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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.      Home login  
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 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 30
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
RE Msg: 63 by JWG86:
1. I actually did think about purchasing a gf later in life when I have money to blow on such things. In a society where every marriage is made with love professed and they fail 60% of the time, what is wrong with a different approach? I can't help being cynical. I view it as honest. Psychologists will tell you that while it isn't the healthiest, slightly pessemistic people have the best grip on reality.
No kids, and not worried about what my parents think of me as long as I am comfortable with myself.
I am a pessimist by nature. I know that while I have a better grip on reality in many ways, I can see by my friends who are optimists, that they generally have a much better time in life, and are generally more successful. I've wondered about why that is. So I have read up on it. From what I've read, optimism makes you think that you are likely to succeed. So you tend to think about it as a practical reality. So your brain works hard to work out what is actually possible, and how it can and cannot be feasible. Pessimistic people think they won't succeed. They don't think of success as a reality. So their brains don't bother working out how things can actually work. As a result, from the theoretical perspective, pessimists seem to be more clued-in on a subject. But when it comes to doing it, they just haven't worked out how things can actually work. So they tend to have an unrealistic view of things. Either they vastly underestimate the work required to bring their goals to fruition, or they vastly overestimate the work required.

When it comes to women, the same is true. It's not that hard for a good-looking, tall, dark, handsome, and young guy like yourself, to get total honeys to date you, even if you have no money, as long as you believe in yourself, and do a few simple things, that are things that you probably know already. But belief in yourself is vital when it comes to women, because women take their cues from how you express yourself in your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and general attitude. If you act like you can get any girl in town, then without any proof you can't, they tend to assume you can. Conversely, if you act like you can't get anyone to love you, then without definite proof that lots of girls love you, they tend to assume you can't.

If you want to get a woman to love you, you don't even need to believe you can, but you need to act like you can. It generally helps to pretend to yourself that you can, because it's much easier to keep up a lie if you believe in it.

But if you act like you can't, or she twigs that it's just an act, because you don't really believe it and show inconsistencies as a result, then she'll think you're a lowlife creep who is just out to use her, and then you stand no chance.

Dating is far more about self-belief than most other things.

2. Poor people are more likely to be murdered period. Total death-count is vastly in their "favor".
That's true. But it's usually down to 3 things:
1) Living in a VERY neighbourhood with a very high crime rate. That's changeable, even for poor people. But they tend to assume it isn't.
2) Living in a VERY unrealistic way. They get used to the violence. They tend not to think it's even avoidable. They often don't even pay attention to whether or not there is a gang war going on outside.
3) Going into high-risk activities. It's part of #2. They see some gang members with bling, and think they can do that. They don't think about the fact that none of these guys are over 25, because most of the ones who were are dead or in prison.

Again, it's because they don't think that anything else is possible. So their brains never get in gear to work out how to live their lives in a much safer manner.

Rich people are also healthier, according to a study I read a time ago in NEWS or some such magazine.
Same reason. People in poor areas often don't think about cholesterol, cirrhosis of the liver, lung cancer, STIs, AIDS, or anything else that might make them seriously unhealthy in later life. It's almost all avoidable for poor people even more than for rich people, as they often have the time to go to the markets to pick fresh fruit and veg, and usually get more opportunities for good exercise. They just don't think it's possible without money. So they just don't think of it at all.

There is a lot to be said for the power of the mind.

3. Nope, my dollar-bills won't stop a bullet (I don't have that many stacked that deep, lol), nor will they slam one into my assailant. Money to train and purchase the weaponry WILL though. Money has ENABLED ME to participate in my own survival more effectively.
That's a very sensible attitude. But I'd also invest in survival training for situations, though. There are a number of situations I was in, that I escaped, simply by staying calm, and making the obvious choice.

4. I grew up listening to my mother argue with the guy she left my dad for about how we would afford food next week through the paper-thin walls of our government assisted living appartment.

I slammed gears in my WS6 burning up two $320 back-tires.

Guess when I was happier? No, money doesn't DIRETLY buy happiness, but it sure is nice not having to worry about what I will do for food and clothes. Yes, my latter example was frivolous and I don't do that often at all as I understand the value of money, but it is an extreme example of how my life has changed. All thanks to the
almighty dollar.
As I wrote, money above paying bills is down to how much more you have than others. Money to pay bills is something else. That gives you direct financial security. However, I've found that if you keep a close eye on your finances, so you know how much you are spending, and you are willing to be flexible, then you can almost always find ways to cover your needs. Worst comes to worst, you skip-dive in supermarket bins. If you are careful, you can end up with as good quality stuff as on the supermarket shelves, and more than you could eat.

But having been both, I'd rather still keep a close eye on my finances, because when I was rich, I didn't, and I spent myself into debt. It's easy enough done. I've learned the lesson for a lifetime.

The reason why I found that being poor was better than being rich, was that when I was poor, I had few expectations. So I just enjoyed what I had, enjoyed the free services of the park, the library, people's company, walking, whatever was there, and had a great time doing it. I found that having money tends to make me worry about things too much, and restricts me, because I'll decide not to go somewhere "because I don't have the money". When I didn't have the money, I just went out anyway, and found something equivalent to do, that cost cents.

I can see where you want to go. But if you ask people who've been there, they'll tell you, go there, make money, be rich. But don't expect that it will buy you happiness. In some ways, it will get you more opportunities for happiness. In other ways, it will restrict your opportunities for happiness. The key is to just make as much use of the opportunities you have already. Then when you're poor, you're happy, but you aim to be rich, because it's just a little bit nicer.

Thanks for replying by the way. It's nice to see that you have your head reasonably screwed on. Just remember, it's not the money that makes you happy. It's you that makes you happy. Money just gives you a few more ways to do that. But you are the one who takes yourself up on them.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 31
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/22/2009 9:17:16 PM
money buys free time. I like free time.
money gets rid of bills. I don't like bills.
money buys food and housing, I like that too.
money buys extras too.

If money bought real happiness, [you have to figure out what that is first] then north America, Europe, and a bunch of other countries should be ecstatic, because more affluence hasn't been experienced like this before in history, no?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 32
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/22/2009 11:14:08 PM
Well money may not buy happiness but I can assure you that poverty will not get you happiness either. It is much easier to be happy with money then with none.Try being happy when you can't pay your bills and end up in a shelter or the streets. It can't be done. You are a much happier person when you are in a warm safe place that is yours with a full belly and the necessities of life.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 33
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/23/2009 10:31:31 AM
then the rich should be delirious, yes?

eating is nice though!
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 34
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/23/2009 11:38:04 AM

First, my field is not psychology,



I completely believe that because this type of thinking.....
pick themselves up by the bootstrap
Went out of acceptable psychology/psychiatric thinking with ice baths and removing womens ovaries as acceptable "therapeutic" practices. Mental sicknesses is as varied and as complicated as physical sicknesses. Just because it is the brain does not make it irrelevant or a character flaw or weakness that you can just get over and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.


Do you honestly think the person with schizophrenia, bipolar,post traumatic stress disorder, paranoid delusions,anorexia nervosa,Circadian rhythm sleep disorders ,obsessive compulsive disorder,body dysmorphic disorder,manic,post postpartum depression can just "pull themselves up by the bootstraps? This type of thinking never worked.Not now and not long ago either. Psychiatry may still be in it's infancy but we understand better now that mental sicknesses are very real and can't be overcome with positive thought solely. Some can't be overcome at all except for daily powerful drugs.
 aremeself
Joined: 12/31/2008
Msg: 35
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/23/2009 2:05:21 PM
nope, don't think the op was talking about 'limited' people.

BUT, after a 'bit o help and time and a shift in priorities, even limited folks have to pick themselves up, no one else can do it for them.

some won't, and some can't. where is the line drawn between the two?

 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 36
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/23/2009 4:40:23 PM

even limited folks have to pick themselves up



Not without help they can't and sometimes even then heavy medication is needed and even that does not always work. The lady who lives upstairs from me is schizophrenic and even on her medication she still gets a little strange.She is also very poor and lives on even less then me. She does not have the mental capacity to make her life better then it is.

I know people who are poor and who have mental disabilities and there is nothing they can do to improve their situation financially. So the idea that you can just positive think you way to a better financial life is a foolish statement. Poverty can and will make you a very miserable person. It's impossible to be happy when you do not even have the basic necessities of life.


So while money can't buy happiness there is at least the chance to be much happier when you know where your money for rent, food, utilities and everything else you need is coming from next.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 37
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/24/2009 9:29:43 AM


I am a pessimist by nature. I know that while I have a better grip on reality in many ways, I can see by my friends who are optimists, that they generally have a much better time in life, and are generally more successful. I've wondered about why that is. So I have read up on it. From what I've read, optimism makes you think that you are likely to succeed. So you tend to think about it as a practical reality. So your brain works hard to work out what is actually possible, and how it can and cannot be feasible. Pessimistic people think they won't succeed. They don't think of success as a reality. So their brains don't bother working out how things can actually work. As a result, from the theoretical perspective, pessimists seem to be more clued-in on a subject. But when it comes to doing it, they just haven't worked out how things can actually work. So they tend to have an unrealistic view of things. Either they vastly underestimate the work required to bring their goals to fruition, or they vastly overestimate the work required.

When it comes to women, the same is true. It's not that hard for a good-looking, tall, dark, handsome, and young guy like yourself, to get total honeys to date you, even if you have no money, as long as you believe in yourself, and do a few simple things, that are things that you probably know already. But belief in yourself is vital when it comes to women, because women take their cues from how you express yourself in your facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, and general attitude. If you act like you can get any girl in town, then without any proof you can't, they tend to assume you can. Conversely, if you act like you can't get anyone to love you, then without definite proof that lots of girls love you, they tend to assume you can't.

If you want to get a woman to love you, you don't even need to believe you can, but you need to act like you can. It generally helps to pretend to yourself that you can, because it's much easier to keep up a lie if you believe in it.

But if you act like you can't, or she twigs that it's just an act, because you don't really believe it and show inconsistencies as a result, then she'll think you're a lowlife creep who is just out to use her, and then you stand no chance.

Dating is far more about self-belief than most other things.



That's true. But it's usually down to 3 things:
1) Living in a VERY neighbourhood with a very high crime rate. That's changeable, even for poor people. But they tend to assume it isn't.
2) Living in a VERY unrealistic way. They get used to the violence. They tend not to think it's even avoidable. They often don't even pay attention to whether or not there is a gang war going on outside.
3) Going into high-risk activities. It's part of #2. They see some gang members with bling, and think they can do that. They don't think about the fact that none of these guys are over 25, because most of the ones who were are dead or in prison.

Again, it's because they don't think that anything else is possible. So their brains never get in gear to work out how to live their lives in a much safer manner.


Same reason. People in poor areas often don't think about cholesterol, cirrhosis of the liver, lung cancer, STIs, AIDS, or anything else that might make them seriously unhealthy in later life. It's almost all avoidable for poor people even more than for rich people, as they often have the time to go to the markets to pick fresh fruit and veg, and usually get more opportunities for good exercise. They just don't think it's possible without money. So they just don't think of it at all.

There is a lot to be said for the power of the mind.



That's a very sensible attitude. But I'd also invest in survival training for situations, though. There are a number of situations I was in, that I escaped, simply by staying calm, and making the obvious choice.



As I wrote, money above paying bills is down to how much more you have than others. Money to pay bills is something else. That gives you direct financial security. However, I've found that if you keep a close eye on your finances, so you know how much you are spending, and you are willing to be flexible, then you can almost always find ways to cover your needs. Worst comes to worst, you skip-dive in supermarket bins. If you are careful, you can end up with as good quality stuff as on the supermarket shelves, and more than you could eat.

But having been both, I'd rather still keep a close eye on my finances, because when I was rich, I didn't, and I spent myself into debt. It's easy enough done. I've learned the lesson for a lifetime.

The reason why I found that being poor was better than being rich, was that when I was poor, I had few expectations. So I just enjoyed what I had, enjoyed the free services of the park, the library, people's company, walking, whatever was there, and had a great time doing it. I found that having money tends to make me worry about things too much, and restricts me, because I'll decide not to go somewhere "because I don't have the money". When I didn't have the money, I just went out anyway, and found something equivalent to do, that cost cents.

I can see where you want to go. But if you ask people who've been there, they'll tell you, go there, make money, be rich. But don't expect that it will buy you happiness. In some ways, it will get you more opportunities for happiness. In other ways, it will restrict your opportunities for happiness. The key is to just make as much use of the opportunities you have already. Then when you're poor, you're happy, but you aim to be rich, because it's just a little bit nicer.

Thanks for replying by the way. It's nice to see that you have your head reasonably screwed on. Just remember, it's not the money that makes you happy. It's you that makes you happy. Money just gives you a few more ways to do that. But you are the one who takes yourself up on them.



This was a PITA to quote. We should petition for better quote tools, lol. I am lazy and spoiled by every other forum I am on in that regard, but:

All of my optomist friends dropped out of school, got pregnant, whatever. Why? Because "Nothing could happen to them"! Optomism...FAIL.

__________

If some female likes me, they like me. If not, oh well. Perhapse if I had more faith that THIS NEXT ONE would mean what they say vs. be full of crap like all the others, maybe I would have more confidence in the situation, but that again falls under "optomism fail" and will get you screwed over. Not my thing. Neither is being insulted. So hey, if some female wants to approach me, more power to her, I am rather polite. If not, I'm not going out of my way for a slap in the face.

*sorry for using "female" it sounds all clinical, but people on these forums whine "Im not a chic, im not a girl, im not a woman, that sounds too young/old/whatever."
__________

As to survival training, yes, I would love to attend some Magpul Dynamics courses or spend some time at Thunder Ranch, but currently...I'm too poor. FAIL. (for now)

__________

See, for me, money = being social. I don't go to clubs. I don't go to bars. I am more the kind of person who goes out for coffee, or goes and does something else requiring money. Not that I like to blow lots of money on stuff, but being broke, I just stay home. I have no reason to leave the house if I can't do anything. Leaving the house without money is like a gay man buying a female hooker. It may look normal and good, but it's really an exercise in failure.

__________

Why don't poor people think of these things? They couldn't afford the schooling to make it hit home. $$ could have done worlds of good here. It is a lack of education, as you put it.

As to moving, not really. I didn't grow up in the best of places and the only way we moved is that my mom married up. She kinda failed at that and the guy turned out to be a**** but hey, we did get out of the govt. funded appartments and he was AWESOME! while they were dating.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 38
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 12/24/2009 9:33:30 AM

Oh, man, I didn't realize that we were discussing the following types of people exclusively on this thread:


the person with schizophrenia, bipolar,post traumatic stress disorder, paranoid delusions,anorexia nervosa,Circadian rhythm sleep disorders ,obsessive compulsive disorder,body dysmorphic disorder,manic,post postpartum depression


My bad. I thought that this thread was about the general populace, not those with mental disorders.


Say what? I can't edit anymore!?

Anyways, as a note, roughly 50% of the population (as I recall from psych class, if I remember the #'s accurately) will have a diagnosable/be diagnosed with a mental disorder during their lifetime. I am willing to bet that you will fall under that category as likely as not (looking at the odds, nothing personal). Just because someone has a disorder does not mean they are an outlier. Now sociopaths, etc, yes, they are kinda rare, but BD, PPD, OCD, sleep disorders. Those are a dime a dozen. I would wager that a majority of the people on this site suffer from a disorder of this "magnitude" judging by what I have seen on the forums/in profiles. I of course freely admit to my share.
 OMG!WTF!
Joined: 12/3/2007
Msg: 39
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/22/2010 9:50:52 PM

If one believes in love, then money should be spent on continuing love or seeking love


Isn't that illegal in most states?
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 40
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Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/22/2010 10:25:15 PM
I've been rather lucky, in that my job allows me to see a personal side of a lot of people - including some very rich and well known ones.

Generally, I haven't be impressed by a lot of what I've seen.

Some have impressed me, including one of the richest people you can imagine. Sorry, but I can't name names here. He was a total angel, thoughtful, and always respectful of anyone he met. I'd hate to go up against him in a business deal, though.

Aside from being worried about losing position or money, they also have to worry if the people closest to them are simply there because they are rich. That's the one great thing about being working class or middle class - the people you have as friends aren't there for the money.

Look at the number of people that win lotteries, or come into large amounts of cash in other ways. Many times, it's the beginning of the end for them.

You know how I define happiness ?

A roof over my head, a job I enjoy doing, some food on my table, and one good woman that loves me for who and what I am.

Everything else after that is just a bonus.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 41
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/22/2010 10:45:29 PM

I've been rather lucky, in that my job allows me to see a personal side of a lot of people - including some very rich and well known ones.


I won't say I have gotten to know people on a personal level, but I have been in hundreds of people's homes with the work I used to do. The nicest homes had the smiliest faces, as a rule. Also seemingly some of the nicest people. Then again, this is just a surface observation as I was only in their home for a few hours at a time, and only 1-3 times max.
 KawikaFiola
Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 42
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/22/2010 11:23:24 PM
Speaking for myself, money isn't the solution to all my problems but it sure makes life easier. I've made it to the top and lost everything where I was homeless only to make it to the top again and lose it again. My new company I've manage to hit pay dirt with but I structured this one differently from the rest so that I'm not as stressed and a lot more happier. I try my best to remind myself of all the things that happened to me getting to this one point in time and it humbles me.
 JMars
Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 43
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/23/2010 1:35:32 PM
The Western nations are amongst the most affluent in the world. They are also amongst the most alienated and adversarial, with an ever growing plethora of stress induced psychological and physiological disorders.

In stark contrast, anthropologists have also found that tribal people, who still live at a Stone Age level of technology and produce only enough to meet their own practical and cultural needs, are characteristically much more psychologically centred and secure, and their in-group much more cooperative and mutually supportive.

Even in the worst of times man has always found comfort in the comradery of his fellows, and the worst fate many cultures beleived could befall a person was that they were made wretched, became a pariah, an outcast, friendless ... a "loner" in more conventional terms.

Money cannot buy a sense of belonging and the personal strength derived from it. This is not to say that money CAN'T make a happy person even MORE happy, but lacking that sense of belonging, identity and security, no amount of money will ever suffice.

Basically, there are things that are more fundamental to contentment, fulfillment, overall happiness than wealth. Belonging would be one of those things.
 Crane38
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 44
Having money goes hand in hand with being happy.
Posted: 1/25/2010 6:22:26 PM
OP, I agree with you though I choose to say whoever said money can't buy happiness obviously never had any money! I read somewhere that the number one thing that couples fight over is money. More money then the less worries?
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