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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff      Home login  
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 tallykatt
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 26
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuffPage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Thank you..............................what goes through your mind through out that evening?

And after


having sex the first night

'

or not having sex, even though she did come over
 HAHANOW
Joined: 9/28/2004
Msg: 27
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 3:50:45 PM
BRAVO! Skylar! NO GAMES!
 Soul Seductive
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 28
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 3:51:32 PM
Well the girl should use her better judgement about going home with a guy she just met in a bar or club, usually thats what is on the guy's mind most of the time....In some cases it may just lead to nothing more than a one night stand, then again it can lead to a long-term relationship, maybe even marriage........However at the same time, she needs to think : Just because this guy appears to be what she wanted, he may be more than what she wanted by the end of the night.....I am from a wild city, have heard about women going home with a guy they meet the first night they meet in a bar or club and when they get there, it's a nasty set-up.....there would be other men there waiting to f***....in other words it wouldnt be a mutual thing.....Know what I mean???.......So as far as I am concerned....she shouldnt do it....unless all she is looking for is something sexual
 rwhprism
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 29
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 4:01:54 PM
I think the guys should clear up something here. It's not a need after they get "worked up" as our Katt has eluded to. It's a want. It plays easier if you describe it as a need but that's bulls***.

You get horny? So what? who doesn't? If two people are willing - it's a good match. If one's not, better go masturbate if you need "relief" that badly. If it was your desire to find a sex partner, you can find that easy enough.

If you want something longer lasting, I think you should explore both if that is what the other person wants and whether or not they are full of s***. that could take time. Don't expect them to call and say " guess what? - I'm full of s***!
 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 30
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:00:38 PM
In response to your questions throughout this thread TallyKat:


"What should she do?"

Firstly, she created this situation by going back to his place. It does not however mean you have to have sex with him but it is implied by making this move on the first date. After all, how much can you know about a guy in a few hours in a nightclub?
If you go to the home of a strangers only hours after you know him then he might think he's in there.


"Sex on the first night - Does this ruin a possible relationship?"

Personally I'd have to go with yes but it really all depends on the circumstances.

1.Nightclub - lust yes - really how much information can you find out there?
2.Dinner - possible if you click but then it all depends on the type of click etc.

The problem with the nightclub is information and I think that at the back of his/my mind is "if she's so willing when we've just meet - who's to say she won't be the same with the next guy around the corner or friends? after all she barely knows me and I could be anyone"

We guys don't get this women's intuition thing you girls all seem to have.

"If you were the guy in this situation, what should she do? What would turn u on the most?"

Firstly don't get in that situation unless you have decided - it make you out to be the one playing the games.
Pick up a pen and write your number down (say nothing) and leave - he'll get the point!

If your just talking about turn on and I'd known you a bit before then - I'd go with the dance strip which would work for me:-)


"And if she does give in ....... why does he not call??????"

because she gave in - personally I like women with strong wills. Besides he got his quick fix without really getting to know you therefore he feels little responsibility for how you feel - it may have been all he really wanted in the first place which you may have found out if you'd chatted more.

"What could the girl do to make him want to spend time, besides sex that one night?"

firstly and this may sound silly but don't go to his place!
After club, taking him to an all night coffee shop/ or anywhere quiet where there are a few people around.

I'd go with leaving the number and going out another time - if he's interested he'd call.


"what if The girl dresses very sexy, and can dance."

In reference too? take him dancing! love a good dancer - teasing is good but don't go overboard - the mind is a very interesting toy!

"what goes through your mind through out that evening?"

When? You mean if I were him?

Ok - club meeting - sexy girl shows interest (you'll have to explain the "makes it obvious" comment)
we dance/ chat - I give her my number if I'm interested - if I get hers before I offer then I'm flattered (I make a mental note)

If I were to blurt out asking her back by some arbitrary reason then I suppose I'd pick something better then movies. Unless that was my intent in letting her know we had no intention of doing that i.e straight to sex.

If by some reason she agrees then I'd expect she understands why we were going there. This leaves you to your change of mind which, he may think your just playing with him especially as you were willing to go there.
Understanding is key. know what you want and what actions to take to achieve it.
 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 31
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:12:13 PM
baby,

So true - in the end it's an individual judgment call
 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 32
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:17:03 PM
not a game - to use the term implies we all play.
 Talitha001
Joined: 6/17/2005
Msg: 33
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Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:52:20 PM
tally...In my opinion....of course a guy wants sex on the first date.....but he won`t respect you or call you again unless it`s a booty call!!!! No matter what anyone says...sleeping with them on the first date...in their world is someone they CAN`T take home to mother...And that is ultimately what they are looking for...A girl they can respect and take home to mother!!!
 lost wee fish
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 34
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:58:55 PM
mother? not in my world!
girls who sleep "around" are just not good "girlfriend" material. the mother thing happens way later than that.
 FishinRod
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 35
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/12/2005 11:01:12 PM


And as much as some of the men on here say it won't ruin a relationship prospect if you sleep with him right away...BULLSHIT...that's an outright lie too because although guys do not want to tell you, they have no respect for a woman who beds him right away or that easily...that's just how it is, no matter what they'll tell you otherwise. Any self respecting guy expects a woman to respect herself too...no mattter how much he pressures her...you're being tested...and most of you fail!

I think guys just want to improve their chances of getting laid, I swear.

If there is one thing I know about most men...they do NOT respect the women who sleep with him the first night...and basing any relationship on sex...which it will be if you sleep together that fast...(sexual amnesia)...(what was I in this for again? type thing).

Any man who says "Oh, I'm ok with her sleeping with me the first night...is a damn loser in my opinion and is NOT dateable...period.



Oh please, "any man" who is not thinking about getting it on the first date is ... a) with a bad date or b) on POF starting threads about not getting any
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 36
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Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 12:37:07 AM
That's not true either. Pretty much, the guys that go to nightclubs are 18 until they're 45, and what the hell do you want with that anyway?

Second, can you honestly say that after drinking 8 alabama slammers, and god knows how many tequila bodyshots...would you invite some guy home to "watch a movie". We're only human, and most people completely lack open communication, so you're both just running on assumptions. If you want to hook up, say it...if you don't, then make that clear.

Last, quit leaving it up to the guy to call. If you have any REAL interest in somebody, take his number and CALL HIM!! Times have changed, and I've had 3 women take my number and not call. All that demonstrates is a level of immaturity most should hope to surpass by the ripe old age of 18. Deal with it!! Don't take his number if you're not interested...it just makes us that much more frustrated.
 JentleJiantJim
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 37
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Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 12:37:49 AM
What I am learning are we women are damned if we do and damned if we dont!

That's not true either. Pretty much, the guys that go to nightclubs are 18 until they're 45, and what the hell do you want with that anyway?

Second, can you honestly say that after drinking 8 alabama slammers, and god knows how many tequila bodyshots...would you invite some guy home to "watch a movie". We're only human, and most people completely lack open communication, so you're both just running on assumptions. If you want to hook up, say it...if you don't, then make that clear.

Last, quit leaving it up to the guy to call. If you have any REAL interest in somebody, take his number and CALL HIM!! Times have changed, and I've had 3 women take my number and not call. All that demonstrates is a level of immaturity most should hope to surpass by the ripe old age of 18. Deal with it!! Don't take his number if you're not interested...it just makes us that much more frustrated.
 armedwithjello
Joined: 2/28/2004
Msg: 38
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Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 1:01:15 AM
Although there are exceptions to the rule, men that pick up women at bars are looking for sex. Simple as that.

If you want to see him again, either get is number or give him yours. I have business cards with my cell number and e-mail address on them, but no home address or anything. That way I can give a guy my card and tell him to call me later.

I would definitely consider going for coffee or food with a guy after a bar, if we were getting along well, but I would never, ever go to his place as sex would be the general expectation. That is, he might be expecting sex, or he might think that since you agreed to go home with him that you want sex and he should go for it, even if he hadn't intended to.

I (and most other women, I think) have been in the situation where you can be making out with a guy, and suddenly something just doesn't feel right. You don't want it to go any further, but you don't want to hurt his feelings or piss him off. It's a really difficult situation.

One of my male friends had a huge fight with a girl he was dating because she had this happen to her. He was too busy thinking about his raging hard-on to think that maybe she was nervous about the situation and be patient with her. This otherwise nice guy blew up at her and ordered her to leave. When he talked to me about it later, I pointed out what she was probably thinking, and he realised he'd been an ass. I think men only have enough blood in their bodies to be able to use one head at a time, so if you don't want to go any further, SAY SO, and SAY WHY. But as for meeting a guy in a bar, don't be dumb. If he's not willling to wait and call you when he's sober, then all he wants is sex.

It doesn't matter how much you like him and how muchyou want to go home and cuddle with him that first night, you will not die from going home and sleeping alone. You could die from going home with a guy you know nothing about!
 tallykatt
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 39
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 5:36:41 AM
In responce to sunfishone2001


I have to wonder sometimes if people like you have any friends..... Please befor replying READ All the information..

Thank you for this comic relief

ciao
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 40
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 8:31:55 AM

I respect your sentiments Babylonia but at the same time I cant help but feel sad that the game of seduction and courtship between a man and woman has become a dirty word.......

how many times have I read "I dont have time for games!" in a woman's profile? But its not their fault that some jack ass sweet talked his way into their heart and stomped all over it on his way out....and why? Mostly because his fragile ego couldnt handle his jealousy or paranoia or need to be validated and so on and so forth.....well I for one would like to say that the game is the best part and that not all men behave badly because they can't handle a woman being a woman in every sense of the word without giving in to their fragile ego and try to control and possess her....

the only way to truly experience a woman in all of her beauty is to enable her to so that she can surrender herself and the only way that can happen is if she trusts a man implicitly and unconditionally....take advantage of her in that state and not only will he never see her like that ever again but chances are that neither will anyone else after him....

and that makes me want to beat the sh it out of something....


wow what a freakin awesome post! I couldn't have said it better myself. I do want to add some things to this tho. Courtship is a game of seduction. A woman longs to surrender herself to a man she trusts BUT and here is the big but, as a man, you have a responsibility to NOT take advantage of this situation and leave her feeling like a wreck. This is done by doing the things you say you are going to do. Calling afterwards, actually BEING the man you built up in her mind you said you ARE that got you into this situation in the first place. Not using this guise to get what you want and leave her a mess.

"The game" gets a bad word when the man doesn't live up to the image he's built up in her mind to get her into bed in the first place. Now is the disappointment. You have just wrecked a girl in the place thats the sweetest of them all, her heart. When you infiltrate the heart in a guise to get at the goods, you leave a path of destruction in your wake. If your TRULY sincere and genuine, the heart will feel that and respond accordingly. Be the man you are promising her to be and fulfill your role as a man, not to get sex but as a fulfillment of her desires of what she truly wants in her man. The sweet surrender is all too easy because the heart feels this level of genuine trust and honesty. As a REAL man you have a responsibility and an obligation to meet her needs in the way she wants them met not the way YOU want them met. But of course don't comprimise yourself in the process, because then you will become her puppydog and not her man.

and like unreformed, guys that don't do this make me want to beat the sh it out of something too
 HB2
Joined: 5/11/2005
Msg: 41
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 4:52:31 PM
Ummmm, maybe some pre-coital tickling?
 rwhprism
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 42
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 7:19:31 PM
Ok I totally agree with you man. I mean why tell them about my extensive criminal history ahead of time and make them worry while were doin it - you know? I mean -You bring that stuff up in advance and it's coitus interruptus while they press for details - "so you really didn't know about the guy in the trunk?". Save it for some funny pillowtalk.
 rwhprism
Joined: 1/22/2005
Msg: 43
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 7:25:35 PM
Must be my problem. I'll be sure to cut out all that full disclosure and needless honesty in the future. Most of the guys here seem to have a much more effective system. Bars - eh? Who would have thought there were people trying to get some in bars?
 always_striving
Joined: 2/27/2005
Msg: 44
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:02:30 PM
Going to someone's house after clubbing pretty much indicates that your gonna have sex with them unless you are a designated driver dropping off someone too buzzed to drive. You arer better off exchanging phone numbers and wait the next day or week to reassure yourself that you and they had your heads on straight when you were at the club that night.
 SexyandBrainy
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 45
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:20:53 PM
C'mon Tally, it's almost not worth posting about this but since you asked: you go back to a dude's house you just met at a club and get him "all hot and horny" as you say, and wonder why he wanted more??? I'm not a dude but if I were I would expect a little "sometin'sometin" too. Let's face it, if it was that easy to get you back to his, how many other guy's homes do you frequent everytime you hit a club? That may not be the case but he sure as hell is thinking that.
 SexyandBrainy
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 46
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:21:03 PM
oops sorry for the copy
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 47
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:22:33 PM
I don't think the original poster had a problem so much with the sex as with the after the sex not getting a callback issue. This situation is absolutely the pits. The shocking part is that women nowadays are doing this just as frequently as men. Going to a club with the express intent of picking them up for sex only to dump them afterwards. Isn't this EXACTLY the problem women for ages have been complaining about now they are doing it with in an alarming rate?

Its bad enough one gender does the fvck and dump but if both are, how is this going to play out in say 40 years? Is everyone going to be picking up the opposite sex for just a one night deal and creating yet an even more divisive barrier between the sexes by such actions?

The future is pretty frightening if this is the course its heading toward.
 SexyandBrainy
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 48
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:27:16 PM
oh you're right passionfly it was much better when just men were doing the using at least there was hope to form a home so that they could continue doing it after they had their devoted women safe at home...I never heard you boys complain when it was the other way around??? (scratching temple) hmmmm!

by the way I don't identify with either gender that does this and then complains "why can't I find love??? If you do it for fun and it feels good to you then go for it sex is great and was meant to be enjoyed but if you are going to sit at home the next day wondering why they never call you back then perhaps it's time tor revaluate yourself.
 passionfly
Joined: 6/19/2005
Msg: 49
Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:37:16 PM
just seems like women want to have the same opportunities and be just like men. I mean c'mon its not like we got some great patterns of behavior to model after here. Teach us better ways that make it work don't copy bad behavior like men are some sort of pioneers in courtship or something. Speed-dating, hell I don't know. Having both genders doing more one-night stands then ever = serious problems in society later.

For the record tho, I abhor one-night stands.
 tyme_gypsy
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 50
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Guys i need your help.... let us girls in on your huy stuff
Posted: 7/13/2005 10:45:10 PM
The end of the night comes and he asks her if she wants to come over for a bit to watch a movie, she accepts.


And you thought that "movie" meant movie?


They get to his place and the paws start goin...... she sais no, they just met, ( not because she doesnt want to , but because she likes him and wants to get to know him) After a while she feels guilty because the guy has worked himself into a horny frienzy........


So she put out to a relative stranger she knows nothing about? Isn't this the plot from the movie "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" where she ended up getting stabbed to death just as she got her cookies?? This is all a big joke, right? "She" feels guilty because "he" lacks self control? "She" wants to get to know him because he's a nice guy even though he's sexually assaulting her?
Wow....just "wow"....




What should she do?


Dr. Festus would suggest a brain implant and some of those old black & white sex ed movies about venereal disease, for starters.



Sex on the first night? Does this ruin a possible relationship?


Not for the guy who gets it, at least nor for that one night.
"Relationship" that starts out like THIS?????
BBWWWWWAAAAHAHAHHAHAahahahahahahahhahaa (SNORT!)




If you were the guy in this situation, what should she do? What would turn u on the most?


Keeping you around for booty calls. After reading this though I just wouldn't be able to take you seriously
(we need a little "sheep" icon for right here)



And if she does give in ....... why does he not call??????


(((See last comment)))



I have always wondered about these things, the F^%K N Chuck syndrome


"For every foot, a shoe"
As long as there are gullible and accomodating women there will be F-n-C guys. BOTH are having their needs met.


Thanx


Sure, since you're so accomodating with perfect strangers, what's your phone number?
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