah blah and patting yourself on the back,but what I can comment on is just because you,one of very few men,took an active part in raising your children does not mean the majority of men do.They don't.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 128
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/3/2010 7:50:01 AM
Men really need to learn about the newest medical facts.Sperm as a man gets older is not only fewer in numbers but they are also less quality sperm. Miscarriages and genetic abnormalities result more often from the sperm of an older then of a younger man.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/44641.php

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13164718
 tinainhouston39
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 129
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/3/2010 8:36:17 AM
Hahaha interesting enough I posted my irritation on a thread entitled "sweet spot" or something like that. I encountered the same as you often. Seems like a lot of men have focused on having fun and their careers for too long, and now want children at the ripe age of 35-40. It really is unbelievable to me. When I meet someone that doesn’t have children my first question is "are you looking for a good uterus?" I have no intention of having anymore children period.
I can tell you at 40 your risk for your child to have Down Syndrome increases to 40%.
Hope that helps you :)
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 130
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/3/2010 9:24:07 AM

I can tell you at 40 your risk for your child to have Down Syndrome increases to 40%.
Hope that helps you :)



Actually in woman 40 and over the chances of having a baby with downs syndrome is 1 in 100,but more babies with downs are born to woman under 35 since more woman are having babies in that age range.Anyway there is prenatal testing and abortion should the fetus have downs syndrome.

If someone is in good health then there is no reason to not have a baby if you are prepared emotionally,financially and physically.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 131
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/4/2010 4:35:38 AM
I think women tend to look romantically about the baby thing. Being 37 or 40 when pregnant, they don't look into the future of being 50, with a 10 yr old. I'm 45 now and have arthritis in my foot and ankle. I can't imagine have to run around like a 20 something to school events. It would be torture to me. A good recline and TV show and quiet night at home with classical music is for me.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 132
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/4/2010 7:09:25 AM

I think women tend to look romantically about the baby thing. Being 37 or 40 when pregnant, they don't look into the future of being 50, with a 10 yr old. I'm 45 now and have arthritis in my foot and ankle. I can't imagine have to run around like a 20 something to school events. It would be torture to me. A good recline and TV show and quiet night at home with classical music is for me.



School events involve nothing more then sitting in a chair watching your child sing, take part in a play or meander around an auditorium looking at projects.I have yet to see one where they require the parents to do gymnastics.Even then just because you happen to be a lazy 45 year old who only wants to sit in a chair doesn't mean most 45 year olds are like that.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 133
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/4/2010 10:32:34 PM
Ray:

I work two jobs, 65 hours a week, one has more labor than the other. You'd be crying if you had to get off your lazy butt to do both.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 134
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/5/2010 1:08:08 PM

You'd be crying if you had to get off your lazy butt to do both.


You'd be contemplating suicide if you had to live in my body for one day.Appreciate your health as you read this because you have no idea how fast everything can go wrong.


Hey if you want to be lazy then great be lazy!It's your prerogative,but not everyone is like you.Plenty of people in their 40's,50's and 60's are active people who put to shame a person in their 20's.


If someone is healthy,active, fertile and ready in every way for parenthood,then it is no ones business but theirs if they choose parenthood.
 Chaps2218
Joined: 9/24/2010
Msg: 135
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/6/2010 10:22:07 AM
You are not too old to have a baby. Just make sure it's the right father. Don't go for a younger guy either, they are more likely to bail on you. I'm sure there are quality men in their late 30's, early 40's that would make a much better father than a 28 yr old.
 chilledandserved
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 136
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/8/2010 4:07:33 PM
Of course each individual case is different. That being said, at 30 years of age, 90% of a woman's eggs are gone, and 97% by age 35. So of course an older woman CAN have a baby, it's just less likely. All of the positive cases you see here posted are exceptions, people don't like to talk about failures. Moreover, many of the positive cases are generally thru in vitro techniques, also something that people don't like to talk about. So yes it's possible, but less likely.
 nate2110
Joined: 7/4/2010
Msg: 137
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/8/2010 10:13:10 PM
Just because you can have a baby doesn't mean you should.."18 is too young to have a baby" is obviously objectively false. Doesn't mean 18yo should have a baby..
I finally gave up on the idea of children and it just feels like such a weight off my shoulders...
I think people get delusional with the idea of kids in their 30s..I mean whatever you are doing right now, if you have no kids how GREAT would it be to have a crying baby in the next room...
Guys I think are even worse than women with this since you can delude yourself until 50 that you can still knock up the hot 23yo..
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 138
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/9/2010 7:43:56 AM

Of course each individual case is different. That being said, at 30 years of age, 90% of a woman's eggs are gone, and 97% by age 35. So of course an older woman CAN have a baby, it's just less likely. All of the positive cases you see here posted are exceptions, people don't like to talk about failures. Moreover, many of the positive cases are generally thru in vitro techniques, also something that people don't like to talk about. So yes it's possible, but less likely.


It's not about egg quantity it's about egg quality.It is also about sperm quality.Just like woman the older you men get the less quality your eggs are.Most woman I know now and friends from long ago are only starting their families now.No one has visited the fertility doctor and yes I know because we have none in this city.
 chilledandserved
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 139
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/11/2010 7:07:23 AM
Quantity and quality are related due to statistical reasons. The more eggs you have the higher the number of those eggs that are possibly high quality. It is indeed about sperm quality, but sperm quality decays more slowly than egg quality and also new sperm are made everyday. "Most of the friends" you know is a not a good statistical sample.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 140
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:44:34 AM
Maybe what I should do is have a couple doses of sperm frozen and get a vasectomy.

This way, I won't have low quality sperm that would produce a mentally and/or physically handicapped kid with collapsed lungs and congenitive heart failure on the horizon.
Also, I can avoid an unwanted pregnancy while I enjoy my 20's and 30's sleeping in on the weekends and all through the nights.

I can have it both ways!

Oh wait, that's unrealistic...

If you still have an egg pass the fallopian tubes once a month, and you still produce little swimmers, have a kid if you want. Lots of perfectly normal kids born to "older" parents out there.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 141
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/11/2010 11:54:14 AM
new sperm are made everyday.



New does not mean good as far as sperm go.They may be newly created but the older a man gets those so called new sperm are created with all sorts of abnormalities and defects. The rate of a woman miscarrying,even if she is very young,from a mans older sperm is higher then her chances of miscarrying from the sperm of a younger man.



Most of the friends" you know is a not a good statistical sample.


The facts are that for a woman 35 and older her chances of conceiving a child with downs syndrome or other genetic abnormalities is 1 in 100.With genetic testing before the baby is born you can make that 0 in 100 simply by aborting and trying again.

If a woman wants to remove eggs in her twenties,have them fertilized with donated sperm from a young man,then have the eggs frozen,they will stay viable for a very long time. Then in her later thirties or early forties she can have those fertilized eggs implanted and all of those worries about egg and sperm quality are lowered.It's possible to end up with a child with genetic defects even when you are younger,but again abortion is an option.
 chilledandserved
Joined: 1/6/2010
Msg: 142
I'm too old to have a baby
Posted: 10/12/2010 8:45:32 AM
The bottom line is taking a man and woman of the same age, the man's sperm is relatively less abnormal than a woman's eggs. Women's eggs are I believe are the largest cell in the human body and much more complex than a sperm and also relying on more genes. This is why men can in fact have babies into their 60s, whilst women generally cannot.

Down's syndroms is not the only genetic abnormality. And it's not simply about conceiving abnormal children, but rather, even conceiving at all. After 35, a woman's chance of conceiving no matter the quality of the sperm drops off dramatically. No matter how you slice, women are the rate determining step in so far as healthy conception.

Freezing eggs is definitely a possibility but quite expensive for the average person and usually not done a lot at this point.
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