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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > My son is a "deal-breaker" because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 26
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Prejudice and racism still exist, unfortunately, everywhere. I thought you might live in the "south" when I read the subject line, as such attitudes are still very common there. Some races seem to bear the brunt of this attitude.

Simply be glad you found out. It should be a deal-breaker for you as well, of course! Still, it's hurtful and surprising and difficult to believe. Sorry you had to experience that.
 soatlanta
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 27
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:46:21 AM
OP in your statement you said the two of you "connected on so many levels"..

But, I find that a racist is a racist..

Were there any off-handed remarks, signs that you may have not noticed or missed?

For a women that has seen photo's of your son and then call it a "deal-breaker" out of the blue is a little strange..

So, either you weren't paying attention to her racism or she's using it as an excuse to walk away..

In either case consider you and your son lucky.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 28
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:00:08 AM
At least this is a way to weed people out from the beginning, right?

I don't think most women are going to have an issue with your son's ethnicity, however, those who do definitely will show their true colors when they meet him.




 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:12:27 AM
One common human behavior this also illustrates, is that the most narrow minded, unthinking, tiniest sub groups of self-centered people will phrase their explanations or descriptions of their ignorance as being the MAJORITY VIEW. I've learned ALWAYS to watch carefully for people to make a statement that implies they represent others as well, and then NEVER take what they say as actually having any special merit. You'll see this kind of talk from racists, sexists, leftists, rightists, misogynists, and every other sub-par sub-group out there.
Here in Virginia, I see LOTS of two-race couples, and no one seems to have any proble3m with it. I've known various people who split and remarried, and had no problems helping raise the other's kid no matter what planet, or portion of the planet their DNA came from.

OH, and a little scientific note... about that "descended from apes" thing, that aint accurate. Apes and humans are all descended from the same creature, which was actually neither human nor ape. So we're cousins, which is probably even MORE insulting to our ape relatives.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 30
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:40:17 AM
The issue is an individual one. I do not see how your child's race has any bearing on her relationship with you. I would say it was an excuse to break up although a very mean reason to give.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 31
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:50:27 AM
She probably does not consider herself racist, but she is. Look dude. Don't say a thing. Don't explain a thing. Do not validate your choices like an excuse. Be proud of your boy. And if they can't take it. Move on.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 32
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:02:57 AM
Ya know....this is something that I just don't get...never did, never will. I'm an American. I see that the OP is a Canadian. LOL! what "race" we are...is probably anybody's guess! I'm predominately of Irish/English ancestry...but who knows what else was thrown in there along the way. For goodness sakes....my family has been in the USA for 295 years (first records dating 1715), but I'm sure there's lot's of other "races" in my bloodline other than Irish and English. My point IS....that we are ALL "bi-racial". My family reunions look like freaking Redhead Conventions...but I can't imagine us banning a child who has brown eyes! (They're rare, but we have a few).

What she told you in parting was not only WRONG....it shows extreme ignorance on HER part. No, most Caucasian women will NOT have a problem with that...unless their IQ is that of a box of dog hair. I would put this woman in the category of "Too Stupid to Date"...THAT'S the "Deal-breaker".
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 33
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:11:58 AM
That woman shouldn't blame you or end your relationship just because your son is mixed. Him being mixed is his problem, not yours! Jk.
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 34
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:16:06 AM
1. Does one have to categorically state this fact?
At least she was honest in letting you know it was something she couldn't handle instead of playing nice and secretly despising your child. Shallow as she is, she was honest and up front saving you all a bunch of nonsense and pain.

2. Is it also true that most Caucasian women see this as an issue?
I highly doubt it. Don't let one person's ugliness ruin it for everyone. I have no issues with anyone's race, adult or child. I've been class mom to my son's class in a rather large city's public school system and there were 4 african american children in his class of 20. They seemed to be drawn to me moreso than the other kids! I was raised outside Wichita so I've always been around many races and comfortable with them all. My best friend is Korean, her husband white, so their kids are mixed, but I love them no differently.
Maybe she was not raised to be so open minded, maybe her family is rather racist, maybe she wants a "picture perfect" family and sees a mixed race child as not fitting the picture of you and her,.... Again, appreciate the honesty of her and the fact that she isn't there now to make your child uncomfortable.
 iherdcats
Joined: 6/15/2006
Msg: 35
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:19:39 AM
that woman does not speak for all, it is her and not us!
me thinks you dodged a bullet, be grateful!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 36
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:31:32 AM
The woman is obviously a racist, but here's another thought, as well.

I think she may have felt threatened by you having had a a relationship with a woman from a different race.

I date men of different races, and I've had this reaction many times from Caucasian men. They seem to feel that b/c I'm attracted to other races as well as my own (and theirs), I might not be attracted enough to THEM.

Just another idea. I think you're well rid of her, though.
 mysterosly
Joined: 9/5/2009
Msg: 37
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:36:06 AM
I , will be blunt... I would say.. you did not see the real person at all.. not your problem either,, think of this as , you met someone who was not honest in the beginning.
You met a nasty woman.. thats to bad,, it suck's and yes hurt's
No,, i dont believe that this is an issue with most woman.. as those ,who begin a friendship with you, automatically know your a dad..
so,, you know it doesn't matter that your son is bi racial.. you love him . and that in itself is a great sign ,that you are a stand up man.. loving your son. and so you should.

I am sure , you will meet some kinder, more gentle soul's who are not carrying around such silly , warped, criteria to meet friends...
she def.. is not worth your friendship... some people are so shallow,, that you dont see it right off the bat.. count your blessing.. this certainly wasnt the gal,, , run, run from her.and right it off..
 PANDA423
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 38
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:48:41 AM
This woman - unfortunately she was a complete waste of your time! Shame on her, but at least was honest. I don't believe that most caucasian women would have a problem with it and again, if they do, they are shallow and you don't want them around your child anyway.

Good Luck!
 makeba
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 39
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:22:49 AM
Rock man

To be honest, I doubt this even happened. This is just a great way to advertise himself as a man with a child looking for love, and using sympathy as a way in the door for some first contacts.
..but then again..you said
And for all the bitter Bettie's out there: Yes, a larger number of women take issue with a man having children then not.
:down:

Only a judgemental person would have a problem with judgemental people.. Just food for thought!
Really? Only a racist will have a problem with a racist? Only a cheater will have a problem with a cheater? Only a perfectionist will have a problem with a perfectionist? Some reasoning and logic.....NOT. :) Again you said
I am rather surprised that a "Doctor" the age of "40" actually has to ask this question. Is this really a quandary in your life? Seriously? So this is the first "caucasian" woman you have ever dated, or even have dated since the birth of your child? Really?
Hmmm? You must have a beef with the OP somewhere! 40, doctor, etc does not mean you SHOULD know or have experienced everything in life. Sometimes your strongly held views, opinions, and beliefs could be totally off the mark. The only way to be abreast and up-to-date with the times is to ask, compare, examine, exchange, test, etc etc ideas and beliefs etc with others. The forums is a good place to start.
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:27:06 AM
I'm a racist for experientail and technical reasons, and I am up front about it in my profile ( E.G.-If you have been bitten by a dog a dozen times, you tend not to like dogs). I belive that if a person has an OBVIOUS potential problem - be it my racism or the OP's biracial child they need to be up - front with it at the onset and not waste other peoples time. That said, white power can be a strong bond in a relationship :)
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 41
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 10:33:33 AM
Unless your son is not of the human race, I don't get her prejudice. The real question would be, who would want to date a bigot, other than another bigot.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 42
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 11:08:53 AM
She is a bigot.

I don't see it as an issue, but then, I have no problem with interracial dating or marriage.

I know it doesn't cushion the surprise or the disappointment, but you are really better off without this woman.
 single bird
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 43
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 11:35:38 AM
she is a narrow minded b***h! .. And in parting , you should have told her that if a man loves her and his children like her, she's a lucky woman! x
 CaptainDad
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 44
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:21:03 PM

Is it also true that most Caucasian women see this as an issue?


Very true if you are meeting women at a Klan rally.

She's an idiot and you're better off knowing this now.
 forum101
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 45
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:32:40 PM
Op. I havent read all the posts, just the first page. The woman is living in a very small box. Keep people like her away from your child. OMG, who couldnt love a child? We dont know, at least from the first page of posts, which 2 races are combined. It really doesnt matter, cause no one or two races are any better or worse than any other.
Most women see a child as a child. With all the positives and negatives they bring to the relationship. I really think it is her loss.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 46
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 2:14:20 PM
Racism - hatred or intolerance of another race or other races.

Bigotry - stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.

Judgmental - involving the use or exercise of judgment; tending to make moral judgments.

Yes, you can say I am judgmental and bigoted against racists. Also, against murderers, rapists, child molesters, terrorists and the like. Do you really have a problem with that, Rockman? Do most of us not strive to be better than the Hitlers and Bin Ladens of the world? And yes, I will judge those who hate others for no valid reason, other than skin color, religious preferences, sexuality or other ludicrous (btw, Ludicris is a rapper; ludicrous is an adjective) reasons.

Also, if you were referring to an institute of higher learning, the word is 'college', not 'collage'. A 'collage' usually refers to an artistic composition of materials and objects pasted over a surface, often with unifying lines and color.

TKO
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 47
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 2:41:04 PM
1. Does one have to categorically state this fact?
2. Is it also true that most Caucasian women see this as an issue?

Please help me understand

No, mentioning you had a youngster was enough, end of story.

It depends on the caucasian woman, yeah it may be a problem for some and others may not give a damn, long story short screw her.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 48
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 3:17:38 PM
Dude you should have told her to get the hell out your place once she said that because I know I would have done that right after she finish saying it. And am not sure how others feel but that to me is beyond being racist in my eyes and she is not worth even speaking to as a friend more less an enemy for that matter. And am gonna say that the caucasian females I know here in NC would have not said no crap like that because one I have bi-racial kids and they just love them when they meet them. So all in all maybe she didn't want to be in a relationship with you because you just have a child period and was using that as an excuse a poor excuse but one just the same.
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 49
My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 3:43:59 PM
Wow, She is just a racist... At least she was honest enough to admit her prejudices to you. It is her loss.... Your child comes first...
 LadyDancingAlone
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 50
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My son is a deal-breaker because he is BI-RACIAL! She says!
Posted: 12/2/2009 3:54:10 PM
OP - So sorry you had to deal with that. I can't imagine a person who is not racist offering that explanation for their behavior, so I suppose you'll just have to take her at her word. She is a racist, and you are good to be rid of her.

Since you do have a young child, you may want to make a more directed effort to weed out the racists in advance of his meeting them. He's going to have to deal with these fools soon enough, and once childish innocence is gone, it's gone forever.

I do not believe explaining that your child is biracial is important, obviously you will mention to dates that you do have a child, that should weed out the ones who are not interested in (potentially) becoming step-mom. If it comes up in conversation, of course mention it - it's not a secret.

Happily, you wouldn't be introducing lady friends to your son (especially if he is only 7) until you have some idea that they will be hanging around awhile. This should give you plenty of time to get a feel if they have racist tendencies.
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