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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Taking his name....?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 326
Taking his name....? Page 14 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
^^^please quote the entire sentence because I'm talking about whining about a particular thing.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 327
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:08:05 PM
OP,
No real valid reason, in today's society, to take his name (other than tradition). It's a nuisance to notify Social Security, credit card companies, banks, schools, etc, etc. In addition, with today's divorce rate, she may well just have to undo it later, anyway. Lastly, differences in last name are so common that it won't have an impact on any future children.

If they want this marriage to succeed, they need to be able to find resolutions to matters such as these. There are far bigger issues they will face as the years go by. This one is best dropped.

Maybe a compromise such as she keeps her current name for legal purposes, yet assumes his or hyphenates her name for social purposes. (My brother's wife does the latter, but her only maiden name is used 0n legal documents.)

I should also point out, why is it SHE should change her name? What about HIM changing his name to hers? Maybe that would give him a little something upon which to ruminate! (It might actually help him to see what he's asking of her...and help with their mutual empathies and understanding).

P.S. Guys, there's a huge difference between changing one's name on all sorts of legal documents and opening car doors for women! Legalities vs. social graces. Just not a real comparison! I sense a lot of emotion from both the men and the women on this issue. It really shouldn't be such an emotional issue. Lastly, the main real equality I want is in my paycheck, period. That's the bottom line in life. (Oh, and the beauty for men, no more worries about gold diggers!! Plus, all of the "rich" guys will no longer be competition for the guys with average paychecks...all the hot babes not giving a dayum about money, sweeties! Just think about it, guys!!!!)
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 328
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:43:32 PM
Well it doesn't matter now.

This afternoon he decided to move her and her kids out.
I guess "I don't want to" wasn't a good enough reason for him.

I think he's going to miss the kids more then he misses her.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 329
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:53:52 PM
OP,
Sorry for them; I'm sure it's a difficult time for all involved. However, if that's all it took, they were not, in any sense, ready to be married.

I would stongly suggest that, in the event they reconsider, they attend some sort of counseling together to acquire the ability as a couple to smoothly deal with minor and major issues, both present and future.

Perhaps he did the wise thing, for the moment, at least...
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 330
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:57:58 PM
Consider that, when changing a name, the woman may often have to change over the following documents:

And "they" would have to change most of that anyways due to the marriage. As in putting her on all of his accounts and titles.

So please save this "it would take to much effort" bullshet.
Hell if you see no point in putting forth what little effort it takes to change a name, what fecking effort would you put towards the marriage?

In reality it takes little more then financing tittling and properly insuring a fecking car! Bet you'd all have time and energy for a new car though.

Yeah, just as non traditional as him fathering and supporting her kids like they where his own. Was even ready to adopt and name her children.
 beehearnow
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 331
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:15:15 PM
bummer about your friend, rockman. I'm sorry they couldn't work it out, come to a compromise of some sort.
 Blondeone23
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 332
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:18:15 PM
thats true that it is a hassle to change everything over, but in the end you have a piece of paper that says you are Mr. and Mrs So and So. So I dont see why its such a huge deal to not take the Husbands last name.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 333
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:04:17 PM
I find it interesting how some men stubbornly insist on being hypocritical, accusing women of picking and choosing equality as it suits them when they themselves are doing the same thing and then, they still think we will cave in and want them.

Example: They shouldn't have to pay to support us and their kids even though they still make 30 cents more on the dollar more than we do and even though it's traditional (and arguably better for everyone) if the woman stays home to breastfeed and raise the kids until they are at least in school BUT they want us to abandon our identity, our family name and go through all the hassle of changing it because "I'm a man and IT"S TRADITION" blah blah.

I don't see that happening. That's is why relationships are not working and no amount of them stonewalling us will ever make it so.

Ha ha. They even think threatening a marriage strike will make us cave in to their demands. Go right ahead. Who wants to marry you anyway lol. You're all easy to get into bed and we have our own money so....what do we need you for if you are not going to be reasonable anyway - except to irritate us for entertainment.

I think these days there are still a large percentage of men who want to lord it over women because they think that equality is giving up too much. They think that being fair is relinquishing more power than they should because they are men and they should be entitled to more power than women. I think they are like this because they deeply believe that we are not and should not be equal and that men should have more advantages than women because men deserve it because men are superior to women. I think most men have a very difficult time swallowing the reality that they are not right and they will fight for their percieved male supremacy until they die. Just like the Klu Klux Klan they are ridiculous and not appealing for even a quick coffee let alone a relationship.

Personally, I used to be annoyed but in watching them argue their circular hypocritical arguments I realized I just don't care what they think and I'm not interested in changing their minds. They are entertaining but that's all.

There's no point in debating with someone who doesn't care what's right or wrong. If someone's bottom line is getting their way regardless of whether it's right, debating with them is pointless. You are assuming if you point out inequity they will realise it and change their mind. But that's not the case with people who really MISS when things were so wrong. Women need to consider that many men wish we would go back to the days when they could do whatever they wanted and if we didn't like it we could suck**** That's the bottom line with a lot of men these days. Their pride in their perceived superiority will always lead them to ignore ethics and fight dirty. It's just the way it is.

You can change a few laws but you can't change peoples attitudes.

If it weren't for the more evolved men with a conscience out here in the world........

As for the hackneyed accusation of women being bitter - it's more like contempt once a womans eyes are really wide open. Yes, it is contempt you are welcome to accuse me of. There's reason for it.
 BritPup
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 334
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:37:35 PM

Who wants to marry you anyway lol. You're all easy to get into bed and we have our own money so....what do we need you for if you are not going to be reasonable anyway - except to irritate us for entertainment.

Wow. Just... wow.
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 335
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 10:48:02 PM
As in putting her on all of his accounts and titles.


I see your point. I guess you're saying if she's willing to take the money, then she should be willing to accommodate some of his wishes too. The bottom line, however, is irrespective of whose side is right/wrong, if you're going to get caught up in this kind of tit for tat emotional turmoil with one another, you're only going to breed resentment. That is nothing but detrimental to a couple, a family, and a marriage. What's more important this issue or the relationship?? Hopefully, the latter...and hopefully, they both come to see that.

Above and beyond the preceding: this couple (at least, at this point) is unable to resolve issues and they're not even yet married. Moreover, irrespective of whether they were married now or not, the flat plain fact of the matter is, in marriages, couples usually encounter many difficulties of both minor and major magnitude over the years. If they are unable to resolve issues now, as other issues arise over the years, they are most likely going to have tremendous difficulties as the years go by. To reiterate, in the event they reconsider, I would suggest counseling and also possibly delaying a wedding for long enough that they are both able to have enough time to acquire the appropriate skills for making a marriage work. (...and God forbid, please don't let delaying (or whatever is done, if anything) become yet another huge issue...I can just see them making a huge issue over that too.) Even the possibility of living together without the legalities might be a temporary solution after counseling until things are a lot more positive. Then again, that kind of suggestion just might create another huge issue. Again, undescoring the point: they need to learn to deal with things a couple, and they both need to learn that sometimes their marriage is more important than who is wrong or right...no matter the magnitude of the issue. They seem to have lost sight of the big picture...they can't seem to see the forrest, only the trees.

They both need to give 100% without resentment...that could mean, for example, she takes his name, she gets his accounts; it could also mean she takes his name, she gets no accounts; it could also mean she keeps her name, she gets his account; it could also mean she keeps her name, she gets no accounts; she takes a hypenated name, etc, etc, etc, etc....no right or wrong, it's whatever you work out as a couple and can both live with. Also, it's only right or wrong in their 2 minds....who says it has to be that...plenty of people just wouldn't care...get my point? In other words, do they ever consider if neither of them gave a damn about these items (they are only big issues in each of their respective minds...who made that rule, anyway???), they simply wouldn't bhave an issue? Maybe both of them can to say, this issue is crazy, it's destroying us, to hell with the issue...that's also another way to give 100% on both sides. The point is the 2 of them must come to some way of dealing with this or else make it a non-issue. In the end, if your relationship and potential marriage stronger, then what difference did this issue really make?? ...but if resentments are left festering as they are currently, they're ripping the relationship apart. That's not exactly the goal they want , is it??? ...but that's where they are headed. In a marriage, you're not always going to get your even if you're right, and she's not always going to get her way even if she is right. You have know when as well as how to just dump the issue for the sake of the marriage. Pick your battles very wisely in a marriage and know when an issue just isn't worth battling over. Work on developing closeness rather than festering resentments.

Btw, friends and family may help, but they are going to be biased no matter how they try not to be. They could even inadvertently fuel problems; taking sides, for example, might inadvertly make the couple more and more self-righteous in their current opposing positions over their current issues. That certainly won't help! That's why it's better to go to a counselor who is trained in these areas, who can easily remain neutral, and who also has seen many such cases (i.e. has a lot of experience...hopefully, a counselor with a track record of a lot of positive outcomes, etc)...and check the counselor (actually, check several until you both feel a good fit) thoroughly to make sure you get a *good* counselor.

Hope they are able to work it out and for the long term issues too. If not, then it's preferable to move on as opposed to potentially divorcing later.


I will add a personal aside: not everyone shares all bank accounts in a marriage. My brother has a great marriage and they kept their accounts from prior to the marriage separate and they also have mutual accounts together. This works for them; however, it may not be the way others prefer to run their households. (Heck, I know people who do it the traditional way and share all...yet I also know people who share nothing and both chip in half each month for mutual expenses, and each buys separate personal items.) Personally, I don't like the idea of combining resources at this point in my life. When I was younger, I was more traditional, however. Actually, my mother always liked to share in my dad's accounts, but she didn't want to share HERS! It worked for them because my dad just didn't care, so it was never an issue - and it gave her a feeling of independence (and neither was a big spender, so there never issues in that regard).

Adopting the kids is a wondergul gesture, but in the event of a divorce, he will be legally responsible for them (he might be anyway if they live with him for long enough, not sure on that one). Now, maybe if they ever divorce, he'll still feel those kids are his and he may happily pay for them. On the other hand, if they ever divorce, he may not want to continue paying for her children. It's a very touchy matter. It's also another of those big potential issues. Another thing, if there's ever a divorce and the guy remarries later, there might be a new spouse who's not so thrilled her new husband is paying for children who are biologically not his. The whole thing possibly opens Pandora's Box. I'm not presuming an eventual divorce; I'm merely looking at all possibilities. Personally, my preference is everything is separate, kids, banks, everything, but that's just me!
 FluffyBrain
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 336
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/17/2009 11:08:07 PM
forum,
you make some good points. on the other hand, he/she who has the money has the power. unfortunately, we still don't have as many women ceo's, senators, etc...and women, in general, still make less than men. until all that evens out, these problems between men and women will persist. things are changing mainly because a lot families can no longer get by only one income.

people holding the majority of the money and power want to keep that; and since they happen to men, in general, then it's obviously men who don't want to give it up. why should they? women wouldn't give it up either...IF they had it. It's just a human thing...he/she who has the money, has the power, and is loathe to give it up!
 aaron_n_jp
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 337
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 1:44:56 AM

It's not a problem to find one, go to Utah and get yourself a nice Morman woman. Of course, YOU need to aspire to a job that takes CARE of the little woman PLUS the myriad kids (18 and counting, right?! lol). But, wait, no, darn it, THAT makes her materialistic! Poor guys, just can't win.


A) I'm not Mormon and B) If I was given a dime for every stupid comment you make, I wouldn't need a job.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 338
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 3:20:38 AM
Rather a sad commentary that men and women have been so mistreated, had so much heartache that there is the need to be antagonistic towards each other. Men have lost control and some women have found an over abundance of it. People become Pavloved by the actions that have continued. It is like watching the animals paw the air for domination.

There was a lot about ERA than helped women but there was much that changed for the negative.

I would rather a man agree that the allowance for me to be me is something he wants me to have rather than he has to deal with it surrounded by much resentment.

A friend who is dealing with the name issue said it best........"I was giving serious consideration to changing my name to his and probably would have.........but he did not allow me to come to my own conclusions about changing my name to his---he demanded it". Demands rather than requests are often very unpalletable.

I would give thought to changing my name to his but he would need to let me decide that is what I wanted. Changing it in my 20s was a no-brainer. I have been through and adoption and two marriages and changed my name to his in both and then chose to change it back to my maiden name (so I know quite well what is involved--everything changed at an adoption late in life-changed when I married-changed when I divorced-changed when I married again-changed when I divorced and then changes in records when I got a new SS number due to ID theft)--the first time there were no children involved. The second time there were children, but I wanted nothing to do with his name for a multitude of reasons. The oldest child was already out of the house and the younger still there. The younger child exprienced the same issues with his father that I did and when the divorce came about and I changed my name...he wanted to change his name to my maiden name because he wanted nothing to do with his father. His older brother talked him out of it. My point is that he did not want to be attached to a name that reminded him of heartache. He also liked my maiden name better. As I mentioned earlier, my maiden name is from an adoption late in life so it is VERY important because of what it meant to have the same name as the siblings I was raised with. People have different reasons for the choices.

The Spanish women do not change their names but keep the name of the mother. The name change came about when people began to use surnames. It showed ownership--women were not allowed to own property--if a woman became a widow and her husband left her any property--it actually went to male relative and she was allowed to use the property--that is what some women find offensive. I am sure most of us would not take to kindly to being 'owned'. Israelites were John ben George (John son of George). Surnames came about because there were so many people and just saying the son or daughter of was not enough. The surnames noted occupation--Carpenter, Cooper, etc. or location France, England, etc.

I still stand by the thought, as do others, if you can't solve this small thing--how can you solve the other issues. There are alot of traditions that I like, so that argument holds nothing here. I understand the thought that you can't selectively choose, either you are a traditionalist or you aren't.

Women staying home and caring for children is one issue, but from the looks of the posters here, the majority of women have passed wanting children and the majority of the men would have to marry women quite a few years younger than their age-that would be non-issue. If I were to marry a man who could afford for me to quit work, would at this stage of the game, probably have an ex-wife who was getting a chunk of change on a monthly basis, children who would be getting money as well as the fact that he would have legal documents in place to protect is assets for his children (as he should). I give up the job and change the name to stay home and he dies--where do I sit? My job allows me to have an assurance of income when he dies or if the marriage were to end (which I hope would not happen). I think the majority of us changed our names when we married and later had families--but as I said that is a non-issue now.

Everyone has their own reasons for wanting or not wanting the name change but I think it should be a request not a demand. If he begins to demand things--I think I would have to walk away. We should have a partnership not an ownership---Smith and Smith or Smith and Jones, not Smith and wife...............
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 339
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 4:40:28 AM

A friend who is dealing with the name issue said it best........"I was giving serious consideration to changing my name to his and probably would have.........but he did not allow me to come to my own conclusions about changing my name to his---he demanded it". Demands rather than requests are often very unpalletable.


That's what I said ages ago. I said that if my man came to me and expressed how important it was to him that I take his last name, I probably would. I know he has weird ideas about tradition just like I do. Now if he would like me to take his name, he also has to understand that I might have traditions for our wedding that he might not understand, but he will agree to it simply because he knows it is important to me.

But again, my post still stands about men wanting women to follow their traditions, but they complain that women only want to follow the traditions that suit them. Seems like it's tit for tat now don't it on here? Go check out the marriage thread, most of the men on here wanting the woman to take their name don't want to even consider marriage, so I fail to see how their opinion really resonates.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 340
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 6:40:15 AM

Well, for a start, any man who would cast out the children in this scenario because he could not control a woman who would not bend to his demands over a NAME CHANGE, is a walking case-study.

But I wouldn't expect some of the more vocal men in this thread to see anything wrong with punishing the children because the two adults cannot reach a harmonized agreement.


Only women could turn this mans actions into control issues and punishing her children. You people need some serious counseling.

An argument over the use of the word fathering her children. Pfft. Mentoring/fathering whats the difference unless your just looking to spew your bitterness and hate towards the other gender?

What some of you man haters and professional debaters failed to read in this thread is where she suddenly decided to not take his name, and felt that keeping her ex husbands name would be just fine while at the same time letting him adopt her children and changing their names to his.

Think about how ignorant some of the past posts are based on that!

Yeah he's punishing her children alright. But only because now they have to depend on their jobless car less mother to support and take care of them. While they live with her mother.

Punishing them by putting them right back to where they started!
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 341
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 7:01:51 AM
people holding the majority of the money and power want to keep that; and since they happen to men, in general, then it's obviously men who don't want to give it up. why should they?


True but only a morally bankrupt person uses their power to exploit others vulnerabilities. You can make up your own mind how this happens but there are signs before it happens. Education and awareness help in reading them. It's prudent to find out someone's moral fibre before taking vows. That's not gender specific of course.

Claiming something is right because "I'll have what I want regardless of your discomfort" is a very clear sign.

Those who don't heed signs wind up lost in the desert, out of gas, with no food or water with a wolf circling the car. Hence all the abuse stories you can read on here.
 TheToefactor
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 342
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 7:07:59 AM
What some of you man haters and professional debaters failed to read in this thread is where she suddenly decided to not take his name, and felt that keeping her ex husbands name would be just fine while at the same time letting him adopt her children and changing their names to his.


I can only imagine what it must be like to be bitter cold and lonely.

having ones guard up constantly and afraid to let anyone get close.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 343
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 7:17:02 AM
Wow. Just... wow.


Funny. I said UNREASONABLE in the sentence that shocks you. How do you expect women to regard unreasonable and slutty men. That means men who have no self respect and a bad attitude. What do you think they are good for?????

Should I rate them higher than simply a disco stick to be ridden and discarded if they are worth anything at all? Personally I don't want to play with such a used and warped toy. Eeek. Dirty inside and out. Cheap character and over used physically. Yuck. Who wants to be close to that.

You really don't get it. Women now have the power to expect more of men than used to be acceptable.


What some of you man haters and professional debaters failed to read in this thread is where she suddenly decided to not take his name, and felt that keeping her ex husbands name would be just fine while at the same time letting him adopt her children and changing their names to his.


It's a blatantly bullshit story. Either just something you made up to make a point that women are evil withches (lol - thanks for the psychological eval but you are fired mr shrink - no I won't take your "shut up and be happy with my bullshit" pills) and even if it is true it's so outlandish as to be irrelevant to most anyone. Your opening post was good enough for debate without twisting it into a most bizarre scenario to make your point. Why pay attention to a silly story that doesn't apply to 99.999999% of us.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 344
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:15:14 AM
OP, in your first post, the only issue of contention that you pointed out was that the woman wouldn't take this man's name. Now, out of the blue, this formerly "otherwise perfect traditional relationship" presents with all these other problems. Now she has no job, no car, etc., etc.


You just want to argue over stupid shet you already know to be nothing.

She no longer has a car because they broke up.. Get it? Her job untill yesterday was to take care of the children and the house. So now due to the break up she is jobless and car less. He supported the entire family.

If there is no relationship/family or house to take care of now, she is jobless to my own standards now. So save it.

And who the feck called her a gold digger? I know I didn't... I don't know what her problem is and couldn't care less.

With my posting history in this thread your entire issue and reason for debate is worthless. You went on a few posts and didn't do your research. You saw something worthy of your agenda and ran with it... To fecking funny!
 BritPup
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 345
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:39:43 AM

Funny. I said UNREASONABLE in the sentence that shocks you. How do you expect women to regard unreasonable and slutty men. That means men who have no self respect and a bad attitude. What do you think they are good for?????

Should I rate them higher than simply a disco stick to be ridden and discarded if they are worth anything at all? Personally I don't want to play with such a used and warped toy. Eeek. Dirty inside and out. Cheap character and over used physically. Yuck. Who wants to be close to that.

You really don't get it. Women now have the power to expect more of men than used to be acceptable.


What I don't get is so much vitriol and deep seated resentment. It's sad to see.

Equality is one thing, and laudable where appropriate. Overshooting to becoming the worst of the very thing you're complaining about in the first place is always the danger. What sign of such overshooting should we look for?
How about statements like this:


Who wants to marry you anyway lol. You're all easy to get into bed and we have our own money so....what do we need you for if you are not going to be reasonable anyway - except to irritate us for entertainment.
 StuVaBch
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 346
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:50:07 AM
This has been a really interesting read seeing the different opinions on this. My personal opinion is that if a woman doesn't want my name then quite simply, I don't want her.

Interestingly, my ex kept my name even after the divorce.

I was on a trip with a girlfriend and everywhere we went they would call us Mr. and Mrs (enter my name). At first, she would try and correct them but eventually just gave up and when asked would just smile and say she was Mrs .......

Going through a lifetime of that scenario where we would be Mr. and Mrs. who the hell knows ...is not something I would do.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 347
The op is trolling his own thread.... lmaopmpalsm!
Posted: 12/18/2009 8:51:38 AM

Yanno...I'll never get tired of just how many women seem to think their name is like a phone number... Change it and suddenly no one can find you or knows who you are. Unreal logic...too damn funny.


Yanno what logic I find unreal and too d*** funny? Persons who have never and will never be faced with such a quandry thinking they know WTF they're talkin about.

Women KNOW that persons who are aware of any name change will be able to find them, their phone number and their location. We also know that it has a serious impact on word-of-mouth business. Someone can ask a former client to refer them to a good (insert profession here). If the we haven't had contact with the client in the recent past he/she may be unaware of our name change so as a result we've lost referral business.

All this talk of women putting their careers ahead of their husbands is absolute BS. Not that it doesn't sometimes happen out of a lack of care and concern cuz it does but that is not always the case. And I'm guessing there are few men who place their wives before their careers cuz someone's gotta keep food on the table. But all someones are not male. When my then-husband was without a job and I put in overtime or brought work home he would complain about how much energy and time I put into my job. My response was "If I give the better part of myself to my job it puts food on the table and a roof over your head. If you don't like it, go live under a f***ing bridge but, personally, I'm not into starvation or losing custody of my kids cuz I can't provide for em."
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 348
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 9:01:18 AM
And what exactly do two men do when they get married?
 wild heart
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 349
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 9:37:46 AM
What some of you man haters and professional debaters failed to read in this thread is where she suddenly decided to not take his name, and felt that keeping her ex husbands name would be just fine while at the same time letting him adopt her children and changing their names to his.


That's just stupid. I come from a family oriented family, so that doesn't make any sense to me.


Equality is one thing, and laudable where appropriate. Overshooting to becoming the worst of the very thing you're complaining about in the first place is always the danger. What sign of such overshooting should we look for?


Both men and women are guilty of this. I pointed it out in the marriage vs taking name threads. Some traditions are worth keeping, others are not. The two people involved should probably agree on which traditions to keep.

I've seen men and women contradict themselves on these forums when it comes to equality, traditions etc., in both marriage and dating. Heck, I've probably been guilty of it myself.

What really gets me is that I actually post my understanding of where a man is coming from on certain issues and I have changed some of my dating habits based on some of these threads, but I rarely see the same from men. There are a few, but some are so darn fixated on being right that it becomes tedious.


I understand the thought that you can't selectively choose, either you are a traditionalist or you aren't.


But why not? Apparently, most people on here think they can including the men who expect women to pay, not to want to get married, but if they did, the woman should take the man's name.

It's been my experience that most of us are a mix of traditional and modern and this won't die out until parents, society and the media vehicles stop teaching young people these things. We are struggling to accommodate both in changing environment.

Most people are here are teaching their sons and daughters these traditional ways. If you truly want change, don't teach them that stuff. Simple.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 350
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/18/2009 9:56:44 AM
Unreasonable slutty men are not marriage material.

What part of that do you have trouble understanding.

Add "incapable of understanding a basic concept" and you have a real prize on your hands.

Do you wish I would be more accepting of ignorant, unreasonable slutty men?
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