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Show ALL Forums  > British Columbia  > Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?      Home login  
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 JCinVicBC
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 39
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It's only impossible if you base your friendships solely on sexual attraction.

I have many female friends. Some of them I am physically and/or emotionally attracted to, but that's not the basis for our friendship, nor does it mean that we're going to jump in the sack at the drop of a hat. In fact, I've never had sex with any of them, and I'm only interested in casual sex with one of them. Others I might be interested in a romantic relationship, but it's not likely to happen, which is why I'm on this site. But none of that is the basis for our friendships, none of that is why we're friends. Our friendships are based on community (old friends from high school and elementary school), common interests (electronic music, gaming, anime), familiarity (my best friend's little sisters--they're almost like sisters to me), and so on.

Even on this site, I've contact some women--attractive women even--whom I wasn't interested in dating, but was simply interested in friendship and going for a bike ride now and then.

The key here is to separate your friendships from your casual dating. You can easily be just friends with single guys, but once you start dating them or sleeping with them, it becomes something else. You can't have your cake and eat it too.
 lackingbait
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 40
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 12/21/2011 8:35:50 PM
all my best and longest friends are women, some very good looking ones I may add. no expectations one way or the other. But, that kind of relationship takes time to build. Is it possible to meet and become friends like that when we get older? Yup, still happens to me (just ask my roommate). But I will say this, without the proper environment to nurture the devlopment of a friendship, it's difficult.
 breakerhighwasawesome
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 41
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 12/29/2011 1:08:51 AM
Depends on a lot of things, but if your relationship is good, then he won't see you that way ever (like his sister or something). I have a few girls that I've known since I was like 10 and they are super hot now, and I just see them as family.

And on the other hand, men ARE wired to reproduce, so give us a break sometimes. If you're in a bikini or like showing heavy cleavage, he'll look. Doesn't mean he wants to do you, its just reflex.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 42
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/6/2012 2:03:18 PM

I have had great frienships with men who are either 20 years older or happily married. A single guy - it is just impossible to be friends with = no sex.


Can I be your friend?

I think it's a biological imperative. It's over two million years of evolution at work, thirty years of men getting in touch with their feelings can't change that.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 43
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/6/2012 9:22:00 PM
So interesting! Jealousy popped up in my last relationship over "friendships." Like the OP, I didn't understand how friendships could survive attraction and for the first time in my life--I felt jealous over other women.

Anyways, this year I am going to try getting some male friends to see if a truly platonic relationship is possible between two single people.


There are only 2 reasons when a guy wants a friendship with a girl/woman. She is pretty and he wants to be with such females. He hopes that one day she might become more than just friends.


I don't know if this is true. I think that men sometimes like women to talk to so they can try to figure out other women. My best girlfriend has lots of male friends that call her to chat about their relationships. I am hoping I can be more like her. I would also love to bounce some of my own scenarios off of a man's ear. We'll see how it goes.
Cheers!
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 44
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/6/2012 10:43:04 PM
For those convinced that your guy friends are telling you the truth, put it to the test sometime and find out for yourself. If you have him over put on a little music and share a bottle of wine, and tell him you need him to make love to you...boom, there is your answer.

Men will deny this fact too and that is because they are your friends, waiting patiently for their chance. Friendships are relationships too and you all know that. The difference between a good friend and a lover comes down a couple of chemicals in your brain and timing.

Remember hearing those stats about how often sex crosses a man's mind? If you have ever spent more than a couple of minutes with a man, he has thought about you naked. If he denies this, then he's actively hoping to get you naked.

Even if all of your friends are gay men, the thought of having sex with you is still crossing their minds. Just about every gay man I've ever known has had sex with a female friend at least once "just to see what it was like".

Think about it from an evolutionary perspective: Men with the "let's just be friends" gene were elbowed out of the gene pool millions of years ago. All of the men on this planet right now are the successful culmination of carefully selected traits designed to increase their chances of producing offspring.

Apparently fooling gullible women into believing that you don't want sex is a viable strategy? I'd be way more comfortable with a woman who understood that the guys at work want to bone her than someone who insists the opposite.
 adora71
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 45
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/6/2012 11:48:03 PM
Hmmmm, it may be that somewhere in the back of their mind they are thinking about sex but does that mean that they can't be a real friend? Or are they just biding time, like the earlier post said?

In your scenario with the wine, the girl is actually asking to be made love to. Doesn't that kind of change the whole dynamic?

I am starting to wonder about my whole strategy of trying to befriend men.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 46
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/7/2012 1:58:57 AM
I'm sorry if I'm making you feel badly, that isn't my intention. Most of my friends are women, beautiful, intelligent and alluring women, and yes, from time to time my mind strays...I won't deny it. Friends and lovers share many of the same qualities. That doesn't mean that we can't be friends. Now these are my married friends that I'm talking about.

Then there are the exes. I tend to remain friends with many exes although that changed when I got married. Those friendships remain sexually charged even when the sex is not an option. Once you've shared that intimacy, it changes the nature of the relationship forever.

Then there are single women. These are the ones I'm primarily talking about when I say men and women aren't really "friends" in the same sense that you would be a friend to someone that you wouldn't ever have sex with. It's the same kind of attraction in my mind but as long as people accept it, you can easily move on with things. When people are trying to deny it, it sounds like they are hiding something, maybe from themselves?

Having feelings doesn't mean we have to act on them. It's the choices people make and their actions that matter to me, not so much what they fantasize about. I just consider unwanted feelings like that to be a rush of chemicals that will pass in a few moments. If it's appropriate, then I'll go and do something about it.
 HIV_STRAIGHT_GUY
Joined: 12/12/2011
Msg: 47
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/7/2012 5:32:23 PM

I have had great frienships with men who are either 20 years older


Obviously it is not!!!??? I'll be friends with you 'cause we can't have sex ... I'm HIV Positive
 Sweet_Lalla
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 48
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:24:13 PM
It is possible. I have had male friends and our relationship was not sexual at all. I know it is not very common, but it does exist.
 ComplekCity
Joined: 1/17/2011
Msg: 49
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 2/7/2012 8:35:01 AM
It's not impossible even if he does find you physically attractive.

It's also not impossible to win the lottery.

It CAN happen !
 Georgygirl7
Joined: 5/20/2011
Msg: 50
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 2/28/2012 1:30:15 PM
Back in ..'the day' Marshal McCluhan said ....'Define your terms'
Friendship in the 'pof' context could mean
slow down,,,don't move to fast
try to make the morning last
Friendship....in 'this' day could mean lots of things
For me...friendship is a foundation
and the kind of house I build on top of that foundation....well I'll know later
 CuriousInKamloops
Joined: 5/9/2011
Msg: 51
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:06:46 PM
Someone needs to watch When Harry met Sally again.....Guy's brain sees Friends, female=possible sex partner. We're wired that way :)
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 52
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/1/2012 6:46:32 PM
hmmm.....who are these "Impossible Men"?.... and do they look like Tom Cruise?... a taller version of Tom Cruise.....

the men I am mates with are lovely men... good mates...we talk lots....even between the sheets....lol...noooooo that was a joke!!...joke.

men and women can be good mates....most men I know are not wearing x-ray version glasses looking for women to shag 24.7.
 honest_native4u
Joined: 2/26/2012
Msg: 53
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:07:49 PM
well i tend to steer away from married women, i really dont know why. all i can say is there is too much drama in my life as it is. lol, i mean why add to a heavier load that i feel i cannot handle. and plus jealousy does seem to reign supreme, as i have seen a jealous guy act very irrationally.
 WesternWildRose
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 54
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/2/2012 9:05:03 PM
^^^^.... ahem....^^^^

I would hope the husbands of these married men would be jealous....angry even!!

good plan to avoid married women.....
 TKO38
Joined: 3/6/2012
Msg: 55
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/19/2012 4:44:46 PM
I dont think its impossible at all. I have some great male friends with whom I have never had sex, and I also have fwb. I think it just depends on the two people involved.
 WiseBurro
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 56
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/23/2012 10:18:58 PM

frineds
firendship
frienships


It is impossible to be these things with a man because....they aren't actual words.
 pleazr
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 57
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:05:53 PM
It's funny, when I first meet a gal it seems I think physical attraction. After the initial contact I may decide just friendship.
 AdventureFit
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 58
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 4/2/2012 4:21:08 PM
As many other posters have said, it isn't impossible.

It's just difficult for some. I believe because in the difference each gender approaches friendship. When a man becomes friends with a woman, over time he finds her more attractive. When a woman is friends with a man, she finds him less attractive. This is very much a generalization and may not be true in all cases, but I believe that is the difference.

So if initially the man found her attractive, he finds it more and more difficult to be strictly plutonic. If he is a disciplined man and values the friendship, he will keep this to himself. If not, then at some point he might choose to go for broke.
 sentback
Joined: 12/22/2010
Msg: 59
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 4/3/2012 4:50:35 PM
I have a lot of WOMAN friends . Its NOT hard at all. I AM NOT SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THEM!!!!!! But if a man has sexual feelings towards them then its hard. So I DONT know what women are concern about?? NOT all MEN find some WOMEN ATTRACTIVE. Wishful thinking on SOME womens part I guess. HIGH EGO
 Aevalise
Joined: 1/24/2012
Msg: 60
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 4/12/2012 5:28:08 PM
If you and your guy friend have not had sex, then it can work.
If you have had sex, then it will get complicated at some point.
This is based on personal experience.....
 AwesomeKisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 61
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 4/12/2012 9:23:32 PM
My experience has been a bit different. I still have and have had several female friends. Sometimes I have found them physically attractive but I know they weren't right for me relationship wise so never crossed that line. And I have been (and actually still am in some cases) friends with women I slept with too. But usually only when we have both realized we aren't right for each other and mutually agreed to move the relationship to a friend level.
 elednuw
Joined: 1/11/2011
Msg: 62
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Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 4/17/2012 2:19:19 PM
Its not impossible.If a guy is attracted to you he will want to be more than friends.If he's not attracted to you "that way" then he'll only want to be "just friends".Its called the "law of attraction".
 mangopeach888
Joined: 7/15/2015
Msg: 63
Why is it impossible to just be frineds with a man?
Posted: 1/23/2016 8:27:46 AM
I found it impossible to be friends with a man because I desired him so much and could not have anymore,,
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