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 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 26
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Please tell me the the irony of this chick being offended by the way the guy talked to the OP (a black woman) and then saying she hopes the OP "opened a can of ghetto on his azz [sic]" wasn't lost on everyone else.

No, that pissed me off, too. I was more focused on responding to the original story, but you are right, and it is tangentially related. That was an awful example of the unconscious racism of the otherwise well-meaning.
 tjl2280
Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 27
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 12:54:00 AM
Good for you on telling this guy to piss off. The nerve some people have. There are plenty of respectful guys out there to be dealing with someone that low. I wonder if he didn't see on your profile what your ethnicity was until after he made those comments. Good luck.
 beenhereandthere
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 28
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History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:05:38 AM
He's a loser. Especially saying stuff like that so soon in the relationship.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29
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History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:39:18 AM
He's neither attractive nor funny. He's a bigot. And no matter what his graduate degree says to the contrary, he's woefully uneducated.

Don't walk -- run.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 30
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 4:50:19 AM

Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
He is all of the above. Why would you even consider dating someone like this? If he considers black men animals, what does he think of black women? And as far as species goes, we are all of the same species. It's only race that differentiates us. Someone who has such animosity towards other races and nationalities, is a person filled with hatred and not someone with whom I'd associate.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 31
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History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 5:09:04 AM

Then, it was the asian men having small peckers.. No one wants to date them.

And he knows this how? How many peckers has he had up his azz to come up with that assessment? What an idiot!

Op, did you really need the opinions of others to tell you he's racist? That's kinda sad....
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 32
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 5:11:01 AM

Just don't date interracially. Then you won't have these problems. Problem solved.


Gee...don't know if you've noticed but most people aren't pure anything anymore...and since most of us started out in the same place and went east, west, or north, can you take a wild guess where people started out? SOUTH...as in not someplace where they were all pale to begin with, Maximus. (it might behoove you to learn where everyone came from)

There's not many folks can that trace their ancestors back very far without something different being in the mix...so "interracial dating" really is a misnomer.

OP--you date whomever you want to date, whenever, and wherever. When someone says "well just don't date interracially" and their profile states "they're open to all races but one"...they aren't. They're probably just as racist and prejudiced as the loser you were talking to.

And don't moan about cell minutes being lost--that sounds petulant and immature. I'd much rather lose minutes on a cell phone than HOURS in person with an asshat.
 Malice From Wonderland
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 33
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 5:20:45 AM
Give me a break Helen. Boo hoo. I am far from racist and you know that (and if you do not TRY ASKING). I have black friends who say this all the time and I think you and your buddy could see what I was meaning by it. Gawd. Talk about hi jacking a thread. The OP is beautiful and probably thought at first the guy was kidding. And it appears maybe she put up with it a little too long. It is hard to tell sometimes if and when people are kidding. If something pisses you off, ask. Clarify it before you whine about it. Ask the source not some lame copy and paste that was misunderstood.
 lets fish!
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 34
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 5:29:22 AM
what a racist boggoted TOSSER! Kick him to the curb!
 lets fish!
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 35
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 5:31:28 AM
Don't date interrationally???? what the?????? what a load of crap!
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 36
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 6:02:53 AM

The whole thing is quite hurtful for me. I invested my time and cell phone minutes communicating with someone who thought so little of me and my race.


How far into the conversation did you waste your precious minutes?
If it was more than the first idiotic slur, your bad.


I just really liked him alot... He kind of let me down .. Don't pity me..


I don't pity you at all. How did he let you down? You continued to talk with him after he said those things.

We all can use the same blood(type 0) for a reason in an emergency. We all come from the same race, it's called human and it was SOUTH. We did not originate from Norway.


Please tell me the the irony of this chick being offended by the way the guy talked to the OP (a black woman) and then saying she hopes the OP "opened a can of ghetto on his azz [sic]" wasn't lost on everyone else.


That is a common saying, like going redneck, going Moscow, going PR, going ghetto, going postal ect. Yeah you lost me..

 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 37
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 6:23:44 AM

I sat down for a few minutes to regain my composure. Then, I called him back and calmly asked, "Are you prejudiced/ racist"? He said, "Of course not"... "I know you are black".


An Excerpt from the book: In Sheep's Clothing
By George K. Simon

http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/psychopaths_in_sheeps_clothing.htm

The tactics of deceit, manipulation and control are a steady diet for covert-aggressive personality. It's the way they prefer to deal with others and to get the things they want in life.

The Process of Victimization
For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:


A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.

The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.

All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." – But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.

What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature. We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.
Recognizing Aggressive Agendas
Accepting how fundamental it is for people to fight for the things they want and becoming more aware of the subtle, underhanded ways people can and do fight in their daily endeavors and relationships can be very consciousness expanding. Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of life's many battles, has turned out to be the most empowering experience for the manipulation victims with whom I've worked. It's how they eventually freed themselves from their manipulator's dominance and control and gained a much needed boost to their own sense of self esteem. Recognizing the inherent aggression in manipulative behavior and becoming more aware of the slick, surreptitious ways that manipulative people prefer to aggress against us is extremely important. Not recognizing and accurately labeling their subtly aggressive moves causes most people to misinterpret the behavior of manipulators and, therefore, fail to respond to them in an appropriate fashion. Recognizing when and how manipulators are fighting with covertly aggressive tactics is essential.

Lying – It's often hard to tell when a person is lying at the time he's doing it. Fortunately, there are times when the truth will out because circumstances don't bear out somebody's story. But there are also times when you don't know you've been deceived until it's too late. One way to minimize the chances that someone will put one over on you is to remember that because aggressive personalities of all types will generally stop at nothing to get what they want, you can expect them to lie and cheat. Another thing to remember is that manipulators – covert-aggressive personalities that they are – are prone to lie in subtle, covert ways. Courts are well aware of the many ways that people lie, as they require that court oaths charge that testifiers tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Manipulators often lie by withholding a significant amount of the truth from you or by distorting the truth. They are adept at being vague when you ask them direct questions. This is an especially slick way of lying' omission. Keep this in mind when dealing with a suspected wolf in sheep's clothing. Always seek and obtain specific, confirmable information.

Covert Intimidation – Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one-down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled (subtle, indirect or implied) threats. Guilt-tripping and shaming are two of the covert-aggressive's favourite weapons. Both are special intimidation tactics.

Guilt-tripping – One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do. Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting, anxious, and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim, the more effective guilt is as a weapon. Aggressive personalities of all types use guilt-tripping so frequently and effectively as a manipulative tactic, that I believe it illustrates how fundamentally different in character they are compared to other (especially neurotic) personalities. All a manipulator has to do is suggest to the conscientious person that they don't care enough, are too selfish, etc., and that person immediately starts to feel bad. On the contrary, a conscientious person might try until they're blue in the face to get a manipulator (or any other aggressive personality) to feel badly about a hurtful behavior, acknowledge responsibility, or admit wrongdoing, to absolutely no avail.

Shaming – This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy, and therefore, defer to them. It's an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party, thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.



This website has some great articles for learning to spot people who cause relational harm to others. The clue was in your gut feeling that something was 'off' after that conversation. Although his words said he was not racist, his actions (making repeated derogotory racial comments throughout the conversation) clearly said something different. Your instincts were right on the money hon, don't let his lies convince you otherwise. You have the ability to see the truth even when it's not being put on the table. Take care of YOU!
 whothehellknows
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 38
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 6:33:40 AM

It seemed like whatever guy, I dated in the past...He attacked racially or ethnically. Is he a racist or sarcastic??


So if you are willing to even entertain the thought of another date with someone who has shown his true colors in such a clear way, then what is the point of this question? He has shown you and even told you he in very prejudiced and probably racist and apparently that was not an automatic deal killer.
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 39
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 6:50:45 AM
Well IMO I will say he is a Racist because no man who is not will joke about something like that at no matter who they are or what they have gotten in live.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 40
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 7:05:36 AM

Just don't date interracially. Then you won't have these problems. Problem solved.


Why shouldn't she date inter-racially? I would have a hard time taking advice from a man who writes this on his profile:



***Please note that I am somewhat of an open-minded male. Meaning I am open to date all races with an exception. I don't feel comfortable enough dating "said" race for undisclosed reasons. Thank you for understanding.


Don't place your self-imposed restrictions on other people.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 41
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 7:14:17 AM
OP, he is in need of some personality adjustment. Whether he's racist or just sarcastic, he's inappropriate.

I'd look at the pattern rather than the content, though.

My guess is that he is always going to find something about you to belittle. If not your former dates, your family members or your coworkers, it will be your hobbies, your hairstyle or your cooking or whatever...Do you want to be around someone who always has to find something to put down?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 42
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Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 7:53:28 AM

I sat down for a few minutes to regain my composure. Then, I called him back and calmly asked, "Are you prejudiced/ racist"? He said, "Of course not"... "I know you are black".

OP, he might even be suffering from the delusion that he isn't prejudice because he will consider dating you even though you are black, because some people really don't understand that that type of rationale is bigoted.


On a more serious note, than my first post. It is disheartening to me, that this kind of thing continues to exist. That we cannot get beyond this issue, despite the fact that our country has elected it's first black president. We continue to get emails, poking fun at Obama, for his color or name.

These people represent the emotionally walking wounded and dregs of our society. There is no way to purge them from our society and no way to get them to drop their attitudes and judgements.

OP I hope you find what you seek, from your profile, you are a magnificent woman who offers a truly great catch. All you can really do is drop him and move on. Whatever his reasons for saying what he did, there is no excuse for saying it.

The Archie Bunker post was classic but this unfortunately I agree with, however, I am more hopeful than you.

People can change and the way they do is by getting to know people of different races at work and school and finding out that what one has been taught really doesn't jibe with experience. Yes, there are some people that aren't going to change their attitudes but if a few people at a time do shed their socialization, the pool of dregs becomes smaller.

OP, I'm glad you called him back but you also probably didn't tell him he was full of shit. He may have made the comments because of people that you dated but you have to consider the type of brain that would have that type of response. He is disrespectful and at a time when he is supposed to be impressing you and getting to know you he has already figured out how to push your buttons. A passive aggressive nightmare averted by his discriminatory remarks. And yes, he is a racist as well as sarcastic in his rudeness.
 DCEG
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 43
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 11:32:14 AM
Who are you to pass judgment on an open racist?
YOU are the one who voluntarily dated the guy. Between the two of you, you display a much worse stature of character, lolamac. See a professional about your blatant self-racist issues.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 44
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 11:58:23 AM
Not to take this thread, far a field, there is something to be said, for knowing yourself and knowing your preferences before interracial dating.

If your preferences go this way or you think you would like it great!! But you better have a strong sense of self and individuality. Allowing others to make you feel this way or that or influence you because your doing something they wouldn't do, is stupid, short sighted and wrong.

You are an individual, with a right to feel as you do, to do what you want and people who don't agree can keep their judgements to themselves.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 45
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 12:05:04 PM

I sat down for a few minutes to regain my composure. Then, I called him back and calmly asked, "Are you prejudiced/ racist"? He said, "Of course not"... "I know you are black".

This type of statement reminds me of people who say they aren't racist/a bigot, whatever term you wish to use and then follow it up with, "I have many friends who are [fill in the blank]...I even let them use my bathroom."
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 46
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History
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:28:35 PM


We're all savages lol. The only difference between the monkeys and us is that we dress better.


Well, I don't know about anyone else, but I don't throw poop either.

Lateef
 Cicciolina
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 47
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:39:50 PM

Next, he was complaining about irish people being ugly,having bad teeth, nasty houses and the southern irish people (catholics)


Is he racist against White people?


That is what confused me... He has a complaint about everyone and different religions too.
He emailed me back and His response was...He has no issues with people's skin color...The only thing he has an issue with is certain cultures. He doesn't like the thug mentality, which is displayed in popular black culture... He added, that he doesn't like the English or Irish culture either. He holds a English passport and is Irish. He wanted me to prove him wrong about American, black culture. Then, he said....I had no idea who he really is...
 dontstayhome
Joined: 10/9/2007
Msg: 48
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 1:43:25 PM
Wow, doesn't sound like a very classy guy to me.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 49
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:02:06 PM
"That is what confused me... He has a complaint about everyone and different religions too."

So his explanation is : He is just NOT a people person.
He is not the one with the people's skills.
He hates everyone the same.
Good guy to be in a relationship with.

Well, in that case, every comment he makes is OK?

I don't know about you, continuing giving him the benefit of the doubt after he says black people are animals? and you are black? Didn't that get you?

You either have extremely good self worth or none?

I would be upset about my cell minutes too, because there isn't any other reason to be upset, you aren't missing anything else there.....except your minutes.

 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 50
Is he a racist or just sarcastic and rude?
Posted: 12/6/2009 2:43:55 PM
Since you are an attractive black lady-why would you ever think of dating someone who puts your background down.if you continue seeing this guy you are saying that it is ok with whatsoever comes out of his mout.Education doesn't always mean that he has manners.If he ever gets mad at you he will say the same ugly things about you as he did about your race.Simple as that.Are you willing to hear the harrasment-not.
Move on................
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