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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Taking his name....?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 51
Taking his name....? Page 3 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

I'm sure she'll take half of everything with his name on it, when she leaves.
Christ this attitude p1sses me off!! Isn't he also taking half of everything with HER name on it??? Or are all the possessions HIS when they are married and she forgoes her right to own anything? They BOTH own the stuff so they BOTH take half of it. NOT her taking half of HIS stuff....Geez....
 chrisofpa
Joined: 8/28/2009
Msg: 52
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:41:38 PM
Just my .02.

My wife kept her maiden name. However, she also used my name. There were some problems beginning in the hospital when our son was born. They also almost screwed up the birth certificate by putting her last name as our son's last name . We had been married for five years at the time.

When she ran for office, she used my name because that was what she was going by. Fortunately, the election laws in our state allowed her to do that.

The situation was a pain at times when applying for loans and things like that.

One thing that really did annoy me was when she was in the hospital and everyone I dealt with kept referring to me as "Mr (my wife's last name)". Constantly having to correct people got to be old real fast. There was also one time when there were some new people on staff and they were a bit reluctant to talk with me until someone else confirmed that I was her husband.

So, is it a big deal?? I don't think it's that big. However it does create a lot of nuisance situations especially when kids are involved.
 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 53
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:44:45 PM
I wouldn’t care what his last name was; I’d change mine to match. If I’m lucky, it will be a really bad one and long after my demise, visitors to Forest Lawn will delight as they walk by a tombstone that reads: R.I.P. Frau Anuslicker



Always leave ‘em with a smile on their face!

 BritPup
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 54
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:48:17 PM
Marriage is largely now just a quaint little tradition. It serves little actual purpose any longer. Especially given how easy people cast it aside nowadays.

But, to me, that kind of makes the whole custom even more valuable. Two people are CHOOSING to follow that tradition when they really don't have to. That says a lot. It's a statement of their love for one another - given freely. As one poster here said, it's being part of the family; the unit. That's the good, pure part of it.

Now, as soon as one introduces the ugly side of it with this issue with the name change ("Ooh, it's a statement of your ownership", "Why do I have to take your name?... take mine.", "It feels unfair...", "Let's hyphenate", etc...), then my default reaction is: "Ok then, let's just not bother."

I'm sorry. I didn't create the tradition, but I'm not into picking and choosing which parts of the custom suit me... Marriage A-la-Carte.
 StatlerandWaldorf
Joined: 6/1/2009
Msg: 55
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:48:54 PM

let go of their father's name (maiden name) and took their husband's name when they wed...to be symbolic of leaving their parents and becoming a grown woman and wife


Yes but in these modern times of ours, there is more often than not a gap between these two phases of life where a women will live and work independantly of both parents and husband. I think it's likely these years that are leading so many to use 'identity' as a reason for a woman keeping her maiden name. (So yes, her maiden name identifies her as her father's daughter, but it's also the name she uses as an independent adult.)


But only since the feminist movement does it seem that that tradition been banished.


Clearly it hasn't been banished, as people still do it. The point of the feminist movement is so that women will have choices (on this and any number of topics). If she wants to take her husband's name because it's the tradition to do so, she can go right ahead, and it's a perfectly valid reason. If she doesn't want to - she doesn't have to.

And for people saying parents should have the same last name for the sake of not confusing the children, what kind of stupid children are you having? Lots of cultures do not follow the woman-taking-husband's-name tradition, and I don't think any of those kids are having trouble figuring out who their parents are, or who loves them.
 Savona
Joined: 11/22/2009
Msg: 56
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:53:02 PM
Ohhhh very sly Rock Man ... as we await your take on it ... hehehe I think I already know but will watch for your response.

As for me ... IF I got married I would DEFINITELY take his name. I could write a long list of reasons but lets just say ...

""I would like to introduce Mr. and Mrs . Hoodwinked" Just has a special ring to it.

Savona
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:06:24 PM
I briefly thought about keeping my own last name when I married, as I am the last of that particular line. B ut his name was much nicer than mine, plus it started with a C not a W, so the offspring would be close to the top of the list alphabetically at school. I LOATHED always being pretty much last......
I see a lot of hyphenated kids (!) in my job and I truly wonder what will happen if they marry.... do we get a quadruple barreled name?


Off topic- I had a friend growing up, last name Werndley. She hated it, and it IS rather clunky and harsh sounding. I met her a few years later and she was engaged- I asked her if she was happy to be losing the name, and what her new name would be... she whispered 'Hiscock'!!! Poor thing.

Anyway its storm in a teacup stuff and as others have said, if the not-so-happy couple can't agree on this then its probably the tip of the iceberg.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 58
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:29:13 PM

Ohhhh very sly Rock Man ... as we await your take on it ... hehehe I think I already know but will watch for your response.


Well if your waiting for my take, you'll have to wait just a little bit longer.
But I tell you what, after a few more posts, I'll let others in on a few details about the couple fighting.

I have to say I am more then just enjoying the constant question of why he won't take her name. Show me an asshat that took his wife's name and I'll show you an asshat that married for money or prestige.
 FarmExe
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 59
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:32:33 PM

In the province where I come from, all the women keep their maiden name. It is just the way it is done. When there is a marriage, the woman keeps her maiden name but the children have the father's name. There are very few hyphonated names. (Province of Québec, Canada)

Thta's a good place to find someone. My identity and status will hide him...
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 60
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:43:35 PM
Wow, all these issues and other questions....

How about just answering the fecking question?

And what the feck is this 2nd grade? Well if I take yours why don't you take mine...Pfft!
 imalitltpot
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 61
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:44:03 PM
I have no plans to change my name if I get married. I've had the same name for 46 years, so why change it now? Too much paperwork. I would not be offended, however, if people referred to me as Mrs. Hislastname.

I think when a couple divorces, the woman also divorces the name and should go back to her maiden name (if she's a widow, she's honored her vows and has earned the right to keep the name). You cannot use the excuse that it's for the children, because then you are saying you won't change your name if you re-marry. Do you think your next husband would want you to keep your old husband's name? Not!!

If the pastor of my church had taken her husband's last name, she would have the same first and last name. *giggle*
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 62
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History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:47:23 PM
I think it is cultural thing woman not taking her husband's name..Most of my friends that are minority but majority does take their husband name and I asked if there won't be a problem on legalities,like SS ,buying a house,car etc.. They said to me "no because it is stated on the marriage licence that they are the legal wife, but their kids name is after the father.. A friend explained to me it is a hustle to change name all the time, and what people will say if you are divorced 4 xs... I understand that no woman will want to be labeled " Hot Tamales"...Oh, those gossipy women are clucking like hens, okay,eyes down ,,sigh, I am one of them...
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 63
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:53:04 PM
As I said in the op, this whole relationship is supposed to be "traditional" .

He drives a truck and she drives a nice car. They are both in their mid 30's and both have been married before.

No they do not have any crazy names or outside reasons to defend not taking his name. It's suddenly just her decision. No real explanation or reason.

She uses her ex's last name yet seems to have a problem taking his.
Now the kicker in all of this is the song he dedicated to their relationship and played as he asked her to marry him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKPwk1JY1io

It was there song for a long while.

Now I'm not even going to reply to those asking about why he won't take her last name, and mainly because I find that to be one of the most juvenile ways to avoid the issue.

Also he's not really the one fighting and arguing. He has made it clear that they will not get married if she doesn't take his name and leaves it at that. She is the one with the issues here.
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 64
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:53:10 PM
I guess my feeling is, that if I were to marry this at this late date in life.......

I probably would hyphenate my name due to my profession and the length of time I have within it. People know me by my current name and if I were to totally obliterate my current name and take on another, I would probably get lost in the phone book!

So if the couple in question are having issues now with that, can you imagine what other issues would be down the road for them?????
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 65
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:56:57 PM

Also he's not really the one fighting and arguing. He has made it clear that they will not get married if she doesn't take his name and leaves it at that.


That would be enough to make me go "Okay, see ya". I'd rather be single and happy that be given an ultimatum.
 FarmExe
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 66
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:02:22 PM

She uses her ex's last name yet seems to have a problem taking his.


She is the one with the issues here.

I agree with that. She uses her ex's last name and should change it into her husband's last name in order to respect her husband.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 67
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:03:31 PM

That would be enough to make me go "Okay, see ya". I'd rather be single and happy that be given an ultimatum.

Then get to stepping.

She will not get married unless she can continue to use her ex husbands name, so who's giving who an ultimatum ?

Funny how if a man asks a woman to make a choice all the nut knockers jump on the ultimatum bullshet. If she gives him a choice, it asking him to show love..

Feck that. Lets try to maintain a certain level of common fecking sense.
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 68
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:05:23 PM
Funny how if a man asks a woman to make a choice all the nut knockers jump on the ultimatum bullshet. If she gives him a choice, it asking him to show love..


Yeah...I at no point said she was asking him to show her love. She should just not get married and go back to her first husband. Or just change her name back to her maiden name.

And I would happily get to steppin if that was the ultimatum given. Of course, he'd be in my house so he'd be the one actually having to do the steppin.

I love how you always get so defensive when someone doesn't agree with your point of view. You call everyone childish when they say "why can't he take her name." Well... isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? By slinging the whole "you're being childish" thing, you're being just as juvenile. Call me a nut, call me juvenile, call me what you will. You're just as guilty as being a juvenile nut job as anyone else on this thread.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 69
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:10:18 PM
OP, this posting is interesting to me...

The mere thought of you taking a woman's last name seems to anger you...


Why in the hell would it anger me? This is not my problem..

I find the question to be asinine at best. It's not an answer to the question, it's a childish way to avoid it.

She has children from her first marriage which have one name, she has ex last ex's name but suddenly decides to not take his name.

Now for some reason she has no problem with him adopting her children and them taking his name but for some strange reason she doesn't want to.

So please explain to me how it's a valid answer much less question here? No as a matter of fact save it for the nut knockers meeting, because I couldn't care less.

I love how you always get so defensive when someone doesn't agree with your point of view. You call everyone childish when they say "why can't he take her name." Well... isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? By slinging the whole "you're being childish" thing, you're being just as juvenile. Call me a nut, call me juvenile, call me what you will. You're just as guilty as being a juvenile nut job as anyone else on this thread.

Well you confuse me with someone who gives a shet.
Nut knocker, is not a nut job. It's my way of calling women man haters. So who's defencive?

I have not even given my point of view yet so what in the world do I have to be bothered by? I actually laugh at the question. In the op, I clearly state that the relationship is traditional, Not new age but traditional.

 Frau Blücher
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 70
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:13:39 PM

She uses her ex's last name yet seems to have a problem taking his.

I sympathize with the guy in this situation; keeping the name of an ex-husband would be disrespectful, IMO. I would be honored to take my man’s name and wouldn’t have it any other way.
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:14:39 PM

She will not get married unless she can continue to use her ex husbands name

I think I would have an issue with that as well. Even going back to her maiden name would be preferable to keeping her ex husbands name. Gotta go with the husband on this one....
 Eyes O Blue 2
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 72
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:16:31 PM
Keeping her maiden name is one thing but keeping her ex's name ????

Talk about a knock in the nuts !!!!

Has he ever been married before ? How would she feel if he switched to his ex's last name I wonder ?
 barbyanne2
Joined: 10/19/2009
Msg: 73
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:16:54 PM
"All I know now is - should the day come where I do get married, she'll take my name or she won't. No hyphenated pompous shit. And if kids are brought in, they will have MY last name...not hers, and not the hyphenated garbage."

This won't be your decision solely. I'd hammer it out before pooping her plug

The owner of the womb get a vote
 Aisfor_Amanda
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 74
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:23:11 PM

I have not even given my point of view yet so what in the world do I have to be bothered by? I actually laugh at the question. In the op, I clearly state that the relationship is traditional, Not new age but traditional.




<
Show me an asshat that took his wife's name and I'll show you an asshat that married for money or prestige


That is showing part of your point of view.

And I am not a man hater. I love men. But thanks for trying to play that game


If wearing going to move away from the woman taking the man's name upon marriage shouldnt we also move away from the engagment ring as well


Yes. Please lets do away with those.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 75
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:25:52 PM
In sports when you get traded to a new team you wear the new teams uniform. Shaq isnt wearing his Phoenix Suns uniform while the rest of his Cavs teammates wear Cavs uniforms. He isnt wearing a Suns top while wearing Cavs shorts.

If wearing going to move away from the woman taking the man's name upon marriage shouldnt we also move away from the engagment ring as well?
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