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Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 5
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)

My ex wife, a pre-school teacher at 21, was still the same pre-school teacher at 46. Working for a major university for 17 years, she did not take advantage of the free education to better herself and move up.

She wasn't the same preschool teacher at 46 working for a "major university". Unless, she was still passing out crayons for her university students for 17 years and having apple juice and graham crackers at naptime.

I say to point out your possible lack of observation, understanding. I'll take a wild stab and guess that she loved teaching, and moving "up" was your idea of what she should do, not hers. Why didn't you encourage or applaud her achievements, or wasn't she ambitious enough to satisfy your own maybe unfulfilled expectations for yourself? Funny you only talk about HER and your disappointment when she's had recognizable achievements...hmm...gee wonder why you're not together?

What have you achieved in your "career"? Your lack of speaking to your own possible disappointments in yourself only those of someone who is no longer WITH you (probably a VERY smart woman...haha) it's sublimating. If you had achieved, you as the MAN wouldn't you be beating your chest about what you'd achieved?

So quit the avoidance distraction, tell what needs to be told, how achieved and successful are you? Are were you depending on her for that?

And yes...woohoo I'll make it personal, in addition to my regular job I did teach as a second job for 3 years. It was very rewarding, knowing that what I'm doing is investing in many other people's future. It's instrinsic, not measured in dollars or titles. I'm glad I did it, but would hesitate to do it again, only because of the politics of academic administration. For my students...hell YES, we feed off of each other. Supported, encouraged, I was invested and involved and I'd do it again.

I still stay in touch with my students, they keep up with me. I've been a part of what they're doing and where they are now and when they thank me for that...I can't accept it. They gave as much to me, it's one of the best experiences I've had. And I still teach, not in a classroom, and I still learn, it's the tapestry of life, to interact, talk, explore share experiences and learn.

High five to the ex-mrs. she's happier not having you in her life.
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 6
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:14:30 PM
I've met women who were pre-school and kindergarten teachers. Most of them were definitely unlike the way you described your ex-wife. I've also met many other women who were very much like your ex-wife, who were not pre-school teachers or kindergarten teachers. Also, I've met women who were abused as children. Many were definitely not as your ex-wife was.

I realise that you didn't find out how your ex-wife was, until after you had married her, and had kids. I realise that you'd like to avoid that type of relationship again. I also realise that since you didn't know until it was too late, that there is a tendency to try and invent an easy solution, such as avoiding pre-school teachers and kindergarten teachers.

But I also know that you will meet other women like your ex-wife, in many other professions. I know that whether you put it down to her being tall or short, blonde or brunette, growing up in the North or South, there are no guarantees to avoid women you don't like. The only option you have is the same option as everyone, to gamble, and take a risk. Sometimes it works better, and sometimes it works worse. In your case, it didn't work so badly. It didn't work great. But many have had a lot, lot, lot worse. All in all, you did pretty well, if what you described was accurate.

But you have 2 things going for you. You were 23 when you married your ex-wife, and she was 21. You were still learning about life, and she was still learning who she was as well. You are older, more mature, less apt to make imprudent decisions, and so now, you are far less likely to decide on an unhappy marriage. In addition, as long as you pick mature women to date, say a woman over 25, who has been around long enough to know her own mind, and who has lived in her own place, away from her parents, and thus gained the independence to know her own mind, then she is far more likely to be stable and open about who she is.

There is a lot to suggest that you'll not make exactly the same mistake again. So there is no point avoiding all pre-school and kindergarten teachers, just because you happened to meet the odd one out.
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:16:57 PM
I don't understand why you're trying to blame your basic incompatibility on her profession. Is it true that just because some engineers are asshats, that all engineers are asshats? I've known plenty of teachers of young children over the years, most of them progressive, thoughtful people, more than a few who were a bit on the wild side when not caring for little ones and could let their hair down, and one kindergarten teacher who was flat out one of the kinkiest women I ever met.

Not one teacher who I've ever known fit the description you used however. Stop trying to blame the end of the marriage on the fact that there was a very basic incompatibility there that you missed and then chose to ignore for years, and just accept that you two grew apart and you're moving forward.
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 10
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:27:39 PM

So if I understand what the usual clique of bashers are saying, it's a bad and awful thing for any man to dump a lifelong career immature woman who never grew up, regardless of her profession, but having read the other forums, any woman still with an immature childish man needs to dump his a$$ and move on to a more mature person?

No, you're projecting again, and your hostility is showing. What I at least was trying to say is that her profession had nothing to do with whatever increasing incompatibilities there were between you. If her lack of ambition bothered you so much, you shouldn't have waited 23 years to do something about it. The fact that she is a teacher is immaterial.
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 12
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:31:48 PM
The only reason you have the "skills" using the term very loosely, is there was some kindergarten or grade school, because someone decided to teach is the only reason you can post here. It's tossing pearls to swine, because you degrade the importance of that...unless you were homeschooled, someone else thought it was that important.

You're avoiding, you're so important, then talk about yourself. Your aspirations, your "career"..what have you achieved? Spill it or drop it, it isn't about her, it's about YOU.

Eww...a wedding photographer...haha figures you set high expectations for yourself. I have clients who do that, and they're barely surviving. They're the wannabe "artists", it's not a profession that ambitious people aspire to.

In my profession I talk to many people in your...*cough* profession. Many are just a guy with a camera with minimal photoshop skills...most can't download a video to their own website. I've reviewed thousands of profiles, and almost without exception those with the worst photos are the "professional photographers". Yeah, I've asked, pointed it out, just like yours, they're some of the worst profile pics. Doesn't speak well to your *ahem* professional competencies...
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 15
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:36:43 PM
Has nuttin to do with her job. I actually look up to any person that gets to work with children,,,,,it's not an easy job,,,but very rewarding. If you understood children you would realize that she actually has one of the best jobs in this world. Love to toss mine working with so-called "adults",,,,and take what you call a "backwards step" towards the kids.

Honestly,,,,there is a lot more to this venting than her job. Ya probably should do a real search deep down,,,,the answer there,,,,but I'll repeat,,,,it wasn't her job.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 16
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 5:44:08 PM
from spicynicegirl to the op:

Shame on you.
You need to really wake up and smell the roses
Who the hell are you anyway to make such stupid comments???

and ...

^^^^^Personally I wasn't "bashing" you although you seem to take great pride in the fact that many are.

completely reasoned, impersonal statements. not bashing at all. nope.

last but not least ...

Surprisingly you still don't get what some of us are trying to tell you.

suprisingly, aggression doesn't bring about persuasion.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 19
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 6:02:19 PM

So davidpiano then I take it you think it's alright for someone to make a stupid comment about how all pre-school teachers have been molested???

how did i know this was coming?

you'll notice i made no judgments about the content of the original post.

i'm just waiting for the professional photographers - and i've worked with many who were true artists - to check in.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 20
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/7/2009 6:03:13 PM
Not all educators have been abused... But this 'educator' is very amused about your attitude towards women.

Some of us have to try to fix the kids whose parents are so screwed up and have not been very good role models, or who have come from terrible situations that most of us couldn't even comprehend. Stable parents can make kids feel safe... Good for your ex, for enjoying her profession. I applaud her calmness and happiness....... You were the unfullfilled one and unhappy person in the marriage.... life is what you make of it... of course, so don't blame her for her passiveness. She appears to have been happy and content with her life.... and that is wrong because of... why?

Most educators are compassionate, caring people... and can be totally passionate!
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/8/2009 7:02:05 AM
So being content with your job, remaining true to yourself and leading a simple life is now a bad thing ? Face it pal, you jut got bored and were looking for more action then your wife provided. No need to blame her for that. People do change and start looking towards new partners all the time.
My Mother taught special needs children for 20 years. She never changed jobs, schools or needed to go into administration to increase her pay. she was content changing and improving the lives of children every day. It takes incredible kindness, patience and maturity to be around children all day.
Joined: 4/19/2009
Msg: 27
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/8/2009 9:24:25 AM
I am not going to trash you. You ask a ligitatmate question. My best guess is, that she is depressed. Was the sex life, passion and romance any good when you guys were younger? When did that change? Why do you suppose that changed? Did you ever try communicating yoru concerns earlier on with her?
Maybe, rather then communciate, and without knowing it, you introverted yourself and forgot to communicate?
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 28
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/8/2009 9:30:34 AM
OP...your generalization about your ex make it clear that her profession was probably the ONLY reason that your relationship DIDN'T end.
You need to do some serious evaluation of yourself and where your life is headed before you ruin somebody else's life by getting serious w/ them.
Good Luck
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 29
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/8/2009 9:37:49 AM
Oh h3ll dude, Carolann is right again. You changed and grew in one direction, and that direction was no longer where you wife was anymore.

It's the root cause of most divorces. It has nothing to do with profession, background, coworkers, or anything else you are looking to blame. It's just the way it is.

People who REALLY love what they do will try to keep doing the same thing. If one person likes going to school, getting more responsibilities at work, and moving up the ladder, then that's what they like to do. It does not make one superior to someone who likes the trade they're in and wants to keep doing it.

If you are wondering if she is like all teachers and are all teachers like her? yes and no. They all teach, so yes they are the same. They are all different people so no, they are not the same.
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 31
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/8/2009 2:14:16 PM

My marriage to a sweet lady ended after 23 years. Primary reason, I grew old and she didn't...She never evolved or changed.
Hmm, wouldn't ya think that ya woulda picked up on this side of personality in less than a 23 year span? Hmm?

She merely existed, going to work, coming home, and relying on me to be the decision maker.
Um, do you think it's a bad thing for a woman to be like this? If so, do ya need 23 years to figure out that she MIGHT be like this in general??

I firmly believe that these pre-school teachers may have been at some point, molested.
I highly doubt this. Where's your research to disprove your null hypothesis?

Do you think these women stay in this pre-school world of theirs, because it's a continuation of childhood interrupted, the songs and smells and nap and circle and crayons and walks and snack, where bad and evil dont exist?
Um, personally I think people who enter the pre-school profession enjoy working with children and helping their parents.

I spoke with some of the other husbands of my ex's co-workers, they too were puzzled by the childlike attitude of their wives, and many have thrown in the towel, waiting for their wives to grow up and act and dress and talk like mature women.
I'll bet if you spoke to husbands of women who do NOT work in the pre-school industry, you'd get some similar stories as well. I don't see a correlation here.

Any chance the childhood molestation made some of them them choose this profession and stay in it forever?
Sure, but what's your point? I'll bet the same proportion of molested women exist in all sorts of professions; nothing special about women working in the pre-school industry.

Have you been around older (40+) pre-school teachers who seem to be unusually child like, speech, mannerism, attitudes?
I recall meeting one woman like this. She was normal.

Their "going out" clothes are still primary colours, wooden apple and school bus jewelery, birkenstocks...farthest thing from what a sensual woman of 47 would wear.
Again, what's your point? If your kink is finding sensual 47 year olds, make that your relationship priority. Don't see how a pre-school teacher is somehow disqualified as being "sensual". I think most women can be sensual if stimulated in the right way. Maybe you just ain't doing it for her.

Looks like the OP left the building because he couldn't take the answers to his preposterous questions.
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 33
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:03:24 PM
Hmmm, it sounds as if she was happy just the way she was. Why don't some people ever grow up or change? I would say it is because of fear. Or because they are happy that way.

There is nothing wrong with it.

But her lack of contact with other people tells me that she is an introvert. And some people are happy being introverts.

I totally understand about people who do not want to grow up. The last man I dated was 40 years old and acted like he was somewhere in his 20's. For me, I want a PARTNER and not a PROJECT. But he may be great catch for a woman that wants to be his teacher. But I'm not the "teachie" type.

And he was also an introvert. I however, am not. I understand that we were not a match, and that was fine. And we moved on.

Sorry to hear about your marriage break up.

Honestly, you put in all those years with the woman. Wouldn't have going for counseling helped in any way before throwing in the towel?
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 34
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/17/2009 7:28:17 PM
Well damn now, I didn't get my turn!! The OP has fled the building!

I would have given him an earful and told him to stand in the corner, no milk and cookies for him!
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 35
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:24:38 PM

What an insulting rant. Your wife was the worse person in the world because she had failed to 'evolve' to your satisfaction.

I can imagine the frosty envirnment in your house, the constant air or dissappointment on your part towards her, how could she be so happy with her life without wanting to achieve more?

She obviously has mental issues? As a matter of fact ALL pre-school teachers are emotionally immature and this is because they were molested when they were children! Just Wow.

You two weren't a good match, it happens, but you've got some nerve coming on here assassinating her character because she failed to live up to your expectations. You come across as a pretty nasty person really.
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 36
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:14:54 PM
I can say that unless you have experienced the company of one who's age and mentality do not match, then you do not know what it is like.....

I can say I have. And the reason I spent time with the guy I'm referring to, was because he was a nice guy. But I got tired of explaining all the time to him on how everything works.

For example, after explaining what it is like to go for food that is from a different culture, and still having him ask me *over* and *over again* what it is we are eating? Drove me insane.

And the rose-colored glasses? I can not tell you how many times he was suckered into buying something, or someone taking advantage of him because he was not a big enough man to say "no" or have the brains to figure out he was being played.

Having a "Parent-Child" relationship with your significant other does not work.

Because, from my experience, it is nothing but big frustration to say the least.

Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 37
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:03:04 AM
I have to agree with the people (or person) who said using her profession as an excuse to end your marriage is flimsy at best.

My ex husband was a millwright--he worked on heavy machinery in a lumber mill. He didn't grow either, and it had nothing to do with his profession.

And you categorize preschool teachers with a ridiculously wide brush. I have known preschool teachers--and kindergarten teachers--who are nothing like the woman you portray. When my children were in preschool, their teachers were mature adults who wore grown up clothes. (And wearing Birkenstocks has nothing to do with being immature or being a preschool teacher! What a ridiculous thing to say.) You write:
farthest thing from what a sensual woman of 47 would wear.

There women from every profession who do not dress like a "sensual" woman. And what does wearing primary colors have to do with a lack of sensuality?

Even more ridiculous is this:

I firmly believe that these pre-school teachers may have been at some point, molested.

And on what evidence, beyond your wife's experience, do you base this?

Your marriage ended, get over it, but don't marry a college teacher expecting her to live up to your expectations.
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 38
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:18:09 AM
You ended your marriage of 23 years because WHY??

She went to the same job in the same school for 22 you realize just how difficult that is??
She has had to deal with the children(the abused, neglected),
parents(the obnoxious, selfish),
faculty(the burned-out, condescending),
politics(have you not been listening)!!

I doubt she is as simple-minded as the picture you painted and have us believe.

Yet, you mocked her, criticized her, ridiculed her here on a public forum and SHOCKED your being bashed.

Does she realize how lucky she is to be set free? By all means, let us tell her for you.
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 39
Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:59:42 AM

Well damn now, I didn't get my turn!! The OP has fled the building!

It is amusing how people, men and women, will start a forum such as this and think that people will rally to their sides and give them the validation that they seek for their actions.

If they are confirmed forum addicts, they should know better.
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 40
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Relationships with Pre-school / Kindergarden teachers?
Posted: 12/19/2009 4:46:50 PM
I really don't get the point to this whole thread. You left you wife and now want to bash her in a forum?? Come on, grow up. It looks like you need to act a little older now too.
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