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 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If he really wanted to he would, if he really hated the drama he wouldn't have dived head long into it at least twice, and watch our for #3 because he probably sees something attractive about her that he also saw in the other two, she may just be hiding the proof at the moment. It's unlikely that someone who seeks drama and lives in the middle of it while whining about it, would be attracted to someone who's not going to be a drama queen also. These things didn't just happen to this man, he chose this life.
 *november babee*
Joined: 2/19/2009
Msg: 6
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:48:20 PM
his new girlfriend can't stand the drama and wants him to give her boundaries by finalizing his divorce from wife and establishing visitation with his daughter.


how is this any less controlling than the other 2...?
hes jumped out of the fire into what seems like the frying pan, maybe she is a little more subtle about the control or manipulation but its there none the less.... she is telling him the relationship can only continue IF he sorts out his divorce, which she knew about at the beginning i presume, and IF he establishes visitation with his daughter,

and if you then argue that she is not controlling, and hates the drama and thats why she wants all this sorted,why pick a guy who has enough drama for his own mini-series...

just doesnt ring true to me.....


And what advise do you have for the new love of his life who has put the breaks on their relationship?



are you the 'friend' the one putting on the brakes that needs the advise...? if you are.. i would say leave this philandering man well alone... if he can cheat on his wife with a married woman .. well i shouldnt need to say more.....
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 5:16:46 AM
He doesn't WANT to be in control, b/c then he has to take responsibility, get blamed when his decisions don't work, etc.

but out and out abuse? Check how his parents treated him. What is his self esteem like, etc.

As for ms. nice? don't be surprised when that story changes....
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 15
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:27:55 AM
Let me guess...this guy also likes to take a bath in a mud bog in an attempt to get clean. This isn't a case of domineering and controlling women as much as it's a case of a man who is out of control himself. He makes poor choices and then refuses to acknowledge his own culpability and then does the blame game. I see no redeeming qualities about him and I'd be telling the new woman to run, not walk, away from this train wreck unless she has a morbid desire to become part of the carnage.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 19
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:28:03 AM

but the best is for him to walk away right now. If the b1tch wants child support, she'll take him to court, he can get paternity then and establish visitation. If not she will only turn the child against him, so best he should just live his own life.

He should get with the new woman, move on and live his life.

Also he should post a reward for anyone who finds his balls and backbone. You deal with life straight on or it runs you over.

I concur.
If the mother of this little girl is still married to her husband, the law views the child as his. Unless this marriage breaks up, I don't know as there is any kind of legal manuever she can use to demand child support of a man who is not her husband as long as she remains married to the same man who was her husband when the child was born.
Yep. He needs to walk away. I'm not even sure he should be "getting with" anybody right now...he should be conducting a grid search for his balls and backbone.
Cindy O
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 20
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 9:39:43 AM
Why would anyone want to get involved with those that have more drama in their lives than the soaps????

Maybe he can not stand up to all of this because he has a larger part in it all than you know about? Maybe he has no life of his own and enjoys others that bring life to him, along with tragedy, misery, and all the drama that he now has?

Life is to short, and I find, for the most part, that people seek what they think they deserve, and move to the level of their self awareness with others, good and bad, and if insecure, will level down not up.........

I say take a step back and just observe and be a friend when he needs someone to drive him to therapy.

cd..........
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 22
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 10:19:43 AM
Those men enjoyed being dominated and controlled. A human being is capable on protecting his/her self to others...







I am thinking perhaps the child is from her husband, not from your male friend, and she is using the child to continue his affair with her by blackmailing him that if he won't continue being his "mistress" he can't see the child.. Wow !! it is really a drama...
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 28
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:49:04 PM
I have no problems doing it and welcome every opportunity
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 31
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 6:58:16 PM
I don't see much drama in this situation other than what the women want........does the father want to see his daughter and be a part of her life? I don't know what it is like in the U.S., but the courts in Canada don't take kindly to mothers who won't give fathers access/visitation to their children.
 RazzleRoadRunner
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 33
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/10/2009 7:28:50 PM
OP, How does one stand up to a domineering and controlling woman.......sometimes you just got to let them have their little tantrums and hopefully they won't hurt themselves, but they usually do.

In this case, the little girl is going to ask about her father one day and then what will the domineering and controlling woman say? She just might realize her mistake then, but hopefully won't have another tantrum.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 42
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:34:54 AM
The new woman is smart, if he doesn't step up, she should step period.

Someone like this may want theoretically to take care of his business but he isn't so that tells you something.

People regardless of their gender are capable of hooking up with an abusive person, particularly if they are quiet and non-confrontational but I found one and I am not remotely quiet or docile.

He gets weary enough about things he will get up off his ass like he did with at least filing for the divorce and make sure his daughter doesn't pay for his lack of character in the morals department for having the affair to begin with and not taking care of his child in the second place. He should have said to hell with all of them and filed the paternity suit when the child was born.

He reaps what he sows and really doesn't deserve more until he grows a set. If it were my friend and I hoped to influence him, I would tell him that regardless of what happens with the women he has brought into his life, he owes his child better than what she is getting.
 Man_of_steele
Joined: 12/6/2009
Msg: 48
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:54:44 AM
It's called being a pu$$y, and there is no known cure.

The only thing that might change him is falling flat on his face over and over again, and even then he might not clue in.

It's like watching a person repeatedly punch themselves in the face, and then whine and complain that their face hurts. The whole time you're saying, "Buddy, you realize that it's your OWN FIST that's causing the damage", but they refuse to listen, hoping that whatever is happening to them will stop if they just wait long enough.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 56
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/13/2009 8:55:28 PM

I will say that when I ask the same to a woman who is with a controlling man....for the most part is one answer.. They love him. So that is the deciding factor. Love makes men and women do weird things.

Love does not make people do weird things because real, mature love requires two people that love themselves enough to not put up with crap. Now, the difference between the OP's friend and the average person that needs a better self-concept in order to require that he be treated decently, this man is an azzhat that voluntarily gets into stupid and reprehensible situations and then wants everyone to boohoo like someone put a gun to his head.

No one MADE him cheat on his wife, if she was a b!tch, he should have had the stones to walk. No one told him to get involved with uber b!tch 2, and he had an opportunity to walk away early when she said she didn't want a relationship, just an older and gutless boy toy.

Now, does he even think about whether it is appropriate to go after paternity? It is his child, but the child knows someone else as her (girl child, I have slept since I read the OP) father. Does he want to establish paternal rights because it is the best thing for the child or because once again, he will choose to be selfish and stupid?

And OP, in case I didn't say it or anyone else on the three pages here, if you continue to let this douche bag cry on your shoulder without expecting him to take responsibility for his culpability in this calamity, you are not being his friend because he needs to get his head out of his ass and be accountable for his own behavior.

It is one thing to allow someone to vent but to buy into his victim bullshit. People like you make it easier for people like him to continue destroying lives willy nilly. How many conversations do you have with this man that don't degenerate into yet another session during which you try to figure out how he can straighten out his life?
 White_Fire
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 59
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 12:57:51 PM
Wow.... all I can say is I must have come a long way to where I don't have anyone even remotely like that in my life anymore. Of neither sides.

If I do I tell them "I think we are on different paths" and see them for the energy vampires they are and end it. If I got locked into this drama I need to very seriously look at MY life and why I feed off of it.

Dump all of those people and hope the "new girlfriend" dumps him.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 61
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 3:55:53 PM
Usually these things go in patterns. The man usually had a domineering mother. Maybe she didn't dominate him. But she probably dominated her husband/boyfriends. He learned how to deal with women from watching his mother deal with men, and watch how they dealt with it. But ways of dealing with controlling women, just don't work at all with non-controlling women. So usually, the man just cannot seem to keep a non-controlling woman interested. That leaves him with controlling women, or alone. You can see that is exactly the way things are going for him.

He could learn to deal with women in other ways. But he doesn't know them. Someone needs to sit him down, and explain the different mechanisms that exist for dealing with romantic partners. But in our society, no-one does. So he doesn't know how else to deal with women. So he goes with what he knows. That doesn't keep non-controlling women. So he's left with controlling women.

Maybe one day, someone will write a book on the different ways that different men deal with women. I think it will be a best-seller. Then men will find out how to treat the women they want to date. Then they'll be much more successful in changing the types of women they date.
 virgiomonkey
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 62
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 5:00:08 PM
......Quite simple really, ever heard of 'Extreme Social Engineering Feminism' ....Because if you do stand up to an Western European Woman ....Then You, as in the Man , are Label as an 'Male Chauvinistic Abuser'.....

J.D

 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 63
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 5:27:29 PM
Thanks for the post. It reminds me that my life is uncomplicated and good.
 virgiomonkey
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 64
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 5:41:26 PM
........... That makes two of us then.......

J.D
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 65
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/18/2009 5:48:04 PM
A man that will stay in an abusive relationship has no self respect and any man that will let someone else run his life apparently is emotionally a little boy who enjoys it.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 67
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Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 1/11/2011 12:58:27 PM

Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?

Same reason some women stay with men who abuse them; they are insecure, and would rather have someone else make their decisions for them, even when those decisions aren't good for them. They are the 'followers' in the world, not leaders, and there's plenty of them.
 Email Tom Now
Joined: 9/17/2010
Msg: 68
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 1/11/2011 3:05:44 PM
my friend's wife is domineering and controlling and he says he takes it because he wants this, his 2nd marriage to last. he stood up to his first wife and she left him.

i couldn't possibly take the schitt.
that's why i was married twice myself. and twice divorced.
 flyingstart
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 70
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Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 1/12/2011 9:14:06 PM
Many men are ****-whipped in North America unfortunately. Here and there may be some "secondary reasons" but this is the main one. --> ****-whipped.
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 71
Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 1/13/2011 3:56:58 AM
First, have you been approached by Jerry Springer`s people?This is a fantastic story! The women in his life are using and abusing him,causing him to have cancer,become weak, and making him a sex slave! wow! Every man`s dream, i guess..Now, he`s removed himself from two abusive relationships and has found Ms. Right!?
What i can`t begin to understand is why are you getting involved in your friends situation? This is his issue and should remain very private in my humble opinion..
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 72
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Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 1/13/2011 6:51:48 PM
What nakedlunch said.... those who choose domineering, controlling partners are more likely to have been abused as a child, or at least raised by domineering, controlling parents. It doesn't mean that they enjoy it, only that they, for whatever reason believe that it is what they deserve, what they can get, or the norm. Sad as it may seem, it lends credence to the notion that there is someone out there for everyone.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 78
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Why can't some men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 6/25/2012 1:49:04 PM
ROFL.....Now, let me see if I got this right.

Man cheats on wife justifying with HER abusiveness (Both genders always do this....so I discount the lie from both genders)
Man presses the woman he's dupped into the affair....probably by giving her (idiot that she is) the sob story of his alledged abuse, to leave HER husband
Woman says "No"....and SHE'S "domineering and controlling"!!!!

LOL! so, now I have a pretty good idea of why some people here are REALLY single. Man has wife who refuses to leave him for the lieing cheat she's having sex with, but out of the OTHER SIDE of your mouth....you're really saying that IF SHE says "NO"...then...she's "domineering and controlling". LOL! she HAD to have the affair with the guy....because she is NOT "domineering and controlling"....if she were...she'd have said "No".
By your own admission....her husband didn't care! "Obviously", HER husband wants the affair to continue....maybe hubby is sterile and they can't afford the price of artificial insemination...maybe she's a nympho and hubby needs a nights rest....or, maybe hubby just doesn't want her to miss out while he's off getting his own strange once a week (or however).

You gave your friend some bad advice in seeking a paternity test. First of all....as long as she and her husband are denying that this man is the father, he is no more than a STRANGER....and they (either or or her husband) are under NO LAW, or NO OBLIGATION to have this insane stranger force their child to be DNA tested. Now, if at some point she were to petition for Child Support from your friend, then yes...he could THEN (and only then) demand DNA testing.

Next...and finally LAST....the "new girlfriend" is "DEMANDING" that her boundaries be respected...by him finalizing his divorce, and establishing paternity. She doesn't yet fall into the catagory of "domineering and controlling" because he's still screwing her....LOL! but she'll be there soon.

I think you both need to call Jerry Springer on this one, the whole cast of characters are a bit too trashy to comprehend for us fairly normal folk.
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