Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we harder to date at      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

I am tired of the defiant little girls and guys screaming "I WILL NOT SETTLE !!!!"

And isn't that the truth. I'd be willing to settle for someone reasonably compatible, but it seems like all the men around here in my age group are well and truly set in their preferences, which don't include me. I'm fine for an email buddy - sometimes - but no one wants to actually meet in person.
 Notdesper8atall
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 52
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 3:28:35 PM
""It's interesting that you distinguish between core values and preferences. To my mind, I can still be flexible about preferences, and it is core values that are important. But I think that's always been the case. To my mind, core values are what make the connection, what makes you click with someone, and that is all important. Prefernces, like physical appearance, I'm flexible about that. What his hobbies are or his taste in music,that kind of thing, I'm also flexible about. I think, really, the main thing that makes dating at this age more difficult is that the pool is definitely smaller and that core values probably mean more now than in the past. I'm no longer interested in dating someone just because he's cute and turns me on... ""

Well that was my point.. In her case( and I am glad she isn't on POF because she would shoot me for this..lol) her core values dont get much of a workout, because her preferences get in the way of anything ever getting that far. With a few of the threads I have seen here on preferences it got me thinking that perhaps we are a bit more preferencial in the over 45 group, but do we take it to the point of losing interest before we actually have a chance to become interested.
 dave91741
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 53
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 4:38:16 PM
I wasn't all that consumed with meeting/dating for a long time, so it really didn't matter. BUT, I am firmly convinced there are ample datable men out there, they just don't live online. JMO :


Very true and may I add a lot of people on -line and the forums are not interested and will never be are just ..seeking attention . That is OK with me .



I'd be willing to settle for someone reasonably compatible,


I was always taught love will grow and it starts with something like Kari said . Settle to date someone compatible and see if it grows . I think lots of people don't want to give the effort to see what develops .


And most of us - while willing to compromise - won't compromise on core values or issues.


I really think core values are not even coming into play as much as people on here are stating . I am reading other reasons as to why a lot of dates are not working other than ((((((( Core Values)))))).. It's mostly just plain ole nit pickin.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:18:31 PM
"Settle to date someone compatible and see if it grows . I think lots of people don't want to give the effort to see what develops ."

"I'd be willing to settle for someone reasonably compatible"

Wonder how many divorces were actually cause by people settling ofr someone reasonable compatible, and living to regret it, yet still doing the same thing over and over.
 dave91741
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 55
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:36:59 PM

Wonder how many divorces were actually cause by people settling ofr someone reasonable compatible


Ha ha there you go again nit pickin how do we get from dateing to divorce this quick ???....

Do we just skip the whole process of dateing ??
 BetterMotocicleta
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 56
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:42:56 PM
I must be doing it wrong. I find women in my age group to be very picky, they don't like your dog, your backyard, you live too close, you live too far, they don't like your hobbies, the list is endless . A lot of those things can be worked out, but nobody wants to make the effort. I may be naive, but how can you actually determine compatibility if you don't actually take a chance and put away the checklist?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 5:48:45 PM
"Ha ha there you go again nit pickin how do we get from dateing to divorce this quick ???....

Do we just skip the whole process of dateing ??"

No, we just learn to pick more wisely. We learn how to love ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, why should anyone else. Went you love yourself, you don't pick out of fear of being dateless.



"I find women in my age group to be very picky, they don't like your dog, your backyard, you live too close, you live too far, they don't like your hobbies, the list is endless . A lot of those things can be worked out, but nobody wants to make the effort. I may be naive, but how can you actually determine compatibility if you don't actually take a chance and put away the checklist?

Ok, you can get rid of the dog, move, and change your hobbies.................so what is left of you?

People have checklists because they know what works for them and what does. That experience and courage to stick to what they know they want has a much better chance of getting them a relationship that just might have a chance to work.

But please, if you want to loose yourself just to get a mate who will settle for you, go for it. We all have our personal preferences.

Hard to date...............I hope so. I wouldn't want a man who would date anyone because he would be willing to settle for whatever.
 dave91741
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 58
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:04:19 PM
^^^^^^^Refrence my previous post...msg#65


Very true and may I add a lot of people on -line and the forums are not interested and will never be are just ..seeking attention . That is OK with me .


Gota love it ...LOL
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:25:32 PM
"are just ..seeking attention."

Please, just enjoy that theory if that is what you believe.

Some of us have had the experience of picking the right type of dating which end up with a successful marriage. Now some folks want us to change Sorry but no sale.
 BetterMotocicleta
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 60
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:29:06 PM
"Ok, you can get rid of the dog, move, and change your hobbies.................so what is left of you?"

Umm, someone who actually is willing to try a make a second major relationship work? Someone who has learned a few things, who understands there are no turnkey partners? Fine, give me 50 reasons why you don't want to have a serious relationship with me, I'll just shut my mouth and move on, but you aren't perfect either.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 61
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 6:39:37 PM
"Umm, someone who actually is willing to try a make a second major relationship work?"

Umm, did this person have a first major relationship that worked?


"Someone who has learned a few things,"

My point is that I have learned, hence my position on the topic.

Fine, give me 50 reasons why you don't want to have a serious relationship with me, I'll just shut my mouth and move on,

I will give you one good reason................you are trying too hard. That is a turn off to me.

"but you aren't perfect either."

No one said they were perfect. I doubt anyone believes there is such a thing as perfection.
 A.Afrensus
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 62
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:05:53 PM
What I've learned about dating men around my age they still seem to want to act like they did when they were in their 20s. A 50-something man getting completely wasted and staggering around like he's some playboy is not a turn on. I've also found that so many guys seem to play games and pretend they have a lot in common with me until I suggest we do something. For example: one guy I dated for a short while said he loved camping and fishing. Okay, off we go to a campground near a beautiful lake. When I saw he couldn't even setup a tent and would rather hold a can a beer the entire time (yup I set up the tent, etc.). Why can't people be honest about themselves. For some reason at this age it seems that they are trying to impress more and end up looking stupid instead. And yes, I've read a few, we don't need to put with much anymore. Our priorities have changed.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:41:14 PM
OP - good question. Wanna know something - it's hard because WE ALL MAKE IT HARD! OMG - when I read some of these threads, I keep saying the same thing over & over from the men - that women are PICKY!! I've seen men have a laundry list that would blow POF out of the water, it's so long. Where it's hard for me is way TOO MANY guys have kids under the age of 18. Thanks but no thanks. Also, it's hard to find one that is close if not on the same page in life.
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 64
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:46:16 PM
I agree with msg 38; he pretty much says it all. I'm not ready to re-order my whole life for "love". Seen too many people have it slip through their fingers. I'd rather have an enjoyable life on MY terms, and if someone else happens to fit into it, great. If not, life will roll merrily along.
 BetterMotocicleta
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 65
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 7:56:42 PM
"Umm, did this person have a first major relationship that worked?""

Haven't most of us had a failed marriage, everyone I've dated has.

"I will give you one good reason................you are trying too hard. That is a turn off to me."

Proving my point. Another superficial judgement delivered without you actually know ing anything about me. And my original post was expressing an opinion that the list of turnoffs seems excessive.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 66
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 8:39:54 PM
I don't think we're harder to date. Dating is easy. We're harder to please - as in finding a really good match. And most of us - while willing to compromise - won't compromise on core values or issues. At this age we have a much better idea of what we want and need in life and relationships, which is a very good thing.



....I would say that pretty much mirrors my feelings. I've been on PoF over three years and have been told I was/am too picky...too set in my ways....and one "gent" even called me a player.... ME ? (lol) Now that's funny

My friends are even beginning to wonder about me...one of my girlfriends suggested I may be a lazy dater, I don't put enough effort into dating (lol) they may have a valid point. But they don't see it from my end.
As someone pointed out the dating pool has become smaller, the choices are limited. So of course that only adds to my frustration and I become more discouraged... and after a time the whole thing gets tiring....
But yet here I am, trying to maintain an optimistic attitude, hopeful that I will eventually meet my significant other.
But who knew....who knew.... that trying to find a good match was going to be this hard.

...maeflowers
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 11/30/2009 10:19:37 PM
Sad to read the incessant, psychic musings *about* others dating life!

How the heck can I know if You are harder to date or not?

Nearly a quarter of all posters are both too cowardly to say their truth and too grandiose to not
resist making WE-statements as to how others succeed or fail at dating.

It's worse than the most boring, TV news reporter reading bad copy. Ms. Cleo is more "accurate".

Those who berate the divorced or speak in a "royal We" never grew up beyond 7th(?) grade.

I'm not harder to date. I'm happy. I'm sincere. I'm open-minded. I see lots more genuiness, sometimes with misdirected ambition or false pride, but I see much better today than decades ago. I passionately hate opera - so that's a Core, not a Preference, thang.

Enjoy this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn37ABQxzVA
 1967mt
Joined: 11/27/2009
Msg: 68
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 5:41:11 AM
well I'm a man and at my age consider very attractive younger than my age but for me and so many short man like me it is hart to find a date not because the age but because we are short woman wont a tall man smart big endumed but do all the tall mans possesse all the woman ask ? I think all the short man we are smart, we are most over size in a man, we are good lover we do not cheaty, but still all woman going woth a tall man and maybe he has nothing to offer expt his tall .
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 69
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 5:54:03 AM

I think all the short man we are smart, we are most over size in a man, we are good lover we do not cheaty, but still all woman going woth a tall man and maybe he has nothing to offer expt his tall .



Good lover and do not cheaty is just great!!! I guess that is why you lucked out and are well married..

Congratulations on finding your special lady..

thecatsmeoww
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:05:44 AM
""Umm, did this person have a first major relationship that worked?""

Haven't most of us had a failed marriage, everyone I've dated has.

"I will give you one good reason................you are trying too hard. That is a turn off to me."

Proving my point. Another superficial judgement delivered without you actually know ing anything about me. And my original post was expressing an opinion that the list of turnoffs seems excessive. "

I never cease to be amazed by the multiple divorced people who deny the existance of widowed people, who stuck by their mate till death did them part. Who deny that some people have actually had a good marriage, so they know how to pick wisely and live wisely, both for their partner and themselves.

"superficial judgement delivered without you actually know ing anything about me. "

Superficial eh!Your words told me everything I need to know, to know that I wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who thinks that way, thank you.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 71
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:13:41 AM

well I'm a man and at my age consider very attractive younger than my age but for me and so many short man like me it is hart to find a date not because the age

This always amazes me. You consider younger women more attractive but what younger women consider attractive is discounted? You don't like older women because they don't look as good as the younger set?

so many short man like me it is hart to find a date not because the age but because we are short

I don't think its because your short. Attitude attitude attitude.....
Having a chip on your shoulder and low self esteem is why your not getting dates.
I have dated men shorter than me and what they lacked in height they made up in attitude.

woman wont a tall man smart big endumed but do all the tall mans possesse all the woman ask ?

I want a smart man. Younger women want a smart man.....but maybe a dumb one they also have different preferences.....and your not fitting it.
So whats wrong with well endowed?
You have your preferences. You want younger. If a woman wants a man her age, taller, smarter what is wrong with women liking what they like also? Someone out there will fit your mold. Since your being so choosy its going to take longer.
But your attitude will get you everywhere. But remember you have your preferences. Every man and women is attracted to something different. It is neither right or wrong. And for me I don't care what others like just what I like. But along with that comes attitude and behavior. I supect your attitude and behavior towards women is what is keeping you from meeting what you like. I have seen very short men captivate a room with their wit and humor. And every woman in the room finds them attractive...and they are beating down the door to get to them.
But for me....I like men my age. Sometimes the younger ones are cute. But just to look at. I will take a seasoned, graying man any day. Or bald. Looks are just the beginning and yes that is what attracts us at the beginning. But I need more than someone for their looks....I need wit, humor, someone with character and strength.
Don't focus on what you think others want focus on yourself........
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 72
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:21:46 AM

In real life, I don't have a problem interacting with men. Thank goodness for that. If I depended solely on dating via the net, searching for the last love of my life via my computer, my life would be in the toilet.
But, I continue to post in the forums and keep my profile current. I'm either a hopeless optimist or a damn fool.
Pass the toilet paper

Lucky you for missing that one. Putting pen to paper is harder than talking to someone in person. Instead of asking they blast you. But that is a blessing in digused. If I don't understand what they have written I always ask then if it is something that I don't like I just don't respond. Why start a war with someone you don't even know?
Yes I keep my profile current also.....because I love the forums.....but maybe you never know what can happen. Life is stranger than fiction and anything at anytime can change......me I am still waiting.........
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:22:45 AM

Good lover and do not cheaty


^^Really? If no cheaty, then why here as a married man looking for a lonely female or even a couple cuz your wife won't have anything to do with you?
THIS, is not my definition of dating hunny. You are looking for sex, nothing more. Thus, your post simply bears no meaning on why or why not dating after 45 is more difficult.....sorry, just call it the way I see it.

OT: Are we harder to date? I think that we all, men and women put up a "red flag" barrier that is insurmountable at times. I know I do it myself....something I am working on at present.
 Brownlady1953
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 74
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:25:55 AM
Prettysmart2 has hit the nail on the head: "Dating just to date I don't think is that difficult, but to find someone you're compatible with is another story."

My time (and that of anyone I would date), is precious; after all, we aren't 21 anymore, and why waste time and frustrate yourself and someone else if the dating is going nowhere......and you aren't compatible for whatever reason or reasons. It only ends up with a lot of hurt feelings, which isn't necessary AT ALL!
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Are we harder to date at
Posted: 12/1/2009 6:45:22 AM
I am always amazed at the smug psychic abilities that widows and widowers seem to claim that they have with regard to their marriages. I often wonder if the widow(er)s have ever thought that the "wonderful marriage" that they claim they had may very well could have been derailed at some future time if their significant other hadn't passed away. All of these widow(er)s seem to think that they have the secret to a wonderful marriage and perhaps they did for the length of time the marriage was intact prior to the death of their partner but who is to say that 5, 10, 15 or how many more years into the future that it may have or could have been derailed had their significant other not passed away. Look at all the folks that have been married 30, 40 and even 50 years and they are now in the process of divorcing. I would venture a guess that had someone told them 10 or 20 years into their "wonderful" marriage that it would end in divorce they would have strongly denied it. Stuff like this happens all the time so there are no guarantees that anything will last forever.

I do think there are some people that are harder to date mainly due to their rigid and negative attitudes and setting the bar so high as to prove these attitudes. From reading these fora, there are a lot of rigid attitudes that refuse to entertain anything resembling flexibity. Any relationship, whether it be romantic, employment, neighbourly and so on, takes work to maintain it on an even keel. Some relationships are worth the investment but those who are so rigid and negative in their attitudes will never see the logic.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are we harder to date at